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Topic : 06/09 Love Triangle

Number of Replies: 180
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Created on : Thursday, November 13, 2008, 11:37:10 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/17/08) A new study shows that in America, as many as one in five men is having an extramarital affair, and that 15 percent of women are cheating too. Is your spouse being unfaithful? Jessica says she caught her husband of two-and-a-half years, Ryan, having an affair with his ex-wife, April, whom she thought was her friend. Ryan admits to having a one-time-only rendezvous with April, but April says it occurred closer to 60 times. Who's telling the truth? Jessica fears her husband and April are still keeping secrets from her. Because Ryan and April share custody of a son, Jessica laid down specific rules for when they interact. Are these stipulations keeping Ryan's behavior in check? After Dr. Phil sends Ryan backstage to have a private conversation with his wife, does he admit to more than the one-night fling with April? Will Jessica decide to rebuild the bond with her husband or cut him loose? Then, Daniel admitted to his wife, Karen, that he had an emotional affair with a woman he met online. Only days before coming to the show, he confessed that the affair was sexual. He says he's sorry and wants to put his family back together, but will Karen take him back? Speak out!

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 15, 2008, 5:07 pm CST

LOVE TRIANGLE

Quote From: katesden

I MYSELF WAS IN A "LOVE TRIANGLE" FOR YEARS.  I CAN NEVER FORGET THE WAY I FELT WHEN I FOUND OUT MY HUSBAND WAS INVOLVED WITH HIS X WIFE.  I AM 62 YEARS OLD AND THIS HAPPENED 32 YEARS AGO AND IT STILL HURTS JUST AS MUCH NOW AS IT DID THEN. 

 

I STAYED WITH MY HUSBAND BECAUSE I WAS WEAK AND FELT LIKE I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN ON MY OWN.  I GAVE MY SELF AWAY FOR SECURITY.  HOW SAD IS THAT.  I STILL FEEL LIKE A NOBODY AND I LIVE MY LIFE WAITING FOR HIM TO ADMIT HOW MUCH HE HURT ME AND ASK FOR MY FORGIVENESS, WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

 

I AM A SAD BITTER WOMAN WITH NO SELF ESTEEM. I LIVE MY LIFE IN THE PAST. I KNOW I SHOULD MOVE ON AND FORGET BUT I CAN'T.

 

I COULD WRITE MUCH MORE BUT I GUESS YOU GET THE PICTURE.  GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN, NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF ENOUGHT TO KNOW YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THAT.

ON THIS SUBJECT, I CAN'T FORGET ONE NIGHT AFTER WE HADN'T BEEN MARRIED THAT LONG.  WE HAD MY BEST GIRLFRIEND & HER BOYFRIEND OVER.  THE THREE (3) GOT LOADED, AND MY GIRLFRIEND'S BOYFRIEND ENDED UP SPENDING THE NIGHT AT OUR APARTMENT.  MY HUSBAND DROVE MY GIRLFRIEND HOME.

 

WHEN HE FINALLY RETURNED HOME ABOUT ONE HOUR LATER, HE TOLD ME THAT HE "ALMOST" HAD SEX WITH MY BEST GIRLFRIEND.  I DIDN'T TALK TO HIM THE REST OF THE NIGHT.  I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL OR DO.  FOR THE LONGEST TIME, I WAS EVEN HESITANT TO HAVE MY GIRLFRIEND OUT. 

 

HOWEVER, I FINALLY PUT THIS ALL BEHIND ME, AND MY HUSBAND & I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 41 YEARS, AND WE ARE BOTH NOW RETIRED.  I HAVE MUCH MORE RESPECT FOR HIM, TOO.  I HOPE THAT THINGS CAN BE WORKED OUT.  THANK YOU. 

 
November 15, 2008, 6:58 pm CST

once a cheat-ALWAYS a cheat

if they cheat once--then they will cheat again and again
 
November 16, 2008, 2:46 am CST

Curious?

Quote From: sunset1221

You think that they should all get along even though wife 1 is sleeping with

wife 2's husband.Sounds like hubby sticks it to whoever he likes and I could

not sweep it under the rug and if she stays one day she'll end up with

a disease.If he said and she said it was over tomorrow I wouldn't believe

them.......

When you say "You think they should all get along" who are you referring to? I certainly hope not me? I find it to be horrible that the 2 ex's are sleeping together. The point that I'm trying to make is how all of this will affect the children. Can you imagine what they will hear once the new wife finds out that her husband is having sex with his ex? The children will be subjected to all sorts of horrible things including hearing "sensitive" information about their biological mother. You may not be directing this to e at all and I understand that, I just want to make myself clear as to where I stand. Now when a divorced couple remarries (other people) and "don't" sleep together, I do feel that the adults need to be respectful of one another so the children aren't traumatized any more than they have to be. I feel that anyone who get remarried to a new spouse and then sleeps with their ex, especially when children are involved are incredibly selfish people. They should have the ability to keep their pants and skirts on when they see each other or if their passion is that overwhelming they should have never remarried in the first place.
 
November 16, 2008, 2:50 am CST

Valid point!

Quote From: 2boysdad

The numbers are misleading. 1 in 5 for men vs 15% for women is only a slight difference, 20% vs 15%. Why are there only men in this show as the cheaters?
Yes, the statistics are showing that women are starting to have affairs at almost the same rate as men are. Maybe their are no women cheaters on this panel because it has to do with sleeping with your "ex" and they just didn't find a juicy enough story where it was the wife.
 
November 16, 2008, 3:07 am CST

So true, so true, so true.......................

Quote From: bellanj26

the other woman/man is not off the hook! are you serious?? i agree the blame shouldnt just be on the other woman/man but alot of other woman/man know the person is married or taken and they know about the children and  simply DONT CARE!!  the woman who my husband cheated with knew he was married knew he had kids..of course he lied to her about alot of things but come on! if you meet a married man/woman  dont you realize chances are, they would cheat on you too!! everything is baised on lies...

i blame my husband 98% but come on the "other" person is part of the blame... because while he was feeding her a bunch of b.s, she was playing and feeding into every bit of it.. i personally wouldnt  want to talk to a man who does nothing but complain about this and that and telling me all his woman problems..

that would def. be a turn OFF and a huge red flag would go up...

I definitely hold the "other" woman responsible for her part in an affair. When a woman knows that a man is married, why does she "have" to have an affair with him? Can't she find some single man to have sex with? You can't even have a real relationship with a married man, can't go to dinner, can't go on a date, can't spend the night, no holidays, etc., it has to do with just sex. And of course a married man is going to run down his wife and make her look bad, that is how he i able to put the blame onto her instead of himself. It' also how he gets the other woman to feel sorry for him. I guarantee you any man who says he's not getting any sex at home "because she's not into it" (common excuse) is in fact getting laid on a regular basis with his wife. Ans as to all of the other excuses and "faults" of his wife, if he said "Wow, she's a great woman" how would that make him look to the other woman? No, he needs a woman who will feel sorry for him and "listen" to him. It's pathetic! When it comes to another woman having sex with a married man, how hard is it to actually say "No"? It would be pretty darn easy for me, as a wife I could just imagine the hurt that it would inflict on the other wife. I just could never do that. It's rally no different then stealing a piece of candy, you know you shouldn't do it and you have to make a choice. We are all capable of making the right choice, just some of us don't want to! There is a quote that is perfect for this topic, I'll put it below. BTW, a man only gets off on an affair because it's like being in fairy tail land. With the wife reality sets in, bills have to be paid, children have to be taken care of, the fridge broke, when he's with the other woman he has no responsibility.

 

"Men who burn so hot for a mistress, cool off fast when the mistress starts to act like a wife"

 

I love that one, it's so true!

 
November 16, 2008, 3:17 am CST

It would depend!

Quote From: bellanj26

how do you move on??  i lost so many things like trust, respect, and even lost love when i found out my husband cheated... i feel lost at a dead end road...can you really trust not only a cheater, but a lier too??

the betrayal and hurt the pain and stress i dont feel he could possably love me so why bother....

  The ability to get over an unfaithful spouse would have a lot to do with how it was handled when the affair was over, how long it lasted, and if there were other affairs along the way. I do believe that people can slip and make mistakes, we are all human. Granted, if this ever happened to me I feel like I would just want to die.

  But, if the husband/wife had an affair, admitted that he had one instead of trying to say the woman/man is crazy and it's all in their head, asked for forgiveness, and put effort into trying to rebuild trust again which would take at least a few years, and NEVER did it again, yes, I believe the marriage could be saved. But having an affair with an ex would put me over the top and there would be no second chance. They divorced for a reason, and if they can't remember that long enough to keep their clothes on then I would let them have each other.

  I guess I got off track on how to move on. Did you stay with your husband or leave? I would suggest finding a support group on the Internet that focus's on the exact problem that you are going through. They are out there. The best way to learn to move forward is to learn and take strength from others who have been there or are going through it themselves. Good luck!

 
November 16, 2008, 3:27 am CST

I would never......................

Quote From: manofgoods

Amen! I couldn't have said it better myself. Everyone always would want to blame the exes and/or other woman/man. But the blame should really be placed on the spouses, because if he/she were not to do it with a specific person that the spouse despises, they would do it with somebody else. We need to stop treating the cheating spouses like victims.

  I would never treat the cheating spouse like a victim! I would treat them like the pond scum they are! But I also feel that the "other" person has some responsibility in this too. They know the person is married, they know it's wrong, and they have the ability to say "NO".

  It is up to both the cheating spouse and the other person to have the morals to not allow an affair to happen. The married spouse has taken vows with his/her mate that are not supposed to be broken. The other person has an entire world of single people from which to choose from to date and have sex with. I know back in my dating days that I always had plenty of single men to date and never had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find a married man. I also had way too much self esteem to allow myself to sink that low. The other person is being used, the married spouse doesn't want a real relationship with you, you're not going to get married, it's all make believe. I would prefer to have a man who is free to take me out in public and to be there on the holidays, not at home with his wife and kids, or keeping me in the dark like a mushroom. You know how they grow mushrooms don't you?

 
November 16, 2008, 3:33 am CST

It's a little late!

Quote From: cristy0435

If the parents are cheating with each other that means they still have feelings for each other. I think they need to work through their feelings and try to see if they can make it work for the children. If they can't make it work they then need to go their seperate ways, because it is not right to drag the children in their problems. If there is any way the biological parents can be together with their children I think they should
Gee, isn't it a little late in the game now? What if there are already children involved in the new marriage? Also, how fair is it to the new wife for her husband to want to work out his old marriage after he has already married you? All of this should have been taken care of while they were still married or at the very least before they started to think about marrying other people. This is nothing but pathetic self indulgence by two people who obviously don't care who they hurt. Believe me, if they couldn't get along while they were married, it's not going to be any better the second time around. Very, very selfish behavior! Instead of having actual feelings towards each other, maybe they just still have intense lust for each other?
 
November 16, 2008, 3:42 am CST

Trust is a must!

Quote From: cristy0435

I think if a spouse is keeping tight reins on their husband and wife between their ex that is a problem all in its self. If the parents of the children can not ommunicate with each other with out the step parent feeling like they have to keep a "close eye" on them the step parent needs to get a grip. Trust is a big part of a relationship, if a relationship does not have trust the relationship is bond to fail.

I also feel that when a person in a relationship cheats it is more than just sex. Some thing has to be wrong in the relationship to make a person want to cheat. When a person cheats with their ex more than likely it is because they already have feelings for their ex that did not end with the divorce.

If there are trust issues with your spouse when he has to see his ex, yes there is a problem. A marriage won't have much of a chance of lasting when this happens. Who needs to have a choke leash on them every time they leave the house or speak with their ex? I feel that if you have trust issues without cause then that person must already have issues with self esteem. And of course low self esteem can easily hurt any relationship. If someone can't trust their spouse to be with their ex without you there, then maybe you should have married someone who didn't already have children. At the same time though, those who abuse that trust are very selfish and obviously weren't ready to get married again in the first place, maybe they should have taken more time before they leaped into another marriage. When children are involved this can really blow up in their face and cause an unbelievable amount of hurt.
 
November 16, 2008, 3:46 am CST

Maybe you missed my point?

Quote From: cristy0435

I think if a spouse is keeping tight reins on their husband and wife between their ex that is a problem all in its self. If the parents of the children can not ommunicate with each other with out the step parent feeling like they have to keep a "close eye" on them the step parent needs to get a grip. Trust is a big part of a relationship, if a relationship does not have trust the relationship is bond to fail.

I also feel that when a person in a relationship cheats it is more than just sex. Some thing has to be wrong in the relationship to make a person want to cheat. When a person cheats with their ex more than likely it is because they already have feelings for their ex that did not end with the divorce.

I was speaking of having to put on tight reigns after a spouse has had an affair with his/her ex. If they've had an affair, of course the wife is going to keep a close eye on the husband, if she trusted him after he did that to her, she would have to be a fool!
 
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