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Topic : 06/09 Love Triangle

Number of Replies: 180
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Created on : Thursday, November 13, 2008, 11:37:10 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/17/08) A new study shows that in America, as many as one in five men is having an extramarital affair, and that 15 percent of women are cheating too. Is your spouse being unfaithful? Jessica says she caught her husband of two-and-a-half years, Ryan, having an affair with his ex-wife, April, whom she thought was her friend. Ryan admits to having a one-time-only rendezvous with April, but April says it occurred closer to 60 times. Who's telling the truth? Jessica fears her husband and April are still keeping secrets from her. Because Ryan and April share custody of a son, Jessica laid down specific rules for when they interact. Are these stipulations keeping Ryan's behavior in check? After Dr. Phil sends Ryan backstage to have a private conversation with his wife, does he admit to more than the one-night fling with April? Will Jessica decide to rebuild the bond with her husband or cut him loose? Then, Daniel admitted to his wife, Karen, that he had an emotional affair with a woman he met online. Only days before coming to the show, he confessed that the affair was sexual. He says he's sorry and wants to put his family back together, but will Karen take him back? Speak out!

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 16, 2008, 3:50 am CST

Excuse me?

Quote From: bonlady

Dont blame the ex's or the other women/man - cheaters cheat to fill a sick need in them not becasue of what a partner is doing that is an excuse , they cheat with their ex because their ex  will alllow it and its

comfortable , they would have to put in some effort with some one new

people cheat becuse they want to , if  they have they will again- I have cheated and been cheated on

You state "Don't blame the ex's or the other woman/man" and then "their ex will allow it". Exactly! The ex will allow it, so that is exactly why you can put half the blame there. You have a very odd way of looking at things!
 
November 16, 2008, 4:03 am CST

The children..................

Quote From: live2love

It amazes me about women...how one woman can do this to another woman...and do this to a family. Does anyone ever think ...what will happen to the kids.
I agree with you. The children don't deserve this, I've been trying to make this point all along. Funny you should mention "how one woman can do this to another woman", I expressed that thought to another woman who post's on the Dr. Phil board and was scorned for my question. Personally I don't understand why women feel such a need to compete with each other, hurt one another, undermine one another, etc. basically act like a bunch of cats. Why can't we support one another instead and leave other womens husbands alone? There are plenty of singles out there to be had, why do men/women feel some sick need to have what isn't their's?
 
November 16, 2008, 5:44 am CST

love triangle

  A long time ago I ask someone why my husband would be unfaithful.  He told me " If a person is 21 years old and is doing the things they are doing, like being unfaithful, they will do it the rest of their lives."  This is a pattern they have set for themselves.  Unless they go into therapy and stay there and work hard all the rest of their lives on breaking this kind of habit they will always keep doing it.  Ryan is still in love with his first wife.  Jessica need to let him go and start a new life for herself and never look back.  I did and I am much happier for doing it.  The same happend with my second marriage.  He retired and I couldnt retire yet,  he just picked up with all kinds of women.   Gave away all our money or spent it I,m not ever going to find out what he did with the money over 300,000.00.  I am alone raising 3 grandchildren, I had to start over twice.  If I can do it any one can. 
 
November 16, 2008, 8:54 am CST

Hi, Jewels!...

Quote From: jewelsf

  I would never treat the cheating spouse like a victim! I would treat them like the pond scum they are! But I also feel that the "other" person has some responsibility in this too. They know the person is married, they know it's wrong, and they have the ability to say "NO".

  It is up to both the cheating spouse and the other person to have the morals to not allow an affair to happen. The married spouse has taken vows with his/her mate that are not supposed to be broken. The other person has an entire world of single people from which to choose from to date and have sex with. I know back in my dating days that I always had plenty of single men to date and never had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find a married man. I also had way too much self esteem to allow myself to sink that low. The other person is being used, the married spouse doesn't want a real relationship with you, you're not going to get married, it's all make believe. I would prefer to have a man who is free to take me out in public and to be there on the holidays, not at home with his wife and kids, or keeping me in the dark like a mushroom. You know how they grow mushrooms don't you?

Yep, I sure do! However, there are many married people who brainwash & manipulate single people into thinking that they love them & care about them (just as you're saying), whatever it's with one person or more. I do agree with what you're saying about the other person that should be choosing only single people who will really love them & appreciate them, & show them true love, though. Perhaps they can't seem to find people like myself who are single & have very low self esteem within themselves, & that they got to need & feel closure with someone, even if they happened to be married, & I feel sorry for them. I do agree with what Rokeisha is saying, & that she is a very good friend to Jessica, plus I applaud Jessica for not saying bad things about April, or saying bad things about her in front of April's & Ryan's child(ren). I do believe that all three of them involved are good people, April & Ryan just made bad choices. All three parties involved in this situation needs to put their differences aside, for the sake of the children. But that's just me.
 
November 16, 2008, 12:18 pm CST

going back to the ex

this is so stupid. i have a ex husband. i would never go back to him. not even for sex. thats why it's called the EX. and then you have a new partner or spouse, how do  you explain that to your new partner.  and than the promise they make " i won't do it again".
 
November 16, 2008, 12:35 pm CST

Not all men are like this.................

Quote From: taxgirl

  A long time ago I ask someone why my husband would be unfaithful.  He told me " If a person is 21 years old and is doing the things they are doing, like being unfaithful, they will do it the rest of their lives."  This is a pattern they have set for themselves.  Unless they go into therapy and stay there and work hard all the rest of their lives on breaking this kind of habit they will always keep doing it.  Ryan is still in love with his first wife.  Jessica need to let him go and start a new life for herself and never look back.  I did and I am much happier for doing it.  The same happend with my second marriage.  He retired and I couldnt retire yet,  he just picked up with all kinds of women.   Gave away all our money or spent it I,m not ever going to find out what he did with the money over 300,000.00.  I am alone raising 3 grandchildren, I had to start over twice.  If I can do it any one can. 
I agree that there are many men who have multiple affairs and there is no hope for the marriage, but this isn't the way that they all are. There are many marriages that have been rocked by one extra marital affair and have been able to not only survive it but to build a stronger relationship after wards. Some men are married and no matter what hop from woman's bed after another, I have known men like this, but haven't been married to them thank God! Then there are others who have have only one affair, have felt true remorse and regret, and have earned their wife's trust back, only to go on and have a happy relationship & marriage for the next 30 or so years. We are all human and are capable of making mistakes. The biggest factor to watch for and be aware of is which kind of man one is married to. The philanderer or the one timer! I just feel unbelievingly lucky that I have never had to to try and find out which type my husband falls into, he's one in a million!
 
November 16, 2008, 12:45 pm CST

Low self esteem...............

Quote From: manofgoods

Yep, I sure do! However, there are many married people who brainwash & manipulate single people into thinking that they love them & care about them (just as you're saying), whatever it's with one person or more. I do agree with what you're saying about the other person that should be choosing only single people who will really love them & appreciate them, & show them true love, though. Perhaps they can't seem to find people like myself who are single & have very low self esteem within themselves, & that they got to need & feel closure with someone, even if they happened to be married, & I feel sorry for them. I do agree with what Rokeisha is saying, & that she is a very good friend to Jessica, plus I applaud Jessica for not saying bad things about April, or saying bad things about her in front of April's & Ryan's child(ren). I do believe that all three of them involved are good people, April & Ryan just made bad choices. All three parties involved in this situation needs to put their differences aside, for the sake of the children. But that's just me.

Manofgoods, I don't know why in the world you would have low self esteem. You seem like such a nice man and a great catch. You need to figure out what is causing this and hopefully be able to work through it, you deserve that! Because of this I can see why you are somewhat sympathetic towards the "other" person. But believe me, most women who do have an affair with a married man are not that easily brainwashed. They "choose" to believe what the man is telling them rather then try to see the truth that's staring them in the face. All of the married man's excuses that he gives are such a cliche that I can tell you exactly what they would be, it's pretty well known by now with the general public. Come on Mr. Good's, you were able to give yourself a user-name that shows self esteem, you must know that you do indeed have something wonderful to offer a woman. Now just try and figure out what else is stopping you and get past the rest of this, you have such a bright future in front of you. Don't waste another minute of it!

Jewels

 
November 16, 2008, 2:52 pm CST

OMG!!!

OMG!! What is wrong with you people?! The husband in this "family" should have thought about his"family" before he stepped outside the boundires of marriage!! Forgive him?! Are you kidding me?! This "Ryan" truly has the incorrect picture or thought of what a husband is! If you love someone, you don't do dirty deeds behind your spouses back! I don't care if he wants to make it all right with the world at this point in the game. As far as I am concerned, the game is OVER! My rule of thumb has always been and will continue to be, if you are not happy with someone at least have the guts to tell them to their face before you start your outside play! This world is seriously going to hell in a hand basket! When will these men learn to grow a pair and just be honest.? Honest with themselves and with the person they have devoted the rest of their lives too.  You can't have your cake and eat it too!!
 
November 16, 2008, 3:44 pm CST

I've been there done that!!

I was married to a guy for 3 years and with him for 5 years. The first time that i found about at the end of the divorce was a one night stand with the stripper at his bacholor party, come to find out they have dated in the past and he says for years that she was just close to his family thats why she was around. The other affairs were between the first threw the three years we were together come to find out there were over 35 woman he was with, to make matters worse he's a dealer and does drugs. The court gave him half custody don't ask me why!! It has ruined most of my life but i'm now dealing with the pain and crap that he put me threw. since i kicked him out he is still the same with his new wife. I've got a man that i can't belive i found one that won't cheat on me and i don't have to have any doughs that he ever will.
 
November 16, 2008, 5:13 pm CST

affairs

Quote From: ramair

I wonder how many people have affairs with their exes? Before he met me, my husband had an on-and-off-again relationship with a woman who just wouldn't leave her ex-husband alone. A co-worker of his lost his wife to her ex-boyfriend. And, my husband's grandson lost the mother of his child to her ex-boyfriend.

I think to manu people have had affairs.My husband already had an affair, I am desperately looking for help on legal battle. No one really wants to help with this problem. It seems to me everyone loves misery. I am so worried for me and my children. One is a teenager and the other college student. We are just trying to make it after the affair.  Have a good night.

 
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