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Topic : 11/20 Spouses at War

Number of Replies: 76
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, November 14, 2008, 03:18:56 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
From the outside they appear to be a perfect couple – successful, affluent and respected in the community. But behind closed doors, Jake and Donna’s knock-down, drag-out fights are driving them to the brink of divorce. Donna says that Jake’s abusive temper ranges from terrible verbal insults, to threatening to push her over a second-story railing, to waving a gun around! Though his apologies come with elaborate gifts, Donna says she just wants the abuse to end. Meanwhile, Jake says Donna is controlling, in the marriage for the money and cold to their adopted 7-year-old daughters.  What does the rest of the family think? You may be surprised by what Jake’s stepdaughter has to say. See how this couple’s constant power struggle is crippling their 20-year marriage. Can they cease their battle for control and rebuild their union,or will they both walk away losers? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 20, 2008, 12:58 pm CST

driving me crazy

I grew up in an abuse family - listing to the same messages she's using to completely be a victum in this fight.  I'm not absolving the husband but she's cupable too and i'm almost amazed to not hear that on the show.  She mentioned he way her savor at 1st, but this why there are not shining nights in white amore.  Everyone needs to be ok with themselvs before being ok with someone else. 

 

 

 

 
November 20, 2008, 1:29 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

Quote From: anne124

DONNA IS REAPING THE AFFECTS OF A HUSBAND SHE HAS OPPRESSED FOR SO MANY YEARS.  ORANGE COUNTY WIFES...ARE POOR ROLE-MODELS.  DONNA IS NOT ACTING LIKE A "MOTHER".  SHE ONLY CONCERNS HERSELF WITH "HERSELF", AND NEITHER ARE HER CHILDREN OR HER HUSBAND IMPORTANT.  IT IS VERY SAD THE WAY SHE IS ABUSING THESE TWINS.  YOU DON'T ADOPT KIDS, ONLY TO NEGLECT THEM LIKE THEIR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS DID.  PATHETIC.  STOP FOCUSING ON 'MONEY', YOUR CONTROLING BEHAVIOR.  YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING IN THE END.  IT IS COMPLETELY SHAMEFUL FOR THIS WOMAN TO NOT WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME, BUT ALSO NOT WORK 'INSIDE' THE HOME EITHER.  HIGH MAINTENANCE, MATERIALISTIC WOMEN ARE CLUELESS IN LIFE!!  STOP ACTING LIKE THE 'BITCH' YOU WERE TOLD YOU WERE.  TODAY IS A NEW DAY TO START OVER YOUR LIFE.  LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE IT...WITH 'THINGS' AND NOT FOCUS ON LOVED ONES.  YOUR KIDS NEED YOU.  LET THE 'NANNY' GO...YOU HAVE TO START MOTHERING AND BE A WIFE, AND NOT CHECK OUT EMOTIONALLY.  I HOPE SHE LISTENS TO HER HUSBAND AND KIDS NEEDS..AND ENDS HER SELFISH WAY.  ALSO, GET THAT GUN OUT OF YOUR HOME!!  THAT IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER...AND CAN END IN TRAGIC CIRCUMSTANCES.  PLEASE CHANGE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE..YOU HAVE CHILDREN TO PUT FIRST AND FOREMOST.  DONNA'S INTERNAL DIALOGUE NEEDS TO CHANGE.  THIS IS NOT THE HUSBANDS MAIN ISSUES, IT'S DONNA'S.  HIS ANGER IS COMING FROM BEING CONTROLLED AND NOT BEING HEARD OR APPRECIATED.  GOOD LUCK, I PRAY YOU GAIN THE KNOWLEDGE YOU BOTH NEED TO SUCCEED.  ANNE from MI

I totally agree!!
 
November 20, 2008, 1:30 pm CST

When we assume...

When this show began I assumed the abusive husband was the entire problem.  Funny how we always blame the guy (because it usually IS his fault  lol).   There is no excuse for violence, but I think Jake would have a very good excuse for leaving if he decided to.  You can only browbeat someone for so long before they retaliate maybe he's finally had enough.   Sounds like Donna wants the rest of the family to pay for wrongs she perceives were done to her in the distant past, and even if they could, that wouldn't satisfy her.

 

 

 

 
November 20, 2008, 1:40 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

   I am at war with my spouse in the same manner accept I have M.P.D. on top of it. I have 26  personalities that get in the way of me trying to keep the peace.If there are any suggestions please enlighten me.Our marriage of 16 years was great up until 4 years ago. Then all hell broke loose when I was triggered by my brother whom I hadn't seen in years.I started having flashbacks I didn't know I was having but my family told me I was going through something but they didn't know what. I have become crazy.One minute I am calm the next I am a raven lunatic. I love my husband and my kids and I don't want to lose them but sometimes I get so I can't take it anymore and become a harm to myself. I want nothing more than to have my life back the way it was 4 years ago when I was part of a whole now I'm just a fractured mind trying to hold things together.

 
November 20, 2008, 2:04 pm CST

i feel for both of them

I guess Im one of the lucky ones, my husband is the best thing that happened to me. I was abused as a child and I see alot of the pain on Donnas face that  Ive seen in the mirror. Donna if your watching these message boards, I think there is hope for yall.. that is if you want that...we all have to work at a marriage and it is 50/50 just remember that....
 
November 20, 2008, 3:02 pm CST

DR. PHIL YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOO WRONG in th

Dr. Phil I watch your show and this is the first time I've ever been ANGRY enough to write in, or post a BLOG.  I was verbally abused by my first husband. You get where YES you YELL and scream back at them because you’ve tried tears, then not saying anything. SO you YELL BACK.   You have NO self esteem. He has taken it !!! I left my husband after 17 years of marriage we tried some marriage counseling (HA ) wrong type. A nun of the Catholic faith.  IF that couple wants to stay together. HE needs some extra counseling so HE won’t be the verbal abuser. MY first husband has not changed he still is an abusive to our daughter and would be to our son, however my son plays Football and is not afraid of his father anymore.  DR. PHIL YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOO WRONG in this. Look extremely hard at their relationship, HE will get more physical abusive towards her. I KNOW from experience!!  It took me 10 years to get my self esteem back.

Signed been there, done that have that DIVORCE Paper.

 
November 20, 2008, 3:03 pm CST

Stop being the victim Donna...

Lets see here, Donna's unemployed, watches TV all day according to the daughter. What is this? her 3rd marriage? and all she can do is complain about everythign and anything else but look at herself. If I was that husband, Id get a divorce, and kick her out before the sun went down that night. Sleeping under a bridge or in a shelter might wake her up fast. What does she do all day? "Complain and say ohhh pity ole me, no job, gaining weight, 3rd marriage, cant even care for the other kids."

I wouldn't put up with that for a second. I would be get a damn job now, stop playing the victim, and NO more money for you.... Shes not worth it for him (hard working, 100% provider.) Shes a liability. What does she do? What does she do?

She needs a MAJOR wake up call! and a job and a reality check and let her go, let her make money for once in 25 yrs... Believe me thats all it will need!
 
November 20, 2008, 3:06 pm CST

Stop playing the abuse card...

Donna, why does everyone always play that (when I was younger I was mentally, verbally, sexually, abused, etc)

All Donna is in it for is the money. She has NO job, NO money, is lazy, etc. Kick Donna out, end of story.

Oh all pity me says Donna. Its actually pathetic to watch. Let her go, what is he man #3 now?
 
November 20, 2008, 3:14 pm CST

My thoughts

I was there. Only one child instead of 7. And I worked. But listening to every day that your a piece of crap. Too stupid to do anything with your life. Fat. Ugly. Not worth anything. Then he starts getting physical. It starts with threatening to hit. Physicially pushing you.  And it does become about control. You want some control over your life. Over how you feel about yourself. But when you do... Watch out. That's when he really gets pissed.

But you love this person. He would never lie to you. And others in your past have done the same. So the problem can't be him. He must be right. You live it day and night...

I just got out of that relationship. Not because I wanted to. Because he did. He had an affair. He hit our son. He lost our house.

And to watch him ignore our son. To loose interest in even him...

And to see the person you love. The person you have given your very being to look at you with HATE and RAGE...

It kills you.

It's not about HIM. It's not about HER. It's not who did what wrong. You admit it, you face it, you apologize, THEN YOU CHANGE IT!

Now, if someone could tell me how....

 
November 20, 2008, 3:15 pm CST

Is Dr.Phil on drugs? Poor husband getting the shaft!

Am I stupid? But what couple, married or not has a arguement? Things are said in the heat of the moment, and this Donna person is just holding on to them with all she's got cause thats all she has... Everyone in the world argues? any relationship or marriage, and if you say you don't your lying....

Donna is just some money hungry, gold digger, jobless, 3rs marriage female, so tries to magnify simple, everyday life situations, arguements and then plays the victim and Dr. Phil buys it! This husband provided her with EVERYTHING! and all she does it watch tv and make excuses....

Wow - Donna is one sad, mohey drain, victim player. Kick her to the curb, hes better off....
 
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