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Topic : 11/20 Spouses at War

Number of Replies: 76
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Created on : Friday, November 14, 2008, 03:18:56 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
From the outside they appear to be a perfect couple – successful, affluent and respected in the community. But behind closed doors, Jake and Donna’s knock-down, drag-out fights are driving them to the brink of divorce. Donna says that Jake’s abusive temper ranges from terrible verbal insults, to threatening to push her over a second-story railing, to waving a gun around! Though his apologies come with elaborate gifts, Donna says she just wants the abuse to end. Meanwhile, Jake says Donna is controlling, in the marriage for the money and cold to their adopted 7-year-old daughters.  What does the rest of the family think? You may be surprised by what Jake’s stepdaughter has to say. See how this couple’s constant power struggle is crippling their 20-year marriage. Can they cease their battle for control and rebuild their union,or will they both walk away losers? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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November 20, 2008, 4:46 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

Quote From: jasonsgreencat

And the fact that she doesn't work excuses calling her a c***? A b****? Making her feel even worse about herself?

Wake up.

 OK, YOU wake up. If she tried to make a contribution to the family and not spend ALL their money on purses, etc. and drain the bank account to zippo, maybe he would think of her differently.  Take better, or some kind of care, for their children, might be different.  She has a housekeeper, nanny, whatever.

No man wants that.  HE'S HAD ENOUGH... I don't blame 'em, and I'm a woman.

 
November 20, 2008, 4:51 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

Quote From: shmigelz

Am I stupid? But what couple, married or not has a arguement? Things are said in the heat of the moment, and this Donna person is just holding on to them with all she's got cause thats all she has... Everyone in the world argues? any relationship or marriage, and if you say you don't your lying....

Donna is just some money hungry, gold digger, jobless, 3rs marriage female, so tries to magnify simple, everyday life situations, arguements and then plays the victim and Dr. Phil buys it! This husband provided her with EVERYTHING! and all she does it watch tv and make excuses....

Wow - Donna is one sad, mohey drain, victim player. Kick her to the curb, hes better off....
There is a difference between arguments and abuse. In ten years my husband and I have never raised our voices, called each other names, pushed, shoved, waved guns, or behaved in a hurtful manner. We have had a couple of disagreements, but they never last, or get nasty. There are lines that you simply do not cross if you love each other. They are both at fault, they both need help, and at this point in time neither one is a prize.
 
November 20, 2008, 4:56 pm CST

Stop the Hating

Another show spotlighting the lasting effects a bad childhood can have on a person.  Dr. Phil nailed it and I hope this woman, this couple, can get the help needed to assist her and them into arriving at a better place.
 
November 20, 2008, 5:05 pm CST

I hope people saw through her performance

Dr. Phil let this women off to easily. Although I don't agree fully with the husbands behavior, there is a lot of truth behind the statements made by the husband and the daughter. The wife is selfish and is more of a problem in the marriage then she wants to take responsibility for. I wanted to see Dr. Phil go further when he confronted her about playing the victim role, also her tears were forced. I believe she is a bully and a gold digger. She wanted to use the Dr. Phil show as a platform to grab sympathy and to ok her desire to leave her husband. Shame on her!!!!
 
November 20, 2008, 5:12 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

I saw the show today and Im going thru similar but not exact extreme problems.  I recently found out that my boyfriend probably has Borderline Personality Disorder and never heard of it until I saw it online.  It was such a blessing for me to find out that there is an actual condition.  I thought I was going crazy and was going thru he** with him.  There was/is a lot of abuse in the relationship and I couldn't analyze it and nobody understood me.  I urge others who are fustrated with their partners behaviors and don't understand why they are so Dr Jekyl and Mr hyde to them, to check this out on the web.  There are also books on this disorder.  Its called "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  I would also ask Dr Phil to look into this and I would totally love to be a part of this or his show if possible being that I am struggling with my partner to heal from all of this.

thank you and bless us all!

janna

 
November 20, 2008, 5:24 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

Quote From: efffy_

There is a difference between arguments and abuse. In ten years my husband and I have never raised our voices, called each other names, pushed, shoved, waved guns, or behaved in a hurtful manner. We have had a couple of disagreements, but they never last, or get nasty. There are lines that you simply do not cross if you love each other. They are both at fault, they both need help, and at this point in time neither one is a prize.

I agree effy, hard to believe though in 10 yrs, you've never raised your voices. WTG... Sometimes that's not good either.

I just can't see how she shops all day and takes advantage of her situaton and still being "poor me". Even after draining the bank account, which I'm sure it is sometimes plentiful.

Sorry, but I feel for the hubby even though she has had a hard life in the past.

 
November 20, 2008, 5:34 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

Quote From: blackroyalty

Dr. Phil let this women off to easily. Although I don't agree fully with the husbands behavior, there is a lot of truth behind the statements made by the husband and the daughter. The wife is selfish and is more of a problem in the marriage then she wants to take responsibility for. I wanted to see Dr. Phil go further when he confronted her about playing the victim role, also her tears were forced. I believe she is a bully and a gold digger. She wanted to use the Dr. Phil show as a platform to grab sympathy and to ok her desire to leave her husband. Shame on her!!!!
 I think she's getting off easier for now, but I think maybe, there are deeper problems, supposedly, I'm not sure about that either. I would give anything to have the life she is living, spending till the money is gone, OK, NOT a good thing. I don't know how he can live with someone like that, and not really taking care of their 7 children/ disregarding the twins, all that. I could go on forever about this, but I think I've posted enough.
 
November 20, 2008, 5:52 pm CST

I identify with him

 I know how this guy feels, I have a lot of the same behavior  problems that he does. I love my g/f, but I abuse her and I dont know how to stop.  I have borderline personality disorder,and I can't find anyone that can help. I feel lost... this is the first time that I have found anyone that I can identify with.
 
November 20, 2008, 7:03 pm CST

11/20 Spouses at War

Quote From: kittty56

I agree effy, hard to believe though in 10 yrs, you've never raised your voices. WTG... Sometimes that's not good either.

I just can't see how she shops all day and takes advantage of her situaton and still being "poor me". Even after draining the bank account, which I'm sure it is sometimes plentiful.

Sorry, but I feel for the hubby even though she has had a hard life in the past.

I do not remember my parents ever raising their voices in anger either. I was taught that no one hears you when you are yelling, and that you have no right to scare your children. I adore my husband, and I would rather cut off an arm then hurt him. Well, that is kinda gross but you get the idea. I bite my tongue, go for a walk, mash the living bejeebies outta the potatoes, until I am calm enough to deal with him like he is the man I love. I don't think it's ever good to yell or rage.
 
November 20, 2008, 8:16 pm CST

I agree... partially

Quote From: efffy_

I do not remember my parents ever raising their voices in anger either. I was taught that no one hears you when you are yelling, and that you have no right to scare your children. I adore my husband, and I would rather cut off an arm then hurt him. Well, that is kinda gross but you get the idea. I bite my tongue, go for a walk, mash the living bejeebies outta the potatoes, until I am calm enough to deal with him like he is the man I love. I don't think it's ever good to yell or rage.
While I believe that it's a smart idea to take a time out, there's a difference between raised voices and raging.  I think that the things that the husband admitted doing to his wife are absolutely abuse, but then so are the things that he accused the wife of doing as well.  Arguing is not a big deal, but if it ever involves having a gun lying on the bed, waving around, or whatever, that's a dealbreaker - period.  Because in my opinion, once you take out a gun it means you are threatening to kill me.  Period.  There is no euphemistic way that you put a gun on the bed.  And once you threaten me, and especially if you threaten my LIFE, whether it's implicit, or explicit,  I will leave.  And those two do not need to be married to anyone, let alone each other.  I feel sorry for their children.
 
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