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Topic : 07/15 A Husband's Double Life

Number of Replies: 196
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Created on : Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:41:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 11/26/08) Studies show that as many as 18 to 24 million Americans suffer from sexual addiction; an overwhelming obsession that can destroy lives, ruin marriages and tear families apart. Elaine says she wishes she had never met her husband, Michael, because of the terrible secrets she’s uncovered about him. But did she ignore the warning signs before they got married? Michael says he knew he had a problem, but thought he could keep it a secret from his wife. You won’t believe where Michael’s addiction takes him multiple times a day and how he covered his tracks for seven years. And, Elaine recently made a shocking discovery. Should she be concerned for the safety of her two children? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. Michael says he’s come clean, but will a polygraph exam reveal more hidden truths? Viewer discretion is advised. Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 26, 2008, 7:50 am CST

Don't stay in denial over your husband's addiction....

DON'T SACRIFICE YOUR CHILDREN'S SAFETY, BY ALLOWING YOUR HUSBAND TO RE-ENTER YOUR HOME, UNTIL HE'S CURED AND TOTALLY HONEST WITH HIMSELF (AND YOU, HIS WIFE).  HE NEEDS TO SEPARATE FROM YOU AND THE KIDS TIL HE CAN GET THE HELP.  SO SAD.  HE COULD EVEN HAVE HIV...HE'S SO THIN.  IT SEEMS HE HAS A DEATH WISH.  YOU MUST PROTECT AND CARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN FIRST..AND FOREMOST, NOT YOUR HUSBAND.  HE COMES 3RD.  TAKE CARE, I WILL HOPE FOR THE BEST FOR YOU TO BOTH TO LIVE WITH 'TRUTH' IN YOUR LIVES.  ~ANNE from MI  :(

 
November 26, 2008, 7:54 am CST

addiction

when i saw this show the man that they showed reminded me of my brother whom i know to be a sex addict. the problem is that never got resolved and in order to feed his adddiction he would steal from the people around him. Even now he continues to lie, and steal and it doesn't bother him. He even stole from my dieing father and do you think that affected him? not in the least because you can see by his actions . And the thing that concerns me most with his sex addiction is my children. that is why i don't allow him to be alone with them because i don't trust him and i never will with all that he has done.
 
November 26, 2008, 7:58 am CST

AT LAST WE ARE BEING HEARD AND SEEN

Thank you Dr. Phil.  We have been waiting tor this  Those of us whose lives have been profounfly affected by the behaviors of sexual addicts--felt invisible, unheard, dismissed, used, objectfied, inadequate, unattractive, unworthy...those of us who have lost ourselves, doubted our intuition, accepted less than we deserve are grateful for bringing your voice to this most personal of addictions.

 

Sister, save yourself and you will save your children.  Come find the support, acceptance and the love you deserve.  COSA and SLAA and SA groups around the country.  Good counseling and good, tender loving self-care will help you recover and process what you have lost along the way and give you the tools you need to move on.

 

Stay Golden.

Rebecca

How do you know it is REAL LOVE?  REAL LOVE HEALS ALWAYS!

 
November 26, 2008, 8:18 am CST

11/26 A Husband's Double Life

Quote From: housewife52

Forget everything about what he's done in the past, if he can't commit and says you're rushing him then he's not interested in settling down and getting married. I don't feel it's about what you should expect of him. I think it's more about what you want in your life. From what you've written about him, I strongly feel that he's not interested in settling down. That's not necessarily a bad thing. If it's how he feels, he has the right to feel that way. I say move on with your life and you might meet someone else who IS interested in settling down. Life is short.
BLAH,BLAH, BLAH ......DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!!!
 
November 26, 2008, 10:59 am CST

lies are his truth.....

Quote From: lacross3

isn't it a bit obvious that he is hiding more. He doesn't want to say anymore for fear that he hadn't told her about that. If he's telling the truth, then he wouldn't have even said that statement. I'm surprised that The Doc didn't catch him on that one!!

Its been hard to know what Ive told her and what I havent told her. Things have gotten so mixed up, he says.
His addiction is so thoroughly saturated with lies that he doesn't know what the truth is anymore. As each lie was built upon another a house of cards was constructed to hide his proclivities, which he had to protect at all costs. As Dr. Phil has said in the past, an addict wants nothing more than to be left alone with their addiction, and will do or say anything to keep it going. Addiction and dysfunction thrives in the dark. He is killing himself  physically and spiritually and emotionally, but his addiction is more powerful than anything else. In order for him to be able to lie to his wife, he must first lie to himself. And he is a pro at that.

The wife needs to keep him away from his children, and from herself. Until....he is recovered and living in truth. And that will take TIME. Not a few weeks or months. Just because he is her husband and the kids'  father is not enough to keep them protected. He is not protecting them, he is protecting his addiction. I doubt seriously that she would allow this to happen if this guy was just anybody. If this was a stranger, she would never allow it. She is still assuming that he would NEVER intentionally hurt them. But he is, intentionally or unintentionally. It doesn't matter which it is. The wife MUST think of her children and herself before him. She must protect her kids and herself. Period. She can't help him with this. And she needs to educate herself on this subject. I wish her luck.
 
November 26, 2008, 12:25 pm CST

I can cry watching this

I met someone in May and he told me he was a sex addict right away, I knew nothing about sex addiction and didn't realize that being sexual with him was not a good idea he went into a deep depression for a few weeks, he was in therapy when we met and I was his slip up as I call it. It  was very hard for me to keep my hands off him because I was so attracted to him being with him I was in AWE and I was seeing what the after affects was doing to him he told me if I was a heroin addict you wouldn't bring me heroin...That stuck in my mind to a point were I deicded it was best to end all sexual contact with him since all I wanted was for him to get better. I pray for him all the time it's not easy to live with this disease...   
 
November 26, 2008, 12:51 pm CST

why did she marry him?

I don't understand why this woman married this man. She knew from the start that he was interested in men. I wonder if maybe deep down at the start of their relationship, if she was turned on by him being interested in men.  Now over the years she realizes how bad his addiction is and her childrens safety. I just don't understand why she hasn't divorced him with all his confessions already. Why did she need to wait for a polygraph, if she already knows deep down the truth.

 
November 26, 2008, 12:52 pm CST

recorded this one

I've been married 23 yrs to A male who has been caught several times on the Internet chatting on porn sites.I've been more than stupid to put up with his crap. believe every time when he says never again....

not this last time .I'm so done with him except to use him for a while until money wise me and my children can make it .then I'll leave this 50 yr old as* to live his life with many regrets . He'll lose me the one who has Loved him as no other. Who has been A fool for way to long. I've learned things about him that keep my stomach upset daily.This my hero after my childhood filled with molestation..Yep he was Mr Perfect...

Until I walked right up behind him 13 yrs ago on the Internet chatting with A female about sex ! Didn't want my marriage to end and believed him when he cried saying how sorry he was and that it would never happen again. Will it has several times. The last time 3 months ago (almost) When I found out he was searching for local woman for sex .Local !!!

I live in A small town where everyone knows everyone and this dumb butt didn't lie about anything on his profile ... Married ,Children and yes Grandchildren.I live on SS and cannot make my car payment most less house payment that I have 14 more yrs of without him .... But I'm working on it . My check monthly goes to paying my credit cards .500.00 dollars doesn't go far at all. Our 17 yr old grads this May and our 16 next . Then it will be only Me and our 7 yr old daughter left. I have no family to help me .. So I'm on my own and he knows it ..He said he'll go to therapy just waiting on me to get my neck collar off in DEC> I just had disk replacement surgery 2 days after finding out about this last one . I fully plan on leaving him or making him leave I should say ... There is NO TRUST LEFT .NONE !!!!! Never again. I have 2 grown daughters but they have families of there own and can't help money wise .It's OK cause I take Great pleasure in knowing My husband will live with many regrets and lonely . He had it all My love and trust isn't easy to come by but ,he had it .. Fool no more, My time to be the player so to speak .I just need his money right now.. We live paycheck to paycheck .. My bills will get paid off and I'll show him the door . Oh Yes I recorded this Show to show him soon....

 
November 26, 2008, 12:57 pm CST

Wife woman needs to wake up

Wow.  She is missing the boat.  The facts are screaming at her and she is still rationalizing...apparently too close to this one to make a good judgement.  Someone should smack her up the side of the head with a bat!

 

You MUST protect your children.

 
November 26, 2008, 1:00 pm CST

Your Right

Quote From: res0529

I met someone in May and he told me he was a sex addict right away, I knew nothing about sex addiction and didn't realize that being sexual with him was not a good idea he went into a deep depression for a few weeks, he was in therapy when we met and I was his slip up as I call it. It  was very hard for me to keep my hands off him because I was so attracted to him being with him I was in AWE and I was seeing what the after affects was doing to him he told me if I was a heroin addict you wouldn't bring me heroin...That stuck in my mind to a point were I deicded it was best to end all sexual contact with him since all I wanted was for him to get better. I pray for him all the time it's not easy to live with this disease...   
It isn't easy living with this .. As A wife of A male who is sick in the head about sex . My family , My heart , My everything  and My children have and will suffer because of him .I don't feel sorry for him ,I don't feel sorry for me ... I do feel bad for my children that he also didn't give A crap about as he played this so called disease.So now Cheating is A disease ? Wow how funny is that ? Not laughing here.
 
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