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Topic : 07/15 A Husband's Double Life

Number of Replies: 196
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Created on : Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:41:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 11/26/08) Studies show that as many as 18 to 24 million Americans suffer from sexual addiction; an overwhelming obsession that can destroy lives, ruin marriages and tear families apart. Elaine says she wishes she had never met her husband, Michael, because of the terrible secrets she’s uncovered about him. But did she ignore the warning signs before they got married? Michael says he knew he had a problem, but thought he could keep it a secret from his wife. You won’t believe where Michael’s addiction takes him multiple times a day and how he covered his tracks for seven years. And, Elaine recently made a shocking discovery. Should she be concerned for the safety of her two children? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. Michael says he’s come clean, but will a polygraph exam reveal more hidden truths? Viewer discretion is advised. Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 26, 2008, 1:12 pm CST

Recovering Addict

This seems so much easier "saying" it on the comnputer. Im a sex addict. I am addicted to internet pornopgraphy. Nothing dark and sinister such as child pornography or animals, maybe thats my way of saying it's the "ok" version. I dont know.

My wife, bless her heart, has ben battling this with me through 8 years, 2 job changes, dozens of fights and setbacks and I don't know hoe many heart to hearts that were never gfollowed through.

I missed the majority of this show, and feel bad because of it. It's a daily process, being sober now for approximately 21 days. It's an up and down hill road, never an easy travel and full of discovery.

Families of addicts HAVE to understand, we dont enjoy this lifestyle any more than you enjoy dealing with it either. We are weak animals as men, this is a big factor. But thats also a cop out. But with televisiona nd movies fueled by sexuality, our partners balancing our happiness but their being careful to not let us get over the edge and our own loss of self control at times- recovery is a bitch.

I seem to be rambling, but there are so many ideas and throughts I have on this. I feel for all other addicts, and as  paramedic have seen a man kill himself over his troubles. I dont want to be "that guy" and don't believe I will ever gat that bad. But everyone is diferent, what breaks some is just the start for others.

Be strong. Love eachother. Be understanding yet firm. Take care.

 
November 26, 2008, 1:20 pm CST

Don't be fooled anymore

Elaine, I just watched the show and I felt I must write to you.

 

For many years I too "knew" something was not right. The words "I would never hurt a child" haunt me 25 years after the fact.

 

Finally one day, my daughter came home and told me what he did. Even though he confessed, In court he tried to have his confession thrown out and said he really did not know why he was taken to a police station.

 

When asked by the judge, "well why do you think you were there?" His reply, "because what my daughter did to me!"

 

So you see Elaine, when they say they would not hurt a child, they believe it, because it was not them doing anything wrong, it was the child.

 

I know this is hard to believe, I had a hard time believing it myself that any father could behave the way he did and when they finally get caught, blame an innocent child.

 

I used to tell people he was a very good liar. No one would believe me when I voiced my concerns and part of me wanted so desperately to be wrong about the man I thought I loved.

 

My worst regret in life, I wish I understood then, what I understand now. Please I beg you, get out of the denial and get some professional counselling, you will need it to help you sort out the mixed feelings you have.

 

Most of all, protect those innocent children.

 

I wish you godspeed.

Coffee

 

 

 
November 26, 2008, 1:23 pm CST

11/26 A Husband's Double Life

Quote From: carebearloves

 Just like everyone I was married to a cheater or should I say to a man that lived a different life with me.  He always had excuses for everything that I stupidly believed.  From the get go he left his wife for me.  I told him to never leave his wife for anyone other than for himself.  The affair not only ruined my marriage, but his and the children from his marraige and the one from mine.  (Then the one we share together).  He always used a PO Box to send checks to, had storage units, told me that he was estranged from his mother & family (inwhich I was the only wife to ever meet mom out of the 3 of us).  This man was married 8 yrs to wife #1, 12 + to number 2, & was with me 8 yrs, but married only 2.  He told me that his ex wife always cheated on him & made him be the mom, dad, housekeeper, nanny & everything in his home.

 

When he left his wife he was living on the floor of his work & when he saw his kids they slept on the floor there also. I let him take showers at my home, wash his clothes and do everything he needed to help him.  Finally after a rough start we married when our son was 3. I knew in the back of myhead & heart to not marry him. I knew he left wife 1 & 2 when they had small kids, & then they had lost their homes in foreclosure, & then the kids were always the ones who suffered.  6 months after we married he was cheating on me. He had told me that I could never visit him at work or eat lunch with him because I would have to go through a security passing and he could have no visitors. I thought maybe it was true and had to accept it. He had meet a women that was his waitress at a mexican restaurant he frequently visited. He would write his name & # on a napkin & tell them he is single. He would call in sick to his job, use FMLA on our sick child and play with his girlfriends. He would buy these women the same cards, gifts, fragrances, days of beauty, and everything he did for me that I liked. He knew it was important to cover his basis. He told this lady I was a unfit mom & he needed a mom for our son & he was leaving me after Christmas. According to this lady he had 4 others before her.  This lady called me crying and wanted me to console her. She had lost the man of her dreams. I was dumb finded when this happened, but had to accept it. I took him back even after knowing this woman was a striper & so were the others. He had protected his cell phone, changed where his bills were sent, told me he had to work overtime, and more. When I had went to the bank to withdraw money out of his work acct he never turned in the paperwork putting me as a signee on the acct. The bank called him, called security on me when I tried to get money. A few yr passed then I get a letter from IRS wanting to take my home. (He owed 150K to IRS).. We divorced, but remained together. He was quite the charmer and the last straw was he left us this past 5/08 for a parent on the baseball team and her son was in our sons kindergarten class.  So once again the last joke was on me.  We got into a argument over baseball & he left us. I figured he would be back, but NO he lives 2 blks away, engaged with this other woman. He had lied, abandoned us, drained our bank acct, beat me up at my sons school, and many more vicious things. 

 

***SO I think people sho ask their ex's questions before involving themself, their kids, their family, and their life. If I would of followed my mind instead of heart I could of protected myself, but I know he will do this again to the next person..

Ok so let me get this straight.  This man had an affair with you while you both were married to other people, you both leave those spouses and move in together then married later.  Then you are surprised and hurt that this man cheated on you like he did WITH you and you don't understand why.  You lose your money, your home and your self respect to this man, divorce him then stay with him until he finds someone else.  Then he beats you up and treats you even worse and you figure he would be back??? I am sorry but this is one lesson I hope that you have learned in your life.  If a man is married and talks bad about his wife, chances are if he cheats on her, he is no prince and will treat you the same if you are married.  You need to go without men in your life and work on your self esteem and self respect so you can find a real man who will treat you the way a woman should be treated.  Remember what you went through with him when you decide to sleep with some other woman's husband.... what goes around comes around.
 
November 26, 2008, 1:51 pm CST

Separation Needed

I watch the show always learning. This woman needs to get her husband out of the house immediately for the safety of her children. She also needs to get checked for diseases and get her daughters in counceling NOW! If anything, just to help them deal with the separation and supervised visitations. The other fears might be answered later in theraphy.
 
November 26, 2008, 1:57 pm CST

sad and lost

Talk about double lives. My brother in law killed my sister on Oct 20, 2008 because she found out that he was having an affair with a MAN. She told him she was leaving and taking their 3 year old adopted son with her and he strangled her. She had already told him in April after finding out about the first affair that there would be no more chances. Now my nephew has lost both parents because of  a double life.
 
November 26, 2008, 2:06 pm CST

11/26 A Husband's Double Life

this mom needs to run not walk away from this sick pervert. He has broken their vows and has committed a crime in molestation of a child. she needs to make sure this monster is never around her kids ever again after learning what she has learned. Plus I would get checked for stds if I was her. I feel for this lady and her kids. This man is a perv and needs to be locked up before he hurts his own kids.
 
November 26, 2008, 2:11 pm CST

11/26 A Husband's Double Life

We know that he was deceptive on the ? about children.  Who's children? His own?  Makes you wonder why that wasn't brought up........If she doesn't run, she needs have her children taken away for putting her children in harm's way!  Wake Up, Lady!

 
November 26, 2008, 2:14 pm CST

Wow-maybe the kids should be removed

I just caught the end of the show, flipped channels and now watching the first half of the show.

 

This woman is in total denial, she isnt gonna divorce him, she isnt gonna leave him. The children (if they havent already been) will be sexually abused by this sick man.  Someone must step in and rescue thse children.

 

Now for my story.  I met the most amazing men about six yrs ago.  We were coworkers for over two yrs and were friends for a long time before dating.  We started dating he continued to be amazing.  One day I stopped by his house to pick up a piece of mail I walked down the hall and there was gay porn still on the computer, beside the computer was a towel.....so you figure out the rest.  I got physically sick and ran out of the house.  Of course I became a private investigator and kept checking the computer.... fast forward I confronted him.  He admitted.  He was sexually abused as a young child/early teenage yrs.  I knew this before I got involved with him.  He admitted it all, says he liked receiving sexual pleasures when he was a kid.  I know thats all part of the abuse... I stayed for several more yrs.  Just recently I ended the relationship.  I miss him terribly but I know its the right thing.  He is an amazing man.  A great partner but I just cant get it out of my mind wondering what heis doing when we arent together.

 
November 26, 2008, 2:37 pm CST

I think they both need help!

Quote From: nvybrat

I watch the show always learning. This woman needs to get her husband out of the house immediately for the safety of her children. She also needs to get checked for diseases and get her daughters in counceling NOW! If anything, just to help them deal with the separation and supervised visitations. The other fears might be answered later in theraphy.
I agree with the person above that  this man needs to be removed from the home immediately! But she and also the children will need help.  What has happen'd in the childrens lives???I know I did not see the whole episopde, and I do not know if the children are living well and safe at this time but pardon my  niavate. but I cannot believe they are doing very well!  i am positive that they know what has been going on!!!! Children are incredibly smart!!!! Pleast dont think your babies dont know about your problems, and I am sure that they think "THEY" are to blame!. Think about them please instead of yourself!
 
November 26, 2008, 2:38 pm CST

I am not defending him in any way.

  I posted one reply on this thread earlier but it was not uploaded (I must have been too inflammatory).  My biggest problem with this episode is the fact that the results of the polygraph are being presented as factual.  I know from personal experience that they are little more than garbage level voodoo science. 

  I was molested by my sixth grade teacher who during the course of his denials took a polygraph and passed saying that he never molested anyone.  He was later convicted on 32 counts perpetrated on 12 kids. 

  People need to wake up when it comes to the accuracy of a polygraph due to the fact that a false negative or positives can make a situation much worse than it already is.

  That being said, This poor woman needs to get away from this man not for her children's benefit but for her own.  The things he has admitted to already are sufficient to require her to get him out of the house.

 
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