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Topic : 07/15 A Husband's Double Life

Number of Replies: 196
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Created on : Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:41:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 11/26/08) Studies show that as many as 18 to 24 million Americans suffer from sexual addiction; an overwhelming obsession that can destroy lives, ruin marriages and tear families apart. Elaine says she wishes she had never met her husband, Michael, because of the terrible secrets she’s uncovered about him. But did she ignore the warning signs before they got married? Michael says he knew he had a problem, but thought he could keep it a secret from his wife. You won’t believe where Michael’s addiction takes him multiple times a day and how he covered his tracks for seven years. And, Elaine recently made a shocking discovery. Should she be concerned for the safety of her two children? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. Michael says he’s come clean, but will a polygraph exam reveal more hidden truths? Viewer discretion is advised. Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 26, 2008, 2:41 pm CST

Get out of there now

Dear no matter what that darnd poly says you need to leave and you need to decide it on your own.  It will never get better, it will always be more is better, diferent is better there will be no end to his demands.  I actually went to dinner to meet my ex's business associates, only to find out he met them on the adult site.  He convinced my daughter that she should walk around naked when at home - oh god get out, get out, get out, get HELP for yourself and your children and forget him, he is old enough to figure it out on his own.  You and your children need to be around honest,non-manipulative people.  And if he admits he did something wrong what makes that better?  Animals are not out of reach.......Im sorry

You and your children can be happy and whole - you can come an live with my daughter and I - I've been on my own for 3 years now.......

 
November 26, 2008, 2:46 pm CST

Get out

I just cant stress it enough and you really dont need to be a doctor.  You need to get out and not look back. The one knid thing this man is doing is saying he wont fight about the custody situation.  Take him up on it - you and your children do not deserve this.  Do not wait have doctor phil keep him at the show and pack up and leave the house.  Just get a referral from Dr. Phil for you and your children.
 
November 26, 2008, 2:52 pm CST

a word twister

this man seems like a classic "word twister", a constant "misunderstander of the question", an "oh I thought you meant something else" kind of guy....liar liar pants on fire....ya know who he reminded me of?  Bill Clinton....When he was questioned about his odd affair at the White House, he just kept trying to write off actions with definitions of words, anybody remember that?  He kept trying to argue about the meaning of phrases rather than what happened.  I've always thought Bill Clinton was a sex addict. 

 

I am not a big fan of lie detector tests, I have no doubt some people can fool them, so that never helps me, but I could see this guy was working everybody to death, if the question wasn't phrased exactly right, he'll work around it.   He looked so desperate, I guess desperate is part of any addiction though.   Good luck Sir, but may our paths never cross.  Love, Luanne   

 
November 26, 2008, 2:59 pm CST

Trust your intuition

The first time I caught my husband acting out was when we had only been dating three months and we were playing cards with his best friend and his wife.  My "boyfriend" had his shoes off and was stroking my foot with his bare foot.  I looked under the table at one time and he was doing the same thing with his best friend's wife.  I now know that he had been acting out with her for years, spending the night at their house, messing around with his best friend's wife, while his best friend was asleep.

 

This and alot of other things happened.  He appeared to be such a sweet, quiet person that everyone (my friends) told me that I was overreacting.  This was my problem, my insecurities and had nothing to do with him.  Five years later, after we had been married for a year, he came home from work (he was a correctional officer at a women's prison---how ironic is that!!!!!) and said he was put on administrative leave for "talking about personal items" with an inmate.  Two months later and so many lies, he was admitted to the hospital because his counselor was afraid he was suicidal.  He finally admitted that he had acted out with "several" inmates.  His employer had enough evidence against him that he had to quit or be fired.

 

He quit and then his employer pressed charges against him.  Anyway....I divorced him about six months later because he refused to get help.  He lost his job, lost his pension, lost his wife and is now a convicted felon and still will not get help.  We remain friends, because I try to remember that it is a disease.

 

The moral to this story is.....trust yourself.  If something doesn't feel right, don't let everyone else tell you that you are wrong.  It could save yourself alot of heartache.  And remember....it is NOT YOUR FAULT.  They were sex addicts long before you met them and if they don't get help, they will be long after you are gone.

 
November 26, 2008, 3:01 pm CST

The wife is sicker then he is!

Hello!!! Are you that insecure that you need to stay with a sick, demented pig??? 

You are a woman, a mother, and you have a husband who has admitted on cheating, not just with one woman, but with multiple woman, and men!!!  ewww ewww ewww....Stand up for yourself and your children...You need something to believe in?? Your children need someone to believe in!  Allowing them near this sick person you picked for their father, would make you a neglectful mother.  Get yourself a life, with your children, and let him get help for himself, and if you are out looking for a new man, maybe try to find someone who can be happy with just you.  You don't need this man's lies, deciete, move on woman, and do it now...

 
November 26, 2008, 3:02 pm CST

11/26 A Husband's Double Life

Quote From: princessgina

this mom needs to run not walk away from this sick pervert. He has broken their vows and has committed a crime in molestation of a child. she needs to make sure this monster is never around her kids ever again after learning what she has learned. Plus I would get checked for stds if I was her. I feel for this lady and her kids. This man is a perv and needs to be locked up before he hurts his own kids.
THis dude needs to go to jail. Child molestation is a crime for a reason!
 
November 26, 2008, 3:04 pm CST

11/26 A Husband's Double Life

I really want to feel for these women on shows like this. But it is getting harder and harder. Are they so desperate to have a man in their life that they ignore the gigantic red flags waving in their faces? Let's recap...my boyfriend/fiance tells me that he's into men, posts on bisexual websites, fantasizes about having a threesome with me and ANOTHER MAN, constantly tries to make me watch porn...and yet, that's not strange or a cause to reconsider the relationship? Huh?

I'm married, and if my now-husband had done any of these things, we simply would not be married. It is that black and white for me. And should be for most reasonable people.

I had no idea what the show was about, but within the first couple of minutes, I assumed the husband was going to admit he was gay. I picked that up from him very quickly and am surprised the wife doesn't realize that. After hearing about him having encounters with 80 men in a bookstore, she is still with him? Why? Has she never heard of AIDS or any other STD?

In this day and age it is so easy to do background checks, find out about peoples' true identities, etc. I am getting really tired of women who claim they are "blindsided" by men, especially when the man fesses up to who they really are early on in the relationship.
 
November 26, 2008, 3:07 pm CST

Is this for real?

I'm sorry for the girls because they have 2 sick parents.

A father who's admitted being a sex addict and a mother that demonstrates no real reaction to the eminent threat the girls are in.  Did she hear him express his concern for the safety of the girls?  She wants to argue about whether he's telling every detail of the truth?  As if his admission to hundreds of illicit sexual encounters aren't grounds for a divorce?  Wow, scarry

Don't take your eyes of this case Dr. Phil solely for the sake of the girls.  The parents are too absorbed by their issues to care about anything else.

 
November 26, 2008, 3:07 pm CST

11/26 A Husband's Double Life

This dude needs a lot of help. Sex is one thing, people do it all the time, but turning out of the marriage!!!!
 
November 26, 2008, 3:08 pm CST

Please Do Not Pass Judgment Until You've Walked in My Shoes

First of all, MawMaw, my condolensces for the loss of your sister.  I, too, could have very easily ended up like her.  There were numerous times where I came to death. 

 

And, for those of you shaking your little fingers at me saying, "You should have called the police the first time he tried and then left him," you have no idea what it is like to live with both a sociopath and unadmitting sex addict.  I'm not proud of the fact that I should have never married the guy in the first place, that I stayed in the marriage once I found out that his promise of stopping the online pornography viewing, masturbation was a lie, that I continued to stay with him through two years of counseling.  Sadly, those are the facts. 

 

We were married a whole 3 years.  Yes, he was a hometown boy that everyone loved.  But, they never lived with him.  The mind games that these people play with you are just unfathomable by someone who has not experienced it themselves. 

 

I had the great advice from someone very wise who told me, "Don't destroy yourself to try to save him."  Sadly, it would take me another two years to leave him. 

 

Finances were a huge part of it.  He had managed to isolate me from my family and tried his darndest to isolate me from my friends.  Fortunately, I was directed to a very good divorce lawyer who was very patient with me.  It was almost two years from the first time I called the lawyer until I actually moved out of the house.  Yes, that's right.  I moved out of the house instead of kicking him out.  I needed to get physically away from the boy because he was not only a sex addict but he was a sociopath.  He was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to me.  It took all the strength I had left in me to leave. 

 

I lived in fear of my life on a daily basis, sleeping with my bedroom door locked, while I was still with him.  Why didn't I leave him earlier?  I'm not even going to begin to try to explain it, but I would ask that you don't pass judgment on those of us who don't immediately leave these awful situations.  Fortunately, we had no children living with us that I had to worry about. 

 

Sadly, less than three months after I filed for divorce and moved out of the house, he had a woman and her two young children move into the house with him.  He's 57 and she's 45.  The kids are 3 and 8.  Was I concerned when I found this out.  Yes.  This woman got sucked in just like I did.  It troubled me greatly that those two young boys will be subjected to my ex-husband.  Yes, I'm concerned about him sexually abusing them along with all the physical, mental and emotional abuse they will experience by him. 

 

He has three adult children who do not have a relationship with him and while we were married I wondered many times if he sexually abused them when they were children. 

 

I firmly believe, also, that he was sexually abused by his own adoptive father.  I'm not sure that there wasn't further sexual relations going on between him and his adoptive sister.  Very sick.  I did suspect his own abuse as a child prior to marrying him, but he put on the airs that he was 'healed.'  That goes into the sociopath personality stuff.

 

Anyway, that's just part of my story.  I know I left gaping holes.  I have been away from him and had no contact with him since March of this year when the divorce was final.  It's going to stay that way because I know that despite the fact that we are no longer married does not keep him from coming and killing me in a mad rage because he needs someone to blame his ugly life on.  Thankfully, I'm moving forward, albeit with lots of help.

 

Prayers and courage to those who are trying to get out of an ugly situation.  You can do it.  There is a better life than that.  I made it and so can  you.

 

 

 

 
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