Topic : 08/01 In-law Intervention

 Dr. Phil

For the sake of those two little girls, the parents need to get a back bone and stand up to their mothers.
The two mother-inlaws raised their children, and of course as we all hope we did raised them the best as we could have,  now they need to go get a hobby! As hard as it would be, Rob and I would not stand for the probems. Our kids come FIRST! 
 
To Kary and Ernie, Yes it is a odd feeling speaking up to our parents, but it will get easier as time goes on.  Just keep thinking of your girls and their feeling, thoughts and what is BEST for them!

To the grandparents, First Wanda, That was not right to say he might have been brought up the wrong way. What? Not your way!  Who says your way was best!  

You two,  have two beautiful grandchildren.  So either shape up or ship out!!!!  Because you two would not be in OUR children's lives.....  

You give Grandparents and In-laws a bad name.... 

Thank God for my husbands mom, I love my mother-inlaw!!!!

Alice

These women are so pathetic! Talk about denial. I used to have in-law problems, but nowhere near as bad as this situation. 

 

I urge anyone who has these problems with their in-laws to read a book called "Toxic In-Laws" by Susan Forward. That book changed my life! It doesn't only apply to in-laws, either, its full of easy to follow advice regarding toxic people in general.

 

I was raised to be a "good girl" and to make sure everyone liked me at all costs, meaning I allowed others to walk on me, treat me badly, etc. But my in-laws took it to a whole other level that plunged me into a deep depression that I couldn't deal with. I talked to a therepist, which has helped so much, and she is the one who suggested the book above. I don't even know what life would be like if I didn't get my hands on that book... again, I urge anyone with inlaw problems to read it.

 

 

Those two in-laws should take themselves away and really study the programme and how they come across. They are both in complete denial regarding their actions and the effect that they are having on their children and grandchildren. It is absolutely SHAMEFUL that they act this way - especially in front of their grandchildren, what do they think they are learning from this? What a thoroughly unpleasant pair of individuals they are. They are in complete denial about their actions, about the fact that they are destroying their childrens lives. Just how old are they? They are acting like a couple of spoilt adolescents. Dr. Phil is absolutely right in his statement that they are so alike and can't see it. One employs a superior attitude and the other is never wrong - oops should that be the other way around - who can tell?

Carol, I see it written all over your face. I actually feel sorry for you. You look like a woman who has had a very hard and/or miserable life and you are still a miserable person who is going to make everyone else miserable. You were not in the least bit willing to go along with the camping trip and you acted like a spoiled six-year-old. For the love of your SON you should MAKE AN EFFORT.

 

I am in no way saying Wanda is a saint because I think she comes off as a little smug and I think BOTH of you need to GET HOBBIES and your own interests and STOP meddling in your ADULT children's marriage.

 

Kerry and Ernie, you need to establish strict boundaries when you get home. I can tell you assuredly that I GREW UP with EXACTLY these kind of relatives and if they were my mother and mother-in-law, they would NOT be in my life or my children's until they APOLOGIZED sincerely AND I saw change. I am 33 years old and when I had my daughter I made the decision not to expose her to toxic people. I was 17 when I moved out and 19 years old when I had her and I still managed to get a Bachelor's and make it on my own and I figured if I could do it without toxic relatives, she didn't need them either. I have surrounded my daughter with positive, uplifting people and my husband and I do not allow chronically negative controlling manipulaters in our lives, period. I am happy to say that my daughter is today 14, a sophmore, an honor student, art major, and tennis player who has great self-esteem, and yes we do have a relationship with SOME people in both sides of the family but it is limited. I have an autoimmune disease and I want to be here to see my daughter have children of her own and I will not allow the stress of my family to put me in an early grave or drive my husband back to the drugs and alcohol that they claim to have no part in but miraculously he stopped using when he moved out of their house and met me.

 

Kerry, Ernie, YOUR MARRIAGE COMES FIRST. Your respective mothers will not be there forever, and your kids will grow up, go to college, and move out, and you two must have that strong bond to sustain each other. The only third person in your marriage should be GOD.

 

Hugs,

Teresa 

Wow This is bad!! these people need Unhook and have no asscociation until healing has begun! The Poor Children. We have to remember that when we get married, we detach from our parents and live our own live. I am suprised they are all still alive.

Well im sorry, but my problem isnt with the grandparents! Its the parents! You let it happen, it will happen, period. You allow your children to be subject to it, then you arnt being the parent you wanted to be, according to your own sayings...You cant be a parent if you arnt going to step in and control the things you need to control, like what your children are hearing and seeing at that young age...The day you two brought those children into this world, was the day you lost your right to just STAND BY...Sry but this is my out look on it...As for the grandparents, they need to step back and reavaluate what kind of people they are as people, not just as grandparents...

No way would I allow my children to be exposed to this crap from the grandparents. These parents need to step up to the plate and boot those grandparents out and then they need to get their marriage on track and start parenting these kids in the way they deserve, It sounds to me like they are all hurting and has issues and they all need to get some individual counseling and maybe later get some group therapy. My children do not come in much contact with their bio femily and when they do, you bet I am right there with them for no way will I purposely set my children up to be exposed to this kind of talk/crap. If they can't be nice to one another then they just need to stay clear from each other and the parents need to step up to the plate and set those boundaries and stick with them, when some one crosses them then they step up and say "NO MORE" and send them on their way. Marriage is about two people, not four and those who disapprove of some one elses marriage, well too bad, they made the choice and no matter the circumstance, every one must accept it and start getting out of your little snits and be a family, good grief, those grandparents would definetly not be welcomed in my home at this point, get over your selves ladies, life isn't all about you, have some repsect for your grown children and grand children. It actually takes more energy to hate and frown then it does to be happy and to be friends. Maybe they should give this a try.

No way would I allow my children to be exposed to this crap from the grandparents. These parents need to step up to the plate and boot those grandparents out and then they need to get their marriage on track and start parenting these kids in the way they deserve, It sounds to me like they are all hurting and has issues and they all need to get some individual counseling and maybe later get some group therapy. My children do not come in much contact with their bio femily and when they do, you bet I am right there with them for no way will I purposely set my children up to be exposed to this kind of talk/crap. If they can't be nice to one another then they just need to stay clear from each other and the parents need to step up to the plate and set those boundaries and stick with them, when some one crosses them then they step up and say "NO MORE" and send them on their way. Marriage is about two people, not four and those who disapprove of some one elses marriage, well too bad, they made the choice and no matter the circumstance, every one must accept it and start getting out of your little snits and be a family, good grief, those grandparents would definetly not be welcomed in my home at this point, get over your selves ladies, life isn't all about you, have some repsect for your grown children and grand children. It actually takes more energy to hate and frown then it does to be happy and to be friends. Maybe they should give this a try.

My husband and I sat together and watched today's show.  We were both keeping up with how much these two sounded like our families.  His mother has verbally attacked me multiple times and my parents had a running bet that our marriage would not last more than 5 years (now we are at 26 years and planning at least 50 more).  It never ceases to amaze me how in-laws can be so cruel with the best of intentions (I believe).  The pain that people cause to each other never goes away.  The best of effort to "forgive and forget" doesn't always work.  I know this for a fact.  I have not spoken with my mother-in-law in almost 6 months now and am not sure I can over an incident that occured at my father's death.  Parents need to learn to SHUT-UP.  I just hope that I can remeber all this when my son's bring there wifes and children into the picture.