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Topic : 12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

Number of Replies: 66
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Created on : Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 07:27:18 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Fourteen courageous people spend three days facing Dr. Phil and the reality of their problems, which include addiction, anger, grief and abuse. In part four of Dr. Phil’s retreat, the guests examine their feelings towards their mom and dad and address how who they are today relates to the influence of their parents. Will the participants free themselves from the pain of their past and let go of resentment they say they harbor against their parents? When Kelly is asked what she would say to her father if he were alive, her overwhelming emotions get the best of her. And, Carina delves into her feelings about her abusive stepfather. Is she waiting for an apology that will never come? Plus, Jessica R., who battles with weight and self-image, says she doesn’t feel she deserves to be in the retreat. When Dr. Phil plays a video of her at home, will she realize she’s right where she belongs? Join the discussion.

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December 4, 2008, 6:17 pm CST

I can relate

 

 

I am sorry to say that I too can relate to these people. As a young girl I was raped by my father and beaten by my mother. and left, to foster care in which i was raped by other foster kids throughout my youth. I went through a crystal meth addiction at the age of 12 and quit at the age of 16. I felt like in order to feel love I had to be promiscous.  I had a lot of sexual partners until I realized that it's not ok to do that. Over the years and through extensive therepy as a young child I have told my self that I am over this stuff and move on.

 

I realize lately that I am not over it, and I see it in the way that I don't let anyone get close to me, even sadly my son, who is two. I am afraid that I won't be able to be the best mother that there is for him. He is the only thing that keeps me going though.  I sabatoged my four year relationship with his father so that he wouldn't ever get as close to me as he wanted to. I did and said hurtful and spiteful things to him, and even though he still talks to me every day, I don't know how to bring myself to trust anyone. I blame myself for holding all of this "baggage" and I have long bouts of depression that I can't seem to get myself out of it sometimes.

 
December 4, 2008, 6:37 pm CST

but..

I feel great that other people out there has the same story as me and I'm not alone, when I really think about things I see how far I have also come as aperson and try not to let my past "creep up" on me, it's when I let my past creep up on me and cloud my thoughts is when I feel  sad and depressed and doubt myself as a person...   maybe there can be hope for me!
 
December 4, 2008, 6:56 pm CST

12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

 The last 2 shows have really hit home with me. I was emotionally abused by my father. When I listen to some of the horrible things that these people have gone through it just breaks my heart. I hate to tell Carina but she probably won't get the apology she is waiting for. My father left my mother and tried to make amends but I would not. I was too busy with my newborn son and fighting to keep my mother from killing herself. After I don't know, 12 years I got word that he was in the hospital with a brain tumor. Hoping he would finally say he was sorry for being a rotten excuse for a dad and hurting our family I went to see him. At this time he had like 3 weeks to live, the tumor was inoperable. I made him very nervous but he never told me what I wanted to hear. It was not an easy road, but I came to realize that it was him. He was just a selfish man who didn't think of anyone but himself. I hope Carina gets her apology but if you don't you are still a good person. Don't allow someone else have that much control over you. In this world there are a lot of people who are just mean and ugly. We have to accept them for who they are. We can not change them.  We don't have to like them but sometimes we have to accept them esecially when they are related to you. Mind you I have boat load of issues. I have Generalized Panic Disorder. I take medication for the panic attacks but they still come My husband of 25 years doesn't understand why I have them, but then neither do I.  

Dr. Phil keep up the good work. This retreat is helping more than the 14 people. I for one am one of them

 

 

 
December 4, 2008, 7:26 pm CST

my day

Quote From: bettyruth1

This is a quote from some wise person.

 

In my day we didnt have self esteem, we had self respect and we didnt haver more than we earn'd.

 

I hate to be so tough but all these people need is a purpose.  Replace the crap with a sense of self, and that can't be found talking.

In my day in my family we were taught to not value ourselves, that we were useless, and not deserving of self-respect.  I think that quote is very over simplistic. It's hard to have a sense of purpose when you have been taught that you have no right to a purpose.
 
December 4, 2008, 7:46 pm CST

I feel so lost!!

As I watch this. I can identify with 90% of the people. I had a rough childhood growing up and have NO relationship with my mom (she left) or my father because he has picked all his girlfriends over me so, this is a proven fact that I'm no good because after all, why would a father not want his own child? He always was VERY verbally abusive to me and because of this I can't trust anyone! I'm so crushed because I just don't know how to fix anything!!!!  Every time I fail in my life, I hear him telling me what a piece of Sh*t I am. as he did when I was younger.(exact words) Just when I think I'm getting better, something happens and I start over from square one. How do you fix something when you don't know where to start? All I know for sure is how much I hurt!
 
December 4, 2008, 7:58 pm CST

Pretty profound, indeed

Quote From: onthepath2heal

Wow I just saw what that woman said in the Dr. Phil house around the table to the black man.  "What if you are the son or a relative of the man who raped me?"  I have been struggling with the shame of a father who molested my half sister and other friends and neighborhood girls.  I just went to a very powerful couseling session yesterday to try and free myself from this guilt and when I heard her say that I was immediately thought those other women probably do think of me in a terrible way or at the least relate their aweful memories to me if and when I see them now as an adult.  I had to back up and take a breath and try not to feel that shame and guilt I have felt for over twenty years that honestly is not my shame or guilt.  It is my fathers.  He is the one who did those aweful things not me I was a little innocent girl who just wanted to love her daddy and be proud of him.  I didn't want a Dad who I couldn't be proud of I wanted a normal family with a Mom who didn't hate her Dad and a sister who didn't hate her Dad. 

I thought Kathleen made a very profound point when she said what if you are the son or relative of the man who raped me?  I've never thought of it on those terms. 

 

Then for Wade to come out and tell about his being molested by a family member before he was raped by the white man and the teacher with whom he had the affair.  I was blown away!  I can't even begin to imagine what was going through his mind each time it happened. 

 

Just when you think your life is falling apart at the seams, you see these people and think "my problems really aren't that bad."

 
December 4, 2008, 8:03 pm CST

Get Real Retreat

Today as I sat watching the show, I knew that as with the other segments that I had watched I would have some stirring of emotions.  With each person I can find something that was me at one time.  The fear, the raw emotions, the hurts, the wanting to hide away from everything and everyone, the one wanting to "hurt back" and get even, just wanting  to pack it all in.  The one being told they were not good enough and would never amount to anything.  Always trying to hide the bruises mentally, physically and emotionally.  Trying to be the "care taker" and making everything okay and right.  And never really succedding at any of it.  Dr. Phil's statement of "if you are ever going to get a start on a new day, you have got to forget about the old day.  You have to forgive yourself and others about what happened to you in the past." 

When we let those people get inside our heads ( and they are usually long gone) we allow them to take our power, and we give them permission to continue and we become the conduit for them to work through.

  I am beginning to see that I have to give myself what others were never able to give me.   I can no longer play the "martry" and not take care of me.  I am a single mother of a wonderful teenage son, and why would I want to cheat him out of learning an important life lesson about taking care of himself?    I want him to know that it is not selfish to preserve the gift of himself.  I too am learning that lesson with each new day. 

Ask yourself each day, 'why is the gift of yourself not enough".  Then lift your head high and smile and tell yourself  "you go girl!!!"  Start a scrapbook with all your accomplishments, reveiw it , read it, and say a prayer of thanksgiving.   Then go forth into the brand new day.

 
December 4, 2008, 9:04 pm CST

12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

After watching this segment I have realized that maybe my life is not as bad as what some of these people have gone thru, but I have the same pain in my heart and mind as they do.  I have deminished myself so bad that mentally I dont know anything else but to think negitive thoughts about myself.  I actually think that Ive given up hope on myself and now look to care for my children the best way I can so they dont turn out like me.  My whole life I have struggled with weight, I have lived with hatred towards my parents for the past 15 plus years, drugs, anorexia, bulimia, lying, being manipulative, etc.. I connected with several of the people today and hope that I can change my life and be a better person.  They are very brave to share with us their stories so we can be inspired to make changes in our life!
 
December 4, 2008, 9:21 pm CST

I can relate!

Hello Dr. Phil,

 

I have been watching you since your inception of your show.  I really related today when you told that woman at the end of the show that she was "Enabling her husband to kill himself with alcohol".  I have been in recovery for almost 5 years clean and sober and I have been going to Al-Anon 3 times a week for over 2 years.  My husband is still heavy into his alcoholism.  We have been married over 20 years and I keep wondering if I am doing the right thing by staying with him.  I love him very much, but he is sick and doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.  I am wondering if I am, like you said, in a comfort zone.  We have lived in the same house for over 20 years and have a 23 year old daughter that is engaged to be married and has lived on her own since she has been 18.  I know I have no control over my husband getting sober and live a very fulfilling life except that we are so incredibly disconnected.  I am also a very devoted Christian woman who knows that God does not like divorce.  I am in my mid 50's.  Am I enabling him even though I live a full life?  i work outside my home, do a lot of service work with AA & Al-Anon and am really plugged into my church.  I truly feel my husband is incapable of having a relationship with me at this point.  I know he loves me as much as I love him.  I am in acceptance of his disease, but it would be really nice to have a fulfilling relationship with another human being outside of my programs and work.

 
December 5, 2008, 1:07 am CST

hi dr phil

hi, i wanted to say that i watch you every day. and i been watching the get real retreats and it kills me when i do because i have so much hurt and pain in me i can't stand it. i think about and wish for death everyday because of what i feel, i have been molested by my stepfather  from 11 to 16 years of age and emotionally and phyiclly abused by him and my husband i can't deal with what i feel i don't know how to i just want life to end so i don't have to feel the pain anymore. i use food and alcohol as my crutches to help me make it through, if it was for me i would never be sober again until i died and i can't sleep because my mind is always racing and will never shut down. when i see these people on your show i am like oh my god that is what i am feeling but i don't think i could be brave enough to do what they are doing but i wish i could be. all i know is i am filled with pain and anger from my head to my toes and i just wish i could die so it will all stop if you have any advice for me i would so appreciate it. thank you i love you and robin,,,,,,,,,,,take care.....brenda
 
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