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Topic : 12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

Number of Replies: 66
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Created on : Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 07:27:18 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Fourteen courageous people spend three days facing Dr. Phil and the reality of their problems, which include addiction, anger, grief and abuse. In part four of Dr. Phil’s retreat, the guests examine their feelings towards their mom and dad and address how who they are today relates to the influence of their parents. Will the participants free themselves from the pain of their past and let go of resentment they say they harbor against their parents? When Kelly is asked what she would say to her father if he were alive, her overwhelming emotions get the best of her. And, Carina delves into her feelings about her abusive stepfather. Is she waiting for an apology that will never come? Plus, Jessica R., who battles with weight and self-image, says she doesn’t feel she deserves to be in the retreat. When Dr. Phil plays a video of her at home, will she realize she’s right where she belongs? Join the discussion.

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December 5, 2008, 5:48 am CST

You can overcome

Dr. PHil I was a victim of incest by my father since I was probably 6 or 7 years old up until I graduated from HIgh School.  I was also a victim of sexual abuse by one of my parents good friends and my mother was witness to that abuse.

 

For years I played the poor pityful me act thinking the world owed me something because of the abuse I suffered.  I never knew what it was like to be hugged or told "I love you".  The only emotion that I ever knew and thought was normal was "fear".  If I ever felt anything other the fear I thought something was wrong.  For years I caused my husband problems because of this and how he stayed with me I'll never know.  But thru therapy with a counselor that went to my church, and thru the help of my Pastor I can say without a doubt that I have put all that in the past and never think about it like it did before which was everyday.

 

I told my mother about the abuse and she knew it was happening but she refused to do anything about it because she needed the paycheck by dad brought home, so I suffered in silence.  I confronted my parents back in 1995 and basically kicked me out of the family for it, but my life was better.  They both died in 1998 from lung cancer and though I hate to say it, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my life because I no longer had to think about them.

 

But in essence Dr Phil, I just wanted to say that if these people truly want to get well, it can happen.  I have a wonderful marriage, three beautiful granddaughters that I love dearly with another granddaughter due in March 2009 and two great sons.  So my life is truly Blessed now.  But one thing I did want to mention is because of my experience, I don't know what it is, but I can pick out children that are being abused just by watching how they stand or act.  I know that may sound strange, maybe it's because I see myself in them, I don't know.

 

Thanks for what you do.

 
December 5, 2008, 5:56 am CST

I can relate

I have a 9 year old son who is half Jamaican and half Caucasion.  When I met my husband, he was aware of me having a child and he also had a son 5 years older than mine.  So it everything was wonderful, until we decided to get married.  Just to back up a bit, I also want to mention that my father in law is German and my mother in law is Puerto Rican.  Therefore my husband is biracial.  My stepson's mother is also Puerto Rican.  When we decided to get married, we announced to my inlaws that if and only if my son wanted to be adopted by my husband, he would because my son's father is not in the picture and never has.   My father in laws response was that he didn't approve of a black boy having the "Laubsch" name.  And because my son was a conceived by rape, they felt I should have been, "cleaned out."  And then his father continued to say that its not his fault I spread my legs for a black man.  His sisters then began emails that they didn't believe me because when something like that happens to a woman, she gets "cleaned out."  As well as telling me that they were going to find my sons father and ask him what really happened.   This all happened months before the wedding.  So his family decided not to come.  I feel like my husband blames me.  We have been together for seven years and he still has no bond with my son.  We now have a 3 year old son who is the "king" of the house.  My husband tells me that I need to get over it, what is family did to me, but I struggle to.  I can't seem to get those words they said out of my head.  To this day, his father can't even say hello or goodbye to my son and it angers me.  I don't want to forgive.
 
December 5, 2008, 9:09 am CST

Peace

Quote From: cndrlla

I know it's hard to get over things that happen to us, but when you don't do everything you can to help yourself cope and move on, then the people who hurt you win.

 

Don't give them any more of your life, heart and soul!

Hello:  I responded to this specific blog, because I found it of the ones I perrused most positive...I actually addressed my feelings last evening after watching the onlly episode of this show segment I've seen thus far (getting the video)but lost it due to computer glitches..I want to post before this blog is done....Someone said that we should get over it and find purpose, this is true for sure...and this show has helped me further with clarity...although I have through a desire to survive and to live started my own self help campaign...Well our purpose as children with in an adult environment was to hide and to run from the pain we didn't know how to deal with.We could have been stronger later in life when on our own but we wrote that we couldn't and we believed it...we needed help and light..

What we did not think about that these people who mistreated us were dysfunctional themselves and really didn't know of what they spoke their word was not law..and not the truth...How can a child prssibly have so much wrong unless someone manipulated the clay that is the child mind this way...Now I see that..I am writing my own story...And  freedom to be myself and to know that this is good, in love and in peace..Spiritwater

 
December 5, 2008, 10:05 am CST

14 very brave people

 I was in my sewing room yesterday and Dr Phil came on.They were all talking about my life I was stunned.They are so brave and I hope this exercise really stops their pain.I have been on that path for longer than I want to believe.I have done so many things to make myself acceptable to my parents.It is never good enough.I vowed when I had my children they would never know this life,the sad part is in trying to give them grandparents I failed and it hurt them cause it would break me down and they had a sad mom.I tried not to let that happen as hard as I could it did though.They my parents and my sister call me sick and crazy and accuse me of living in the past,they do this cause I have been in therapy for 25 years.I have just been trying to fix myself that is all. Dr Phil said he was coming to get them I wished at that moment I was 1 of them.This is all so exhausting trying to be perfect  and do the right things all the time.I say at times the physical abuse is better than the emotional cause at least the physical pains stops eventually. This family mess killed my younger brother last year,I had raised him it was as if I lost my own child. I hope all of you that were on this show find some inner peace for they deserve it.Kathie
 
December 5, 2008, 11:41 am CST

I admire them so much

I am in counseling right now and this is harded thing ever. These people are giving me such courage. My  biggest issue is getting out of my own way, I have no idea how to do that. (if anyone has any ideas I would be glad to hear them) It is such a frustrating and annoying professes. It must be so much more frighteneing for those on TV. I wish I had that courage, I wish I had someone like Dr. Phil. He would get me out of my own way real quick!! LOL.  I guess it is a process.
It is funny  they are all strangers yet I realate so well to most of them.
 
December 5, 2008, 1:37 pm CST

Know exactly how they feel

Dr. Phil,

Just happened to be surfing the channels yesterday and happened upon your get real retreat.  I could relate to alot of what you and your guests were discussing.  I have just been going through some similar problems and been crying my eyes out for three days.  I grew up in an alcoholic, abusive home.  My Mom passed away at 48 after a 6 month bout with Gullian Barre Syndrome.  My stepfather who is an alcoholic was never there for her during the whole illness.  I was 28 and my younger sister was only 16. During the whole ordeal he rarely visited my Mom and I had to make all the medical decisions and arrangements after her death.  As well as take on my 16 year old sister because I could not leave her alone in the house with my stepdad.  My Mom's passing was 6 years ago but my sister and I are having issues dealing with her death, the violence we grew up around and now on top of it we still have to deal with our alcoholic Dad.  When you said on the show that some people are emotionally bankrupt it hit home with me.  My stepfather is like that and we can't depend on him for support.  He is my sister's real Dad so she tries desperately to gain his approval and take over for my mother.  We recently had an incident with my stepdad where he called us all night keeping us from sleep because he was drunk.  He accused us of stealing from him and called us bitches.  We know it is only the alcohol causing him to treat us this way.  But then the next day he is sober again and we are just supposed to forgive and forget.  We are so tired of living life like this.  Most of the problems in both our lives are because of his decisions and actions.  It has killed my soul and my sister is not far behind.  She was only 16 when we lost our Mom and I don't know how to help her, I can't even help myself.  I find it hard to have fun and be close with people in a relationship.  My sister is trying to get emotional support from him and like Dr. Phil said he doesn't have it to give.  We are so tired of being sad and mad all the time.  I don't know how to fix all the scars left behind by his abusive relationship with all of us.  The worst part is I can't seem to get over loosing my Mom.  I am always sad and crying and it has been 6 years already.  I wish there would come a time when I could think about her without breaking down.  She was our whole world, we don't have any other family and our Dad is not much support.  It is just hard for us two girls all alone and all we want is for our Dad and our family to be normal.  I just want to be happy somehow someday. I'll keep watching hoping some things you say Dr. Phil can help me.
 
December 5, 2008, 2:12 pm CST

People are making hugh break throughs.....

I cant believe how much this get real retreat has made me think about my own life..... I have been thru alot in my 24 years but I never realized exactly how much until this.... I have moved on from alot of it but like others I have major parent issues.  My mom had an anurism and 2 strokes when I was 11 and it screwed up our  whole relationship.... She wasnt emotionally there after that. She wanted to just be my friend instead of the mother she was supposed to be, I resent her for that and Dr. Phil said today some people cant give the emotional needs to you! I realize that now maybe I should let go and try to except her the way she is.... Its really hard but I see other people actually feeling better from this. I feel a little  lighter today and I want to say thank to Dr Phil for doing this show it has helped!  THANK YOU!!!
 
December 5, 2008, 4:15 pm CST

You can experience what the people on the retreat are experiencing.........

I attended two seminars that did some of the same processes they have been doing on the "Get Real Retreat" and it was life changing for me.  The seminars are available to the public, if you would like information I would love to share because it totally changed my life.

 

I had just sent my 15 year old daughter away to a behavior modification school and was feeling like a failure in so many way, feeling like it was all my fault, I was not a good parent, so many emotions and feelings.  I felt like no one else in the world could know what I was going through.  By going through this process I was able to move on with my life and have such a wonderful outlook on life now.

 

Kaye

 
December 5, 2008, 7:06 pm CST

for Jessica R.

As I watched the show today, I was struck by all of the terribly painful things that each of the retreat participants had been through.  My wish for all of you is that you find healing from the things you have experienced at the hands of others.

Jessica R., I understand why you feel that your problems aren't "big enough" in some way, for you to be on the show with these other people, but I want you to know that you don't have to have been physically damaged to have been abused.  As a mom of 3 daughters, I hurt for you, hearing the painful messages that you got from your parents since you were tiny.  It brought tears to my eyes to think of any child being talked to that way.  Your scars may not seem "worthy" in some way because they aren't as obvious, but they are real, and you deserve to heal, too.

Sending you hugs from a mom who doesn't think you should ever have been treated that way.
 
December 5, 2008, 7:17 pm CST

12/04 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4

I watched your show and hope that I can get a copy of the questions each member had to discuss about their parents. I have had a rough/abusive childhood but nothing like the people participating on the show. I have gone thru therapy because of the post tramatic stress and realize I am who I am because of what has happened. But every once in a while something like this show will stir up some old stuff. If I try to do the exercise w the show I know I will miss an important part of the next step. Thanks to Your Show I seem to learn so much more and isn't that what we all should always be doing - keep learning.
 
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