Topic : 07/03 School Discipline: Out of Control?

Federal legislators, few of whom have ever been trained as educators, have deemed that all disabled children be educated in a "regular" classroom with non-disabled peers.  Clearly, severely autistic or even retarded (which only means "slowed down" and is not a profane expression) require more support and structure than one teacher and an aide in a class or 25+ children can offer.  Thus, the concept of "time-out" is almost the only option available to the teacher, who is also being judged by how many of her/his students pass criterion referenced or standardized tests.  Thus, removing the child is an option.  All suggestions of teaching the child "socialization" skills are really good; but, they cannot be taught at the expense of the other children in the room.  For that reason, special education classes were "created" and were wonderful for children encountering difficulties in coping.  Unfortunately, parents and their advocates felt special ed. was a mark against kids and thus, the idea of full inclusion is now the newest "innovation."  Though known as a pessimist, I predict special ed. will one day soon be seen as the most intelligent way to begin.  Although I am left-handed, clumsy, and most unskilled in cutting (my teachers tried to get me to become right-handed,) I wanted to be a brain surgeon.  However, I still can't cut a straight line.  So, I looked at what I could do well, majored in that area, and left the surgery to those with great fine motor skills.  My parents didn't sue anyone; in fact, they were darn glad that they would never have to face the possibility of my doing surgery on them.  So, parents, get over it; some children do better being taught in those areas that will help them cope with life and its challenges!!!!!

Dr. Phil,

 

We live in W. PA.  Our two elementary aged children attend "one of the top" schools here in PA.  It has received many acadmenic and other awards.  However, ithis is deceiving.  The bullying in the LOWER elementary grades is getting out of control.  As parents, we have taken children off the school busses and now drive them to school.  We have gone to the administration numerous times only to have, as it seems, to have issues swept under the rug, and there have been many good families who have either moved out of this area or who pay tuition to other schools so that their children can attend schools without such harrassment.

 

There is a distinct code of conduct outlined in the student handbook.  It states that there is a "Zero Tolerance" for bullying and harrassment.  I am not the only parent (or student) who would openly tell you that that statement is not worth the paper it's written on!

 

There have been fist fights on the playground between  5/6th graders who were reported by the recess-helper.  The PRINCIPAL REFUSED to see the boys in his office.  The recess helper was told to handle it on her own.  There have been multiple incidents of physical bullying and harrassment in the boys' and girls' restroom (that is nearest the cafeteria) that has not stopped.  There  have been children threatening (dangerous) to hurt and or kill other students' and their parents.   There is much much more.

 

When a parent has gone to the office administration whether it be the Guidance Counselor or Principal, they are often patronized, or, most of the time, the situation is "played down."  Many times, the situation has become WORSE. 

 

The "strategy" that the administration has used is NOT to document........so, "If it's not documentd, then it never happened."  ....... and there is no paperwork or "evidence" that would "legally require" the school to follow up on!!

 

My child was bullied in that same restroom.  She was in First Grade and was bullied by older children.  If I knew then, what I know now, I would have gone into that office with a lawyer on my right hand and the police on my left.  That is what it takes, and I'm not the only one with that philiosophy.

 

WHAT CAN A PARENT DO to help their child when he/she faces an APATHETIC ADMINISTRAION......FROM GUIDANCE TO PRICIPAL TO SUPERINTENDENT?

 

Your comments would help tremendousely!!!

   I am writing as a mother of two sons. I got a call today from my grandmother, telling me to watch Dr. Phil. I will be honest, I don't always watch, not cause I don't want to, but mainly cause I am always too busy with household chores. Well today I made time, I hung up that phone, turned the tv on and watched. What I saw amazed me. I thought to myself, I'm not the only parent who is going through this, But at the same time, had a very heavy heart, cause there are other kids, families, and parents out there living with the pain and heartache that my oldest son and I are dealing with.  I can relate to this entire show. So I am going to give alittle background into my dealings. My oldest who is now 11 years old was always a very vibrant, helpful child. Very energetic, almost too energetic. Then it was pre-school time, and I was so excited for him. The schoolyear started out wonderful, but towards the middle of the year my fun loving, free spirited, always smiling child was changing. He became hateful, acting out, emotional, unwilling to do his normal activities. We learned through another parent, that our children were being called stupid and dumb in school. I learned that my son on career day stated that he wanted to be an officer like his daddy, only to be told he was too dumb to become one. I was horrified. We tried to get the issue resolved through the school district only to have doors slammed in our faces. That was my breaking point. Any district not willing to listen and help the parents when they had problems weren't worthy of my kids. My husband and I moved out of town to another district. It was a few years later that my son was diagnosed with ADHD. After learning about the disorder and getting him on medicine, we was able to help control some of his energy. Although my son never got back to his normal self after the issue in preschool, but we have built on what we do have. We encourage him to be all he can be, and give him the love and support, compliments that every child needs. Just when we think we are well over the hump in the road we get knocked down again. We are not having to deal with rude, hateful teachers. We are now dealing with school bullies. I have been banging my  head against the wall for over a year now, trying to get the school district to do something. I feel those doors slamming in our faces again. My son has been in the priniciples office numerous times just this year reporting the abuse he is receiving from his fellow students, and all he was told was if he continued to come in, the principle was going to put all the kids including my son into ISS. I came to the point that I will never win with the school district. I thouht in my mind, maybe if we stop reporting the cases that things will go away. Maybe things will get better. THAT IS, until I seen todays show.  It scared me. How do we resolve an issue, so that another student doesn't feel that taking his own life is better than living? I couldn't imagine the heartache if that happens to my son, I just know the heartache I felt listening to that father  tell his sons story for him.  Where have things gone so wrong in our societies, that people become blind as to what others are doing? Where is the help and the support when we try to get things resolved? Why is someone, even the parent labeled as troublemakers, when all we want is the best for our kids, and the actions of others prevented? Where do you go for help? I will be looking into the resources that Jay and Dr. Phil along with the others have mentioned. I hope in those resources there will be an answer or a solution to help any and all who are dealing with situations like these. God bless everyone, and especially those being troubled by matters at school.  I want to thank Dr Phil for doing this show. It was a sad heartbreaking episode, but it is one that opened my eyes. It made me see that I cannot give up on this fight. That things are not going to magically change on their own. I am the parent, and I have a voice that needs to be heard in my school district.

Unfortunately, my family has experienced the same situation. We sent our 5 year old off to Kindergarten last year as a funny , loving, caring little boy.  A month into school we started to notice little changes.  We found out that EVERY day he was being bullied by a boy in his class.  He would come home with bruises up and down his legs and arms. We had NUMEROUS conferences with the teachers and administration. The response that we received was that " boys will be boys " and " it's not as bad as you think ".  The teacher was also involved. She was yelling and belittling the class because she could not control them.  By February our son was waking up 3-4 times a night screaming with nightmares, wetting the bed, wetting and defecating in his pants, scared to be alone, lost weight, screaming and begging not to go to school to the point where he ripped my shirt.  We took him out of school in March. He stayed at home with his Grandma for a month.  She was able to much more information out of him.  He transferred to a new school with his brother and sister in April.  Things are wonderful at the new school and everyone there has helped him along.  He had to enter into Kindergarten again this year because he learned absolutely nothing  last year. This all occurred at a PRIVATE school that I was paying for.  We could not get any help  pyschologically  or legally because no one wants to fight a private school.  He still gets scared when he sees a little boy that resembles the boy at school.  It was a heartwrenching experience, but our little guy is back and doing wonderful.

That "Catch 22" will always be an issue, in my opinion.  Human behavior will always be the "excuse."  I too have been victimized from bullies for many years.  I can recall from kindergarten through high school how I was bullied...  My physique is different from others.  I was born with one earlobe stuck inside my left ear, thus having one ear noticeably smaller than my right.  As a result, I was referred to as "elephant ear" from K to 12.  My parents did not realize that my "deformed ear" would cause issues with other classmates and never took it upon themselves to have my ear corrected with plastic surgery.  Later in life, with health insurance I was recently able to have a very small "hole" in my forehead that was a cist...surgically removed, and now resembles a very small wrinkle.  However, my earlobe is still as it has been.  However, when people approach me and I see them staring at my left ear, I actually bring it up and inform them I was born this way.  I never will have a symmetrical face.

 

Our society will not improve on eliminating bullies until parents take a more proactive approach with their children... especially those who "stand out" with their uniqueness and talents. Take football for example, each team has three special talents: defense, offense, and special teams.  We as a society and as individuals must react with a reasonable amount of defense and also use our "special skills" to deal and cope with that stress.  Counselors are available through churches and Free Clinics across this country, ans I highly recommend the non-secular sect for counseling.

Nobody is being sensible.   WHO was supposed to babysist one parent's violent, autisic child ?  Should the teacher leave the rest of her class unsupervises to sit with the one girl so she would not be "deprived an education"?  What of the other 20 students who are deprived of an education every time one keeps going out of control.

A child beating on a teacher is NEVER acceptable.   Throwing things, climbing desks, tearing the room apart, and screaming -- this is not appropriate

Please get this autistic child into a small, special-needs class where she can get the right kind of care.   What kind of parent dumps their special needs kids into a normal class, doesn't follow her progress, and is actually angry when the teacher tries to teach the other students during the child's reaction?    If this was my child, I would homeschool or I'd enrol her in a special school or I'd do what needs to be done. I wouldn't whine and make it the government's fault.    And now they're suing?    The losers are the other students and the taxpayers who have to deal with this.

And I am not saying this to be mean. I sympathize with autism, I'm educated on special needs, and I've volunteered quite a bit for a therapeutic riding program including for autistic kids.    It's not the little girl's fault.    She simply does not belong there, and putting her back in that class is wrong for everyone. 

Dr Phil : stop feeling bad for "victim" whining parents.  Suggest they get their autistic child into an environment set up for autistic kids. 

While I have utmost sympathy for the Father of the 14-yr old who shot himself at school because of bullying, I have another question.  How in the Hell did this child get a gun in the first place?  Was the gun in his home?  Most likely it was & it was not kept locked up.  Unfortunately, other kids have gotten hold of guns & gone to school & killed many others, including themselves, because of bullying.  There is more than one problem here......bullying & guns in homes where children have access to them.  Both are extremely dangerous.  

I just finished watching the School Disipline out of control episode and it made me think about a comment that my daughter had said just a few days ago. She said "My teacher curses at us all the time". She then told me that she was in speech therapy and didn't get to hear the instructions for the science fair, so when she returned with everything she needed to set up her project she said the teacher said "Get that crap out of here didn't you hear my instructions".My daughter said that the teacher said this very loudly in front of other students, which made the students laugh at my daughter. My daugher seemed upset by this but when I asked more questions she gently replied " I deal with this lady everyday it's ok Mom". My question is this: Is this now the normal  way for teachers to talk to middle school students? I don't even talk like that to my children let alone children that are not mine. Any thoughts or comments?

my heart is broken after hearing about Jeremiah. this is something that should never have happened. my heart goes out to his dad and family. he looked like such a nice boy. why does this happen? i really don't know, but it just proves that not every human life is special. i am talking about the little dirtbags who tormented him. they should be found and at the very least - horse whipped! yes i am that outraged. they are guilty of at least manslaughter and if it was my decision, murder. and the adults in that school who knew what was happening and did nothing are guilty as well.

 

To Mr. Lassiter - i feel so bad for you. i cannot tell you the sorrow i feel for you and your family for the loss of your son. i hope some good will come of this (project 51). you are in my prayers

I have always been and always will be a believer that teachers have the most important profession there is and have one of the hardest jobs there is.  That being said, NOT ALL TEACHERS BELONG IN THE PROFESSION!!!!  IT IS NOT ALWAYS THE CHILD AT FAULT.

 

My oldest son was an almost too perfect child.  From the time he was about 2 we started calling him "The General" because he was so perfect in his self discipline that it reminded us of a person in the military.   He got very good grades and had never been in trouble in school in his life until he started 4th grade.  He was still no problem at home, but his grades plummeted, he would come home from school every day depressed and sometimes in tears. He kept saying his teacher did not like him.    After a couple months of this I decided there had to be something wrong and scheduled a teacher conference.  She told me he was disruptive, unruly, etc, etc, etc.  I did not like the teacher at all.  I found her demeanor unsettling although I could not put my finger on what it was about her. 

 

I went to the principle and asked that my son be transferred to another class.  She refused.  I went to the school superintendent and got the same results.  I kept trying until they decided to test my son for learning disorders.  They ran their little tests and decided he was "borderline retarded".  (the exact diagnosis)  I knew this was not possible, how could he get good grades and be a model student for 3 years then all of a sudden be borderline retarded and a trouble maker?     I forgot to mention that during this time I found out an acquaintance's daughter had had that same teacher a few years before and she said the teacher hated boys.  That was one of the reasons I tried so hard to get him out of her class.   I begged them to retest him because I didn't want him labeled that way.  They refused.  Being a single mother, I couldn't afford it on my own.  They told me the only way to have that  "label" taken off his records was to move him to another state so I sent him to live with his father.  (we had an amiable divorce 4 years earlier, so that was not a factor here).  My son did an immediate turn around and never had another problem the rest of his school years.

 

This festered in me over the years because I HAD GIVEN UP MY SON BECAUSE OF A BAD TEACHER!!!

 

When my son was accepted to the US Naval Academy the dam in me burst .  I called a meeting with the principle and superintendent, that teacher had retired by then (a good thing because I don't know what I would have done to her)  But I let them know what a mistake they had made.  I screamed at them "THEY DON'T ACCEPT BORDERLINE RETARDED YOUNG MEN IN THE US NAVAL ACADEMY AND I GAVE UP MY SON BECAUSE OF A BAD TEACHER AND A PRINCIPLE AND SUPERINTENDENT WHO CHOSE TO BE BLIND TO THAT FACT."    I told them that if I hadn't followed my own instincts they could have totally ruined my son's life.

 

My son is now a high ranking Naval officer, I wonder where he would be today if I had left him in that school with that teacher!!!  If I knew where that "teacher" (she doesn't deserve the title)  is buried (I would hope she is dead by now) I would spit on her grave.  I have never before or since hated anybody but I HATE that woman.!!!  I may burn in Hell for that remark, but I can't help my feelings toward her.

 

In short, school officials shouldn't always take the word of the teachers for everything.  There are plenty of bad teachers out there.  If there weren't why have they had to lower the qualifications for teachers so much?  Simple.....they can't get teachers any other way.   Lower qualifications = bad teachers!!!