Topic : 07/03 School Discipline: Out of Control?

  I still remember the details of my past and how hurt I was to this day. When I was a child and then a preteen I was part of the popular group and hung with the "cool" kids. But the difference was while I was going through puberty I was very awkward looking, almost 5'10", very thin, had short hair, (because my sis had cut it ALL off) and I was big busted. I was just plain old unattractive.

  I remember me & my girlfriends had all gotten together one day with the plan to call the most popular boys and get invited over to the pool party that was going on after a football game. Keep in mind we were in 7th grade! The only way we had the nerve to do this was for me to make the call and say that I was "Linda", one of the other girls in our group. Of course the boys were happy to have us come over but with one exception, they said and I quote "Just make sure that the tall ugly one doesn't come". That was me. I wanted to cry so hard, they had no idea that the tall, ugly one was the one on the phone.

  Shortly after this happened my family moved and I went to a new school. In the meantime without anyone noticing I had passed that awkward stage and had bloomed. I am NOT bragging here, just making a point, but when I went to the new school I was the most popular girl in school and had the most popular boy as my boyfriend. My hair had grown out long, I had filled out just enough, and I had actually, finally, become pretty.

  The best part of this whole thing, I managed to get my revenge on those cruel boys from my past. As I began to grow up I had developed self esteem and self confidence and those "boys" had become young adults. The girls who had been so pretty before had grown chunky, and had problems with acne. I was still very slim and had a perfect complexion. The cruel boys who were now young men sniffed after me like dogs in heat and tried as hard as they could to date me. I wouldn't give them the time of day. You have no idea how much satisfaction that I got from that.

  My mother went through a similar problem when she was the same age because she was exceptionally slim. She was made fun of at every turn. That hurt her self esteem just as it did me. She also got the last laugh as she is 5'7" and has never weighed more than 120 pounds her entire life, even now when she's over 65 years old.

  The reason that I wanted to tell this story is because children and preteens, and teens also, have the cruelest comments directed towards them. It hurts your self esteem and self confidence and when that happens it is such a miserable feeling. As I mentioned before I can still remember that phone call, exactly what was said, and exactly how I felt at that moment. It had never dawned on me that I was considered so ugly that I should be excluded from a party, or anything for that matter. And when you are young like that it really makes an impact on a child, preteen, or teen.

  I know that many other children have been subjected to much worse than I was and my heart goes out to them. I can't imagine being treated like that for an extended period of time. Nobody deserves to be treated this way, ever! Maybe parents need to talk with their children and be more involved, try to get it through their children's heads how cruel and hurtful this can be to others. It should begin at home.

  As to the Kindergarten teacher who verbally abused the 5 year old during class? She should have had her teaching license taken away and charges brought against her. I am in complete shock over the slap on the hand that she received for such abhorrent behavior. Two weeks suspension WITH PAY is a complete joke and only reinforced to her that she can get away with anything that she wants to. Shame on her and shame on the school district that she worked for!

Thank you for presenting real knowledge.  The time out length is too long but what all did they try before hand? I saw a teachers getting hit.  Why is the teacher not suing?

My child is in third grade at a new school and so far so good but last year she was at a private catholic school and their approach to bullying was this... If someone is botheirng you you can't fight back, you should tell a teacher.  The problem is when the teacher was told her response was to admonish my child for being a "Tattler".  Essentially there is a catch 22 here.  You can;t do anything and no one is going to help you.  If you do take matters into your own hands YOU are in trouble whereas the instigator is scott free.  What if our justice system worked this way?

This may be too long to read, but I truely hope it touches someone out there.

I had to register to post this, but I can tell you how passionate I am about this topic, I am so frustrated with the school system I don't even know what to do any longer.  My son has had bouncing grades, and when I say that I mean up and down.  At every parent teacher conference I hear it.  However, when they tell me they have a "homework" calendar I can go to and get assignements, they are never updated.  I understand that alot is expected out of teachers, but if you are truely not going to do something, don't tell me to use it.  Also, don't tell me that "email" is the best way to get ahold of you when you never answer it.

I feel like teachers always want to blame the parents when it comes to discipline.  No one at the school ever wants to be accountable for their OWN actions.  Look, respect is earned, not granted.  Whether you are 12 or 50 or anywhere there in between.  You don't just GET IT.  You EARN IT.  Yet, I feel as if teachers and administrators want to be able to act however they want and just EXPECT kids to respect them.  I realize "in the olden days" that's how it was, but it isn't any more.  I am also a divorced parent, and I see the same situation there.  Step parents don't want to  EARN it either.  It's funny b/c my son is a totally different kids at school then at home.  He would never dare dream of doing some of the things at home that he pulls at school, but I truely believe it is because of the respect that has been earned in my house.
Yes, he gets in trouble for piddly things at school repeatedly, but they are piddly.  And every year he has approxmiately 8 teachers, but there is awlays one he doesn't get along with.  Mostly gets in trouble by that teacher, and it's never them, it's always him, hmmm....oh well, I have had bosses like that too. LOL I just find it odd that he is able to get along with 7 other teachers ok.I won't go into detail about all the discipline issues, but most of them are just acting out showing off issues, but they are not severe.  But when I get a call from the office or a teacher I try to do whatever it takes to resolve the issue, I don't take my child's side, I know he can be a little con artist.  I do not whatsoever think my kid is innocent EVER.  Everytime he does something, I'm sure he had a part in it somehow.

However, last year while riding to school on the bus he was PUNCHED in the face by another child on the bus.  This punch left a black mark under his eye.  I didn't find out about this until after school when he told me, only because he was acting funny and I cornered him.  When I saw his eye, I asked him why none of the teachers had called me.  He said none of them said anything about it.  WHAT?  Ok, so what happened here?  I mean jeez, what if I WAS the one who hit him?  Don't they have a responsibility to protect kids??
That night I went to the police station and filed a report to protect him in the event that this kid touched him again.
The next day I went to the school, sat IN THE PRINCIPALS office, and said look.  If you don't show my son that you mean business, all he's going to see is that when HE does something he gets in trouble, but when someone does something to him you don't care.  (Now mind you, this WHOLE thing was caught on tape by the bus camera)  I watched the tape with the Assistant Principal.  She saw the tape.  My son litterally did NOTHING to this kid.
Do you know what this kid got?  One week off the bus.  THAT'S IT.

My son was so upset that he didn't get in trouble.  "Mom, I have gotten in school suspension before for having too many TARDIES but he can just punch me and it's ok?"

Now, I address this to all you teachers and administrators out there.  HOW DO I NOW SUPPORT THE SCHOOL WHEN THEY CALL?  When the school calls and tells me my son got in trouble for saying a "cuss" word, how do I now hold him accountable?  I mean I do because I have to.  I have to teach him what is right and wrong either way.  But it makes it EXTREMELY difficult now to defend the school.  Even though the school handbook clearly states that when a child is on a bus they are at school.  The school didn't have to be accountable to their own handbook, but my child does.  I don't think they will ever know the horrible position they put me in. 

It's sad.  My son will be out of this school at the end of the year, and I have never been so disappointed in the way that was handled, then anything I have ever seen.  I truely lost faith in the school system after this year.  How does a child get flat punched in the face and the school truely turns the other cheek?  AND THEY HAVE IT THE WHOLE THING ON TAPE?

When schools and parents need to come together for the future of our children, AND THEY DO, that needs to be done by BOTH parties, not just one or the other.  And for anyone out there who is listening, if you have a parent that is willing to work with you whatever the cost to their own job, school, home, Please start paying attention, because there truely are some of those of us out here and we need your help just as much as you need OURS.  If you want us to stand up for the school and hold our children accountable, which we SHOULD BE DOING, then you must be able to do the same thing in return when something has happened to our children at school.  If you want us to truely be available to you as a resource, then you must do the same for us.

Since the parents don't want to take responsibility to make sure the staff is safe from their children, then the school boards should put the safety of the other kids and staff above that one childs right to an education....

I support the teachers 100% in the timeout rooms...if the parents don't like it...pay for private education so the other kids can learn and other educators don't get hurt.

 

I agree with you all the way.  Disciplain is a teachers job.  Children should be returned home if they cannot  let others learn or teachers teach.  Everyone is entitled to an education IF they can follow the rules and be respectful.

Our son entered kindergarten with a diagnosis of ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. He was on medication. He had a psychiatrist and a therapist. He had already had 2 neuropsych evaluations done and we hired an advocate. We met with the school (with our advocate present) in August of 2004 and shared EVERYTHING with them. We knew that there would be problems but they would not consider an IEP until he had actually matriculated. Three days into the school year (again, kindergarten), the school put him on an IEP. He had a TON of considerations/accommodations and a wonderful teacher who followed them. It was a very difficult year but he got through it.
The IEP was updated the following year when he entered First Grade. The teacher did not comply with the IEP but we did not know this. We thought that "preferrential seating" meant that his desk would be in front of the teacher as it was in kindergarten. Instead, his desk was placed in the hall where he sat for, unattended and unsupervised. His classroom was at the end of a wing that was unlocked (for fire regulations) and he could have walked out of the school at anytime. For some reason, he never did. We did NOT KNOW that this was happening. We believed that his teacher was in compliance with the IEP. We did not find out until March of his First Grade year that he was spending hours alone in the hall.
The guilt and anger I felt was unbelievable and this was 4 years ago. He now attends a different school and is in a Special Needs classroom for children with emotional/behavioral challenges. He is doing great. He has a wonderful teacher but, like your first guests, I am having a REALLY hard time getting past what his First Grade teacher did to my child.

Watching this show today opened some very emotional feelings I have experienced first hand at the "hands" of our educators.  Four years ago my daughter was pulled out of class, at the age of 15,  for no reason, was searched head to toe, without a parent consent, trapsed back and forth the lunchroom in front of her peers, was sequestered by an administrator for nearly an hour in a closed room.  She was searched all the way to her underclothing and I was asked to come up and do a complete strip search of her., which I did not do.  The reason?  There was no reason other than they thought they should since she had recently returned from a previous suicide attempt and drug treatment.  She was clean, as tests will confirm.  She was an honors A student, very popular and just loved by everyone.  That day they did find a cigarette in her backpack and she was suspended for up to six months.  One hour later, after I took her home...she killed herself.  That is when discipline is too much.  We attempted to seek legal action but because of sovereign immunity the school and it's employee were protected.  This show just shows that something needs to be done and sensitivity training needs to be mandatory in our schools. 

I worked in Finland for awhile and teachers there could not comprehend many of the troubles in the classroom that teachers in America face. If a student in Finland got in serious trouble and the teacher requested that the student be removed that student was removed and the parents had to find another school for their child. Finland has the number one school system in the world.

Where I did my student teaching there was another teacher from England and she was ready to return shortly after she arrived, because she said that in England she did not have to put up with many of the problems she faced in America.

When I had a serious problem with a student I also found that in most cases I had an even worse problem with the parents. Parents who openly supported teachers had children who seldom created problems. If the teachers in America were the problem, you would see the children of teachers being troublemakers in schools.

When I taught high school I knew that I had some of the best training in the world in my subject area. I had studied under one of the best teachers in the world. (Students came from all over the world to attend school there). Never once can I remember students ever complaining that I made them work hard especially considering the fact that my students won every competition. After the accreditation committee came to observe me and my students in action they asked to speak with me afterward. We set up a time and they asked me questions about why I was so successful with my students. I was commended by the accreditation committee for having an exemplary program. The state I was in developed their curriculum after my program. The program I developed became the model for the state I was in.

Parents regularly complained about how much work I gave my students despite the fact that my classes had almost doubled in size in four years. Employers from the area knew about my program and wanted my students.

My own daughter had all As except two A  minusues in all of elementary, junior high, and high school. She is considering being a teacher and I told her that she might be disappointed because she will have to deal with parents (who are often babies raising babies) and who want the school to be their baby sitter making it so their child has fun and does not have to work much. So many parents think school should be fun. What one learns is the fun.

Years ago when I was a student I met a superintendent who did not tolerate disresepct from parents and he completely changed the school system. He did not toelrate low performance by students and a poor attitude from parenst. he ran the school not the parents.

I am now teaching at a top university and am enjoying it. Several universities contacted me for an interview because of my success and preparation. Before I went back into teaching I pondered about teaching at the university and high school level. I made the decision to teach at the university mostly for one reason--dealing with parents. Frankly I got tired of dealing with parents who expected little from their children and expected me to continue the same pattern. I never tolerated any kind of disrespect from another or among any students. However I got plenty from parents in front of their children.

I knew that my students liked me and I was a very successful teacher yet I got tired of the disrespect from parents and the belittling of teachers by Americans.

Some years later I reported a child stealing to the police in the community where I lived and actually had some parents get made at me. The kid had been arrested at a Naval base for stealing. He was also arested several times in other communities before that incident. He was also visited by the truant officer many times.

When I worked in Europe the people saw America as a violent war zone. 

Freedom Writers was a 2007 film that was very racist.  Only the white student knew where to get drugs.  Everyone else had had a friend die.  All blacks came from cold mother only homes, Latinos were born into gangs.  PLEASE.  I was sick at watching this movie.  I have friends who LIVED where the story actually happened and so much was crap.  Even searching for others reviews I found that people from the class also said it was fiction but was with the spirit of intent. Also like you said anyone can educated a student (if a student put their mind to it)...but not all can be an effective teacher Erin Gruwell was only a teacher for 2 years with the same group - I think it was the group of students more then the teacher as she has not reproduced the experiance.. Well here in the real world life is not scripted.