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Topic : 06/10 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

Number of Replies: 78
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Created on : Thursday, December 04, 2008, 12:01:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 12/08/08) Money is the number one reason why couples say they get divorced. The country’s current financial crisis has resulted in more and more households getting buried in a landslide of debt, which takes its toll on a marriage. Meet Chris and Pam, a couple who after 10 years of marriage face a financial disaster. How did they rack up $624,600 in bills? Pam, who entered the marriage with very little debt, says Chris is responsible for 75 percent of their deficit. Should she have seen the warning signs before they got married? Chris admits he spends money very easily but says he’s tired of his wife placing all the blame on him. After spending thousands on unfinished household projects and allowing his adult daughter to live with them for free, is Chris to blame? Pam is heartbroken that they may lose the house that she bought with her own money before she tied the knot. But that’s not the only reason why she now wants a divorce. Find out what she’s trying to avoid. Can this couple save their house and their marriage? Can they dig themselves out of the red without filing for bankruptcy? Financial expert Amelia Warren Tyagi weighs in. Plus, don't miss tips for getting out of debt. Join the discussion.

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December 8, 2008, 2:22 pm CST

Divorce

The book we go by doesn't list 'financial crisis' as one of the reasons for divorce. 

 

I think it was in the original vows even.

 

As I've said before on this forum we/I lived through 12 years of deprevation (no pot to piss in) to pay it all off legitimately. 

 

I made it fun then and I am more than being compensated for it now!:):):):)

 
December 8, 2008, 2:40 pm CST

Thank you

Thank You Pam and Chris.  You are the kind of people who are responsible for "75%" of the financial state of this country.  Your lack of responsibility is outrageous.  You "Chris" have already wiped the slate once, dumping your debt on others.  Now you're in the same position again!  You should be ashamed!  you have the education and ability to make a good living and have a decent life.  I'm not surprised you found a woman with equity in a home to marry.  Pam you need to realize he is a loser and get out fast.  I wouldn't dream of trying to save that marriage.  He has already cost you everything you own and expects you to support his daughter.  You talk of another bankruptcy?  Thanks alot  from people who live at the proper level for their incomes and pay their bills.  You have made our lives difficult and have destroyed our investments, all the while living at a level which you are not entitled and hiding behind the bankruptcy courts.  The real shame in all of this, is that people who are doing everything right are still losing their life's savings due to the actions of people like you.
 
December 8, 2008, 2:55 pm CST

You are so right!!!

Quote From: debbie76

I realize that things happen that is beyond our control that sometimes people cannot bounce back like medical or loss of job.  BUT WHAT MAKES ME SOOO MAD is the people that live in big fancy cars, big fancy houses, nice furniture, nice schools for the kids, dresses like they stepped out of vogue, always have big Christmas' and always acting like they are big dodo all on credit cards.  They should not be able to file bankruptcy for living high on the hog with money they don't have.  I don't feel sorry for them.  Dang it - it's not fair.  I live in a modest home, used furniture ( some new) drive my cars until and after they are paid off, and live within my paycheck every week.  I do live paycheck to paycheck.  I'm not saying that I don't.  I have a wonderful husband of 32 years and three grown successful sons and I raised them to be the same way.  NO credit card debt.  Yes to student loans.  People look down on us like we are not as good as the "rich" folk who are faking it.  I'm probably happier than all of em put together.  No pucker factor.  No rolls royce either.  Suck it up and pay for it, if you wanted to live the high life then do it on your own dime.  Not mine. 
I don't have sympathy for these people.  They are destroying their own lives and those of responsible people.   I don't live pay check to pay check, but I live in a small home (no Pool or 20 foot BBQ), pay off all my debts, drive my cars until they are paid for (plus a few extra years), nor do we take expensive vacations. We even have managed to save for our retirement in an IRA and have had to sit and watch our home value go down and our savings disappear  due to people who live like Chris and Pam!   IT'S NOT FAIR!!!   Somebody pays, even in a bankruptcy.
 
December 8, 2008, 2:59 pm CST

12/08 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

Quote From: margnalwodfern

The book we go by doesn't list 'financial crisis' as one of the reasons for divorce. 

 

I think it was in the original vows even.

 

As I've said before on this forum we/I lived through 12 years of deprevation (no pot to piss in) to pay it all off legitimately. 

 

I made it fun then and I am more than being compensated for it now!:):):):)

I'm not sure "financial crisis" is the reason Pam is talking divorce.  The financial crisis is only a symptom of Chris' lack of maturity and irresponsiblity.  I'm not sure this marriage was ever more than a financial move on Chris' part.
 
December 8, 2008, 3:17 pm CST

Tired of the whining...

I am so sick of all the shows with people whining about thier financial debt.  Yes, sometimes that cannot be anticipated happen, and people lose all thier money.  But for the most part, these people just want to have it all whether they can afford it or not.  Pam and Chris make a good deal more money than I, but are in horrible debt.  A free tip:  DON'T SPEND MORE THAN YOU HAVE.  Eat rice and beans more and steak less.  Wear your clothes until they are worn out.  Drive an older car instead of moving up to a new one every 2 or 3 eyars.  Live in a modest home.  Get your books and DVDs from the library.  Go camping instead of taking a cruise.  Impress yourself with your financial intelligence rather than trying to impress your friends with what you own.

 

And don't make me bail you out!  I've earned my money, I've saved my money, and I resent like hell having to bail out the greedy people who live beyond their means and then whine because they are in debt.  Take some freaking responsibility!

 
December 8, 2008, 3:20 pm CST

Urgent Help Needed !!

I'm not drowning in debt yet but I'm well on my way.  The problem is that my expenses exceed my income.  But I can't see how to reduce my expenses.  Every month I have been using my credit card to purchase food.  If I don't use my credit card my children will not have any food or milk. 

 

Currently, my combined house payment and property taxes which have been raised to over $500.00 per month consume 60% of my income for a payment of $2450 .  That leaves very little money for food and clothing.  I can't move to a cheaper house because any cheaper would mean a high crime area, with guns, drugs and home invasions.  I don't live in luxury but it's a relatively quiet street.  Please note that house prices are still very expensive and rents for apartments are about $1400 per month.  Food costs me over $200 per week. 

 

I don't eat out.

I don't go to movies.

I don't drink.

I don't smoke.

I don't have a cell phone.

 

How can I stop the debt?  Do I need to go to a food bank?  Do I get another job?   Do I remove my children from preschool? 

 

 

 

 

 
December 8, 2008, 3:39 pm CST

DON'T SPEND MORE THAN YOU HAVE

Quote From: speakingup

I am so sick of all the shows with people whining about thier financial debt.  Yes, sometimes that cannot be anticipated happen, and people lose all thier money.  But for the most part, these people just want to have it all whether they can afford it or not.  Pam and Chris make a good deal more money than I, but are in horrible debt.  A free tip:  DON'T SPEND MORE THAN YOU HAVE.  Eat rice and beans more and steak less.  Wear your clothes until they are worn out.  Drive an older car instead of moving up to a new one every 2 or 3 eyars.  Live in a modest home.  Get your books and DVDs from the library.  Go camping instead of taking a cruise.  Impress yourself with your financial intelligence rather than trying to impress your friends with what you own.

 

And don't make me bail you out!  I've earned my money, I've saved my money, and I resent like hell having to bail out the greedy people who live beyond their means and then whine because they are in debt.  Take some freaking responsibility!

 

I can't see how I can not spend more than what I have.  If it wasn't for credit cards my family would not eat.  The cost of living is too high.  My husband has a master degree and I have a 3 year business degree and we still don't make enough money to live an average life. 

 

"Eat rice and beans more and steak less. "   -  I eat rice and bean 3 times a week and haven't had steak since I've been married. 

 

"Wear your clothes until they are worn out"  - I haven't bought new clothes since my last pregnancy and lost 40 llbs.  I do look ridiculous. 

 

"Drive an older car instead "  - I share a 6 year old mini van with the husband.

 

"Live in a modest home" - Yes, it is a modest home but it's nice.  One step up from total dump.

 

"Get your books and DVDs from the library. "  -  Already do  this.

 

"Go camping instead of taking a cruise" - I don't go camping or cruising. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
December 8, 2008, 4:29 pm CST

deja vu

I was surprised by today's show. I left my husband in 1988, after 15 years of marriage, and the similarities between the situation portrayed on the show and the one I experienced were eerie.  While our debt situation was nowhere near as severe, money had been a chronic source of difficulty between us - he kept insisting on purchasing things we didn't need and I kept begging him to stop.  I thought if I laid things out in black and white he would finally get it, but he never did.  I finally realized that he had a problem and nothing I could say or do would influence him. 

 

I eventually told him that I no longer wanted physical contact with him because I realized that he did not really care about me.

 

We had appointments scheduled with a therapist that he found reasons to miss.

 

I felt like I had four children instead of three.

 

When it became apparent that we were going to lose our house I decided to pack up our children and leave without him.  I decided that if he was not willing to take any responsibility for our financial difficulties and if he did not want to work on the problems between us, then I was better off working out my life with our kids on my own.

 

I knew that we couldn't afford the house we purchased.  I know I should never have signed the mortgage papers.  I begged him not to go through with it.  I laid it out in black and white to show him that we couldn't afford it but he wanted it and that was that.  I got tired of always being the grownup.  I threw in the towel, signed the papers and, after we moved in, started having anxiety attacks when he walked into the room.

 

I did manage to pull myself together, get a part time job and finish my BA degree before I left him.

 

What I learned is that it is imperative to be true to yourself.  If the other person in the relationship is not pulling their weight, if they have made it clear your needs are irrelevant, then you need to act responsibly for yourself.  Don't agree to courses of action you know are not sound in the hope that your "partner" will step up to the plate.  Do what you know is right.

 

 

 
December 8, 2008, 4:42 pm CST

HUBBY LOST JOB 90,000 LESS THIS YEAR

Thank you for sharing your stories . is there really a Dr Phil? i write this man alll the time and get no responce  what does it take to get to him ?? anyone please ????? My world seems to be falling apart  today i asked God to please just take me i hate this world . I hate my life .I am losing it . My husband has now lost his job   took a 90,000 dollar loss in wages from last yr .  we have 7 children our house is going to forclosure next month i want to drink myself to death .I HATE ME. I DONT TRUST HIM I THINK HE HAS MORE TO TELL I WONDER EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT HE WAS MY WORL I WAS BEATEN MY WHOLE CHILD HOOD SEXUALLY ABUSED MIUSTRETED AND HE WAS MY FIRST PERSON IN MY LIFE I TRUSTED  HOW DID I DO THIS TO HIM . I GAVE HIM MY HEART AND IT IS CRUSHED  WE HAVE DONE COUNSELING IT WASNT GETTING US ANYWHERE SINCE THEN I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DRUNK  SO MANY TIMES AND BLACKED OUT , GOT  MY FIRST DWI AT 35 2 TIMES OVER LEGAL LIMIT . WENT TO A FRIENDS HOUSE PASSED OUT ON BACK PORCH CARRIED TO HER ROOM BY HER HUBBY  TO FIND OUT LATER WE HAD SEX  I HAD A 5TH OF TEQUILLA AND REMEMBER VERY LITTLE . I FELT DIRTY AND IN MY EYES RAPED . I HAVE GAINED 20 POUDS  THIS IS AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS TO RECLAIM MY LIFE . MY KIDS NO LONGER HAVE THE MOM OR DAD THEY HAD NOR DO WE HAVE JOBS I FEEL STUPID, USELESS AND I ABSOULUTLY HATE ME AND MY LIFE . IF I HAD NO KIDS I WOULD GO IN THE BATHROOM AND SHOOT MYSELF I HATE THIS WORLD AND I HATE THIS LIFE MY HEAD DONT STOP THE VISIONS WONT STOP. THE GUILT DONT GO AWAY EVERYDAY I FIGHT NOT TO DRINK . AND I HAVENT FOR A FEW DAYS .  I AM BIPOLAR OCD AND  WONT TAKE MEDS THEY MAKE ME SICK CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

 
December 8, 2008, 4:42 pm CST

12/08 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

After watching this program this morning it became quite clear that most of the American people have forgotten what is necessary to keep a marriage intact.  This wife was fully aware of her spouse's tendency toward excessive spending but I am sure that was not important when weighing the pros and cons of waiting until one meets someone who shows good judgement rather than grabbing whatever warm body seems to be agreeable to tying the knot, thus allowing her to be one of the many blushing brides who awakens after the fact and realizing being alone is not as bad as being one of  two very unhappy people.  When children are in the mix,  the mistake of marrying someone not really suitable for marriage is even more devastating.  This problem is so very common today and there is little chance of there being any decrease in these situations.  It takes the fallout from this horrific economy to bring it home.  Of course,  where are our role models?  The worst spendthrift is our so call government.  The good thing for them is that all they have to do is RAISE TAXES and PRINT MONEY.

 
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