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Topic : 06/10 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

Number of Replies: 78
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Created on : Thursday, December 04, 2008, 12:01:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 12/08/08) Money is the number one reason why couples say they get divorced. The country’s current financial crisis has resulted in more and more households getting buried in a landslide of debt, which takes its toll on a marriage. Meet Chris and Pam, a couple who after 10 years of marriage face a financial disaster. How did they rack up $624,600 in bills? Pam, who entered the marriage with very little debt, says Chris is responsible for 75 percent of their deficit. Should she have seen the warning signs before they got married? Chris admits he spends money very easily but says he’s tired of his wife placing all the blame on him. After spending thousands on unfinished household projects and allowing his adult daughter to live with them for free, is Chris to blame? Pam is heartbroken that they may lose the house that she bought with her own money before she tied the knot. But that’s not the only reason why she now wants a divorce. Find out what she’s trying to avoid. Can this couple save their house and their marriage? Can they dig themselves out of the red without filing for bankruptcy? Financial expert Amelia Warren Tyagi weighs in. Plus, don't miss tips for getting out of debt. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 8, 2008, 4:52 pm CST

Thank you

  I'm sure most people found this show boring but I think it's one of the best shows Dr. Phil has ever had.  First I want to say thank you to the wife for writing to the show and coming on. I feel so much better today knowing their is someone out there who understands my pain.  My husband acts the same way and I thought I was the only one who had to deal with a "man" like that.  My husband can't/won't even decide what to eat for dinner. 

Dr. Phil please continue to have shows with normal people w/ normal problems.  Some of your shows are getting to be a bit to much.  

 
December 8, 2008, 5:14 pm CST

AMEN

Quote From: kwilson55

Thank You Pam and Chris.  You are the kind of people who are responsible for "75%" of the financial state of this country.  Your lack of responsibility is outrageous.  You "Chris" have already wiped the slate once, dumping your debt on others.  Now you're in the same position again!  You should be ashamed!  you have the education and ability to make a good living and have a decent life.  I'm not surprised you found a woman with equity in a home to marry.  Pam you need to realize he is a loser and get out fast.  I wouldn't dream of trying to save that marriage.  He has already cost you everything you own and expects you to support his daughter.  You talk of another bankruptcy?  Thanks alot  from people who live at the proper level for their incomes and pay their bills.  You have made our lives difficult and have destroyed our investments, all the while living at a level which you are not entitled and hiding behind the bankruptcy courts.  The real shame in all of this, is that people who are doing everything right are still losing their life's savings due to the actions of people like you.
I couldn't have said it better. 
 
December 8, 2008, 5:40 pm CST

Check out Dave Ramsey

My husband and i took the Financial peace university by Dave Ramsey. He is a multimillionaire finaincial counseler. His books are awesome! He has a show so check his website for more info. www.daveramsey.com. His books are also sold at Barnes and Nobles. His plan put $1,000 in the bank for baby step 1. Baby step 3 3-6months living expenses in the bank. There are more baby steps also, but he says cut up the credit  cards, cancel the accounts and live off of cash envelope system. My husband and I are still working on everything ourselves.  Read Financial peace revisited.  He has a number that you can call and be on his show and get his advice. He uses the Dr. Phil phrase "how's that been working for you". Everyone please check Dave Ramsey out. Dr. Phil please check Dr. Phil out. I wish I would have seen him on the show or heard you use his advice.

 
December 8, 2008, 5:50 pm CST

go to Daveramsey.com

Quote From: pitapita1

Please go to Dave Ramsey. com

 

This is a guy that has been thru bankruptcy and recovered to write tons of books, develop what is called FPU -Financial Peace University. He can help! find out what local radio stations play his call in program. Type in Dave Ramsey on YOU TUBE and see what its all about. He helped me pull thru.

Amen, I went through the class and am working on the steps.
 
December 8, 2008, 6:06 pm CST

questions and more questions

Ok so all the top 5 things you should do clearly apply to debt are still being paid, well we havent been paying the debt for several months,  trying to make up required minimum payment for a chapter 13 bankruptcy and we still dont have enough.  we cant file 7 because my husband makes more than the state median income, we did not refinance our home to pay bills, we were almost loosing our home, luckily we talked to them and they lowered our interest rate and the monthly payment we will only start making payments again in janury,  how do we pay debt that are on collection. My husband is afraid to loose his job over garnisment, no more than 1 garnishment will not make you loose your job but we have way more than just 1 debtor... we cant negociate because we have no money left to work with anyone, I keep applying for jobs and i dont even hear no for answer,  we dont qualify for food stamps or goverment help because my husband makes more than income guidelines for such things... all financial advisors we see only work on how to save your money for retirement,  i havent found one that helps figure out a plan to get out of debt.
we dont eat out, we dont go out for movies, we dont and havent ever been on vacation,
we even considered letting the house go but the rent wasnt much different from the house payment,
so we thought was a bad move.
we thought about letting our car leases go and buy other ones but we have bad credit now and the interest rate would be absurd, the leases are really low interest rate and since we have at least a couple of more years to go we are stcking with it.
any ideas... ?


 
December 8, 2008, 6:07 pm CST

I Just Saw Myself On TV

I left my husband last year for the same reasons I just saw on your show. My soon to be exhusband was out of control with his spending. I married him 5 years ago with over $400k of savings and am now fighting him through the divorce to get what is left so I can still have a paid for roof over my head.

 

Peggy

 
December 8, 2008, 7:14 pm CST

Just Drowning and Swimming Forward

Quote From: anneke86

My husband and I have just celebrated our 2nd. wedding anniversary and I'm not a happy camper.  He makes very good money, but racked up a hefty $80,000.00 before we were married buying one new car after another.  I've never had a new car in my life.  On top of that he has two adult, single offsprings who are totally dependent on Dad and are playing havoc with our happiness.   I need to go back to work , but hesitate doing so, because my hard earned cash would indirectly go to those losers, or pay off his stupid, irresponsible debt which I never benifitted from!  This situation is really stressful and ruining our relationship.   What is the answer?  It's too cold to jump off a bridge, but sometimes I'm tempted.  LOL
I really related to the topic today and understand how it happens.  I was married 25 years and this is just about what happened to our marriage.  There was going to be  a foreclosure on the house, we had land to sell too and my husband would not sell any of it. He borrowed money to develop the property and did not develop it.  The puzzle I found myself in was how many years do I try to get him to understand. Or am I at fault enabling to have his dreams of developing by scrambling to keep things paid as best I could. We both played out part in the dissolution of the marriage. It was me that left. Left it all behind and except for this aspect of integrity and unrelenting ways on the house and property. Like I did not exist and had no say, simply discarded. Those were not vows I took either. The story is long we have a son and a daughter who is on disability from health problems on and off since birth.  Yet, it was my daughter that had to tell me it was time to go, the bills and his refusal to "get in the game" was mentally and physically affecting me.
He has shown many colors since we started the divorce 2 years ago. There have been 4 hearings and nothing is resolved.  He does not want to give any money for child support or anything else.  I had no idea the money he had access to that he could have used to get us out of debt.  We just could not communicate about it and we even went to counseling.  Anyhow, he had his problems...mentioned above.Overall, he probably would have been a keeper if the money, stress, and values had not drove us apart. We will never know. I just want to say to those who are having these problems and it affecting your relationship, see if you can get them to talk one more time. Breaking up the family is pretty hard, yet still for me it has been positive and not too damaging to my children who  are in their 20's.  When I watch the youth,  it is clear today's economy has changed many things in society  In hindsight I realize where I let it chip away at my life. Through my life I have learned," you can't change people, only how you react to people."

 
December 8, 2008, 7:22 pm CST

HOLD ON!!! - Things do get better - I promise

Quote From: 5girlz2boy

Thank you for sharing your stories . is there really a Dr Phil? i write this man alll the time and get no responce  what does it take to get to him ?? anyone please ????? My world seems to be falling apart  today i asked God to please just take me i hate this world . I hate my life .I am losing it . My husband has now lost his job   took a 90,000 dollar loss in wages from last yr .  we have 7 children our house is going to forclosure next month i want to drink myself to death .I HATE ME. I DONT TRUST HIM I THINK HE HAS MORE TO TELL I WONDER EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT HE WAS MY WORL I WAS BEATEN MY WHOLE CHILD HOOD SEXUALLY ABUSED MIUSTRETED AND HE WAS MY FIRST PERSON IN MY LIFE I TRUSTED  HOW DID I DO THIS TO HIM . I GAVE HIM MY HEART AND IT IS CRUSHED  WE HAVE DONE COUNSELING IT WASNT GETTING US ANYWHERE SINCE THEN I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DRUNK  SO MANY TIMES AND BLACKED OUT , GOT  MY FIRST DWI AT 35 2 TIMES OVER LEGAL LIMIT . WENT TO A FRIENDS HOUSE PASSED OUT ON BACK PORCH CARRIED TO HER ROOM BY HER HUBBY  TO FIND OUT LATER WE HAD SEX  I HAD A 5TH OF TEQUILLA AND REMEMBER VERY LITTLE . I FELT DIRTY AND IN MY EYES RAPED . I HAVE GAINED 20 POUDS  THIS IS AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS TO RECLAIM MY LIFE . MY KIDS NO LONGER HAVE THE MOM OR DAD THEY HAD NOR DO WE HAVE JOBS I FEEL STUPID, USELESS AND I ABSOULUTLY HATE ME AND MY LIFE . IF I HAD NO KIDS I WOULD GO IN THE BATHROOM AND SHOOT MYSELF I HATE THIS WORLD AND I HATE THIS LIFE MY HEAD DONT STOP THE VISIONS WONT STOP. THE GUILT DONT GO AWAY EVERYDAY I FIGHT NOT TO DRINK . AND I HAVENT FOR A FEW DAYS .  I AM BIPOLAR OCD AND  WONT TAKE MEDS THEY MAKE ME SICK CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

Hi my name is James and suffer with OCD and depression. The best advice I can give you is to hold on! And what I mean by hold on is that you need to take a break from your thoughts if you can and if not get away from the computer and go and be with people or do something active. Being alone with your thoughts will lead to no good. Ruminations about what's going wrong in your life will only lead to more bad thoughts and depression.

 

In life, crap happens. In fact crap happens to lots of us. In no way am I saying you don't have a right to be scared or unhappy about your current situation but try and focus on what's going right. I know it sounds crazy but take an inventory in your life at what is going right or what you have to be thankful for. I would even suggest you writing down every night at least three things that you're grateful for (ie healthy kids, the polite person you met today, your own courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help, other people who have come forward to reach out to help you (eg. me), etc.

 

I can tell you from experience that negative thoughts only lead to trouble. You might say but that's all I see. Maybe, but there is always some good going on and that's what you need to focus on right now. In the long run I really suggest seeking help from a counsellor or a helpline and to talk with them if you don't have a close friend to talk to.

 

Hold On! Hold On! Hold On! I know it sounds corny but in time these negative thoughts will pass but you also need to reach out to others and get help. And stop beating yourself up! You're going through a tough time but you are not stupid  you are just like anyone else. A human being struggling through a crisis and in the need of hope and direction. First hold on through the emotional storm. Then go find someone to help you get a plan and direction.

 

Good Luck,

 

James

  

 
December 8, 2008, 9:52 pm CST

12/08 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

Quote From: unclemtl

Hi my name is James and suffer with OCD and depression. The best advice I can give you is to hold on! And what I mean by hold on is that you need to take a break from your thoughts if you can and if not get away from the computer and go and be with people or do something active. Being alone with your thoughts will lead to no good. Ruminations about what's going wrong in your life will only lead to more bad thoughts and depression.

 

In life, crap happens. In fact crap happens to lots of us. In no way am I saying you don't have a right to be scared or unhappy about your current situation but try and focus on what's going right. I know it sounds crazy but take an inventory in your life at what is going right or what you have to be thankful for. I would even suggest you writing down every night at least three things that you're grateful for (ie healthy kids, the polite person you met today, your own courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help, other people who have come forward to reach out to help you (eg. me), etc.

 

I can tell you from experience that negative thoughts only lead to trouble. You might say but that's all I see. Maybe, but there is always some good going on and that's what you need to focus on right now. In the long run I really suggest seeking help from a counsellor or a helpline and to talk with them if you don't have a close friend to talk to.

 

Hold On! Hold On! Hold On! I know it sounds corny but in time these negative thoughts will pass but you also need to reach out to others and get help. And stop beating yourself up! You're going through a tough time but you are not stupid  you are just like anyone else. A human being struggling through a crisis and in the need of hope and direction. First hold on through the emotional storm. Then go find someone to help you get a plan and direction.

 

Good Luck,

 

James

  

Great advice!
 
December 8, 2008, 10:32 pm CST

What Should You Do if You Bought a New Truck?

I work in the oil industry, which is feeling the crunch like everything else. Back in August, when things were still going well, we purchased a new truck for business using credit, and we amortized it for three years with high monthly payments to try and pay it off quicker (and low interest).

Four months later, income for me has dropped in half (I am a contractor with no job security), and the future isnt looking bright in the short term.

We have thought about selling the truck, but 4x4s are not in big demand, since everyone else is selling or not buying.

Does anyone have any advice? Pay off fast? Sell for less and take the loss? Other?

I still have my taxes I have to pay for the year, so I dont have alot of leeway, and I am trying to make the right decisions to get my finances in order.

Thanks.

James
 
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