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Topic : 06/10 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

Number of Replies: 78
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, December 04, 2008, 12:01:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 12/08/08) Money is the number one reason why couples say they get divorced. The country’s current financial crisis has resulted in more and more households getting buried in a landslide of debt, which takes its toll on a marriage. Meet Chris and Pam, a couple who after 10 years of marriage face a financial disaster. How did they rack up $624,600 in bills? Pam, who entered the marriage with very little debt, says Chris is responsible for 75 percent of their deficit. Should she have seen the warning signs before they got married? Chris admits he spends money very easily but says he’s tired of his wife placing all the blame on him. After spending thousands on unfinished household projects and allowing his adult daughter to live with them for free, is Chris to blame? Pam is heartbroken that they may lose the house that she bought with her own money before she tied the knot. But that’s not the only reason why she now wants a divorce. Find out what she’s trying to avoid. Can this couple save their house and their marriage? Can they dig themselves out of the red without filing for bankruptcy? Financial expert Amelia Warren Tyagi weighs in. Plus, don't miss tips for getting out of debt. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 9, 2008, 12:20 am CST

christmas adjustment

Quote From: noxgaak

Christmas is when this always gets us.  Even though we just by for the kids, we also include the neices, nephews.  We both come from small families and the rest of our families are having it tough.  2008 has been rough, i lost my parents this year, not even 4 months apart. I'm the youngest and my silbings more or less count on me for a lot .  I know this is off topic, but I need to get it off my chest. because my parents had no wills, doing the paper work for administrator of their estates is tough.  my siblings know there is money and they are seasonal workers, and do not have any income, as they didn't  get enough hours for employment insurance.  i've already divided up $ my mom left, and that's all gone.  Now christmas is near and I feel obligated to do for them, even though I can't really afford too. HOw do you say no to your own family.?  suggestions?
You don't have to say  "no"-- just spend less than usual on each child. If you think it will be obvious, you can let the parents know beforehand that you're doing this. They should understand; everyone knows what hard economic times we're going through. It willlet them off the hook a little, too, so they may be relieved.
 
December 9, 2008, 12:43 am CST

The feeling your dying in debt

I was in 2 car wrecks 9/1/05 and 11/21/05. I was hit from behind both times. the first at a stop sigh and the secound at a red light. My husband and I are just everyday hard working people. We had some money in savings. But not nearly enough for all I have had to go threw. I lost so much time off work and use up my vacation time which was 3 weeks a year.I had a 5 day sick time a year. Had to take time without pay. I used all of my IRA money over  $20000.00. Plus borrowed money from my parents. I lost my job due to my injuries that I had for 11 years. Went to court on both cases. Lost the first one because I failed to call the police. So it was his word agaist mine. But would I thought things couldn't get worse. The secound Driver was Drunk. I called 911 and report all of what was happening. I thought I was in Highland Village TX. But was in Lewisville. So the trouble of locating me was a problem for 911 and the police department was very busy that night.And never came And the driver got away. All legal because he had insurance and gave me his information. Went to court and the man said he had been taking night cold medicine and stopped at the bar and had 2 beers with his crew. His brother in-law took the stand and said yes .He was sick.Taking cold medicine that in was on the dash of his truck and he had a couple of beers. The man also said he was trying to call home on his cell phone and he probably hit me in the rear of my car at 35 miles an hour.The jury gave me zero dollars on the count of him causing me bodyly harm.They awarded me $8400.00. Now we are broke. Selling stuff on ebay. I'm over 30000.00 in debt with medical bills. The man even had a past history of 3 dui's. which couldn't be used in court because of the time limit on when he had them. And was given a ticket in July,07 for an open container. Not allowed in. This was all blame back to me. And how I handle the car wrecks.I drove myself home after sitting in the dark for an hour and ahalf waiting for police.I didn't tell to send an ambulance for me. My mother is dying in 4 stage small cell lung cancer. She is 12 hours away from me. I can't drive alone because I suffer from nerve damage and I have ruptured disk in my neck and back. My husband has no vacation left. Can't get the time off work to take me to my mother. And daily I get calls from the bill collectors. I carry so my guilt and feel like such a burden to my family. I sit and think how many little mistakes I made with these car wrecks. I've been told enough by insurance company attorneys it was my fault and with the response from the last jury. I really blame myself a lot. The guilt and crying is daily. And I'm at a loss. And I'm so  sad. The $8400.00 will go to my medical bills. So I won't even see any of it.It makes me so sad at times I think of doing the bad thing to myself to free my family.How does a person see hope or recovery from this? I pray daily and look for an answer.

WHAT DOES A PERSON LIKE ME DO NOW?

 
December 9, 2008, 2:32 am CST

Everyone has a story

I posted earlier about irresponsible people in general and about people like the couple mentioned on the show in particular especially Chris. I've never experienced debt personally and I live quite frugally even if I had the money I wouldn't spend like crazy and I don't envy wealthy people either. However, my youngest sister is in dire financial straits. She and her boyfriend cannot afford the mortgage on their house. They both drink and smoke. He lost his second job in nearly as many years through his own fault and and has now been unemployed for the past year, has taken out a loan behind her back and hid the evidence, by accident she found a final letter from the loan company citing default of payment. About three years ago, he was fired from his job before Christmas & didn't tell her, pretended to go to work every day for five months, stole her bank card and all her savings (money from her inheritance when our dad died), crashed the new car they'd just got because of DUI, there followed court appearances, fines, etc. big debts (which his mother and I helped her with as best we could) since none of the bills had been paid in that time including the mortgage. The bank has undertaken to pay the mortgage for the past year but that ends in January so I don't know what's going to happen then and the boyfriend hasn't found a job yet and with the present economic down turn I don't know when he will.
 
December 9, 2008, 3:53 am CST

Drowing in Debt

In regard to show about the couple over $643,000 in debt.  44-years ago I got into a similar situation.  Someone who knew NO value of money, communication, paying off debts, even would not work steady.  A person does get to a point of despising the spouse - anyway it was just like listening to my ex's statements. 

 

Even marriage counseling didn't help - he told counselor that it was all my fault, all I wanted to do was pay bills.  We also 3-children of our own and his two other children. 

 

Anyway, I feel for them especially her losing her house, but she doesn't have it anyway as was stated

 

Thanks for a great show.

 

Sandra Martin,

 

sandratranscript@chartertn.net

 
December 9, 2008, 5:00 am CST

Pam & Chris

I feel very bad for Pam.  I think Chris saw her as a meal ticket for  himself and his daughter.  On the show I didn't hear you say what to do about his free loading daughter.  If I was Pam, I would definitely get a divorce.  I can see the stress Pam is under and Chris will never stop spending.  He was all smiles when he said that he can really spend money.    I think it is time to cut the cord and Pam be liberated from this problem.  If she goes under then it will be of her doing and she will not be worrying about how much more Chris will be spending.  She had a home when they got married and now it is in jepardy because Chris's love to spend.  If she doesn't get out soon, she looks like she is headed for an emotional breakdown.
 
December 9, 2008, 6:45 am CST

Issue of trust...

it is apparent that she no longer trusts her husband...many years ago, my husband and I sold a lot on the beach we had purchased together as a married couple..he kept the check for what I assumed was several weeks...I knew he was proud of himself and understood...after a few weeks, i asked him if we could go down and open an account with our new-found money we had eaten beans and rice to obtain...he blew me off..a few days later, I got a bankstatement in the mail...with the entire check in his name only...

 

I have stayed in this marriage for 'the sake of our daughter' for several years...but now, I am leaving...it began with this break of trust...I am saddened for her as I know what this feels like..

 
December 9, 2008, 6:48 am CST

Me too

Quote From: fionnuala

I posted earlier about irresponsible people in general and about people like the couple mentioned on the show in particular especially Chris. I've never experienced debt personally and I live quite frugally even if I had the money I wouldn't spend like crazy and I don't envy wealthy people either. However, my youngest sister is in dire financial straits. She and her boyfriend cannot afford the mortgage on their house. They both drink and smoke. He lost his second job in nearly as many years through his own fault and and has now been unemployed for the past year, has taken out a loan behind her back and hid the evidence, by accident she found a final letter from the loan company citing default of payment. About three years ago, he was fired from his job before Christmas & didn't tell her, pretended to go to work every day for five months, stole her bank card and all her savings (money from her inheritance when our dad died), crashed the new car they'd just got because of DUI, there followed court appearances, fines, etc. big debts (which his mother and I helped her with as best we could) since none of the bills had been paid in that time including the mortgage. The bank has undertaken to pay the mortgage for the past year but that ends in January so I don't know what's going to happen then and the boyfriend hasn't found a job yet and with the present economic down turn I don't know when he will.
Although I tend to prefer the statement everybody has an excuse. 

I live in a studio apartment that is just a little bit over four hundred square feet and I love it.   Good to see there are other intellegent and responsible people left on the earth, other than myself.  

It is horrific that the government is stealing from people like us to bailout all the selfish idiots (especially the corporate ones).  
 
December 9, 2008, 6:54 am CST

Can you appeal?

Quote From: mr76227

I was in 2 car wrecks 9/1/05 and 11/21/05. I was hit from behind both times. the first at a stop sigh and the secound at a red light. My husband and I are just everyday hard working people. We had some money in savings. But not nearly enough for all I have had to go threw. I lost so much time off work and use up my vacation time which was 3 weeks a year.I had a 5 day sick time a year. Had to take time without pay. I used all of my IRA money over  $20000.00. Plus borrowed money from my parents. I lost my job due to my injuries that I had for 11 years. Went to court on both cases. Lost the first one because I failed to call the police. So it was his word agaist mine. But would I thought things couldn't get worse. The secound Driver was Drunk. I called 911 and report all of what was happening. I thought I was in Highland Village TX. But was in Lewisville. So the trouble of locating me was a problem for 911 and the police department was very busy that night.And never came And the driver got away. All legal because he had insurance and gave me his information. Went to court and the man said he had been taking night cold medicine and stopped at the bar and had 2 beers with his crew. His brother in-law took the stand and said yes .He was sick.Taking cold medicine that in was on the dash of his truck and he had a couple of beers. The man also said he was trying to call home on his cell phone and he probably hit me in the rear of my car at 35 miles an hour.The jury gave me zero dollars on the count of him causing me bodyly harm.They awarded me $8400.00. Now we are broke. Selling stuff on ebay. I'm over 30000.00 in debt with medical bills. The man even had a past history of 3 dui's. which couldn't be used in court because of the time limit on when he had them. And was given a ticket in July,07 for an open container. Not allowed in. This was all blame back to me. And how I handle the car wrecks.I drove myself home after sitting in the dark for an hour and ahalf waiting for police.I didn't tell to send an ambulance for me. My mother is dying in 4 stage small cell lung cancer. She is 12 hours away from me. I can't drive alone because I suffer from nerve damage and I have ruptured disk in my neck and back. My husband has no vacation left. Can't get the time off work to take me to my mother. And daily I get calls from the bill collectors. I carry so my guilt and feel like such a burden to my family. I sit and think how many little mistakes I made with these car wrecks. I've been told enough by insurance company attorneys it was my fault and with the response from the last jury. I really blame myself a lot. The guilt and crying is daily. And I'm at a loss. And I'm so  sad. The $8400.00 will go to my medical bills. So I won't even see any of it.It makes me so sad at times I think of doing the bad thing to myself to free my family.How does a person see hope or recovery from this? I pray daily and look for an answer.

WHAT DOES A PERSON LIKE ME DO NOW?

That is horrible, especially what happened in court.  Go to the media.  Go to your representatives.   Find organization such as MADD that deal with this type of issue and get them to post your story.  Tell everyone you know about this injustice.  Create a facebook group about it.  

Not suprised he was driving a gas guzzler truck.  Typical of reckless drug addict drivers.    
 
December 9, 2008, 6:55 am CST

12/08 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

Quote From: 5girlz2boy

Thank you for sharing your stories . is there really a Dr Phil? i write this man alll the time and get no responce  what does it take to get to him ?? anyone please ????? My world seems to be falling apart  today i asked God to please just take me i hate this world . I hate my life .I am losing it . My husband has now lost his job   took a 90,000 dollar loss in wages from last yr .  we have 7 children our house is going to forclosure next month i want to drink myself to death .I HATE ME. I DONT TRUST HIM I THINK HE HAS MORE TO TELL I WONDER EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT HE WAS MY WORL I WAS BEATEN MY WHOLE CHILD HOOD SEXUALLY ABUSED MIUSTRETED AND HE WAS MY FIRST PERSON IN MY LIFE I TRUSTED  HOW DID I DO THIS TO HIM . I GAVE HIM MY HEART AND IT IS CRUSHED  WE HAVE DONE COUNSELING IT WASNT GETTING US ANYWHERE SINCE THEN I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DRUNK  SO MANY TIMES AND BLACKED OUT , GOT  MY FIRST DWI AT 35 2 TIMES OVER LEGAL LIMIT . WENT TO A FRIENDS HOUSE PASSED OUT ON BACK PORCH CARRIED TO HER ROOM BY HER HUBBY  TO FIND OUT LATER WE HAD SEX  I HAD A 5TH OF TEQUILLA AND REMEMBER VERY LITTLE . I FELT DIRTY AND IN MY EYES RAPED . I HAVE GAINED 20 POUDS  THIS IS AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS TO RECLAIM MY LIFE . MY KIDS NO LONGER HAVE THE MOM OR DAD THEY HAD NOR DO WE HAVE JOBS I FEEL STUPID, USELESS AND I ABSOULUTLY HATE ME AND MY LIFE . IF I HAD NO KIDS I WOULD GO IN THE BATHROOM AND SHOOT MYSELF I HATE THIS WORLD AND I HATE THIS LIFE MY HEAD DONT STOP THE VISIONS WONT STOP. THE GUILT DONT GO AWAY EVERYDAY I FIGHT NOT TO DRINK . AND I HAVENT FOR A FEW DAYS .  I AM BIPOLAR OCD AND  WONT TAKE MEDS THEY MAKE ME SICK CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

Please...remember your kids...FIRST!!!...not yourself, not your husband...your kids did not ask for their mom to go missin'...BEHERENOW...for them....one day becomes two, then three...before you know it, you'll see rainbows, gal...just Begin...today...already too many good days are lost...

 

good spaces

 
December 9, 2008, 7:34 am CST

Good luck Peggy.

Quote From: pggyharrington

I left my husband last year for the same reasons I just saw on your show. My soon to be exhusband was out of control with his spending. I married him 5 years ago with over $400k of savings and am now fighting him through the divorce to get what is left so I can still have a paid for roof over my head.

 

Peggy

Good for you for leaving, I completely think the woman on the show should leave as well especially if she is close to getting an inheritance.   I was so proud of her when she said that if they loose the house she wants a divorce.  

I've settled into and am enjoying single life very much.  Although I don't make that much money I have savings.   One of the reasons I made this choice was because a lot of the guys I have met are over spenders with debt.   Even though I liked some of them, I find this unacceptable and would not consider putting myself in financially jeopardy by entering into a long term relationship with them.  
 
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