Topic : 06/10 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt

Im there and I can hardly wait to see mondays show

my husband and I we are trying, but its getting harder and harder
the stress is really bringing us down, how to feed our kids how to
keep the heat on

I went back to work full time a few years ago, but realized soon after, that my soon to be X continued to spend and spend and fund his hobby, which I did not condone. In the meanwhile, our home needed repairs, a roof, paint, necessary fixes, which were not being done. I found myself, funding his hobby by default. He now has 7 motorcycles, a huge trailer to haul all, and travels to ride. Sounds like denial to me. Bills go unpaid, or get paid late, with major fees, spiral the fees at the bank, etc, domino effect. Priorities changed for sure. Now my goal is to be self sufficient. All women should have their own bank accounts and put half away, not available for their husbands who have no self control to save.

Oh Dear, dear young people,
You are in Love and Lust. And you forget to talk. Here is a little story:
In 1959 (yes, a long time ago and in the far away land of Canada) two immigrants from Europe met and did, indeed, fall in love and lust. They wanted to marry. So they revealed that between the two of them they had enough cash - actual money - to marry in front of minister and fly to Europe to meet each other's families. When they returned to Canada, they had thirty-five dollars between them and he went out to work. Within thirty days they had saved up rent and enough to take a few things out of storage to set up a little basement suite household. She had a baby, he bought a rusty old car so they could go on picnics.
They paid cash for everything and after forty-nine years they have three kids that are very successful professionals, they own their home, they work on their health and they still pay cash for their fitness club membership. They are still in "Love and Lust" and hope to live "happily ever after".
No, dear young people, do not live beyond your means. Live on love and fresh air. It often works very well.

I agree that married couples should have separate bank accounts.  My husband convinced me to have a joint account (also a motorcycle addict) and 18 years later, I still don't have enough money to get my own bank account started.  That will hopefully change soon due to the fact that I now have more money coming in.

 

Great Idea!

 

Pam

Christmas is when this always gets us.  Even though we just by for the kids, we also include the neices, nephews.  We both come from small families and the rest of our families are having it tough.  2008 has been rough, i lost my parents this year, not even 4 months apart. I'm the youngest and my silbings more or less count on me for a lot .  I know this is off topic, but I need to get it off my chest. because my parents had no wills, doing the paper work for administrator of their estates is tough.  my siblings know there is money and they are seasonal workers, and do not have any income, as they didn't  get enough hours for employment insurance.  i've already divided up $ my mom left, and that's all gone.  Now christmas is near and I feel obligated to do for them, even though I can't really afford too. HOw do you say no to your own family.?  suggestions?

We have found ourselves in over our heads like so many others in America.

Hubby has a great job but I'm disabled, the medical bills are astounding. The catalyst was the high gas prices, the higher food prices, the higher electricity rates......it seemed to sink us fast.

 

We thought 'It won't happen to us" or we were immune. NO SO!

 

We just missed our first house payment this month......but we're NOT STRESSING about it!

If we go into foreclosure sure it will be devastating to lose our home, our first home, a home that took years of credit rebuilding to be able to buy.

 

If we file bankruptcy yes it will be devastating after years of credit rebuilding.

 

But you know what? We've lost far more....3 very much wanted pregnancies. What might have made other marriages fall apart (infertility then 3 pregnancy losses with me almost dying twice) has brought us together so tight nothing can shake our marriage..........least of all a HOUSE or credit.

 

Life will go on if we go bankrupt or go into foreclosure, as long as we're TOGETHER we'll weather any storm!

 

I'd live in a cardboard box as long as my hubby was beside me!

 

Debt is NOTHING compared to losing 3 pregnancies! I'd file bankruptcy tomorrow, who cares? We've already been through HELL losing our babies.......bankruptcy and foreclosure will be NOTHING.

Hey, we've rented before.......so who cares?

 

Right now its as bad as things can get but we're NOT fighting or arguing or anything over money. We either have it or we don't. We somehow always find a way.

Being disabled I cannot help financially (not eligible for SSDI or SS benefits, hubbys income makes me ineligible for SSDI and I lack work quarters for Social Security benefits)

My medical bills are astronomical, my medication is over 1000 a month........thank God for some insurance to help pay for some of it......still our out of pocket expenses are crazy.

 

There are far more things I can think of that are worse than financial problems, like losing 3 pregnancies or not having my medication and having to go back in my wheelchair and be in so much pain I think of death as a viable escape. (without being depressed either!)

 

As long as I have my hubby beside me I can endure anything. Bring it on, I'm sure I've survived worse....like rape, 13 yrs of child abuse, mental physical and sexual abuse.....self destructing over the rape for many years.........I've survived it all, bankruptcy or foreclosure is NOTHING in comparison.

 

Be grateful you have your children, be grateful for everything positive in your life.......you might have to look for it but its there.

Ask yourself, what's the WORST that could happen and go from there.

 

Nearly 14 yrs strong here......we'll weather any storm that comes our way TOGETHER.

by having a family meeting and voicing your truth, which is theirs also. They are in the same boat as you, struggling and worrying. IDK, but Christmas and other holidays are a time to be together, and hard times are a time to pull together as a family. Put both hard times and holidays together and it can be the setting for either animosity or cooperation. Get off the notion that Christmas means buying people stuff that, in two months, they will forget about anyway. I have lost my job and am living very frugally off my savings, hoping it wont run out before I am employed again. If it does, I will lose my house. I have announced that I will not be giving gifts this year, and everyone understands. The idea of going into MORE debt by going along with the popular culture "thing to do" is insane. I would be disappointed if I thought that my worth to my family lay in what I could give them for Christmas. What I want for Christmas couldn't be bought at any price. What I want is for the economy to improve, for people put out of a job to get one, and for the housing market to go back up again. You don't owe your family an explanation if why you can't afford to give them a gift for Christmas, just that, with times being tough, you can't. Period. There are many things we can do for others that do not require money. Our time and out talents, for two. If you have been self-designated as the family "caretaker", it might be time for you to get out of the "designated martyr" business. It's your job to take care of your family first, then help others if you are able. Perhaps they are not living up to their full potential because you have taken up their slack. Perhaps the greatest gift you can give them is self-reliance.

I'm no expert, but looking on as an observer, it seems to me that a lot of these people who remortgage their homes and have severe credit card debt are in many ways responsible for the actual financial difficulties the US as a nation is experiencing and (by snowball effect) the rest of the world. It seems perhaps very simplistic to say this but everyone participates in one way or another in our society. Debt has no limit. Those who go into bankruptcy (in my opinion) are a strain on banks and other financial institutions - someone eventually has to pay the bill. The debt incurred doesn't just disappear. I think it's highly irresponsible for people to live beyond their means and to spend money that simply isn't theirs to spend. I think people should get realistic financial advice from banks, etc., and credit card providers and lenders should be made more accountable. More people should be means tested (before being allocated a loan) and if that means setting up a national data base on people's incomes or credit ratings, it will unfortunately be at the expense of personal liberties. Tough decisions will have to be made, the honeymoon period is over.

My husband and I have just celebrated our 2nd. wedding anniversary and I'm not a happy camper.  He makes very good money, but racked up a hefty $80,000.00 before we were married buying one new car after another.  I've never had a new car in my life.  On top of that he has two adult, single offsprings who are totally dependent on Dad and are playing havoc with our happiness.   I need to go back to work , but hesitate doing so, because my hard earned cash would indirectly go to those losers, or pay off his stupid, irresponsible debt which I never benifitted from!  This situation is really stressful and ruining our relationship.   What is the answer?  It's too cold to jump off a bridge, but sometimes I'm tempted.  LOL