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Topic : 12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Number of Replies: 118
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, December 05, 2008, 12:50:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage is supposed to be about compromise, but what happens when one partner says, "It's my way or the highway"? Newlyweds Matthew and Lianna have been married for just three months and are already at odds about Lianna’s passion for her very unusual hobby. After a heart-to-heart on their honeymoon, Matthew says he thought they had come to a compromise, but Lianna says Matthew is squashing her dreams. Find out why Matthew says he didn’t sign up to be married to a “gay man in a woman’s body,” and how married life, for this couple, is turning into a real drag. Then, Shawna and John have been together for 13 years and share three children. Shawna says she still wants to be married to John … just not right now! You won’t believe her shocking plan for a marital sabbatical, and neither does John. How will he react when he hears the news for the first time? When Dr. Phil gives these relationships a reality check, will their mismatched expectations cause them to break their vows? Speak out!

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 11, 2008, 3:03 pm CST

Get Rea;

I lost the true love of my life to pancreatic cancer on Dec 21 2007 if these people think they have problems why don't they just shut up and love each other life is too short. I am only 45 my husband was 52. We didn't have enough time these couples do. Get over it and live your lives happily
 
December 11, 2008, 3:26 pm CST

Her husband is horrible!!

That woman's husband is uptight and dense! There's nothing wrong with her hobby! So she likes to dress up. SO WHAT!? She isn't hurting anybody with what she does. He's the one thats hurting her because he's the only one with the problem! And he's only bothered by it because it isn't viewed as 'normal'. What a loser! I say she should just divorse him and not look back. He isn't worth it. Then she can find a man that isn't a prejudiced psychopatic loser, and he can go find the little moronic traditional stepford wife of his dreams. But I'd rather not waste my energy on such an idiot.
 
December 11, 2008, 3:28 pm CST

Closed minded husbands are so unfortunate

It's unfortunate to see so many people on here stating how insane this woman is and wondering why he chose her as a spouse. It is so painstakingly obvious that this man is being extremely close minded and is an obvious homophobe. This man obviously needs to be thoroughly educated; his views on the homosexual community are so skewed it's embaressing. Her hobby, while being unconventional and perhaps controversal, isn't hurting the children in the slightest and seems to really make her happy. If anything, it's simply opening her childrens eyes and making them more accepting of the world around them. She needs to re-think who SHE married, not the other way around.
 
December 11, 2008, 3:32 pm CST

Agreed

Quote From: tretre

This is only the second time I have posted anything on here but I felt I really needed to.  I never thought I would say this concerning Dr. Phil on a "gay topic" (although this isn't exactly gay) but...good job.  I tuned in only because I thought for sure Doc was gonna take the husbands (Mathew?) side on this and then I could keep my oppinion of Dr. Phil as an ill-informed secret homophobe. But I think you have proved me wrong.  Although this isn't necessarily a gay topic Dr. Phil poionted out that the husbands views on his wife doing "drag" (Although it's more dress-up than drag since you are a woman) come directly from his homophobia.  So, Dear woman (sorry I can't remember your name) you be you!  Obviously you have found some comfort in the gay community and would be wrong to give that up because of your husbands close-mindedness and homophobia.  If you did decide to give up your "drag night" you would only be teaching your children that it's ok to let a man control you (I am a man by the way) not to mention that you would be teaching them that your husbands ignorance toward your gay friends is justified.  Do you wnat them growing up to hate people because they are different from you?  What you are doing is harmless and fun and there are a lot of men out there that would find your hobby fun, exciting and sexy!  Who doesn't want a woman who is out-going, charasmatic and adventuress?  He doesn't hate your hobby he hates that it involves gay people.  Thats his problem not yours.  Would he rather you had a night out every month with the girls where you went dancing and drinking at a straight club?  I doubt it, even though right now he would probably disagree.  This is such a small, stupid thing for him to be upset about that even considering divorce because of it should make you say hhhmmmm..whats next?  Hopefully, you remain strong and don't let him take this from you.  I am sure he is a good guy but even good guys will control if you prove to them they can.

 

Anyway, Dr. Phil although I am not a huge fan of your show (not a big fan of watching others peoples problems being aired) I will admit that my oppinion of you has bumped up a notch.  I know you could probably care less, but since my last post was so bad I thought it only fair I share something good.

I totally and completely agree with everything you said.
 
December 11, 2008, 3:52 pm CST

what CHURCH do you go to

Quote From: godly_gal

I Applaud Matthew for standing up for what's right, although he probably should have broken off the engagement when he found out that they were that different. Anyone who grew up in such a stable,conservative,loving, and prob christian home aught to know that you dont' marry people who believe differently and want differend things in life and marriage. That "Woman" is as crazy as they come. There are many good coservative women in this world that I wonder why he chose her. Leave that psyco woman Matthew. I sort of think that somewhere deep inside Dr. Phil, he might think she's crazy to. Dr. Phil I HOPE your not crossing over to the WORLDLY side with those crazy lefty libs at nbc. My advice to Mathew as a christian conservative is to leave her and find you a good woman with the same principals,beliefs as yourself. I know your mamma would be ok with it.

Gee, being a Christian myself, I sorta wonder what bible your reading.  You know RUTH was not a Christian, yet she ended up married to BOAZ. Glad one of my favorite bible stories wasn't left up to judgement of those whose view of marriage is LEAVE THEM if they are aren't perfect.  ALSO it is NONE of the mothers business, and that is according to the bible I read.

IF you wanna be judgemental, okay, but leave Christian out of it.

 

 
December 11, 2008, 4:07 pm CST

Matt, I hope you read this.

Matt. You had to know that in the entertainment field you are not going to see any opposition to the Gay community; therefore, your opinion on the issue was never going to be validated.

I can tell you from experience, that the rest of your married life with a woman that has her issues (as described by Dr Phil and confirmed by your wife) will be a life of you compromising to her wishes so that she never has to become anything but "herself", thus staying true to herself. Which means you will be the one doing all of the changes because her desires will ALWAYS overrule you. You have been sucked into a 'commitment' to the marriage at any cost, your cost that is. You have already taken on 3 kids that are not yours; but, she can't quit the clubbing with the gay queens for you. Yea, that's a real wholesome environment for impressionable children.

You've just gotten thrown under the bus. Get out before you have children with her and then really complicate it.

 
December 11, 2008, 4:08 pm CST

For the couple whose wife loves drag costume

I understand that his background has led him to want a more "retiring," less daring wife; he GOT a beautiful, bright woman with spirit, imagination, and zest. 

Can understand that his mother's opinions are conservative, "ladylike," and strong.  Hope his mother's opinion was quoted, more to express HIS truth more succinctly and openly than he did, than to show the mother-in-law's influence on their marriage. 

Speaking as a straight woman: I think the husband has a delightful, open-minded life of the mind and the arts available to him if he joins her on some evenings, and enjoys.  If, though, he stays home with her sons some nights,  those boys will have a deeper relationship with  a GOOD man who's growing a broader mind.

 

 
December 11, 2008, 4:17 pm CST

Dr. Phil is wrong

  Since the young woman has this self-fulfilling prophecy going on, the husband's concerns, especially about the children seeing this at some point, win out.  She is afraid a man can't be trusted and will eventually leave her as all men in the past have been untrustworthy, she can't trust marriage, etc.

 

She is driving him away and fulfilling this endgame BY SETTING HERSELF UP in the first place!!

 

She needs to stop doing what she is doing and go one step over without destroying this family with her "nutz factor", I'll call it.  (Some people feel VERY STRONG about homosexuality/sodomy and she needs to not bring this in)  The solution?  GO BE A CLOWN FOR A PERIOD OF 6 MONTHS and see if that doesn't transition her over and into something better.  She can put just as much glop on her face as she wants and even work PT as a clown.  Or just go ahead and play dress up but cut the concomitant surroundings out of the equation.)

 

She needs to STOP this crap as it will eventually expose her growing children to people who do very controversial activities and she is making her husband and herself miserable.

 

She agreed to stop it; STOP IT!

 
December 11, 2008, 4:18 pm CST

Gotta be kidding me...

While the husband is an uptight, close-minded jerk (doesn't want a transvestite in his house because it's a transvestite?), I feel very sorry for a 5'9" woman who wears size 11 shoes who feels the only way she can feel pretty is as a man dressed as a woman.  She's obviously a very pretty woman without pretending to be a man.  And I think that if her husband made her feel pretty *as a woman* she would develop emotionally to where she didn't WANT to have this hobby anymore.
 
December 11, 2008, 4:29 pm CST

Phil McGraw is not Santa Claus

Quote From: 5girlz2boy

Thank you for sharing your stories . is there really a Dr Phil? i write this man alll the time and get no responce  what does it take to get to him ?? anyone please ????? My world seems to be falling apart  today i asked God to please just take me i hate this world . I hate my life .I am losing it . My husband has now lost his job   took a 90,000 dollar loss in wages from last yr .  we have 7 children our house is going to forclosure next month i want to drink myself to death .I HATE ME. I DONT TRUST HIM I THINK HE HAS MORE TO TELL I WONDER EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT HE WAS MY WORL I WAS BEATEN MY WHOLE CHILD HOOD SEXUALLY ABUSED MIUSTRETED AND HE WAS MY FIRST PERSON IN MY LIFE I TRUSTED  HOW DID I DO THIS TO HIM . I GAVE HIM MY HEART AND IT IS CRUSHED  WE HAVE DONE COUNSELING IT WASNT GETTING US ANYWHERE SINCE THEN I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DRUNK  SO MANY TIMES AND BLACKED OUT , GOT  MY FIRST DWI AT 35 2 TIMES OVER LEGAL LIMIT . WENT TO A FRIENDS HOUSE PASSED OUT ON BACK PORCH CARRIED TO HER ROOM BY HER HUBBY  TO FIND OUT LATER WE HAD SEX  I HAD A 5TH OF TEQUILLA AND REMEMBER VERY LITTLE . I FELT DIRTY AND IN MY EYES RAPED . I HAVE GAINED 20 POUDS  THIS IS AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS TO RECLAIM MY LIFE . MY KIDS NO LONGER HAVE THE MOM OR DAD THEY HAD NOR DO WE HAVE JOBS I FEEL STUPID, USELESS AND I ABSOULUTLY HATE ME AND MY LIFE . IF I HAD NO KIDS I WOULD GO IN THE BATHROOM AND SHOOT MYSELF I HATE THIS WORLD AND I HATE THIS LIFE MY HEAD DONT STOP THE VISIONS WONT STOP. THE GUILT DONT GO AWAY EVERYDAY I FIGHT NOT TO DRINK . AND I HAVENT FOR A FEW DAYS .  I AM BIPOLAR OCD AND  WONT TAKE MEDS THEY MAKE ME SICK CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

   He is not going to swoop down and make your life all hunky-dory. 

   This is the toughest question anyone is ever gonna ask you:  What are you gonna do about it?  Enumerating all your troubles might have been fun.  Real fun.  Now, that you have finished boo-hooing, you are going to have to face the problems.  

 
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