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Topic : 12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Number of Replies: 118
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Created on : Friday, December 05, 2008, 12:50:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage is supposed to be about compromise, but what happens when one partner says, "It's my way or the highway"? Newlyweds Matthew and Lianna have been married for just three months and are already at odds about Lianna’s passion for her very unusual hobby. After a heart-to-heart on their honeymoon, Matthew says he thought they had come to a compromise, but Lianna says Matthew is squashing her dreams. Find out why Matthew says he didn’t sign up to be married to a “gay man in a woman’s body,” and how married life, for this couple, is turning into a real drag. Then, Shawna and John have been together for 13 years and share three children. Shawna says she still wants to be married to John … just not right now! You won’t believe her shocking plan for a marital sabbatical, and neither does John. How will he react when he hears the news for the first time? When Dr. Phil gives these relationships a reality check, will their mismatched expectations cause them to break their vows? Speak out!

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 11, 2008, 4:33 pm CST

bad check

Quote From: godly_gal

I Applaud Matthew for standing up for what's right, although he probably should have broken off the engagement when he found out that they were that different. Anyone who grew up in such a stable,conservative,loving, and prob christian home aught to know that you dont' marry people who believe differently and want differend things in life and marriage. That "Woman" is as crazy as they come. There are many good coservative women in this world that I wonder why he chose her. Leave that psyco woman Matthew. I sort of think that somewhere deep inside Dr. Phil, he might think she's crazy to. Dr. Phil I HOPE your not crossing over to the WORLDLY side with those crazy lefty libs at nbc. My advice to Mathew as a christian conservative is to leave her and find you a good woman with the same principals,beliefs as yourself. I know your mamma would be ok with it.
Yes to prop 8, and now you want to say a hetero couple should be split up if one of the members goes to a "gay" bar once a month.  And to say that gay is wrong, what is up with that?

You may never hear me say this again, but Dr. Phil got it right.  Matthew suffers from an illness call homophobia.  It is treatable.  And the fact that his wife is not gay makes his phobia misplaced.  Matthew needs help and understanding.

Now, back to the gay is wrong issue.  The human population of the Earth can be reduced by 75% and would still be overpopulated.  I don't propose that we have "elimination chambers,"  like on of the episodes of Star Trek, or that we get all agro and start wars to lower the population, think "300".  I see homosexuals as a natural process in the control of population.  So, in this day and age (as opposed to 5,000 biblical years ago) I believe that the heterosexual relationship is the damaging one.

Here is the big but,  I do not hate people that think that they should get married in order to breed.  That is a fine Idea. That is not the only reason to be married.  People need to get over the fear and hatred of one another and see that this is a beautiful world with lots of color.

Meliss@
 
December 11, 2008, 4:34 pm CST

her husband = Mr. NO Personality

Some husbands are addicted to sports (healthy?)

 

Some husbands ignore their wives emotionally  and "check out" even if they remain there in body.

 

Some hubands are intolerant (like the one on today's show) and say it's "my way or the highway" calling gay folks "those people"

 

That was one of the most sincere articulate women I've ever seen on his show.  She deserves better than that dolt.

 

 Dr. Phil nailed it that her bigot of a husband needed to just get over it.  She's not neglecting anything or anyone in her family for her enjoyment of dressing in drag and associating with gay people.  (From what I can tell ANYONE and especially gay men would be more interesting than that husband).

 

Yet she loves him and given her history (upbringing)  she's very grounded.

 

I was REALLY PLEASED with how Dr. Phil basically called "Mr. no-Personality" to just get over it.

 

As far as her "socializing without her husband"?  Husbands go drinking with their buddies incessantly.

 

It's harmless.   More power to her!    And dump that husband!

 

 

 
December 11, 2008, 4:36 pm CST

12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Quote From: vannesm

I understand that his background has led him to want a more "retiring," less daring wife; he GOT a beautiful, bright woman with spirit, imagination, and zest. 

Can understand that his mother's opinions are conservative, "ladylike," and strong.  Hope his mother's opinion was quoted, more to express HIS truth more succinctly and openly than he did, than to show the mother-in-law's influence on their marriage. 

Speaking as a straight woman: I think the husband has a delightful, open-minded life of the mind and the arts available to him if he joins her on some evenings, and enjoys.  If, though, he stays home with her sons some nights,  those boys will have a deeper relationship with  a GOOD man who's growing a broader mind.

 

Well put.  That guy's about as interesting as watching paint dry.  He'd better expose himself to some interesting people or she needs to move on and she'd be justified in doing so.

 

That conservative old butinsky of a mother of his needs to keep still.

 

It's not her marriage.

 
December 11, 2008, 4:36 pm CST

I Feel for her

I feel for the lady who wanted to take a break from her husband. I agree with Dr.Phil her plan was no good, but I can see her pain in her eyes. I can somewhat relate to both women on today's show , they just want some way to be them selves if thats dressing in drag or raising horses if they are not hurting anyone or harming themselves then whats the problem. My husband complains about almost everything i do. I love being involved in my kids school, but to him it's working for free,or hanging out with my family its gossiping. I can go on and on.
 
December 11, 2008, 4:38 pm CST

12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Quote From: skyeyes

Gee, being a Christian myself, I sorta wonder what bible your reading.  You know RUTH was not a Christian, yet she ended up married to BOAZ. Glad one of my favorite bible stories wasn't left up to judgement of those whose view of marriage is LEAVE THEM if they are aren't perfect.  ALSO it is NONE of the mothers business, and that is according to the bible I read.

IF you wanna be judgemental, okay, but leave Christian out of it.

 

What's Christianity got to do with it?

 

She needs to dump that boring loser.

 
December 11, 2008, 4:39 pm CST

oy vey

What's the big deal?  She just wants to be accepted.  And he just wants to be loved.

 

If they can't get there...the sad part is the children!  This really is not a reason for a divorce.  Talk about drawing a line on something so strange...it really is just a dress up thing with a bunch of people who will not judge her and will accept her. 

 

It's a shame to allow this level of resentment...resentment is a mountain that won't just go away. 

 
December 11, 2008, 4:42 pm CST

12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Quote From: bamaval

Yep, ole Phil missed this one, IMO.  I thought the woman was very self-centered and didn't really care how her husband felt about her behavior.  The fact that she said she was a man in a woman's body would have been a deal-breaker for me.  It was her husband's fault that he didn't wait longer to marry this woman .  Then he would have seen her true self.  I don't think this marriage will last much longer.  It was obvious that the husband didn't think much of Dr. Phil's opinion and neither do I.

I usually disagree with Dr. Phil when he features GLBT topics but this one he nailed.

 

That woman needs to get out of that marriage.   Her husband's like a dead weight ...

 

Kudos to you Dr. Phil!! 

 
December 11, 2008, 4:45 pm CST

Marriage or Bond?

Until she stops going out and drinking, the matter between the marriage will never be resolved.  I'm not sure exactly how far the husband's insecurities are, but the wife's bar habits have got to stop until they've figured out the real issue here.  I don't think the wife's drinking is really allowing her to 'think' as she claims.  More likely she's trying to drown out her emotions with a liquid drug that helps her to temporarily forget about whatever this true issue is.  For this I believe that she really loves her husband.  Maybe going out together is something that she misses in the marriage.  Maybe she's afraid of what she'd become if she didn't drink from time to time.  Maybe this 'true issue' is believed by both of them as too great of an issue to discuss.  The couple should try talking more about how they feel, and not so much about what they want.  If they are in love, then they already have what they want.  Right?  If they're not happy being together, then they had might as well call it quits.  Sure there are times when love hurts, but when the union is dead, then so is the marriage (in my book).
 
December 11, 2008, 4:45 pm CST

12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Quote From: fringold

Yes to prop 8, and now you want to say a hetero couple should be split up if one of the members goes to a "gay" bar once a month.  And to say that gay is wrong, what is up with that?

You may never hear me say this again, but Dr. Phil got it right.  Matthew suffers from an illness call homophobia.  It is treatable.  And the fact that his wife is not gay makes his phobia misplaced.  Matthew needs help and understanding.

Now, back to the gay is wrong issue.  The human population of the Earth can be reduced by 75% and would still be overpopulated.  I don't propose that we have "elimination chambers,"  like on of the episodes of Star Trek, or that we get all agro and start wars to lower the population, think "300".  I see homosexuals as a natural process in the control of population.  So, in this day and age (as opposed to 5,000 biblical years ago) I believe that the heterosexual relationship is the damaging one.

Here is the big but,  I do not hate people that think that they should get married in order to breed.  That is a fine Idea. That is not the only reason to be married.  People need to get over the fear and hatred of one another and see that this is a beautiful world with lots of color.

Meliss@

I think I love you for this response Meliss@!    Brava!!   The man has issues with gay people.

 

For the first time in the history of his show I finally saw light at the end of the tunnel when Dr. Phil counselled that drip of a husband to think with some modicum of perspective.

 

I usually disagree with Dr. Phil when it comes to LGBT issues but he got this one right.

 
December 11, 2008, 5:01 pm CST

I couldn't agree more...what was Dr. Phil thinking?

Quote From: karlakor

I think Dr. Phil missed the boat on the topic of the woman who believed she is a gay man in a woman's body.  He doesn't think that her habit of dressing up "in drag" is harmful, but no one on the show addressed the question of a married woman going out to gay bars and mingling with this new set of friends that she has made for herself.  Even if she weren't dressing up like a drag queen, shouldn't Dr. Phil have pointed out that it is inappropriate for a married woman to be out socializing in bars without her husband?  What business does this woman have being out at bars, having a high old time, while her husband and HER children are at home?  THAT is the inappropriate behavior.  If she still wants to go out and socialize like that, then she should have stayed single.  I side with her husband on this one, and I think Dr. Phil missed seeing the bigger problem. 
I could not believe my ears.  I don't see anything maladaptive about this behavior??  Maladaptive and morality aside, what in the world were you thinking Dr. Phil?  I pray this marriage survives.  You really missed it...
 
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