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Topic : 12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Number of Replies: 118
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Created on : Friday, December 05, 2008, 12:50:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage is supposed to be about compromise, but what happens when one partner says, "It's my way or the highway"? Newlyweds Matthew and Lianna have been married for just three months and are already at odds about Lianna’s passion for her very unusual hobby. After a heart-to-heart on their honeymoon, Matthew says he thought they had come to a compromise, but Lianna says Matthew is squashing her dreams. Find out why Matthew says he didn’t sign up to be married to a “gay man in a woman’s body,” and how married life, for this couple, is turning into a real drag. Then, Shawna and John have been together for 13 years and share three children. Shawna says she still wants to be married to John … just not right now! You won’t believe her shocking plan for a marital sabbatical, and neither does John. How will he react when he hears the news for the first time? When Dr. Phil gives these relationships a reality check, will their mismatched expectations cause them to break their vows? Speak out!

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 6, 2008, 4:56 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show.

Check Doctor Phil Reality Realation Ship. What Are you talking about? I  donot understand  that. Tell me----

something that I do not know. See you on Thursday December 11th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaan--

deren.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
December 6, 2008, 5:25 pm CST

Listen to Bragging

While getting to know new friends,,,,  listen  how  good/ bad they have treated others...

The person you marry  is not same as person you divorce....

HOW   they have treated  not so likeable persons  is  how  they will  treat you,,,  DOUBLE

 
December 8, 2008, 3:06 pm CST

"My way or the highway??? Ahahahahah

Hello Dr.Phil

First i would like to apoligise my writting mistakes, but i'm Portuguese and sometimes my english fades away.
I would like to say that when you have a relationship the only "MY WAY" that can exist it's the Frank Sinatra's song along with a nice glass of red wine, with your partner. I don't believe in "MY WAY" in relationships. It should be always "OUR WAY" based on each one choices. Of course every person as is own opinion, so, you should respect your partner as he should respect you and get to a point that both are happy without hurtfeelings.
If you are abble to give, than you can ask. But never in the oposit.
Everybody needs to adapt to the partner. We don't born for each other, we just find persons you realy love and than you start to know each other. Respect for the other, and for the other space should be a base for a good start on a relationship. As long as your atitudes don't bother the other, you will know you are doing it in the right way, and not in "Your or My Way"

P.S: Love is so, so, so simple, that people feel the need of complicate... Why is that???

Best Regards
Elisabete Campos
 
December 8, 2008, 4:44 pm CST

LIFE SUCKS

Thank you for sharing your stories . is there really a Dr Phil? i write this man alll the time and get no responce  what does it take to get to him ?? anyone please ????? My world seems to be falling apart  today i asked God to please just take me i hate this world . I hate my life .I am losing it . My husband has now lost his job   took a 90,000 dollar loss in wages from last yr .  we have 7 children our house is going to forclosure next month i want to drink myself to death .I HATE ME. I DONT TRUST HIM I THINK HE HAS MORE TO TELL I WONDER EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT HE WAS MY WORL I WAS BEATEN MY WHOLE CHILD HOOD SEXUALLY ABUSED MIUSTRETED AND HE WAS MY FIRST PERSON IN MY LIFE I TRUSTED  HOW DID I DO THIS TO HIM . I GAVE HIM MY HEART AND IT IS CRUSHED  WE HAVE DONE COUNSELING IT WASNT GETTING US ANYWHERE SINCE THEN I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DRUNK  SO MANY TIMES AND BLACKED OUT , GOT  MY FIRST DWI AT 35 2 TIMES OVER LEGAL LIMIT . WENT TO A FRIENDS HOUSE PASSED OUT ON BACK PORCH CARRIED TO HER ROOM BY HER HUBBY  TO FIND OUT LATER WE HAD SEX  I HAD A 5TH OF TEQUILLA AND REMEMBER VERY LITTLE . I FELT DIRTY AND IN MY EYES RAPED . I HAVE GAINED 20 POUDS  THIS IS AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS TO RECLAIM MY LIFE . MY KIDS NO LONGER HAVE THE MOM OR DAD THEY HAD NOR DO WE HAVE JOBS I FEEL STUPID, USELESS AND I ABSOULUTLY HATE ME AND MY LIFE . IF I HAD NO KIDS I WOULD GO IN THE BATHROOM AND SHOOT MYSELF I HATE THIS WORLD AND I HATE THIS LIFE MY HEAD DONT STOP THE VISIONS WONT STOP. THE GUILT DONT GO AWAY EVERYDAY I FIGHT NOT TO DRINK . AND I HAVENT FOR A FEW DAYS .  I AM BIPOLAR OCD AND  WONT TAKE MEDS THEY MAKE ME SICK CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

 
December 11, 2008, 1:22 am CST

Where was Dr. Phil?

I think Dr. Phil missed the boat on the topic of the woman who believed she is a gay man in a woman's body.  He doesn't think that her habit of dressing up "in drag" is harmful, but no one on the show addressed the question of a married woman going out to gay bars and mingling with this new set of friends that she has made for herself.  Even if she weren't dressing up like a drag queen, shouldn't Dr. Phil have pointed out that it is inappropriate for a married woman to be out socializing in bars without her husband?  What business does this woman have being out at bars, having a high old time, while her husband and HER children are at home?  THAT is the inappropriate behavior.  If she still wants to go out and socialize like that, then she should have stayed single.  I side with her husband on this one, and I think Dr. Phil missed seeing the bigger problem. 
 
December 11, 2008, 7:39 am CST

My opinions about Gays and Lesbians

Dr. Phil,

I wish I was not so predejice, but I have a son 41 years old and he is gay.  I knew this since he was a small child.  I can not stand to be around him, it is not him that bothers me it is the Queenish ways.  When he was married I thought he would likve a normal life with a very nice lady, they only stayed married for four years did well, then he started going to gay bars.  When his wife called me and told me Ronnie had left I automatically ask her, "Who was the man he left you for/"  His wife as me how I knew it was a man I told her I had know it since he was a little boy.

The problem is he denies it to my family and my Mother, he tells them he fells sorry for me, trying to make them think I am making this up.  So now my family does not believe any thing I say.

It has not been easy for me, I raised four children most of the time by myself.  Not only raising the children but I was diagnosed with Lupus in 1975, Fibromyalgia in around (I am not sure) 20 years ago.  I have had many medical problems, but  with prayer and trying not to let things bother me I have survived will be 65 years in Jan. 

I could go on and on but with the help of God I will make it and I intend to another many years.I am not ready to give up.

 
December 11, 2008, 9:00 am CST

about the "drag queen" girl

This is only the second time I have posted anything on here but I felt I really needed to.  I never thought I would say this concerning Dr. Phil on a "gay topic" (although this isn't exactly gay) but...good job.  I tuned in only because I thought for sure Doc was gonna take the husbands (Mathew?) side on this and then I could keep my oppinion of Dr. Phil as an ill-informed secret homophobe. But I think you have proved me wrong.  Although this isn't necessarily a gay topic Dr. Phil poionted out that the husbands views on his wife doing "drag" (Although it's more dress-up than drag since you are a woman) come directly from his homophobia.  So, Dear woman (sorry I can't remember your name) you be you!  Obviously you have found some comfort in the gay community and would be wrong to give that up because of your husbands close-mindedness and homophobia.  If you did decide to give up your "drag night" you would only be teaching your children that it's ok to let a man control you (I am a man by the way) not to mention that you would be teaching them that your husbands ignorance toward your gay friends is justified.  Do you wnat them growing up to hate people because they are different from you?  What you are doing is harmless and fun and there are a lot of men out there that would find your hobby fun, exciting and sexy!  Who doesn't want a woman who is out-going, charasmatic and adventuress?  He doesn't hate your hobby he hates that it involves gay people.  Thats his problem not yours.  Would he rather you had a night out every month with the girls where you went dancing and drinking at a straight club?  I doubt it, even though right now he would probably disagree.  This is such a small, stupid thing for him to be upset about that even considering divorce because of it should make you say hhhmmmm..whats next?  Hopefully, you remain strong and don't let him take this from you.  I am sure he is a good guy but even good guys will control if you prove to them they can.

 

Anyway, Dr. Phil although I am not a huge fan of your show (not a big fan of watching others peoples problems being aired) I will admit that my oppinion of you has bumped up a notch.  I know you could probably care less, but since my last post was so bad I thought it only fair I share something good.

 
December 11, 2008, 9:00 am CST

Matthew and Lianna...

Doc Phil did an AWESOME job diagnosing your problems... Lianna loves you, it's obvious...try to be more understanding to her, and perhaps her need for the "hobby" will diminish some.  The whole time I was thinking two things...1) that Lianna needs a creative outlet.  Theatre, being a make-up artist, Cirque de Soleil (lol) ...would be other options if Matthew still can't get past her "hobby". And 2) perhaps Lianna is getting her emotional needs met by going to these clubs.  Since gay men usually make good connections with females.  If Matthew was more attentive to her needs, maybe she would not feel the need to go outside her family for the understanding/attention she definitely needs.  I hope this relationship can work out...there is love there...so sit down and work out how to make it succeed so you're both happy. :)  Take care,  Anne from MI
 
December 11, 2008, 12:49 pm CST

12/11 Relationship Reality Check

Quote From: jillibeani

It is unfair of Shawna to treat her husband and children like this.  Her alcoholism....(YES SHE IS A ALCOHOLIC) is the most important thing to her.  She is selfish and totally unrealalistic in perceptions.  And I guess this  may sound mean, BUT she looks like a used up BAR FLY that has been around the block several times!!!!  If she wants to leave you so she can pursue her interest(drinking & hooking up with random guys) by all means SHOW HER THE DOOR!!!  And I would NOT let her take the children with her.  Like you said she is still acting like a teenage girl out of control.  This is not a person that should have soul custody of the children.  She has not progressed in life, she is stuck in the "Party Stage".

 

I know it's hard to let go, but you only have one life to live.  Make it count! You and your children deserve to be happy and appreciated, and loved. Knowing that you and your children come 1st always. Not drinking and going to the bars....I don't care what she says bars are meat markets! And come on....leave for a yr, hookup with whoever, then come back and spend the rest of her life with you....OOOHHHHH Disgusting!!!  She has the I don't want you anymore syndrome, but I want you wrapped around my little finger to pine for me anyways!!!  Who does she think she is!!!  To request that is so Purpostorous (spelling may be off...lol) and Selfish.  You Deserve SOOOOO MUCH BETTER.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong, her complaints were selfish, like she is.  She is bringing way to much Drama into your Domestic Haven.  Some of us actually enjoy being home with our husband and children.  That in it self is fullfilling enough.  We dont need to have cocktails with the guys at the bar trying to get in our pants, to feel desirable.  My self esteem has never been based on the attention of stangers. I am beautiful inside and out ,and don't need to be validated by some horny toad at the bar......Yuck.

 

John you are an extremly Handsome man.  There are many woman who would love and cherish a husband like you.  I know I would.

 

Let her go....everything happens for a reason.  There is happiness out there for you, if you unload this baggage (Shawna) you will find it. 

 

*Be Brave, Stay Strong, & Best of Luck to You*

I think Shawna wants a "have her cake and eat it too" arrangement. She's already cheated on him. I don't believe her "I'll only date other men if the opportunity presents itself" crap. She's probably already begun. John should leave her ASAP.
 
December 11, 2008, 1:07 pm CST

Woman In Drag, Waht's up with that?

I Applaud Matthew for standing up for what's right, although he probably should have broken off the engagement when he found out that they were that different. Anyone who grew up in such a stable,conservative,loving, and prob christian home aught to know that you dont' marry people who believe differently and want differend things in life and marriage. That "Woman" is as crazy as they come. There are many good coservative women in this world that I wonder why he chose her. Leave that psyco woman Matthew. I sort of think that somewhere deep inside Dr. Phil, he might think she's crazy to. Dr. Phil I HOPE your not crossing over to the WORLDLY side with those crazy lefty libs at nbc. My advice to Mathew as a christian conservative is to leave her and find you a good woman with the same principals,beliefs as yourself. I know your mamma would be ok with it.
 
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