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Topic : 08/03 Torn Between Two Lovers, Part 1

Number of Replies: 28
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Created on : Thursday, July 28, 2005, 03:36:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/28/05) It's an affair that could rip two families apart. After 14 years with her husband, Michele discovered Brad was cheating with her best friend, who's also married. Though they promised to end it, both women became pregnant by Brad at the same time. Now with two babies born just 24 days apart, the women haven't spoken to each other since the births -- until today. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 3, 2005, 6:47 pm CDT

DrLeatterPhilShowtoVLAANDEREN.

Quote From: scmom2hk

To place 'blame' on your wife because she wouldn't go to counseling or whatever is shameful.  Yes, you both have some extreme issues and should be in individual counseling as well as marital counseling.  Why she would stay is something she needs to figure out or her next relationship may be the same.  I feel sure part of it is for her children, as it is for you too, but on some level both of you must know that although divorce is RARELY good for children, in this particular case it may be better than to have this toxicity in their lives.  I cannot even begin to imagine how little ones begin to assimilate such horrible issues and also being in a community where others know about it would be incredibly damaging.  None of you have the right to put that burden on these children.

 

To say it 'just happened, I didn't mean for it to' is BS.  People with high self esteem and high character don't allow themselves to be in a situation for it just to 'happen'.  They also have the maturity and foresight to see that there is NO WHERE infidelity can go but destructively in a ditch.  It always ends up sadly for everyone involved, including the innocent children.  You are abusing your children when you sleep with someone other than your spouse, plain and simple. 

 

Everyone goes through dips and wanes in their marriage.  There are lots of attractive people out there.  Making a commitment doesn't mean that you'll NEVER be attracted to another person again.  What it does mean is that you stick it out, work on problems, and when necessary, take the time to fall back in love with your spouse.  And you don't allow yourself to be in situations where something inappropriate can take place.  Never.

 

The mistress and her husband need counseling as well.  She must have very, very low self esteem and she and her husband need individual and marital counseling.  The main thing is that they sever ties with the adulterous relationship and this other couple.  Ideally, Brad would give up rights to his son and give him a chance at a normal life, but in the absence of that, the father should deliver him for visits, or some other family member.  If I were that family, I would move far away from that town.

 

The only way I see either marriage surviving and becoming healthy is life-altering self change in four different individuals; hard work and therapy.  And it may be that this hurt cannot ever be gotten over and the marriages won't make it; who knows.  But if mistress and Brad want to get together, I would be bet 1 million dollars (that I don't have) that he will do it again to her.  AND that neither of them will think the other is as exciting as ANY affair is bound to be, without the strings of bills, kids, home repairs, in-laws, etc.  Neither will be as attractive as this illicit affair is once all that comes into play.  Grow up Brad and 'Sarah' - both of you - and for the spouses, get counseling, and heal yourselves.  You didn't deserve this, but you need to find out why you put up with it.

 

Best wishes to all of you,

 

Leslie H.

Doctor Phil. After I saw Part One of Torn Between Two Lover I can harley wait to see Part Two tom-

orrow Afternoon on Doctor Phil Show. See you tomorrow Afternoon. Well I had better close now.----

Sincerly Your. HPMX590.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
August 3, 2005, 6:58 pm CDT

I must have missed something

For the life of me, I have failed to see exactly what it is that makes Brad so irresistable!  He is average looking at best, is obviously immature and lacks a shread of human decency or self esteem. Other than the fact that these women are clinging to the high school notion of not letting the other cheerleader win the quarterback, I don't get it.  I will say that anyone who takes their spouse back after somewhere between 19 and 40 "indiscretions" is not right in the head to begin with. She is showing her children it is ok to be walked all over and victimized.  He is showing his children marriage, family and committment mean nothing. Sad. 
 
August 3, 2005, 7:35 pm CDT

Deserving

 These people are not capable of understanding their dysfunction. From the man committing the atrocities, the wife allowing continued cheating, to the fickle girlfriend. The only one missing is the girlfriend's husband who at least has enough shame, not to air his dirty laundry on national television.

 God help the children. The parent's behavior is child abuse, without recourse.

 
August 3, 2005, 9:29 pm CDT

Competition

This is all about competition--neither woman wants the other to "win" and the so-called "prize" is Brad. To me it is suspicious that both women got pregnant within a month apart from each other. My guess is that the mistress purposely got pregnant after she heard that the wife was pregnant because she can't let the wife win. Someone needs to step up and make a decision because Brad is having his cake and eating it too.

 
August 4, 2005, 7:53 am CDT

sherryc lol

Quote From: sherryc

I had a boyfriend like that once.  Said no one could "fill his shoes".  After 10 years I got smart and dumped him.  2 years later I met and married a man that makes the boyfriend's shoes look like infants!

 

What is with these men?  I think they all need a good dose of saltpeter!

good for you and dumping him.lol to bad you wasted ten yrs though to find out right?good for you and i hope you will be very happy with your more mature man.Agood dose of saltpeter , lol too funny.good luck .cathyblue blob
 
August 4, 2005, 7:58 am CDT

kate6798

Quote From: kate6798

For the life of me, I have failed to see exactly what it is that makes Brad so irresistable!  He is average looking at best, is obviously immature and lacks a shread of human decency or self esteem. Other than the fact that these women are clinging to the high school notion of not letting the other cheerleader win the quarterback, I don't get it.  I will say that anyone who takes their spouse back after somewhere between 19 and 40 "indiscretions" is not right in the head to begin with. She is showing her children it is ok to be walked all over and victimized.  He is showing his children marriage, family and committment mean nothing. Sad. 
Hi kate,totally 100% agree with you .Brad leaves nothing to the imagination thats for sure.average looking is all i give him.LOL Anyhow you are right what about the kids and especially the ones that even born yet,(well could be by now)what a way to come into the world.If i were the babies i crawl back into the safety and not come out at all.take care.cathyblue blob
 
August 4, 2005, 8:04 am CDT

jessbn

Quote From: jessbn

 These people are not capable of understanding their dysfunction. From the man committing the atrocities, the wife allowing continued cheating, to the fickle girlfriend. The only one missing is the girlfriend's husband who at least has enough shame, not to air his dirty laundry on national television.

 God help the children. The parent's behavior is child abuse, without recourse.

GOOD TO SEE A MAN WITH HALF A BRAIN (ALTHOUGH YOU PROBABLY HAVE A FULL ONE.LOL) SEE FROM A MAN'S SHOW HIS PROSPECTIVE TO BRAD &THE REST OF HIS CIRCUS HOW ITS DONE.GOOD POINT ONLY THE HUSBAND OF SARAH IS NOT THAT BRIGHT EITHER ,HE'S WILLING TO TAKE HER BACK!!!THATS THE SECOND SHOW THOUGH.LOL TAKE CARE.blue blob
 
August 4, 2005, 8:11 am CDT

parents teach your children WAH

                

           This should be an alarm to all parents to start teaching their children impulse control at an

              early age. 

                     When they are adults they will not make every decision based on emmotion. 

 
August 4, 2005, 9:31 am CDT

Brad is a selfish jerk

I find it rather astonishing that Brad remains married. If Brad is such a sex maniac, then why not have sex with his wife all the time? Once Brad got married, he made a vow not to be dishonourable to his wife. Having just cheated once on her is bad enough. But with 19 other woman????? It's totally dispicable behavior. Brad is neither deserving of Michele nor the other woman. He needs to isolate himeself as the problem and deal with it by himself. Sara and her own husband need to distance themselves as far away from Brad as possible to deal with their own damage. It may not sound so humane to ostracize Brad but after going through 19 other women, that's all he deserves. Brad needs to go into councelling to deal with his own sexual impulses and leave it at that.
 
August 5, 2005, 12:04 pm CDT

08/03 Torn Between Two Lovers, Part 1

Quote From: shayna8119

Unfortunately, I have been in a very similar situation.  I cheated on my husband with a married man, got caught and then we both reconciled with our spouses.  A few years later, I divorced my husband and the guy that I cheated on him with came back into my life once he found out I was divorced.  Stupid me....  I fell for his lies.  He divorced his wife and we got pregnant.  He had overwhelming guilt for his ex-wife and 2 children and left me and married his exwife again.  Since I also had 2 children and was in a herendous court battle with my ex-husband, all of this was extremely overwhelming and more than I could handle.  I made the ultimate decision to abort the child.  A decision I am still having to cope with daily and i hate myself for it.  I was only thinking of myself, the other children involved and I thought that it was best for everyone if I did this.  I was again wrong.  After the abortion, the father of the baby crept his way back into my life apologizing for leaving me,etc. etc. etc.  AGAIN... I TOOK HIM BACK EVEN AFTER ALL THAT HAD HAPPENED.  It took over a year for his 2nd divorce to go through. In the meantime, I got pregnant again.  This was something that we both agreed to and wanted.  After his divorce was final, he waited around and continued to put off marrying me.  Finally, we were married a month before the baby was born.  We have been married now for 6 mos.  It is absolutely miserable.  I do not trust him at all.  Never will because of our past.  He continues to feel guilty about his exwife and children and I believe he still has a relationship with her.  I am not allowed to be around his children so he has to spend the time with them away from me and our child.  Our child does not even know their brother and sister.  We are miserable.  Sarah should know that even if she and he were together, it would NEVER work!!!  I know from experience unfortunately. 

Well I have known my fiance for 12 years now, and we met each other when my first husband and him were best friends. I was kind of friends with a girl I had introduced to him..they were married for awhile and I had gotten a divorce with my first husband and was dating another guy when we lost contact with each other. I had ran back into him 3 years later and he was having problems with his marriage and she kicked him out and I was single. We got together and we've been together for 5 years now and we have a child. His ex is still upset I think with the whole thing and she doesn't talk to me, but we are happy. We've always been best friends. We joke with each other, compliment each other. We are a lot alike.  

At first he didn't want to leave his wife because he was afraid she would take the kids away from him. We did go through a hard time in the first year but we overcame it.  

This guy brad has cheated several times with his wife. He might cheat on sara, but you never know because Sara could be the one that makes him want to change, and fulfill him every way that his wife couldn't. I think its different for everybody.  

About the kids, thats true the kids do suffer, and Brad should decide whether he wants his wife or Sara because going back and forth does cause problems with children.  

 
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