Topic : 08/03 Torn Between Two Lovers, Part 1

  

Love the OOPS statement.  rotfl   Hope you do not mind if I use it in future. 

It is amazing to me that Dr. Phil can keep his composure with such blatant transparent deception. It is insulting to everyone that watches the show. However, I was just blown away that a paternity test hasn't been brought up. It is evident that Sarah and Brad can't be trusted therefore it would seem pretty obvious that someone would have insisted on one. Michele should get out of the marriage and move forward with her life with her children. Brad can't possibly be a good role model for their children just based on his integrity as a human being. As for Sarah, she is an embarassment to the name of woman. Brad isn't worth saying anything about for all the obvious reasons.  

  

Thankyou again Dr. Phil. This husband is identical to my now-ex boyfriend and I am grateful to you cause, even though he has made it clear he no longer wants me (I am not blonde with an hourglass figure and a May West sexuality, though it took him three years to work that out...dah!) it still hurts me and I am torn between feelings of intense love and hatred and revenge. It was good to see there are other men like him and to hear again the wake-up call that this is NOT an okay way to live. You can lose your sense of perspective when you believe you are in love. I did and this intense, almost unbearable pain I now have to endure is the price I have to pay.

Hello, I don't agree that it's about the competition for I was there. It's about a perceived feeling of love. I so loved my guy and he was every bit the liar and manipulator that Brad is. He made me feel that I was the only woman in the world, that what we had was special and that it was all over between him and his wife. In fact, they'd even agreed to lead their own lives, long as they came home to the children. I believed it cause I wanted to but it wasn't true. Turned out he believed that sleeping with as many women as he could was an indicator of his power and status in the town. I didnt want to "beat" the other woman, I wanted to know it wouldn't hurt her if I took her 'cast off.' Unfortunately that wasn't true.

I said I'd be there 24/7 for my sex maniac. I loved him and lusted him too. His wife didn't like or want sex he said. Wouldn't you think a guy would be happy with that? Ohhh nooooooo! He liked the chase, the challenge and the novelty. Once he'd 'scored' he got bored and wanted to move on. He said there was something very wrong with me that I could not just have sex-no strings and move on. He also wanted me to have sex with other people while he watched and, cause I couldn't do that, he dumped me. I HATE HIM AND ALL MEN LIKE BRAD! I hate that what they do isn't against the law, that they get away with it and other men pat them on them on the back and consider them 'lads around the town.' I hate that I wake every day with the pain of it. I try to forgive him, Dr. Phil, but guys like that steal your heart and break it if you're not savvy to their world. I know I am stupid to have let myself be involved with such a man and also that this is mean but I wish their appendages would fall off~ roll away into the gutter, be picked up by some bird (the feathered kind) and be fed to their babies in the nest. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

 This show aired today in the European country were I am living and was a wake up call for me. You see, I have been in a rather uncomfortable situation for quite a few years and, to some extent, I actually feel sorry for "Sarah".   

For the last six years, the husband of a dear friend of mine has been hitting on me.  At first, I was quite surprised, until I started to realise that this is a natural thing for him; he has had multiple affairs.  My friend does not know and is absolutely crazy about him. In fact, her sun rises and sets on him.  

I have always let this man know I would not get involved with him. Like Brad, he has the ability of making a woman feel very special, very sexy...as if she is the best thing that has ever come his way.  And I must confess that at times, when my life was going through complicated moments, I almost fell for it.  These guys know how to be charming and precisely when to "attack" their prey.  Nothing has happened because when I'm most vunerable, I think of my friend, of how she does not deserve such a double-betrayal, of how hurt she would be if she ever found out, and of how disgusted I would be with myself if I ever actually went through with this.  Why don't I tell her? Not only because it would destroy her but also because I have this horrible feeling that it would destroy our friendship. The messenger normally gets shot and as someone - a bartender, i think - mentioned...somehow women always gun for the women. She would probably feel I had done something to lead him on.  

As I said, this has been going on, on and off, for six years... He shows up suddenly, gets rejected...goes away, only to return some time later...like, for example, while I was going through an ugly divorce.  I have become convinced that this is now a game to him. He does not want to lose. He decided years ago he would sleep with me and will not stop until he gets his way (or so he thinks).   

So, to a certain extent I understand what has happened to Sarah. And I thank them for going on the program. Who know if on one of my loneliest times, if this joker showed up, I wouldn't fall for his anticks.  Thank you. If I ever felt I was wavering, watching the mess you guys made of so many people's lives, seeing this from the outside, made me see things much more clearly.   

Good luck to all of you. You guys really did mess up but if you are serious about fixing things, then I hope you are able to do so, leaving the least number of casualties behind.  

As far as Sarah's baby, am I the only one that feels she got pregnant on purpose to "retaliate" for Michelle's pregnancy?  

i'm in a very similar situation right now, except i'm not married...

in 2002 i met the greatest guy ever. he was tall, dark and handsome, i met him in college, he was 6 years older than me (i was 20 when we started going out) and he was super intelligent, funny, and got along great with my family and friends. too good to be true? yes. one month into being his "girlfriend", his ex, gigi, found out that she was pregnant. i was devastated. but i stuck by him, hoping that it was just a ploy to get him back. it wasn't. he was living with her brother and their friend at the time, when the two guys found out that gigi was pregnant and he was still with me, they moved out and left him with the rent and all the bills. i felt so sorry for him, i did whatever it took to help out. i hated her for what she was doing to such a great guy. she carried the child for 7 months, and then tragically miscarried. at that time, all connections to her were over. (i guess i left out the part that he and gigi had been dating prior to me, for close to 7 years) he told me that she was pushing him to get married and have kids, and he just wasn't in love with her any longer. it was hard for me to get over her, because i was intimidated, she knew him better, she knew his family, i was eat up with jealousy and constantly nagged him, claiming he'd break up with me and go back to her eventually. in 2005, he did just that. we had gone about 6 months fighting continually. he cheated on me with his roommate, constantly told me to leave him alone, give him his space...i stalked him!! so afraid he'd cheat again, i wanted to catch him in his lies. in february of '05 his mother passed away, i couldn't get inside his head...we were hanging by a thread, still together, but not by a lot. gigi was at the funeral, the first time i'd met her. a month later brandan i were over, but he'd have good days and want to see me, then i'd get on his nerves or ask too many questions and he'd be hateful. in december of 2005 he told me he'd proposed to gliceria, but was sorry he did it, and felt like a caged animal. he came to me new year's eve, and slept with me that night. he said how much he loved me and missed me, and didn't know what to do. from the time we broke up in march, it was like i was on a roller coaster, and has been that way ever since. he and gigi were married in vegas nearly a year ago now, and he has cheated on her with me ever since he proposed in december of '05. she always finds out, either by me telling her because he starts getting hateful and mean, or he'll slip up. after she finds out, he's either too mad at me for telling on him, and/or she forbids him to talk to me ever again, and changes his cell number and emails. in 2006, they up and moved to ohio, (from va) to get away from all of his "addictions". 6 months later, he got in touch with me by sending me his hotel info in nyc, and after a weekend of telling me how miserable he is with gigi, and how he only married her because it made sense financially, and his family thinks he's complete and sensible when he's with her...he told me he wanted to meet me. in october last year, he flew me, all expense paid, to ohio for a weekend while she was in florida. we stayed at a hotel close to his home with her, and we not only hung out there, but went to local restaurants and shopped. (you'd think he'd be afraid we'd be seen). we had a huge blow-up when she found out that he was calling me and had been up there, that she even emailed my mother and told her everything...since 2005. then brandan "wrote" me an email telling my mother and i that i was only used for sex, nothing more, and that he was finally done hurting gigi. i wrote him off. in february of this year, he started calling me again. one day 15 times, i never answered but texted him back asking what he wanted. he wrote "to apologize, nothing more". i finally answered his call. he poured his heart out to me, stating that she had written the hateful email, and he tried to stop thinking about me, and tried to help his marriage, he'd made his bed and knew he had to sleep in it, but he couldn't get what he had done to me out of his head. he took all responsibility for everything he'd done to me since we broke up. he explained why he had run to her, and away from me, he said he wished he could take it back, but knew that our families would think we were crazy if we got back together after all of our drama (which i didn't go into detail about). he said he wished that we could just be friends, at least, and he would be honest with me this time, and he wouldn't hide me, like all the other times. i was convinced. in april, she found out again, that he was talking to me A LOT. and SHE called me this time and poured her heart out to me, saying she should have left in october and he was so horrible to her, always comparing her to me and on and on. i covered for him and didn't tell her the things he said about her or the things he said about me to me. he eventually called and asked me to never call him again, no texts, no emails, and he said that he had chosen gigi, not me, therefore, he didn't ever want to talk to me again. i was mad,i changed my phone number so that he couldn't call me, and i got over it. i graduated from college on may 17th. a week later, i was logged onto aol instant messenger talking to a friend, and he logged on. (when we were together, we talked on there all the time but over the years grew out of it, so what in the world made him think to log on there i have no idea) he started apologizing...he didn't want to stop talking to me, he wanted me in his life, she was breathing down his back when he last called me, and everything he'd said was scripted, to avoid an argument. he can't stand to argue, he can't stand drama...or so he claims. guess what? i was convinced. he wanted to see me, tell me to my face how much he cares, and loves and misses me. i met him in west va for a camping weekend. we had the best time...he told me how confused he was, how he was comfortable in his marriage because of their home, they bought a house, their dog, and how his family loved gigi so much. his family considers him "together" and on thje right track now because of her, despite the fact that they found out about october. he said he thought about me everyday. and other than comfort, he wasn't happy. he said he knew she wasn't happy - her family never forgave him, and now won't forgive her for being with him...(my family hates him as well, and would disown me if i went back with him, they'd kill him if they saw him in public!) he said that she guilts him into staying with her, and he feels like such a douche bag for what he's doing. he doesn't want to hurt her, or me...she tells him he's all that she has, she has no family, only his and him. so he has stayed. he bought a track phone since she closely monitors his phone bills and emails. i can talk to him at work anytime, on instant messenger, or call him on that phone and leave a message for him to call me back. he leaves the battery out of it so it won't ring and she hear it. we met again last weekend. he paid for me to drive to and stay in ohio. he said he was so confused, i pleaded with him again, not to play games, just be honest, and if he thought he'd never leave her to leave ME alone. he swore he wasn't playing games, he didn't wwant to hurt me, he wanted me to be happy, and if that meant to be without him, he'd leave ME alone. he said it was so easy for him to tell me to "Get lost" or leave him alone, if he meant that, he'd say it now, but he wants me in his life. he also said that their bills would be paid in 2 months, so all that he would have to worry with would be the house, and if he left her or vice versa, then he'd be stuck with the house, but he'd find a roommate no problem. they only thing that concerns him is his family. and he said there's no way that he could run back to me, that's what everyone expects, and he doesn't want them to think he left her for me, he recognizes that the problem isn't anyone but himself, and he'd want to be alone for awhile to figure out the rest of his life.
when i asked him how long he was going to carry all of this on, he said a few months, max, he wouldn't let this go on past december, he was done hurting me AND gigi. he is already planning a trip to come see me in august.
i'm afraid, however, that i am pregnant. after last weekend, there's really no way that i couldn't be...i don't know what to do. i have lied to my parents about seeing him, they HATE him!! however i am SO CLOSE to my family...plus, i have no full time job, i just graduated!! my resume is out there, but i've heard nothing back yet...my mom pays my rent, my bills...i have nothing without my parents and if i were pregnant it would kill them. i'm positive that my dad or mom would be so hurt and so upset that they would have a heartattack or stroke...or may even ponder suicide. this is a horrible situation. my mother knows i've seen brandan, and of course she read the email they wrote back in october, so she knows we've been sexually active. she has threatened to cut me off, told me that i was "aiding and abetting a married man". and that it is a sin, and i was wrong...think about how gigi feels. but what about her?! she's known all along!! she'll find out again eventually, she's the dummy who's stayed with him!! not that she deserves this, no one does. i know i don't. so what's wrong with me?? why can't i let go of him? i love him, and i guess i'm hoping he'll leave her...not even for me, but just leave HER...if i'm pregnant, what should i do?? my life will be over, i'd have to run away, never speak to my family again, it would shame them, embarrass them...humiliate them and me. he has even said to me that he wants to have children with me, and how beautiful our kids would be, how intelligent and talented...and what a good mom i'd be...i think he'd stick by me, but i'm sure he'd be mad at first...what to do, what to do??? i'm so sorry for this long email, but i have no one to talk to...i can't tell my friends, i'm too embarrassed, my parents aren't talking to me now, because they know i've SEEN and been talking to him again...please offer any guidance you might have...i just graduated...the world is at my fingertips, why am i so caught up on him??? i'm so confused and lost...and depressed...i want to believe him, but i've read and heard enuf about cheating married men to question his actions and feelings..he sounds exactly like this other guy, and i'm like sarah...he tells me he's not playing games, he's not doing this to hurt me, he loves me just as much as he loves gigi, and he tells me he will understand if i want to walk away. it seems so different...but i guess it's the same. he's always the one calling me, missing me, when i don't answer the phone he wonders why and what was i doing...am i tired of him, avoiding him...
also, when i asked him what would happen if i just quit answering his calls, his emails, and moved somewhere and didn't tell him (because he's always planning my career for me and where i will live and how close he'll be) he said it might take him 6 months, but he would always find me. he knows my social security number, and he said that all it takes is about 20 bucks and you can find anyone on the internet. he even said he go to my home town and wait for the mail to run....i'll never be rid of him, and my mental health can't take much more.