Topic : 08/04 Torn Between Two Lovers, Part 2

I have been in Michelle's shoes. My X beat me up as well.  It was hard for me to accept that my husband, who is a E.R. doctor, was causing me physical pain as well as emotional pain.  

It's a hard place to be.  The confusion she is feeling will take a long time to sort through.

I hope she knows that God does not want her to stay with this husband.  I didn't want to give up and believed God would get through to my X. 

Michelle, God cannot help those who don't believe in him and follow his design. 

It wasn't until I finally kicked him out that I realized this is what God wanted me to do. God didn't want me to hurt anymore.

Funny thing, when I dumped him, he dumped her when the divorce was final.  He had already found someone else.  She now knows what I know. She helps me now when she can and I have been able to forgive her. 

These Narcisistic men are very believable.  They are con men. 

Narcisistic Personality Disorder consists of many disorders.  These men who have it can only be helped if they come out of denile and know they have it.  They have no empathy. Everything they do and touch has to be about them.  They are completely unreasonable.  Their moods sway as though they are bipolar.  They keep their prey in a state of confusion. They turn people away from you and convince others you are crazy. 

Now I pity my X husband as I watch our daughters see him for who he is and turn away from him as well.

My life has gone on and I have met a wonderful man.  I had to give up on my past dreams and make new ones.  It was hard but now I am at peace and I know I'm not, nor was I crazy.

It seems so simple to those who have not been abused.  It's not so simple.  For those who don't understand, look up NPD on the internet.  The more people truly understand what Michelle is dealing with the better. 

My goodness, emotional turmoil: some people do not know any other way to live. I hope she finds the strength and courage to get out, take care of herself and her children and look back at what she was in.........and know she made the right move. He is not worthy of anything he has or anyone around him until he changes his life around which will take some serious efforts on his part and help from a good therapist, I'm sure. He is so self centered, he is really sick! Good luck to both of them.

From someone who NOW can't live without serenity........I paid the price too!

Neither of these women deserve to be used by this man.  He is the most selfish person in the relationship, and he does need serious professional help.  The "other woman" may become the wife soon, but one day down the road, she too will become the "other woman" and he'll be with another and another and another.  Both women need to wake up and move on.  They don't need this man.  He will have to provide support for the children, but they children don't need a "Father" like this.  What a terrible example of a Father.  Dear ladies, please get on with your lives - get healthy emotionally and keep your chin up and take pride in yourselves.  You can do it.

Does he have the flattest affect you have ever seen.  I wish I had skin like his.  Not a wrinkle in it, not even the finest line.........this is totally from lack of emotion, for many many years.   He is FLAT. 

He would actually be the poster boy for a BOTOX ad.  I can't believe that this flat affect has never been noticed by others and he doesn't have other problems.  I have worked in mental health for more than 20 years and when you see this kind of personality it is so textbook.   He just sits there like a dead fish.  He has no conscience I believe also.

 

 

This is the best I have seen Dr. Phil act, speak and talk to guests EVER and I have been watching since he came on TV with Oprah during her trial in Texas.  He should be more honest and direct with all of the guests.....I feel he usually lets the guy off way too easy and doesn't force him to address his lies.

 

Well I hope she can finally put herself first and stop thinking about HIM and take care of herself and the kids.   Best wishes to his wife. 

 

The other woman is a dirty, disgusting immoral, female who should also be kicked out and left on her own by her husband.  She needs to learn that there is certain behaviors not acceptable when you are married and a mother.  She makes me sick when she says "How do I do that?"  What a copout, miss martyr.   Sickening.   Women out there  be sure to teach your daughters that there are LOTS of women out there who will do this.  Don't let them have to learn on their own.  And teach them about addicted men also.

I want to say I would never put up with someone that doesn’t respect my feelings either. I have a wonderful husband, been married for 30 years, 2 grown boys, 3 grand children and it’s still going strong. Our relationship is treated like we are best of friends. We do everything and anything together.

 

 

So, yes there are good people out there, so you don’t have to live with this, and neither do your kids. Believe me I know what it is like because my father did that to my mother when I was 7 years old, and it’s no fun. (I even caught my father in his girlfriend’s bedroom having sex together). This is not something that your kids need to see.

 

 

Go on with your life with a man you know that will respect you and your kids, its well worth it in the long run.

 

 

Good Luck to yours and the kids future. Nancy

 

Ladies:  Did I not hear this guy admit to 19 or was it 40 affairs in the time he's been with Michele?  Holy Cow, Michele, Honey, please kick this guy to the curb!!!  Until he gets LOTS of help you don't need him in your life.  I don't advocate divorce, but in this case I have to think about those kids!

 

As for those babies, for all of them - is this what you want your children to grow up thinking marriage is all about?  Secrets, lies, mistrust?  That's not at all what a marriage should be about.  And, you don't want your kids to grow up and be in this type of relationship either.  Set a good example for your children!

 

As for "Sara"???  WOW, what a "poor victim" role she wants to play.  Please, it takes TWO to have an affair.  Step up to the plate and be accountable for your actions!  While Brad may have "approached you" for this affair, you had to say YES!  What a saint your husband must be to put up with this behavior.  You might want to think about that...............

Dr. Phil:   Good job.  There are tens of thousands of men and women like this, not just a few.  They need to be seen by everyone and talked about so that people will be able to see these behaviors and recognize them when they run across them in their own lives.  The "hurt" spouse needs to see these type of people so she can see that a lie is a lie is a lie and this behavior is common and has a name and the likelihood of it changing is miniscule. 

 

The cheater.....who cares.....they obviously don't have an ounce of feeling for anyone.I don't really care about the cheater. 

  

The person they are cheating with needs to see that they are just one of many, they are being used as a sex object, the person does not love or care for them, they might as well have a paper bag over their head, and that the  behavior will not change. 

I think this show will empower a lot of people by letting them see and hear a real situation that is not at all unique, that they need to regain control of their own lives and look at why they feel the need to remain attached to such a sick person that continually hurts them.    Every show you have like this helps many people.  You show millions of people that these kind of people exist, you expose their lies and make obvious their elusiveness and immaturity and maladaptive behaviors.  Their are a lot of problems in relationships Dr. Phil and I am glad that you show us how to see them, recognize them for what they are and show us how we can help ourselves out of it. 

You have a lot to be proud of.  You help us with your psychological knowledge and common sense.

   So Dr. Phil..  Ya done good!   GOOD  JOB   Thank you for all the work and effort you put into this.

 A Michigan State University viewer, one of many......come and visit us sometime!

I'm am a very lucky woman.  My husband has never cheated on me.  However (John) my exhusband's first wife (Carol) left him for another man (Les) who was also married to a woman named Ellen.  Carol divorced John and her lover (Les) divorced his wife (Ellen) on the same day.  Several months later, John and Carol were married.  Sixteen years later, Carol caught John cheating on her just as he had cheated on his previous wife 16 years ago.  Carol and John have now divorced.  As they say, what comes around, goes around. 

 

John seems to have a hard time keeping a relationship together.  After loosing Carol he married me in 1992 and we divorced in 1999.  Neither one of us were seeing anyone, we just had problems.  John has remarried and divorced twice since our divorce.  Doesn't anyone stay married to one person anymore?

 If I was the wife, I would have ripped the other woman's head off by now.  I know her husband is the instigator, but I would hate them both.  I guess I'm just a jealous person when it comes to my husband.  He wouldn't do anything to hurt or betray me, but if he did, I don't know what I'd do.  Mechelle needs to get out of the relationship and find a man that loves her unconditionally.  Good luck!!

How did 4 such messed-up individuals get together?  I pray each of them can become healthy in their own right, and forget their needs, remembering only the children each of them have brought into this world.

 

Michelle is an enabler if I ever saw one.  She just can't seem to care enough about herself to break away from the whole gang of them.  I pray she can learn to love herself enough to tell them all to take a hike.

 

Brad is a sexual predator.  He dislikes himself so much, he needs to constantly build himself up by attracting and having affairs with needy woman.

 

"Sarah's husband" -  where is his backbone?  He is so passive, I can't believe it.

 

"Sarah", I dislike the most.  Probably because there was a time in my life when I was her.  It came close to ruining my life; and the guilt and shame continue to crop up from time to time.  "If I knew then, ..."  My advice to any woman finding herself attracted or responding to a "Brad"....run, don't walk, to a good counselor and find out what makes her susceptible to him, fix herself with the help of the professional, throw in some faith study and prayer, and move towards becoming the person God wants you to be.