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Topic : 01/09 Not Easily Broken

Number of Replies: 25
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Created on : Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 05:14:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When you tie the knot, you and your spouse proclaim, “For better or for worse,” but how far are you willing to go to save a troubled marriage? Dr. Phil sits down with Bishop T. D. Jakes, renowned pastor and writer/producer of the new film, Not Easily Broken. The movie, based on Bishop Jakes’ titular novel, shows couples how to stay together during tough times. Then, director Bill Duke and cast members Morris Chestnut, Kevin Hart and Jennifer Lewis join the conversation. Find out why one actor says the movie really struck a chord with him. And, Chris and Kristine are a married couple who can relate to the film’s storyline. Chris says he can’t get over the pain of his wife’s second emotional affair, although it happened three years ago. Kristine says she and her husband fight constantly and throw objects at each other, and their angry outbursts affect their 10-year-old daughter. Can this broken marriage be saved? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 9, 2009, 4:19 pm CST

Wretched

The heart is decietfully wicked! Jer 17:9-10. Todays show is regretfully why America's morality is going down the drain. Dr. Phil & Bishop T.D. Jakes should be ashamed. Telling self professing sinners that "divorse" would be better? Then a professing man of God not confronting them with the wicked sin they both are living in is certainly not loving at all! The Bible clearly shows that adulterers and liars will have their place in the lake of fire. Sin is the transgression of the LAW (the ten commandments). The loving thing to do is to let them know how they have sinned against God by sinning against their own bodies & spouses - then sharing God's message of Love to them that He (God in the person of Jesus Christ) has paid there "sin debt" in full, with His blood on the cross. Only by repentance & faith in Christ can they be set free from the burden they carry & the promise of God that they will inherit eternity seperated from His love - & experience His eternal wrath. Shame on you for deceiving these hurting people. They could inherit eternal life if they weren't mislead by these false prophets & teachers!
 
January 9, 2009, 4:44 pm CST

Double Standard?

I watched today's show and felt that their was a double standard with the advice that was given. I watched a show from the past where a man had cheated on the wife and he wanted her to start trusting him again. You told the man that he had to be an open book and clear as a window about his whereabouts and had to wait for his wife "until" she was able to put it behind them and move forward. Today's show was a complete reverse since it was now the wife who had cheated and she apparently doesn't have to wait "until".  The man from today's show had good reason for wanting to know her whereabouts since there were two affairs and continued questionable behavior online. She needs to be the "open book" and not get defensive about any question he may have if she wishes to build trust again.
 
January 9, 2009, 4:51 pm CST

broken and unfixable

I have been married to this man for 24 years and together for 28...before we were married I had caught him in a motel room with another woman...but after a year a part we got back together...the hurt never went away.  The first 10 years were perfect, your typical happy family.  What changed?  I don't really know but I could tell something changed.  He was no long very nice to me, would say Very cruel things and call me the most ugly of names.  I was thinking he was having an affair but I didn't want to know.  I had small children and to me they came first.  Now for the last 10 years I have lived the most lonely of life one could think of...suicide was not far from my thoughts...I have then started see someone that was a long time friend and it's developed into an affair, but not till after I told my husband I could no longer live this way...it was very ugly and physical.  I have stopped the affair hoping to work on the marriage but my husband is not ever going to let go of it...so now we are seperated and it looks like a divorce is in the process...I am so sad over the whole thing and carry lots of guilt....I do love this other man and we are trying to make everyone happy...
 
January 9, 2009, 5:10 pm CST

Just Doesn't Get It

The wife just doesn't seem to get it.  She has one emotional affair and then one physical affair.  Her husband knows about both.  Instead of doing things to help her husband rebuild his trust in her, she constructs a personal profile on a social networking site and spends time communicating with strangers, males and females.  Can anyone say, "Duh?"  If a wife cheated on me and wanted back in my life, she would have to be as transparent as a person could be.  Nothing gets erased from the computer or the cell phone.  If there is, she's hiding something.  How long does this go on?  As Dr. Phil has said in the past, it goes on until the aggrieved spouse is confident and comfortable enough to start trusting the spouse that cheated.  I personally think the wife in today's case is immature and selfish.  I don't have positive vibes on the prospects of this marriage.
 
January 9, 2009, 6:13 pm CST

I know how it feels

Dr. Phil,  I have been watching your shows and getting your self help books to help me through my marriage.  I understand how it feels to be emotionally cheated on.  When reading about the show today, wow it hit home to me----I think my marriage can be saved, but I can not make my spouse change or do something he does not want to do.  Here is my encounter:  My husband of 14 years (dated 2 years so I have known him 16 years) attached himself to a widow.  This widow has told me she does not like being alone right after her husband's passing.  She lost her husband suddenly and now he can't seem to stop talking to her, she calls him he calls her and the texts are at least 200 messages a day;  this is when I realized there was a big problem. To put another twist on this she is the secretary to the ranch owner that my husband guides on.  He tells me it is all my fault.  All signs of cheating are here and he has denyed it.   He says, I drove him away because I ask to many negative questions---and call him when he did not come home early or on time from work.  He wants a secret life and I will not let him.  To make him feel better he told me I am not a good wife only a good mother.  He is a very hard worker, but when the extra money was not coming in I knew something else was up.  He blames me for our financial problems, but he spends more than I do and refuses to do the bills together.  So then, like most people being cheated on I started looking into phone bills asking where he has been, etc.  Like with this show,  he does not want to answer my questions, he avoids everything.  He is very angry and says he is not doing anything wrong.  Since he has moved out he is still helping us financially, but he is living free everywhere else.  I know I am not perfect and I have faults too, but to continually have an emotional affair and continue to lie about not talking to her and lots of other things; then the proof is on paper.  I just can not understand why and he says he still loves me, wants to be with me and our girls (ages 12 and 9), he says to me and our kids that he will be here 100% but can not live with us and will not leave us stranded financially .I do not understand this either, because if you do not live with someone you are not with them 100% or there for them 100% ..I know I love him.  When your spouse tells you in front of the kids he is divorcing you---it is a BIG SHOCKER--I was furious when he did this as well as in shock---the kids actions did not seem to phase him--that hurt me....he left home almost 2 months ago and still says 'I am not moving back home' and I love you and the girls.  He has so many mixed emotions and sending out mixed messages that he is denying himself, and I do not want to live day by day wondering what is going to happen --- a reconciliation or divorce. I want to reconcile.  I never thought it would come to this.  He has not filed, but still wants the divorce.  I am confused, the kids are confused and it is not fair at all to them nor myself. He even set up counseling---we've been to one session.....this is 100%? I am seeing where his priorities are and they do not point in our direction----but he says he is trying to do better for me to trust him and trying to communicate----I only see a 25% commitment.  What else do you do?  I keep reading and trying because I know there is a flicker of hope for my marriage. 
 
January 9, 2009, 8:31 pm CST

Freedom

I've been Kristine and we couldn't resolve it so we got a divorce.  This problem belongs to them equally, however, I believe Chris must make the first major change.   Kristine is obviously seeking something from the online community that she is not getting from Chris, acceptance and freedom.  She is feeling smothered.  Once Chris stops nagging at Kristine and starts acceptng her, she will turn to him and away from the kudos and the attention she is getting from the internet but it won't happen overnight.  She cannot be forced into suddenly leaving the online community; she needs to willingly back away from it on her own.
 
January 12, 2009, 2:31 pm CST

watch yourself been there

Quote From: ccadixon3

I hope today show will help me. My husband has been having a three telephone affair with a woman. He claims they just talk about what is going on in each other lives. Had it with him the day after Christmas and told him that if if was nothing wrong with him speaking to her then he could do it with me in the room. One of his calls to her was over 90 mins. I told it is strange he could talk to her all that him and can not have a conversation with me for 5 mins. He his always says now that I do not hear anything he says to me. I tell him him he has me confuse with his girlfriend because he is telling her evereything. I told him to call her and tell her it was over. He dial a number said it went to voice mail but he did not leave a message. She has called him and left him a message. He has agreed to go and see someone with me and stop talking to her. But I think he just said that to buy himself time and does not mean it. I will see soon when the phone bill comes!!!!!!

Honey I am talking from experience, DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN!!!!!  My husband had a "friend" when we met, and I have no problem with my husband having female friends.  But stupid me, should have watched this more closely.  she would call him when her husband wasn't home.  In 2007, there "friendship" went further.  Your husband is having an emotional affair and it is only time when it will turn physical.  I learned after this happened that they would talk quite frequently on pay phones.  and then the texting started so i wouldn't know that they were talking.  he also secretly saw her from time to time.  she and her husband divorced 6yrs ago, so then from what i have been told calls where more frequent and visits were more frequent.  and then the almighty kiss happened 4yrs ago which i did not know about either until the affair. 

she has real morals let me tell you she was dating a married man also after her divorce she sees nothing wrong with this.  my husbands excuse was because i and my step-son do not get along so this was my punishment  how lame.  just watch yourself and check that cell phone for text messages just not calls.

need anything more let me know.

 

 
January 12, 2009, 4:20 pm CST

01/09 Not Easily Broken

I have been watching the Dr. Phil show for some suggestions for just this reason. I, age 44, have been with the same woman, age 41, for 26 years, dated for 7 and married for 19. We have three boys, a set of twins who are 13 and a 17 year old who is going off to college next year. My wife has had seven emotional affairs since we been married. Two of them I am not sure if they went to sexual affairs. Every time I think I can trust her again she finds a different man and lies to me about it, only for me to find out from someone else or the cell phone bill. Which I pay all the bills with both of our incomes. All of her girlfriends have either cheated, had an affair, or got divroiced. I have asked her why she does this and everytime I get the same answer, I don't know. She was brought up in a divoriced family and her father left when she was nine. He has been married three times and lived with six other women. I asked my wife if she wants to follow her fathers foot steps. I was brought up in a complete family. I have to amit that it was not always perfect. I love my wife and have changed my life, which she has asked me to do. However, she will not change her life for what I ask of her. I don't know how much more I can take of this. It is hurting our childern and I have been hurt so many times I don't know where to turn anymore. My oldest son has diabeties and was in a really bad accident about three years. It seems that she is going through a emotional stress already about him leaving for college and shutting me out of her life at times. If you have any suggestions, I am open for them and help to keep my marriage together for the love of our family.
 
January 13, 2009, 11:21 am CST

01/09 Not Easily Broken

Quote From: cynnie

I am posting in regards to the show "Not Easily Broken".   It's unfortunate that many of americans go through the "emotional" abuse of marriages/relationships, be it affairs, etc.  I have been in that type of relationship myself and by the grace of God, He pulled me through and has blessed me with the most wonderful man and marriage that I could of ever hoped for.  I am sure Mr. Jakes movie is wonderful but there are some things that concern me.  He is a minister of the Word yet produces a movie with bad language and I am assuming some "missing clothing" as one of the guests on the show mentioned she didn't have her shirt on in one scene.  I am not judging but in the case of morales in this country, I couldn't help myself from writing this post.  If a Pastor can't even set a good example by producing a "pure" movie then how can we expect our younger generation to "live right" when they can't even watch a family type movie without even seeing this kind of stuff.  They see it, think it's ok because after all a man of God is behind this, it has to be ok.  I know it's trivial compared to some types of movies out there but we have to draw the line somewhere.  Maybe I am looking too deep into this and any helpful comments are welcomed if I am not understanding correctly for some reason.  I mean no disrespect to Mr. Jakes here at all, that's not what I am getting at.  I'm just wondering here where things need to begin and end?
Having read Bishop Jakes' novel, Not Easily Broken, and seeing an ad for the movie before this episode aired, I was expecting a decent, "clean" movie. There was no bad language or "missing clothing" in the book. Because I enjoyed reading it so well, I was looking forward to seeing the movie. But, after having seen the episode, I've begun having second thoughts. I know movies are usually a disappointment to those who have already read the books. But, I think this movie might be an even greater disappointment   What was shown of the movie on this episode suggested that the relationship between the husband and his wife's physical therapist went further than it ever did in the book. And, more people knew about it. In the book. I don't recall his MIL even knowing about it. Only his closest freind and his pastor knew about it. And he broke it off  before anyone's clothing went missing.
 
January 15, 2009, 9:45 am CST

01/09 Not Easily Broken

Quote From: brians317

I watched today's show and felt that their was a double standard with the advice that was given. I watched a show from the past where a man had cheated on the wife and he wanted her to start trusting him again. You told the man that he had to be an open book and clear as a window about his whereabouts and had to wait for his wife "until" she was able to put it behind them and move forward. Today's show was a complete reverse since it was now the wife who had cheated and she apparently doesn't have to wait "until".  The man from today's show had good reason for wanting to know her whereabouts since there were two affairs and continued questionable behavior online. She needs to be the "open book" and not get defensive about any question he may have if she wishes to build trust again.
You are 100% correct, women get much more of a pass when it comes to cheating than men. 
 
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