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Topic : 01/15 Rage Caught on Tape

Number of Replies: 46
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 09, 2009, 02:31:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
As difficult financial times put additional strain on familial relationships, rage-filled outbursts are on the rise. Dr. Phil explores a wide spectrum of anger, from irrational fits to yelling at your kids like a broken record. His first guest, Mimi, says her husband, Ed, loses his temper while trying to lay down the law with their 13-year-old son, and she's tired of being the referee. Ed says he's frustrated with the teen's attitude. Dr. Phil cameras capture the fighting, which has even became physical. Are these parents expecting too much out of the boy, or is he to blame for the confrontations? Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board, sits down with the teen. You'll be surprised to learn what he discovers. Find out what Dr. Phil suggests these parents do to keep the peace in the family. Then, meet Isabella. She says her rage grows worse with every year, and anyone is subject to her outrageous outbursts, including her own mother. You won't believe the shocking footage caught by in-home cameras, often in front of her 5-year-old son. Find out the list of items that causes Isabella to unleash her anger, and why she thinks she behaves in this manner. Is she ready to get real and end the tirades? Watch these guests and learn how to manage the frustrations in your life. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 15, 2009, 3:11 pm CST

Rage

I understand what Isabella goes through, however not on such an extreme scale.  I do think that anger issues develop over time after being 'dumped on' over and over, and over again.  What I heard her saying is that people were nasty to her her whole life and now she is giving it back to the world and she doesn't feel bad about it.  This is built up frustration and hurt.  I wish there was some pill that could make this go away, because it destroys relationships, jobs and friendships.  I wish Dr. Phil would explore the answers more rather than the presentation of the problem.  We get it!  But we don't get what to do about it..
 
January 15, 2009, 3:11 pm CST

Rage is a form of abuse...

I watched todays show about rage very closely, I can identify with both the 13 year old and the mother raging on the phone..... My mother was a person with emence rage....one minute things would be fine and the next something set her off and we (four children) were subjected to all sorts of degradation, verbal and physical.....I believe the rage came from deep sadness within herself...something she would never admit to...we all spent our lives trying to make her happy, to satisfy her need to be the center of everything....no matter how hard we tried it never worked...my oldest sister is in her 60s now and is still very scared of our 85 year old mother....I was the child that shut down, out of self defence, to escape the constant beat down...the feeling of never being accepted....I grew to be unable to form close personal relationships due to trust not being there.  Later in my life I was assaulted,  and internallized all that because I was sure it was my own fault....that internalization became rage which I took out on anyone that didn't do things my way..just like my mother....only I was sceaming on the phone using language my mother never dreamed of at strangers who never deserved it....I had to go through a serious rehab situation and find my spirituallity before I became able to express myself in an adult, educated manner....I still get frustrated with people that don't speak english well enough to be understood, but I work even harder at being kind to them because of what I consider a disability.

 

I felt that the show only touched on the facade of the problems, I would like to have seen a deeper investigation into the cause of the problems.....we all get treated for symptoms, we need to know what to do to root out the cause of the illness.

 
January 15, 2009, 3:58 pm CST

Isabella is very sad

Isabella seemed to be inches away from bursting into tears.  She has such deep pain.  That is why I feel she is lashing out.  She has been pushed to the limit.  her husband needs to stand up to her, give her a hug and get her help.  I feel so bad for her.
 
January 15, 2009, 4:11 pm CST

Mimi & Ed - I've been there!

I am a mother of four children, and while my situation differs from yours a little, I have been through raising 3 teens and my 3rd child about drove me CRAZY!  I began yelling at him to "do the things I tell you" around age 12.  Things got progressively worse, and he pretty much efied me when I'd ask him to do things.  His room looked like a pig pen and it drove me insane....I keep a really nice and neat home (everything in it's place).  On the other hand, it doesn't bother my son for things to be a disaster!  He IS a walking disaster!  The harder I cracked down, the worse it got....not only the irresponsibility, but also our relationship was suffering, as was his bad attitude towards me.  I realized that having him do everything I asked and to have him stay on task, was not worth ruining our relationship!!  (He is very artistic -- actually gifted-- and his creative side made him who he is).  I realized that I compared him to his older sister (who is responsible, self-motivated and dependable.....His younger brother (by 7 years) was more responsible than he was!  After a while, I saw the hurt in his eyes that I didn't accept him for who he was.  I decided to change MY reaction to his irresponsibility....to calmly ask him to do things (and yes, ground him occasionally)  We had a long talk, and I actually apologized and told him that I was going to change.  His bad attitude towards me CHANGED almost immediately after I changed my attitude towards him.  I began looking past his sloppy, irresponsible ways and began to engage in positive things with him.....positive reinforcement went a long ways!  I began to take him out to eat -- just him and I.  We slowly began rebuilding our relationship.  I really tried to see the "good" in HIM, rather than comparing him to his siblings.  I must say,  he is now 18 years old and we have an awesome relationship!!  Is he responsible?  No.  Does he try when I ask him to do something...YES!  He is a GREAT kid with an awesome personality and everyone who meets him says what a delight he is.  He still lives at home and is attending college.  He has surprised us with his ability to hold down a job (being labeled the best employee after working at one place for 2 years!) and gets straight A's in college!!  As for his room???  I just shut the door!  Does he get enough sleep?  Never.  But, we're happy :)
 
January 15, 2009, 4:20 pm CST

Isabella

With regards to Isabella who freaks out in fits of rage in front of her child, that made ME angry just watching it on a television, she's just like my boyfriend and I saw this just after I told my boyfriend in a calm voice that it would be wise for him to start treating me with respect and not to speak to me with the hostility he does. Just out of curiousity, is Isabella gemini? airies?  I told the boyfriend specifically that he's just a little too much like my mother and I left her behind, I can leave him behind as well if he just wants to add to the stess in my life.  The LAST thing this world needs is more hostility, thats why we have Dr.Phil's message boards, so the kids in this world arent' the sounding board. A message to Isabella, find the message boards and USE THEM!!! Thats what they are there for, you can type out how you feel and after that you feel better, I also have a remedy to offer up for you Isabella if you are reading this, it can be found at any health food store and is inexpensive and drug free, no side affects & it prevents rage and rescues human emotion, it's called " RESCUE REMEDY "  for emotional rescue, thats right, it's not just a Rolling Stones song, but it did originate in England like the Stones. PLEASE PLEASE Isabella I BEG of you to start the rescue remedy (it can be used for your child, pets and plants as well), and stop breeding, and PLEASE stop breeding hostility.  Peace out , may peace be with you
 
January 15, 2009, 4:27 pm CST

01/15 Rage Caught on Tape

Quote From: jkkury

Ed has some serious issues with anger and emotional abuse. I am so glad Dr. Phil you confronted him about his poor treatment of his son. I hear no love or concern in Ed's voice or demeanor. Intervention is definitely in order.

Children and young men are people with feelings and should not be treated as though their value is only in the grades they produce and what they can do to please their father. Ed has no emotional intelligence; Ed needs to express his concern for Jacob in a loving, intelligent, thoughtful way. Ed is the personification of a bully and it is disturbing that Jacob's mother appears so passive to the issue, that is an indication that Ed rules the household through fear. 

The expression on Jacob's face is an obvious indication that he is emotionally frozen with fear. If Jacob survives this family, it would not be a surprise that at first chance he move away as far as possible.

Terribly concerned for this young man. Sincerely, Kathleen

 


    The mother is the key to solve the problem between her husband and hr son.
  
   If I was her I would make it clear to my husband that he is not allowed talk to my son that way that he does, also my son would not be allowed disrespect my husband by plying all the games with him to make him angry.
   She is in between two rocks so, she have to take control of the situation...
 
January 15, 2009, 4:48 pm CST

Are you kidding Dr. Phil????

Am I the only person that heard Isabella say she had a hysterectomy last year and everything was blown out of the water? Maybe Dr. Phil should have had his show after the Oprah show staring his wife Robin and her book "What's Age Got To Do With It ?" I'm not a physician but I would have suggested having her hormone levels checked by a gynecologist and go from there. There is more to this woman's problem than anger management. Please listen to your guests carefully Dr. Phil before you give your opinions. Thanks for letting me give mine.
 
January 15, 2009, 5:29 pm CST

Isabella I so get you girl...

Hey Isabella,

I was you & knew what I was doing & didn't care either. I acted just like you have. I was bullied by everyone in my life even by my parents ever since I was little. Eventually I became that too. It was how I thought I got by. Be a bully or be bullied is what I believed. I married a great guy & have been with him now 12 years. I thought what do I have to worry about my life is fine. Except it really wasn't. That really wasn't me & it began to wear on me. Luckily I figured it out before everyone in my life was so sick of it they all left me. What opened my eyes really was I worked with a girl just about 10 yrs older than me. I saw what she did to her life & the people in it by behaving that way. She had a very hard sad & stressful life. She was divorced had no friends for very long had a very exhausting * stressful relationship with her young teenage son. He was always getting into serious trouble & man it all ran her ragged. She lived with anger on top of anger all cycling all the time never letting up on her to be able to relax connect & enjoy life. GIRL trust me you don't want to go down this road especially as you get older you will end up bitter & alone. This poor woman even was fired & fired over & over again. No stability & no happiness nothing rewarding in her life. She was depleted lonely tired & tired looking. You are young beautiful vivacious smart as a whip & capable of change now. Go for it girl get in control & live a fulfilling life. As for me I'd rather now out smart people & use kindness & control rather than the fits of rage that only result in more fear & harm to my life. Patience can be very rewarding. Utilize these skills & you will see.

XOXO 

 
January 15, 2009, 5:39 pm CST

Get sick of your behavior and change it!

Just watched today's show about anger and controlling it. I felt very much for people that have to deal with such issues and I believe that many things that can trigger "rages" and other irrational behavior. It seems almost automatic but it's not! It's a conditioned response and often a protection to one's self worth. I understand these reactions to a point, but what I realized is that people do not do not take personal responsibility for their reactions...it's always "the world", "the kids", "the job" or "the family" "doing and  causing" them to get angry. I strongly believe from someone who had and still can have random outbursts to be a direct cause of yourself and yourself alone. It is and always is your perception of what people say to you, the interpretation of communication can always be re-framed, not always an easy task. I hope people start to take more responsibility for their behavior...it can be controlled and it would not hurt most people to take on new perspectives from time to time to realize this.
 
January 15, 2009, 6:45 pm CST

A person may rage only 10% of the time, but you live with the fear of it 100%

Wake up you ragers!!!  My daughter and I lived with my husband, who believed he had the right to show his feelings however he wanted--even if it was anger and rage.  That sounds fine on the outside, "be in touch with your feelings."  But when one's actions hurt others, we have to take responsiblity for results of our actions and can't be so arrogant as to say the others should "deal with it." (when you pull the trigger and you hit someone, you have to take responsiblity for pulling the trigger, even the anger trigger).   Although my husband may have gone into a rage only 10% of the time, we never knew what would trigger him.  So, we lived in fear of him 100% of the time.  We walked on eggshells and wore our coats of armor whenever we were with him.  The only time we could relax and be ourselves in our own home, was when he was out.  I was afraid to talk to him about anything and so was our daughter.  We were safer when we kept our distance.  My husband and I went to marriage counselors and I tried to explain that something was wrong with our marriage (We were in and out of all different kinds of marriage counselors for 18 of the 20 years of the marriage, with no one confronting him about his anger).  With one of the counselors, I shared my concern that our young daughter was feeling the same as I.  He reassured me by saying, "Don't worry; you can buffer her."  I continually tried to buffer her, but even doing so, by the age of 12 she was diagnosed with anorexia, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.  At that point, my daugher now had to go to a child psychiatrist.  My husband had to move out of the house and we divorced.  My daughter is now 27 and a successful, happy young woman, but it took her years of counseling and medication to get over the consequences of her father's behaviors.  We all have a right to feel anger, but we all have to take responsiblity for the consequences of how we show it.  ANYONE WHO SAYS ANGER DOESN'T AFFECT THE CHILDREN  IS PLAYING WITH FIRE!!! 

 

 
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