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Topic : 01/15 Rage Caught on Tape

Number of Replies: 46
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 09, 2009, 02:31:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
As difficult financial times put additional strain on familial relationships, rage-filled outbursts are on the rise. Dr. Phil explores a wide spectrum of anger, from irrational fits to yelling at your kids like a broken record. His first guest, Mimi, says her husband, Ed, loses his temper while trying to lay down the law with their 13-year-old son, and she's tired of being the referee. Ed says he's frustrated with the teen's attitude. Dr. Phil cameras capture the fighting, which has even became physical. Are these parents expecting too much out of the boy, or is he to blame for the confrontations? Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board, sits down with the teen. You'll be surprised to learn what he discovers. Find out what Dr. Phil suggests these parents do to keep the peace in the family. Then, meet Isabella. She says her rage grows worse with every year, and anyone is subject to her outrageous outbursts, including her own mother. You won't believe the shocking footage caught by in-home cameras, often in front of her 5-year-old son. Find out the list of items that causes Isabella to unleash her anger, and why she thinks she behaves in this manner. Is she ready to get real and end the tirades? Watch these guests and learn how to manage the frustrations in your life. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 15, 2009, 6:52 pm CST

Sympathizing with Isabella

I just finished watching the episode with Isabella. I can totally see where this woman comes from. Watching her snap on the phone at the people like she did was something I myself have done. What you people who are judging her fail to see is how shw was treated on the phone before she reacted like she did. I myself have had some of the same phone calls that you watched her react to. I myself start out pleasant, calm and "sociable". After days of trying to sort something out on the phone,with a company that has a million different employees,it is frustrating.Especailly when after numerous attempts at being nice and civil still get you NO results. I know when I end up "snapping" on a person on the phone and "bullying" them as Dr.Phil put it, its after the person on the other end of the call has been nasty and or rude to myself.
 Just yesterday for example, I had a call from a company wanting to lower my interest rate on a credit card. I do not have a credit card and if I wanted to have my number removed from their calling listI was to push 3. I have had this same call twice a week for the last month. I have also pressed 3 as it had said. So when they called yesterday I wanted to talk to a representative. When I did get an actual person on the phone he was rude called me a liar and thats when I flew off the handle. He told me he was not going to remove my number from their calling list and I could either change my number or just enjoy the annoying calls from now on. I proceeded to tell him he didnt have to be such a dick and then hung up on him. Today guess what I got another call from the same company wanting to lower my interest rates on my non existant credit card.
 Some people deserve to be talked to like Isabella talks to them. Not everyone deserves respect and to be treated civil like alot of the people thought today.  
 I stand by Isabella 100%. Sure she should not be doing this in front of her kid but I dont think she is a bad mom. Thats totally jumping the gun. We dont know how she treats her child.
 
January 15, 2009, 7:30 pm CST

Isabella

This was a very interesting show.  And it got me to believe that there really isn't a lot of rage; there's a lot of inner anger.  Isabella's outbursts did not seem to be directed at the person on the other end of the phone; they seemed to show just how angry she is with herself.  And I totally disagree with the poster who says the some people deserve to be treated that way over the phone....NO ONE does.  And I also think by observing her actions (in addition to her words) that it's all about the attention.  She said it herself; it gets to people.

 

Yes, Isabella, it sure does get to people.  Which is why I'll bet any amount of cash that you don't have any friends.  You are trying desperately to get noticed but it is backfiring.  It is not rage.  It has nothing to do with the hysterectomy, which I myself have had.  It has nothing to do with getting better service.  It's just about you, and the attention you seek.  You also said that people bullied you and called you a sl*t.  There must be a reason people called you that, Isabella.  If it's true, then why can't you just make peace with yourself and say, okay, I slept around (if you have)??  And then get on with your life????  Tons of women out there have made mistakes.  Many of us have been made fun of in one way or another.  But we move past it.  And you can too. 

 

Isabella, you are so very pretty on the outside.  Now you have the chance to be just as beautiful on the inside. You have the ability to brighten up other's lives with your smile.  You have the ability to light up any room you walk into.  You can turn around and make others happy, instead of them hating you.  You can realize that whoever it is...the phone company, the cable company, will always be out there and not always providing the best service, but the more pleasant  you are, the better service you will get. I guarantee it.  And the more pleasant you are to just about everyone, the more you will be liked. And people will bend over backwards to help you or assist you.  You have to want this for yourself and I believe you can change.  Good luck to you.

 

 
January 15, 2009, 7:49 pm CST

01/15 Rage Caught on Tape

I am completely on Isabella's side in this one. For Dr. Phil to assert that CPS should be called is outrageous. Maybe she should temper her language in front of her son, but dealing with those in supposedly 'service' oriented jobs brings out the worst in anyone. The incompetence of those on the other end of the line is amazing; I wish there were more Isabellas out there to set them straight! She just has a hard time dealing with ignorance, and yes, those in 'customer service' should solve problems in seven minutes (especially after they have you on hold for 45!) or pass the phone to someone who can.
 
January 15, 2009, 7:53 pm CST

01/15 Rage Caught on Tape

Quote From: mandymogge

I just finished watching the episode with Isabella. I can totally see where this woman comes from. Watching her snap on the phone at the people like she did was something I myself have done. What you people who are judging her fail to see is how shw was treated on the phone before she reacted like she did. I myself have had some of the same phone calls that you watched her react to. I myself start out pleasant, calm and "sociable". After days of trying to sort something out on the phone,with a company that has a million different employees,it is frustrating.Especailly when after numerous attempts at being nice and civil still get you NO results. I know when I end up "snapping" on a person on the phone and "bullying" them as Dr.Phil put it, its after the person on the other end of the call has been nasty and or rude to myself.
 Just yesterday for example, I had a call from a company wanting to lower my interest rate on a credit card. I do not have a credit card and if I wanted to have my number removed from their calling listI was to push 3. I have had this same call twice a week for the last month. I have also pressed 3 as it had said. So when they called yesterday I wanted to talk to a representative. When I did get an actual person on the phone he was rude called me a liar and thats when I flew off the handle. He told me he was not going to remove my number from their calling list and I could either change my number or just enjoy the annoying calls from now on. I proceeded to tell him he didnt have to be such a dick and then hung up on him. Today guess what I got another call from the same company wanting to lower my interest rates on my non existant credit card.
 Some people deserve to be talked to like Isabella talks to them. Not everyone deserves respect and to be treated civil like alot of the people thought today.  
 I stand by Isabella 100%. Sure she should not be doing this in front of her kid but I dont think she is a bad mom. Thats totally jumping the gun. We dont know how she treats her child.
Agree with you completely! Some people don't deserve respect. Get 'em Isabella!
 
January 15, 2009, 8:38 pm CST

Don't Mess It Up

Ed, I have felt and understand your pain.  But you're lucky your wife, your stepson's mother, isn't undermining or usurping your authority in front of the boy.  I experienced that and it only makes things that much worse.  Kids are like water.  It doesn't take them long to figure out the path of least resistance and they start taking that path.  When my stepson came into my life, he was nine.  Like you, I was a police officer.  I'm now retired after 26 years.  Because of the thousands of homes I visited during the course of my career, cause and effect as it relates to juvenile crime became glaringly obvious.  Like you, I played an active role in my stepson's life.  I coached his baseball and basketball teams; helped him with and reviewed his homework every night; went to PTA meetings; traveled to watch him play football when he was in high school; played catch any time he wanted to.  On the flip side, I insisted he make his bed every morning; dress appropriately for school; put forth his best effort in school; remove his hat when he entered the house, especially when he sat down at the table to eat; taught him manners and respect.  His mother thought I was too tough on him with these responsibilities.  She moved out, taking him with her, when he was 16.   He was on the honor roll in school.  He fell off the honor roll when they left.  He was arrested twice for drunk driving; was charged with possession of marijuana; and impregnated his 17 year old girlfriend twice.  She had an abortion with the first pregnancy.  Parenting was replaced with a parent being a friend instead of a parent.  I suppose Mom's way was the better way.

 

Like me, I know you care deeply for you stepson.  What you are trying to tell and teach him is everything you have accumulated from your observations on the job.  You are offering him the golden road map which will steer him away from harm's way until he's old and wise enough to stay on that straight and narrow path on his own.  I can understand your frustration when your stepson appears to ignore your attempts at teaching him life lessons that will make him stand out from the crowd when he's competing for desk in college or for a job.  But I can also see that you are making the same mistake I did.  You command and preach instead of sitting and patiently and calmly talking and listening.  We're paid to quickly assess a situation and resolve it.  On the street we carry the hammer.  We have the last word.  As the man of the house you still have the last word, just don't make the mistake of making it the only word that's heard.  Your stepson said he loves you and would miss you if you weren't in his life.  Don't blow that by bringing the techniques successful on the street with criminals into your home and using it on the ones you love. 

 
January 15, 2009, 10:13 pm CST

01/15 Rage Caught on Tape

Quote From: ethelmertz

Dr. Phil, that out-of-control raging woman told you she'd just had a complete hysterectomy and  you missed it!  Joy would have caught it but she was next door plugging her book about menopause etc. on Oprah.  The woman said she wasn't like this before.  She needs HORMONES!  I've been there (but not as bad as this woman!) and the change was IMMEDIATE when I started taking bio-identical hormones prescribed by my doctor.  The feeling of being out of control and not caring whom you rage at, including your children, well, I got my self back when I got my hormones replaced.  And I've told my family how sorry I am that I put them through my menopause--the anger, depression, listlessness, hopelessness, all of it.
I had a complete hysterectomy several years ago and I know these same feelings.  I would just out of no where go into a rage.  I was never like that before.  The people at work said when I had my surgery that the doctors took out my personality too.  I was put on depression medicine and I was a new person. 
 
January 15, 2009, 10:56 pm CST

I wish I had seen this episode 5 years ago

I would have given just about anything to have seen this episode about 5 years ago.  I saw parts of myself in both Ed and Isabelle, I had Isabelle's uncontrollable rage, but it was all directed at my son.  I called him names, cut him down, and I did anything I could think of to degrade him.  Like Dr. Phil said, everything was a competition between us, and I was bound and determined to win!  I clearly remember so many times, walking away from an argument with Aaron and asking myself if I would even miss him if anything happened to him.  I can tell you first hand, this is not a question you ever want to receive an answer to!  Four years ago, on October 31, 2004, Aaron was killed in a car accident.  The guilt I live with every day over our relationship is unbearable.  I would give anything to be able to tell the world, that when you act out like this with your children, not only are you scarring them for life, but if anything would ever happen to them, the damage you have done to yourself is irreparable. 

 

I have to believe that if I had been told a better way to deal with Aaron's personality, as Dr. Phil told Ed and Mimi, that things would have been so much better.  Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to change the damage I have done.  Although, I am happy to say, that I am a much different person today, it's just so sad it took something so drastic to change me.

 

Thank you for bringing these issues to light Dr. Phil, my hope is that any child or parent can be helped in this situation.  I will continue doing my part by telling Aaron's story.

 
January 16, 2009, 5:22 am CST

I really related to Isabella

She's especially pretty and intelligent and a long time ago learned that one way to get through life is proving you can stand up for yourself. It's not anger, fear, being out of control, anything else. It's just a coping strategy. It's not  a very different attitude from urban sophisticates who constantly size up everything and everybody quickly, harshly and critically. She just pumps up the volume.

Probably all therapy is going to do is enable her to smooth out her rough edges, which will make her more successful financially.

Not everybody likes people and I don't think you can analyze that out of a person. But her son will end up just like her and it does get harder as you get older.

 
January 16, 2009, 7:35 am CST

I'd like to speak directly to Isabella

(I'm hoping she'll read this.)

 

I get a sense you're trying to squelch yourself into a life that's too small for you. You have tremendous star power. You're gorgeous and you know how to hold your own, two rare qualities in themselves. Have you thought about something in show biz? I could see you acting, having your own show, etc.

 

Also, do you respect the guy you're with? I don't get the impression you do. Even if you only get another lion tamer, you're a really excellent one and you at least deserve your equal. I realize it is finding a needle in a haystack, but I think you owe it to yourself to just keep plugging along for what's really going to make you happy.

 

Any therapy you might need would be if you happen to not like heights. You seem destined to them.

 
January 16, 2009, 12:26 pm CST

01/15 Rage Caught on Tape

Quote From: ethelmertz

Dr. Phil, that out-of-control raging woman told you she'd just had a complete hysterectomy and  you missed it!  Joy would have caught it but she was next door plugging her book about menopause etc. on Oprah.  The woman said she wasn't like this before.  She needs HORMONES!  I've been there (but not as bad as this woman!) and the change was IMMEDIATE when I started taking bio-identical hormones prescribed by my doctor.  The feeling of being out of control and not caring whom you rage at, including your children, well, I got my self back when I got my hormones replaced.  And I've told my family how sorry I am that I put them through my menopause--the anger, depression, listlessness, hopelessness, all of it.
Isabella never said she wasn't like this before her hysterectomy. She said she'd been like this since high school. Well before the hysterectomy. And, her fits of rage are aimed selectively. Usually toward people in the service industry. In fact, after throwing her phone and claiming that "people are going to die," and asked by her son "who's going to die," she calmly told him "No one, honey." Dr Phil showed no concern that Isabella would ever hurt her son. His concern was that he would model her behavior and become a social outcast. Anyway, Dr Lawliss will give Isabella a thorough examination at his PNP Center. If she needs hormones, or any other meds, he'll see that she gets them.
 
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