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Topic : 06/12 Fighting Fair

Number of Replies: 55
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, January 22, 2009, 01:21:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/26/09) All couples argue, but Dr. Phil says name-calling, temper tantrums and hitting below the belt can ruin a marriage. He sits down with Mark and Leana who have been married for only five months but say they’re headed for divorce court. Leana says her husband spends more time with his bandmates than he does with her and their four children. Mark says Leana constantly emasculates him, and he accuses her of being unfaithful. You won’t believe what home video cameras captured during the newlyweds' 62-minute fight. Find out what Dr. Phil witnesses that disturbs him the most. Can this couple resolve their differences, or should they call it quits? If you and your spouse are having knock-down, drag-out battles, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s rules for fighting fair! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 26, 2009, 3:49 pm CST

Care About the Children

When I saw Leana and Mark fighting, I thought "who cares if a couple of immature, spoiled people make each other and themselves miserable?"  Then I saw that they are behaving like this in front of their children.  Absolutely disgusting.  The 7-year old boy is more mature and wiser than either of them.  If they behave like this when they know they are being filmed, what happens when the cameras are off?  Their behavior is inexcusable.  I feel so sorry for the kids.  The adults know better and could behave better if they cared to do so.  People who have such little control should never have bred.
 
January 26, 2009, 4:47 pm CST

Excellant Point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote From: faithshea

It really is a shame that we are not taught how to fight fair before we get married.  All the emphasis is on the wedding day, not the marriage.

I couldn't have said it better myself! I have brought this same topic up so many times, couples are getting married just for the ceremony and the party, and to "outdo" the last wedding. They never seem to think about what's going to happen after the party's over. Although I am a wedding cake baker on the side, (Not too much anymore) I'm starting to believe that big weddings should be banned. If that happened then there would be a lower divorce rate and fewer children from broken homes.
 
January 26, 2009, 4:50 pm CST

You don't know much about............

Quote From: nu2barbara

Dr. Phil, I disagree with Mark needing to wake in the mornings and ask himself what he can do to make his wife's life better. I think it makes more sense for him to ask himself what he needs to do to make his childrens lives better, and she should be willing to except that as a loving wife. Life does not circle around just her.
You don't know much about marriage do you? The parents have to be happy and take care of each other first before a happy and healthy home can be made for the children. A married couple ALWAYS needs to put each other first and once that happens, everything else will naturally fall into place.
 
January 26, 2009, 5:00 pm CST

“C’mon, you don’t do that” ... Dr. Phil

During the recent episode entitled “Fighting Fair”, Dr. Phil was biased and overly-aggressive towards Leana. Although she admitted to being the chief instigator of the fights, the video clips focused on her involvement and down-played Marc’s involvement. This was reinforced in Dr. Phil’s accusational tone in speaking to Leana – he also spoke to Marc in an aggressive and dismissive tone, but Dr. Phil seemed to give the impression that Marc is the victim. This bias became very apparent at the end of the episode when Dr. Phil announced an up-coming episode about angry mothers who take out their frustrations on their spouses and kids – it appears that Dr. Phil’s bias was his interest in promoting “Dr. Phil” by making an example of Leana. In the meantime, Dr. Phil did not present one suggestion to Marc about his extensive involvement with his band other than suggesting that he take Leana out more often, to “sweep a girl off her feet.” When is Marc supposed to do this – only when it is convenient for him and his band mates? Perhaps Marc has already done enough because, to use Dr. Phil’s own words, “he’s on the Dr. Phil Show”. By the way, does Marc get the weekends off while he’s on the 14-day plan?

 
January 26, 2009, 5:03 pm CST

You may know him but............

Quote From: awsumsquirrel

I really don't feel that you are correct in what you are saying, mostly because I went to school with this man. I've watched their relationship over the past years and I've seen her cause hate and discontent with everyone around her if they tried to step in and stop the fighting she was intending for her husband. This man is a genuinely good man. He genuinely cares for his kids, and for her. BUT, he has been dealing with her 'outbreaks' for too long. I was happy to see that Dr. Phil called her out on everything she was doing wrong. She needed to hear it from someone that had some experience and counsel. Mark has come from a broken home. You have no idea what it means to him to have a complete family because he doesn't want the same struggles for his children as he and his brothers had to deal with. This band has been together since high school, since before she was ever in the picture. This is his life. She knew it when she met him. For the fact that they only play on the weekends, means there is 4-5 other days that can be considered family time. (Dinners together, games with the children, reading at bedtime to the children, then once the kids are asleep, couple time) He should never consider quitting the band because she can't stand seeing him go do something on his own that doesn't involve her. She should be proud that he is incredibly talented and gifted and that yes he is good looking and attracts women, but at the end of the day, he is all hers. He wouldn't have married her if he didn't feel something for her. I know him that well. She should be positive in her thinking in all aspects of her life. Hang on to the good and quit dwelling on the bad. I've watched that man completely ignore women throwing themselves at him. He is not the creature she was trying to make the nation see. She should be happy that someone is giving the effort to stay with her crazy self. She needs to seek serious help and get her mind in order. Once she does that, she will find the rest will fall into place. Including her husband and a great family.
Have you tried being married to him? We don't always know what exactly goes on behind closed doors. If she is such a witch, then why did he choose to procreate with her and then marry her? This man cannot be held above the chaos in that home. He too is just as guilty as she is. Yes, she is the screamer and the loud mouth, (not very ladylike) but he stands there and argues right along with her in front of those children. And if he's not fighting, then he's ignoring. And let's be very truthful here, when someone tends to ignore us when we are mad that only makes us more angry. It takes two people to have that volatile a relationship.
 
January 26, 2009, 5:04 pm CST

01/26 Fighting Fair

Quote From: speakingup

When I saw Leana and Mark fighting, I thought "who cares if a couple of immature, spoiled people make each other and themselves miserable?"  Then I saw that they are behaving like this in front of their children.  Absolutely disgusting.  The 7-year old boy is more mature and wiser than either of them.  If they behave like this when they know they are being filmed, what happens when the cameras are off?  Their behavior is inexcusable.  I feel so sorry for the kids.  The adults know better and could behave better if they cared to do so.  People who have such little control should never have bred.
I agree!
 
January 26, 2009, 6:08 pm CST

a little giggle

Quote From: deener

During the recent episode entitled Fighting Fair, Dr. Phil was biased and overly-aggressive towards Leana. Although she admitted to being the chief instigator of the fights, the video clips focused on her involvement and down-played Marcs involvement. This was reinforced in Dr. Phils accusational tone in speaking to Leana he also spoke to Marc in an aggressive and dismissive tone, but Dr. Phil seemed to give the impression that Marc is the victim. This bias became very apparent at the end of the episode when Dr. Phil announced an up-coming episode about angry mothers who take out their frustrations on their spouses and kids it appears that Dr. Phils bias was his interest in promoting Dr. Phil by making an example of Leana. In the meantime, Dr. Phil did not present one suggestion to Marc about his extensive involvement with his band other than suggesting that he take Leana out more often, to sweep a girl off her feet. When is Marc supposed to do this only when it is convenient for him and his band mates? Perhaps Marc has already done enough because, to use Dr. Phils own words, hes on the Dr. Phil Show. By the way, does Marc get the weekends off while hes on the 14-day plan?

I had to giggle alittle when you said Dr. Phil made her look like the bad guy "biased & overly aggressive towards Lena". She did that all by herself. That one is all hers!  If someone doesn't want that kind of behavior shown, then don't act like that. I have no doubt they both have issues. She needs to own that even if she did get a short end of the stick there. Just so happened that it was her mouth that was running for 62 minutes.
They both need to make changes and bring love and caring into their home. Get a sitter on Saturday nights and cut it loose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish them happiness. 
 
January 26, 2009, 6:17 pm CST

Baby Sitter

Quote From: jewelsf

Have you tried being married to him? We don't always know what exactly goes on behind closed doors. If she is such a witch, then why did he choose to procreate with her and then marry her? This man cannot be held above the chaos in that home. He too is just as guilty as she is. Yes, she is the screamer and the loud mouth, (not very ladylike) but he stands there and argues right along with her in front of those children. And if he's not fighting, then he's ignoring. And let's be very truthful here, when someone tends to ignore us when we are mad that only makes us more angry. It takes two people to have that volatile a relationship.
Since you know this man. Help him out, help him set up a sitter for Saturday nights so they can both go. He seems to be a nice guy who isnt out having sex with other women, drinking and not coming home or spending their money on drugs.(although if I had to live with someone with her mouth I would be considering it) Wow I know a lot of ladies that would treat him like gold and live happily ever after. ONLY $250.00 per week for bills. How dare him, He must be a terrible guy. Supporting his family that way. How rude, she should be ashamed of herself.
I sure hope they get help and can love each other and be happy. They really have alot going for them. They both deserve happiness.
I hope they work things out.

 
 
January 26, 2009, 6:23 pm CST

AMEN

Quote From: michelleluman

Hello all!
Okay, this wife is a real piece of work. Now I am not in their house, but I have a very good idea of what is going on. She most likely CHOSE to stay at home with the kids, not to work. Then her husband goes to work and supports his household, she complains. He is tired from working all the time, and music is a passion of his. She complains yet again. I bet that when they met she was all into his music, most likely she was hoping he would make it, have lots of money rolling in. (This is just my "guess").
Now, she is wrong for holding the children over his head. It is obvious that he loves those kids, and wants to be around them. If you ask me, which I know you did not, she is a horrible wife, and possibly not a great mother. Does she realize what she is doing to the kids? Does she know how much she is destroying them? She might or might not. If she does, it is obvious that she does not care. Why would you yell and cuss in front of (and holding) your children? You are just trying to hurt each other, and you should stop. Ask yourselves, "Do you love your partner?" Honestly answer the question. If you have to think about, chances are you do not. I honesty believe that you two will end in divorce. Is that what you want? If so, go for it. One thing I can tell you NOT to do, is stay together for the children. I understand that you do not want your kids in a "broken home", but do you really think that they would be happy with you two together, fighting all the time? No, they will not. There are worse things out there than coming from a "broken home".
Okay, now I have a few things I want to say about the wife. I am guessing (I did not catch all of the show, sorry Dr. Phil) that she has been hurt in some way, either as a child or in a previous relationship. Maybe her dad was not around, or maybe an ex hurt her. That could be why she is lashing out at her husband. IF this is true, she needs to do some personal soul searching. Maybe she does not know who she is, or maybe she is just an unhappy person. I don't know, I'm not a doctor, so I can't be sure.
Okay husband it's your turn! Don't stop playing your music. If you are anything like my fiance, you LOVE your music! Don't stop. She accepted it when you first got together, so why does she not accept it now? She chose the life she has, she needs to live it. Maybe you two should try and find a babysitter, and she can go and watch you play. Maybe this will "spark" an old flame, maybe. I also think it is great that you want to spend time with the kids, she should never stop you from doing this. One other thing, I'm not sure if she has done this yet or not, but if she has not, she might do it.: tell you the kids are not yours (which they might not be I don't know), tell you she cheats, threatens to go back to an ex, threaten to take the kids and you will never see them. Now like I said before, I was not able to catch the entire show. So those things might go on now.
Alright guys, I know what you might be thinking. Who are you to say all of these things? You are not perfect you know. If so, you are right. I'm not perfect. I am guilty of trying to hurt my fiance in our first year together. When we would fight, I would lash out and try to "win". I know that I was wrong, and I almost lost my soul mate. Now when we fight (which we hardly do), we end it in laughter. He is always right! Do you have any idea how annoying that is? But it is okay, I love him and I have learner to listen to him.
I am thirty years old, but my head is still screwed up from things that happened in my house when I was a child. I lived with my mom at the time, and you have no idea what kind of things I saw, and went through. I know I have problems, and I am working on them. So, (wife) look into yourself. Did you go through something? If so, please get help. I promise you will be a happier person.
Okay, I'm stepping off of my soap box now. I hope you all have a great day!!!
Oh, Dr. Phil....you are way too many commercials during your show. I realize you have to pay bills, but man...that's alot of commercials.....
And so it was said...

Amen.



PS. I record it on my DVR while I am at work, then fast forward thru the commercials.
 
January 26, 2009, 6:53 pm CST

Maturity

Quote From: jewelsf

I just can't be as sympathetic to the husband as you are. They are both contributing to this problem and they had to have already been arguing this way prior to getting married. There's no way this magically popped up after they tied the knot in a measly 5 months. Unfortunately they are not the only couple who fights in this exact manner and include the children in it. The first thing both of these people need to do is grow up and find their maturity which is sorely lacking.
That is the key here --maturity. I posted a couple of other posts here and got to thinking about myself and I may have been a little hard on her. My husband and I got together at age 15 and at 20 had a baby. It was then that I turned into this lady. Embarrassing but true. So from about 20- 25 yrs old. I badgered/abused my husband and I don't know why. Anyway, one day I realized that I would love him so good that he would love to run home and I did and we are now 41 and very very happy and have been for many years. If I could say something to this gal it would be to stop waiting for him to make you happy. make your self happy and your family will be happy. Get a babysitter yourself and join him on a Sat night. I thought I heard you say you  BOTH work so just do it. If you work on just being happy and realize how lucky you are, your husband wont hardly be able to stand to be away from you. Stop yelling & cursing, you have all the power your just using it wrong.  Maturity is key here.
 
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