Topic : 06/12 Fighting Fair

Doctor Fair Fighting Phil/Robin. I have never seen peoples fighting at all. See you on Friday June 12th, 20--

09. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sort of understand what the mother is going through.  She feels like her husband doesent care, and I think she is having problems with trust too.  They both have issues with trust.  Their communication skills are poor.  The way they fight is just bad.  They should never fight in front of their kids!  They need to go in a seperate place if they are going to argue.  Or just do not even argue if the kids are going to hear them.  They need to think about their kids first!  Thats their first priority.  Then work on their relationship 2nd.  I just see a lot of insecurity in both.  If they both love eachother and care, then obviously it can work out.  If it does not work out by them trying together without help, then they need to go see a marriage councelor if both want it to work, but just do not know HOW.  They shoulda learned a lot though from the dr phill show!!

Some people, especially women, hear only what they want to from these shows.
Whoever starts most of the fights, especially with the intention of inflicting pain, needs the most help.
And, avoiding such a person is often the best way to keep the conflict from escalating.

Dr. Phil i can't help but notice that the couple on the show today are exactly like my husband and I. We've been marrried for almost 4 years we have two beautiful childre ages 2 years old and 4 months. However i find my self on a daily basis contemplting Divorce. Our mauin argument is showing affection, somthing that he refuses to deo . he says i married him like this and i shouldn't expect more. The more i do expect things, the more he won't beable to give or show. Is it too much to ask to feel loved...

Leana is one of those female guests who comes on the show expecting Dr Phil to side with them. I can't really blame them for  coming on with this expectation. Dr Phil has shown a propensity for  siding with the women. But, Leana was so over-the-top that Dr Phil couldn't side with her. When she's starting most of the arguments, especially with the intention of inflicting hurt, he's left with no choice but to take her inventory.

I've got no problem with Dr Phil's advice. If he'd given it to both of them. Leana should do the same thing,  wake up asking herself "what can I do to make Mark's life better.
And, a good start would be to quit griping about "only" getting $250 a week to pay bills. She only pays half the bills with it. Yet still complains that it isn't enough. So, why not prove it by showing these bills to Mark? Instead of refusing? Her refusal is bound to create trust issues.

If he wasn't showing affection before you married him, he wasn't likely to after the wedding. Has he ever told you why he doesn't show affection? Maybe he never saw any between his parents. Maybe he never learned how. Maybe you could train him by initiating the affection.

My advice to this wife and mom:   

• Make a list of things you can do for yourself to be happier with yourself as a woman, wife and mom. Try to do one or two of these things each day.   (Ex.  workout, make kids' bedtime earlier to give yourself time for you, etc.)
• Make a list of good qualities you see in your husband and children. Tell them or write them in notes or cards regularly.
• Daily make an effort to smile, to be pleasant  and sweet with your husband and children. 
• Do not allow another person or thoughts of another person to meet your romantic and emotional needs. 
• Finally,  take care of your man or someone else will.

 I think Dr.Phil should have taken a stand and told the husband that you should not have gotten married only to leave your wife alone at home with three children while you play entertainer! She needs companionship and so much more from this man and he is not there. He does not need a reminder to get home on time, because he had no intention of wanting to be home in the first place. People need more than advice on how to agrue fair, they need a clearer understanding on why to get married and how to stay married. Maybe with three children one of whom is a baby their love life is lacking and her husband is frustrated, work on it but don't keep leaving that beautiful woman alone. She will never be able to compete with the applause of an audience or the admiration of the fans, and she should not have to! Come on Dr.Phil, man up and tell that husband to either be there for her or give some other man a chance to make her happy. Did Dr.Phil really think that young mother and wife was wrong to want her husband to help out and be home after she worked all week herself? No wonder divorce rates are so high, people get married with no intention of being there for eachother, it's  all about themselves.