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Topic : 06/12 Fighting Fair

Number of Replies: 55
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Created on : Thursday, January 22, 2009, 01:21:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/26/09) All couples argue, but Dr. Phil says name-calling, temper tantrums and hitting below the belt can ruin a marriage. He sits down with Mark and Leana who have been married for only five months but say they’re headed for divorce court. Leana says her husband spends more time with his bandmates than he does with her and their four children. Mark says Leana constantly emasculates him, and he accuses her of being unfaithful. You won’t believe what home video cameras captured during the newlyweds' 62-minute fight. Find out what Dr. Phil witnesses that disturbs him the most. Can this couple resolve their differences, or should they call it quits? If you and your spouse are having knock-down, drag-out battles, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s rules for fighting fair! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 23, 2009, 3:34 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show.

Doctor Fair Fighting Phil. Are you kidding me? Fair fighing is wrong dead wrong and will never quit at all.--

See you on Monday Janurary 26th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------------

 
January 26, 2009, 7:24 am CST

Wife seems a bit needy

Although I wholeheartedly agree that a husband and wife should make each other their number one priority above friends, family and all others, the wife seems to be placing quite an unfair burden on her husband in this case.  She seems to need too much and constant validation from him and he is doing nothing wrong.    They dated for five years before they married, and she knew that his band was a big part of his life.  She has every right to be upset when she feels he is putting his band or anything else above her, but being jealous because she's not getting enough attention while he is playing in the band etc isn't his fault.  She needs to learn how to feel better about herself, so that it isn't her husband's sole responsibility to make sure she's happy every second of the day.    If she wants him to show more affection towards her, Dr. Phil's advice is right on; she needs to wake up each day and think about what she can do to be a loving wife and do things that will make him want to spend time with her, because yelling at him is obviously not working.  I really hope they can work things out and not get divorced.    Divorce becomes inevitable when one person (or both) in a marriage have completely given up and refuse to work on things.  This couple has the means to make their marriage work, because they obviously do love each other and are willing to try.  I'm hopeful for them that they will learn to fight fair.
 
January 26, 2009, 7:26 am CST

Fighting fair

Dr. Phil,

 

When I hear the D word (divorce) it makes me think that they should have never gotten married because they are using being married as a tool to fight. Marriage is an institution between 2 people and has to be WORKED ON! Do not used it as a tool to fight each other.

 

Thanks and have a great day!

Cathy

 
January 26, 2009, 8:01 am CST

Can't believe it

I understand that every couple argues. However, I was disgusted and appalled when I saw her holding her 3 month old little girl and yelling profanities at her husband.

Dr. Phil said that their fighting will change the children, which is true. It also teaches those children to fight in the wrong way. If they use their parents as role models- they're not setting themselves up for successful relationships in the future.

Overall, I was very upset by this show. I don't understand why they got married in the first place- I wonder if their dating life was as dreadful as their marriage.
-- Best of luck to them though!
 
January 26, 2009, 8:27 am CST

Those poor kids!

This "wife" wants her husband to put her and the kids first? She obviously does not care about her kids...she only cares about herself. No loving mother would do what she does on a daily basis. I feel so sorry for this husband and these little ones. He's young with small children and has this loud, foul-mouthed girl screaming at him constantly? Being bullied is a very serious problem and one that can end tragically. I hope he can see that he is worthy of someone who will treat him with respect and dignity. I love that he cares for the kids and wanted to play a video game with his son...then she sends him back upstairs and doesn't allow him to play with his Dad? Nice.

Here is my advice to her:

Encourage him to play in the band...and go watch!

Take a breath and know that he loves you...it's obvious.

Put the happiness of your children first.

Be a good role model, stop swearing.

Tell your kids how wonderful their Dad is.

Stop threatening divorce...he just might take you up on it.

Make yourself happy! Go to the gym, find a hobby, meditate...

My advice for him:

Keep rockin'! Music can keep you sane.

Take time for yourself.

Keep playing with those little ones...they need you.

Take your wife to a movie or out to dinner, something romantic in a public place.

Don't believe the things she says about you.

 

I wish your family the best,

Diana.

 
January 26, 2009, 10:08 am CST

"Fight Fair" & Counsel Fairly

Dr. Phil seemed to be extra critical of Leana.  Given that she is home taking care of three young children while Mark is out playing his guitar every Friday and Saturday evening, I can understand why she is so frustrated.  I think Phil should have taken that fact into consideration while providing his counsel to the couple.  If the family does not need the additional income that Mark may receive from the band then maybe he should consider resigning his position in the band or, at the very least, curb the number of gigs so that he can spend more time with his lovely family.

 
January 26, 2009, 12:43 pm CST

I agree!

Quote From: parvenir

Dr. Phil seemed to be extra critical of Leana.  Given that she is home taking care of three young children while Mark is out playing his guitar every Friday and Saturday evening, I can understand why she is so frustrated.  I think Phil should have taken that fact into consideration while providing his counsel to the couple.  If the family does not need the additional income that Mark may receive from the band then maybe he should consider resigning his position in the band or, at the very least, curb the number of gigs so that he can spend more time with his lovely family.

Where is the husbands responsibilty in all of this? Dr. Phil seemed to pick the wife out for all of the things they do wrong, the husband is just as guilty.
 
January 26, 2009, 12:58 pm CST

That Happens When You Marry the 'Princess'

I've seen this time and time again.

Beautiful girl, popular in highschool, parents were more than likely well off, and they always gave her whatever she wanted and catered to her every need.  Then she gets married and has kids.

No longer is she number one.  She doesn't have mommy and daddy there to hold her hand and tell her it will be okay.  She has a husband who may have had a totally different upbringing, and who is working while she stays home with the kids.

I am by no means trying to insenuate that staying home with the kids is an easy job or anything.  I am a stay-at-home mom myself, and that is why I know how dis-satisfying it can be.  I went from wonderful job in the Army to staying at home cooking and cleaning and watching the kids, which is something I had never imagined myself doing.  She needs to leave the kids with a babysitter for at one day a week and just go out with her husband.  I believe that would fix 90% of their problems.  The other 10% would be solved by that woman getting over herself.

I couldn't believe how she accused the father of trying to drag their son into the fight right in front of her son.  No wonder that poor kid was sitting there with pillows over his ears.
 
January 26, 2009, 12:58 pm CST

She wasn't listening

Every time Dr. Phil explained or pointed something out to Leana,she came back with "I did but" or she expressed something that she wanted to discuss which did not tie into the point of Dr. Phil and he allowed this.....what happened to calling it as you see it...

 

She got Dr. Phil to point the finger at Mark and say don't do that which is what she wanted, again wanting to be "Right".  Leana needs counseling, she's at home with the kids and not feeling like an adult, in short, she needs to get a life in order to plug into the Married life!

 
January 26, 2009, 1:05 pm CST

Disgusting couple!

  I would say that this couple acts like a couple of 5 year old's but I believe that 5 year old's actually do behave better, that would be an insult to the little ones. Why in the world do couples have to argue and fight in this manner? They aren't the only ones, I personally know other couples who behave just as badly and tend to include the children. They (and everyone who acts like this) needs to grow up and try to behave like adults. Why did they ever get married in the first place? Only 5 months and they were unaware that they had problems? Let's get real here, they already knew before they walked down that aisle.

  I'm not bragging here but I have to say that after being married for almost 22 years my husband and I have not once had an argument on this level, actually not even close. Too be extremely honest, we have really never fought at all. We've disagreed on certain topics of course but we simply talk it through and we both look at whatever the topic may be and discuss it like mature grown adults. We are both willing to see it from each others eyes. What is so hard about that?

  We haven't even had anything to disagree about for over 18 years. The only thing we have ever had any tension over was when we were first married and his children (whom I happen to love) and his ex wife would try to start problems. I also have to include his mother in that a few times. But my very beautiful husband who happens to respect me would listen to me and we would work together to solve whatever problem had come up. We happened to have custody of his children, who were teenagers at the time, and NOT ONCE did we EVER discuss any of this in front of them. No way!!!!! Yes, the children could be difficult at times but although I was only 23 at the time I knew they were still reeling from the divorce of their parents and the fact that dad had a new wife. They didn't ask for any of this and I understood that. And BTW, not once has my husband ever spoken badly about his first wife in front of his children, even to this day now that they are adults with families of their own.

  I'm a firm believer in Dr Phil's saying "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?". Both my husband and I would rather be happy! But I sure know a lot of people who would rather be right no matter how miserable they may be because of it.

  The saddest part of this whole thing is what it's doing to the children. If the parents have no respect for themselves or their spouses, they should at least have some respect for their children. This is just another form of child abuse in my eyes. My husband and I both grew up in homes where we never saw our own parents fight and that's the way it's supposed to be. Shame on them!

 
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