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Topic : 04/15 Honeymoon Hangover

Number of Replies: 46
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 23, 2009, 12:32:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/28/09) Are you a newlywed suffering from honeymoon hangover? It’s when the vacation in the Bahamas is over, the dress is put away and couples realize there’s an important thing they now have to face: Marriage. Dr. Phil is shocked to find how little couples know about each other before they walk down the aisle. Jeremy and Tamarra have been married for only eight months, and they wonder if their marriage can be saved. Jeremy says Tamarra is so clingy that he’s had to give up everything he enjoys in order to spend time with her. Tamarra says being married means doing everything together, so why wouldn’t Jeremy want to spend every free minute with her? Dr. Phil gives them a newlywed quiz. How well do they really know each other? Then, Mandy says her husband of three years did a 180-degree turn after they got married and changed his mind about an important value they shared: faith in God. Now, Nic says he’s an atheist, and Mandy is worried about what this means for their marriage and their family. Plus, Dr. Phil answers important questions from engaged couples: Should partners open a joint checking account? Do you need to get along with your future spouse’s family? How much do you need to know about your partner’s past? If you’re about to tie the knot, grab a pen and paper and make sure you know these important facts about your mate! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 28, 2009, 5:14 pm CST

RE: Differing religions

While I do believe similar values help in a smoother marriage, really what is necessary if there are differences is tolerance for others, and respect.

 

The young bride must recognize that her faith is not the end-all answer.  There are many faiths on this planet and they are ALL valuable.  All humans have searched for answers since the beginning of time and all the various "flavors" are a result of cultural, social, and geographic differences.  Like her husband, I have read a lot of books and asked a ot of questions.  There IS proof of God's existence and rather than rely on faith, I chose to find the proof and go instead with belief.  I find more strength in belief than in faith.

 

I was raised in a home with a mother who has a strictly Catholic faith and my father is an Atheist, always was always will be.  I think this gave a wonderful opportunity for me to explore what fit for me.  I was free to ask and question, and this is really the foundation of our humanity and I think any religion that squelches our own innate curiosity is running on fear.

 

I walked away from Catholicism at 10 years old...I realized I did not appreciate a faith that judged people for having abortions, for committing suicide, or for being gay.   At that age I recognized that God had a limitless amount of unconditional loving and that if love is unconditional, he cannot possibly judge us for our limitations and imperfections, and that I would try to be more like God in that respect, rather than like the people who were teaching me to judge others.

 

It has been a long journey, but I have finally found solace in a Spiritually based faith, rather than a religious one.   Religion, like I mentioned earlier, is a cultural, social, geographic interpretation of man's relationship to God. Spirituality, I interpret, as the acceptance of a greater power with no cultural, religious dogma and I choose to honor God by honoring the world and people around me.  I affirm my relationship to this greater Source daily and have left hte possibility open to my children to explore in the same way, rather than mandate to them what their beliefs should be.  I believe, and I trust,  they will find their way, whatever path it is,  because I KNOW God is always with all of us, whatever they choose to believe or not believe.  God does not punish nor abandon, we only do this to ourselves and each other.

 

 I accept , and respect, anyone's choice to love and honor God in their own way, even if that means they reject God altogheter.  I have no authority to judge them.  Who do I think I am, anyway, God?

 

Blessings,

 

Eli

 
January 28, 2009, 5:38 pm CST

Advice for Nick and Mandy

I was in exactly the same place Nick is, up until about one year ago. I had stopped believing in God, but I felt like there had to be something that created the world and all of the people, animals and every thing in it. The things I learned in church did not seem to fit with some of the things that happen in life. The God that I learned about in church did not make sence in some areas of life either. Like why are there disabled children if God is loving, compassionate and controls everything and everyone? And, why are there people living in desperate poverty if God could stop it? And, why doesn't God protect children from abuse? These are a few of the questions that no clergy could give me a rational, logical answer for. 

 

Then I read a book by Eckart Tolle called "A New Earth." I now completely understand what no one had ever been able to explain before. This book has changed my life and I sincerely hope that Nick and Mandy will read it together. It gives us a complete understanding of the religious experience and the spiritual experience. It shows the difference between the two. I now understand about God. I have no doubt that if Nick and Mandy read this book they will be closer as a couple and will have a new understanding of Faith. Mandy will not have to go on Faith alone because she will have a new way to look at life. They will be able to share the joy and peace with thier children.

 

Take care, Monica

 
January 28, 2009, 5:42 pm CST

clingy wife needs to get over it!

My husband is a US marine and is away for 6 to 7 months at a time! And even when he is here, he's away in the field for a week at a time almost every other week. And I'm fine! I live and breathe and go on about my day like normal! She needs to get a grip on herself. She's going to drive him away if she keeps doing it.
 
January 28, 2009, 6:51 pm CST

To Eli

Quote From: urbnyogini

While I do believe similar values help in a smoother marriage, really what is necessary if there are differences is tolerance for others, and respect.

 

The young bride must recognize that her faith is not the end-all answer.  There are many faiths on this planet and they are ALL valuable.  All humans have searched for answers since the beginning of time and all the various "flavors" are a result of cultural, social, and geographic differences.  Like her husband, I have read a lot of books and asked a ot of questions.  There IS proof of God's existence and rather than rely on faith, I chose to find the proof and go instead with belief.  I find more strength in belief than in faith.

 

I was raised in a home with a mother who has a strictly Catholic faith and my father is an Atheist, always was always will be.  I think this gave a wonderful opportunity for me to explore what fit for me.  I was free to ask and question, and this is really the foundation of our humanity and I think any religion that squelches our own innate curiosity is running on fear.

 

I walked away from Catholicism at 10 years old...I realized I did not appreciate a faith that judged people for having abortions, for committing suicide, or for being gay.   At that age I recognized that God had a limitless amount of unconditional loving and that if love is unconditional, he cannot possibly judge us for our limitations and imperfections, and that I would try to be more like God in that respect, rather than like the people who were teaching me to judge others.

 

It has been a long journey, but I have finally found solace in a Spiritually based faith, rather than a religious one.   Religion, like I mentioned earlier, is a cultural, social, geographic interpretation of man's relationship to God. Spirituality, I interpret, as the acceptance of a greater power with no cultural, religious dogma and I choose to honor God by honoring the world and people around me.  I affirm my relationship to this greater Source daily and have left hte possibility open to my children to explore in the same way, rather than mandate to them what their beliefs should be.  I believe, and I trust,  they will find their way, whatever path it is,  because I KNOW God is always with all of us, whatever they choose to believe or not believe.  God does not punish nor abandon, we only do this to ourselves and each other.

 

 I accept , and respect, anyone's choice to love and honor God in their own way, even if that means they reject God altogheter.  I have no authority to judge them.  Who do I think I am, anyway, God?

 

Blessings,

 

Eli

Very well said! This is exactly what I learned from Eckart Tolle.

 

Monica

 
January 28, 2009, 7:12 pm CST

You say it made you mad but....

Quote From: wiltshiresue39

Your show today about the wife who was "too clingy" got me really upset.  You made her out to be the bad guy!  My boyfriend & I have been living together for 4 years and he is always throwing stuff at me like how controlling I am or how much he has had to gie up since we got together.  For example - he would take the childrene of his ex-girlfriend out to the movies, etc. when we first starting dating & stopped doing that because it bothered me (I suppose he should have kept his ex in his life?!)  He stopped hanging out at bars after work - well I suppose I should have been okay with that to?!  We make changes/sacrifices in our lives when we enter into relationships that we are committed to - right?!  We now have a 13 month old son who takes up an enormous amount of my time as you are well aware I'm sure - but for some reason I am the one who has to ask my boyfriend to babysit for me if I want to go out or do something for myself - like exercise - however he continues to take naps everyday, go to the gym almost everyday, while I wait at home with the baby, taking care of the dinner, the older kids, his  laundry!  And did I mention - I do work also!!  Why is it that men think us women are just  "too clingy" when we expect them to be home and help take care of things - let alone to nurture the relationship?!!
The example you use are TOTALLY different. If someone watched that did not think that girl was being to clingy dang! My brother is dating a girl like that and I feel bad for him, she says the exact same thing about not having any good friends and I wonder why because all she wants is my brother to be hers 100% of the time getting mad if he wants to spend time with family or friends.

As for your situation so in a relationship there is changes/sacrifices however both parties need to agree and be happy to do the change.. and that is why when you commit to a relationship with either marriage or a child you need to know each other wants, hopes and self; Liking that person for who they are and not who you want them to be. If they don't want them the way they are why try to change that ?


 
January 28, 2009, 8:16 pm CST

living together before marriage

I was really disappointed with your response to the question from a young couple who asked, "should we live together before we get married?". You seemed to indicate by your answer that there was some benefit to such an arrangement. There are so very many studies that support the contrary. You can get to know a potential spouse without moving in with them. To buy into the idea that you increase your chance of a lasting marriage by giving it a trial run before the commitment is made is to sell yourself short. I don't feel that you put enough thought into your reply
 
January 28, 2009, 8:40 pm CST

01/28 Honeymoon Hangover

Quote From: laurenwife08

My husband is a US marine and is away for 6 to 7 months at a time! And even when he is here, he's away in the field for a week at a time almost every other week. And I'm fine! I live and breathe and go on about my day like normal! She needs to get a grip on herself. She's going to drive him away if she keeps doing it.
I completely agree!!  My husband is in the US Air Force and though he has not been gone since we got married 7 months ago, he works the overnight shift.  He leaves at 10pm and returns at 8am.  I wake up shortly after that and he goes to bed.  I am awake in the living room until I go to work.  I get home, if he is awake we eat dinner together.  If not, I let him sleep and wake him up later and we have a quick dinner together before he goes back to work.  We maybe see each other a grand total of 3 to 4 hours a day.  We still both have our friends that we hang out with seperately and apart on the weekends.  I think that if this girl were in my shoes she would have been divorced shortly after the wedding.  She would go crazy in my shoes.
 
January 29, 2009, 12:00 am CST

I was impressed

Quote From: cindy0357

I was really disappointed with your response to the question from a young couple who asked, "should we live together before we get married?". You seemed to indicate by your answer that there was some benefit to such an arrangement. There are so very many studies that support the contrary. You can get to know a potential spouse without moving in with them. To buy into the idea that you increase your chance of a lasting marriage by giving it a trial run before the commitment is made is to sell yourself short. I don't feel that you put enough thought into your reply

Dr. Phil- I thought you would say the opposite of what you said and was glad to hear something realistic. There is nothing at all wrong with living with someone before you get married, unless you have strong, old-fashioned religious beliefs that go against that. I know a lot of people who did not live together before they got married and they are all divorced now (6 couples). I don't think a person can say, "it's good" or "it's bad." It depends on the couple, and only the couple.

 
January 29, 2009, 7:46 am CST

Religion upset

I am glad that he is still searching for his proof.  Not sure if he has read any of these books.

 

90 Minutes in heaven, By Don Piper

 

The Shack; Not sure of the author.

 

both are excellent books. 

 
January 29, 2009, 12:24 pm CST

Grow Up

On todays show, there was a 25 yr old man living with his parents and not pulling his weight. I say GROW UP! I am also 25 and I realize everyones life has different obstacles but COME ON! I grew up in an abusive home that was a few steps short of Dave Peltzers story. I was kicked out on the street with a garbage bag of clothes. I suffered from PTSD and cared more about finding someone to love me than attending school (even tho I was enrolled). I ended up pregnant at the age of 19 and the father of my baby was abusive, threatened to kill me and suffers from Bipolar. I didnt have a car or even a license. Today, I am 25 I have an associates degree as well as a bachelors degree. I am a substitute teacher with a very long list of academic honors and accomplishments. Im married with two beautiful children and we own our home. If I can do it, truly anyone can. This man needs to grow up and fend for himself!
 
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