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Topic : 04/15 Honeymoon Hangover

Number of Replies: 46
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Created on : Friday, January 23, 2009, 12:32:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/28/09) Are you a newlywed suffering from honeymoon hangover? It’s when the vacation in the Bahamas is over, the dress is put away and couples realize there’s an important thing they now have to face: Marriage. Dr. Phil is shocked to find how little couples know about each other before they walk down the aisle. Jeremy and Tamarra have been married for only eight months, and they wonder if their marriage can be saved. Jeremy says Tamarra is so clingy that he’s had to give up everything he enjoys in order to spend time with her. Tamarra says being married means doing everything together, so why wouldn’t Jeremy want to spend every free minute with her? Dr. Phil gives them a newlywed quiz. How well do they really know each other? Then, Mandy says her husband of three years did a 180-degree turn after they got married and changed his mind about an important value they shared: faith in God. Now, Nic says he’s an atheist, and Mandy is worried about what this means for their marriage and their family. Plus, Dr. Phil answers important questions from engaged couples: Should partners open a joint checking account? Do you need to get along with your future spouse’s family? How much do you need to know about your partner’s past? If you’re about to tie the knot, grab a pen and paper and make sure you know these important facts about your mate! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 30, 2009, 4:48 am CST

Religion upset

If the husband is TRULY searching, he needs to read:  "I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Athiest" by Norman L.  Geisler.

 

To the wife:  Sometimes we need to realize that it is God who moves people - not us.  Keep praying for your husband, and for spiritual protection for your children.

 
January 30, 2009, 5:30 am CST

Leave Him Now.

Quote From: wiltshiresue39

Your show today about the wife who was "too clingy" got me really upset.  You made her out to be the bad guy!  My boyfriend & I have been living together for 4 years and he is always throwing stuff at me like how controlling I am or how much he has had to gie up since we got together.  For example - he would take the childrene of his ex-girlfriend out to the movies, etc. when we first starting dating & stopped doing that because it bothered me (I suppose he should have kept his ex in his life?!)  He stopped hanging out at bars after work - well I suppose I should have been okay with that to?!  We make changes/sacrifices in our lives when we enter into relationships that we are committed to - right?!  We now have a 13 month old son who takes up an enormous amount of my time as you are well aware I'm sure - but for some reason I am the one who has to ask my boyfriend to babysit for me if I want to go out or do something for myself - like exercise - however he continues to take naps everyday, go to the gym almost everyday, while I wait at home with the baby, taking care of the dinner, the older kids, his  laundry!  And did I mention - I do work also!!  Why is it that men think us women are just  "too clingy" when we expect them to be home and help take care of things - let alone to nurture the relationship?!!

First of all,she is the mother of his kids and that *little* fact will never change.

Not unless the kids die.God Forbid.If he is so awful why are you still living with

him then? It should be easier for you to leave since you aren't married to him.

Isn't that one of the arguments in favor of  co-habiting? Since we aren't married

it will be simpler to leave.Obviously,that is not the case for you,otherwise you 

still wouldn't be putting up with lover-boy's crap.There are three rules of life

that I follow,concerning men.The First Rule is:No Children.The Second Rule:

No Ex-Wives or Girlfriends(especially if they have kids,his).The Third Rule:

A Dead Mother (his).These may seem harsh but they are useful.

So my advice to you is to simply leave.Even if you and your baby have to stay

at a hotel.Cheers! and Good Luck . : ) p.s.Don't misunderstand me,I am very fond

of children...just not anyone else's. lol.

 

 
January 30, 2009, 12:44 pm CST

where do these guys find these women?

What is this woman thinking? I dont want to take jabs at her on a personal level but come on. How could any man put up with being treated like this? I have always used the old saying 'i had a life before you , i will have a life with you and if not i will have a life after you.' . A relationship is give and take. She is definately taking all she can get including the life right out of him.  Please quit being a jellyfish and get a spine!
 
January 31, 2009, 1:34 pm CST

To Nic and Mandy

Nic, you are to be congratulated on thinking things through. Someone once told me, "Think deeply enough to doubt, but think deeply enough to doubt your doubts." I suggest that the two of you together, find a place that is going to be offering "The Truth Project," a 12 DVD class put out by Focus on The Family, taught on a college level, which provides scientific evidence to help you in your search for faith. Other good references are "The Case For Faith", and "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel. You do not have to turn your brain off to be a Christian. Scripture actually commends those who study and think things through.
 
February 10, 2009, 11:05 am CST

Spending Time Together

I think the right question would be ... what time is Jeremy willing to invest in his marriage and what activities would she be willing to get involved in to do with him?  If he is at work from 7am to 7pm, going to the gym for an hour, and then going to bed at 8pm ... that is not a marriage!  If he has horses, sports, college, and overtime in addition, it doesn't sound like he has any time for their relationship at all.

What did they do together while dating? How did she spend her time before she met him?  I think you were right on to tell them to get to know each other better.  I wish you hadn't focused on her as clingy when he is so withdrawn.
 
April 15, 2009, 1:18 pm CDT

thanks Dr. Phil

I just broke off my engagement 2 days ago to a man who is currently in Afghanistan (in the military.) I have a lot of guilt about this decision, but today's show certainly cleared up some of the doubts I have. We really don't know each other well enough to get married at this point. Our relationship has completely fallen apart since he left in December and I'm not sure that it can be saved. He has really let me down and I can't stand the disappointment anymore. Am I being fair? He comes home in June for 2 weeks so we will talk things over then. The last thing I want to do is make a mistake, and I think getting married, and even being engaged at this point is a mistake. We don't support each other and I have given up. Any advice?
 
April 15, 2009, 2:15 pm CDT

Dr.Phil and staff, tell Jeremy to give me a call:)

Jeremy looks like a great guy with AWESOME hobbies!!!  I would love to hear what happens to them in the future.  It looks like they don't have much in common.   I would love a guy who is outgoing and loves the outdoors.  I guess it's time to move to Texas:)  Hey Dr.Phil Staff, tell him to email me if it doesn't work out between those two....thanks so much.

 

 
April 15, 2009, 2:38 pm CDT

Dr. Phil blew it!

There have been many people that have vowed to disprove the Bible and all of them have failed.

 

He should have suggested him to read "The Case for Christ" by Lee Stroebel who was an athiest.   Also, "Evidence that demands a verdict" by Josh McDowell or even "More than a Carpenter" also by Josh.

 

My point is that he can find books justifying any position, but how many of the authors set out trying to disprove something and ended up confirming it.  

 

 If the guy wants to educate himself, then he should be careful and research the author and make sure there isn't a hiden agenda.

 

Dr. Phil should have asked him what he was using for research and pointed him to something that openly covers both sides and explains the truth.

 

JMO

 
April 15, 2009, 2:53 pm CDT

Ummm yes!

Quote From: lori380

I did not see the entire show but will be watching it after the news and it did seem that he was not in touch with himself, or in denial. I was thinking that maybe the reason he resents his wife like he does is that he has not realized maybe some things that he would rather keep in the closet.
Exactly!  I thought the exact same thing within seconds of hearing him speak and his body language.
 
April 15, 2009, 2:55 pm CDT

Work Together

Mandy, you have a big responsibility on your hands.  Think about it this way -- Jesus said, "take my yoke upon you, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  He made use of yoked oxen for his example.  They always yoked a new ox to an experienced ox.  They laid the yoke across the new ox's shoulders, but only the experienced ox was tied to the plow.  The experienced ox did all the work while the new ox learned to walk with his partner and follow the master's instructions.  Once he becaome accustomed to following the rules, he was tied to the plow and learned to pull his share. 

 

Mandy, Jesus was saying that He does the work, and He carries your burdens.  It is difficult to be unevenly yoked in your marriage, but you are the partner experienced in the faith who will carry the burden for your husband. Remember to "cast your burdens on the Lord, for He will sustain you."  Psalm 55:22.  He will carry your burdens and you.

 

It doesn't matter what your belief system is.  When you are not together in it, so many important things can become deal-breakers.  Having been where you are, I have these brief very practical suggestions:

 

Read the Bible together frequently.  Get a Contemporary English Version or Living Version and a good commentary to help you understand the passages. 

 

For your marriage, Mandy, read 1 Cor. 7:12-16.  Read Ephesians 5:20-33 together. 

 

Nic, bless you for looking for the truth.  The biggest problem in understanding the Christian faith is that folks don't read the book, so don't fall into that trap.  If you want to know who Jesus said He was, read what he said.  Jesus said he was the Son of God.  He was crucified for that reason.  He couldn't lie about such a thing and be considered a "good man" or a "prophet."   So either he was who he said he was or he was a nut case.  There is really no in between.  You married a woman of faith, so if you want to understand her, you really need to understand her faith.  Best way to do that is to start with the Gospel of John, then Luke, Romans, Acts.  Then move on to the other gospels and epistles. 

 

For deciding what God is like and seeing how much he loves you, no matter what, read the Psalms.

 

Other people have other methods.  I have just found this way to be very practical and helpful.  Read with an open mind.  Otherwise, you'll just be looking for points of disagreement.  That never helps, regardless of what you're studying.

 

God bless you in your marriage and your search for truth.  I pray that  you come through it together.

 
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