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Topic : 02/02 Rage Caught on Tape: The Follow Up

Number of Replies: 40
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Created on : Thursday, January 29, 2009, 07:32:07 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil continues his look at rage. When Isabella first appeared on the show, cameras installed in her home captured outrageous behavior . Has she changed? Find out how she reacts when she hears what DrPhil.com message board writers posted about her. Isabella's mom, Mary, joins the show and gives insight into Isabella's childhood. Why does she feel her daughter's anger is like a cancer that could destroy her? Then, find out why Isabella says she feels like she could actually hurt someone. Dr. Frank Lawlis, Chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board and author of The Stress Answer, reveals the results of Isabella's evaluation, which he conducted at his PNP Center. Will the findings shed light on why Isabella loses control? And, Stuart says his rage is like a train on a collision course, and he's fearful for what might happen. He unleashes on everyone from his family members to strangers. How will he react when he sees what it's like to be on the receiving end of his out-of-control anger? What's at the root of Stuart's behavior? Plus, if you feel a fit of rage coming on, don't miss the exciting feature on DrPhil.com that will help mellow your mood! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 30, 2009, 10:38 am CST

Doctor Phil Show.

Caught Doctor Follow Phil Rage Tape The Up. Where did I see this before? Maybe this year. See you on---

Monday Feburary 02nd, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------------------------------------------

 
February 2, 2009, 6:33 am CST

Isabella

i can totally relate to Isabella. There are times that i to cannot control my rage. And whomever i'm around, my husband or strangers, are the ones to hear it. And i'm sure that if everyone is totally honest, there are times to they say things that are to harsh or unnecessary. Some of the viewers comments and some made by you Dr. Phil, out of line. Don't be to hard on her.
 
February 2, 2009, 7:44 am CST

On the receiving end of rage

I missed the first part of the show today, and I was wondering if Dr. Phil addressed what to do if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone's rage. My boyfriend of 3 years is usually one of the kindest and funniest people I know, but, when we get into an argument, he often goes from 0 to 60 in nothing flat and flies into an uncontrollable rage. I've tried reasoning with him, but you can guess how that ended up. Once he's really lost it, even my crying seems to have no effect (in fact, sometimes, my crying seems to make him escalate even more).

 

Even though I know this is more about him than about me or us, I can't help blaming myself when he flies into a rage. I generally try to avoid getting into disagreements with him at this point because I can never tell when I'll hit a trigger that will set him off. Of course, this means that issues in our relationship never get resolved, so that's not good either.

 

My question is: what can I do once I have hit a trigger and he loses it? Is there anything I can say or do, or is it a lost cause once he hits a rage? How can I approach him about his rages without causing another rage?

 

Thanks for your help!

 
February 2, 2009, 7:49 am CST

rage

I have rage, but I don't show it to others. When I am by myself, I will scream out loud, and go off. My poor dog is the only one to witness this, and he shivers, and then I feel so bad, I apologize to him and hug  and kiss him to let him know it's ok.  I was in a 7 year relationship with a guy who had lots of rage. He would destroy my things,tv's, vcrs, etc, punch holes in the wall, yell, scream and cuss, and break many things, and I'd just clean it up and cry as I did it.   This kind of rage does affect all who witness it. I still have problems from this guy's rage and abuse to me. I hate loud noises, they make me jump.   I really hope Isabella and the others will change for the better before they push the people that love them away, far away leaving them with mental damage.

 
February 2, 2009, 10:05 am CST

02/02 Rage Caught on Tape: The Follow Up

Quote From: amandatinder

I missed the first part of the show today, and I was wondering if Dr. Phil addressed what to do if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone's rage. My boyfriend of 3 years is usually one of the kindest and funniest people I know, but, when we get into an argument, he often goes from 0 to 60 in nothing flat and flies into an uncontrollable rage. I've tried reasoning with him, but you can guess how that ended up. Once he's really lost it, even my crying seems to have no effect (in fact, sometimes, my crying seems to make him escalate even more).

 

Even though I know this is more about him than about me or us, I can't help blaming myself when he flies into a rage. I generally try to avoid getting into disagreements with him at this point because I can never tell when I'll hit a trigger that will set him off. Of course, this means that issues in our relationship never get resolved, so that's not good either.

 

My question is: what can I do once I have hit a trigger and he loses it? Is there anything I can say or do, or is it a lost cause once he hits a rage? How can I approach him about his rages without causing another rage?

 

Thanks for your help!

I'll tell you what I think Dr Phil probably would.
I don't see any way you can approach your boyfriend about his rages without "causing" another one. You've tried it in the past and he's only gotten into an even worse rage. The best predictor of future behavior being relevant past behavior, the same thing will keep happening every time you try to "reason" him out of his rages. And, I can only see it getting worse.
Anyway, while you say "I know this is more about him than about me," you've allowed the toxicity of your boyfriend's attitude to so poison your mind  that you've begun blaming yourself for his rages. You've let him change who you are. And, how you see yourself. You're losing yourself to him. And the longer you delay in breaking this "relationship" off, the more of yourself you'll lose.
You've already wasted three years of your life on this loser. Why waste another minute? And, you never know when you'll "hit" another "trigger." Break it off before you become a statistic.


 
February 2, 2009, 10:11 am CST

02/02 Rage Caught on Tape: The Follow Up

Quote From: sadgirl0919

I have rage, but I don't show it to others. When I am by myself, I will scream out loud, and go off. My poor dog is the only one to witness this, and he shivers, and then I feel so bad, I apologize to him and hug  and kiss him to let him know it's ok.  I was in a 7 year relationship with a guy who had lots of rage. He would destroy my things,tv's, vcrs, etc, punch holes in the wall, yell, scream and cuss, and break many things, and I'd just clean it up and cry as I did it.   This kind of rage does affect all who witness it. I still have problems from this guy's rage and abuse to me. I hate loud noises, they make me jump.   I really hope Isabella and the others will change for the better before they push the people that love them away, far away leaving them with mental damage.

My cats will jump off the couch and stare at me when I yell at the TV while I'm watching 24. I'm sure that many of you  who watch it can relate. It's a really gripping show.
 
February 2, 2009, 10:19 am CST

02/02 Rage Caught on Tape: The Follow Up

More airtime expended on Isaballa's excusing and justifying her ridiculous behavior? At least she's placed herself in Dr Lawliss's  hands. He's helped other show-guests. If  he can help her, I'd love to see the followup.
 
February 2, 2009, 12:14 pm CST

02/02 Rage Caught on Tape: The Follow Up

Quote From: amandatinder

I missed the first part of the show today, and I was wondering if Dr. Phil addressed what to do if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone's rage. My boyfriend of 3 years is usually one of the kindest and funniest people I know, but, when we get into an argument, he often goes from 0 to 60 in nothing flat and flies into an uncontrollable rage. I've tried reasoning with him, but you can guess how that ended up. Once he's really lost it, even my crying seems to have no effect (in fact, sometimes, my crying seems to make him escalate even more).

 

Even though I know this is more about him than about me or us, I can't help blaming myself when he flies into a rage. I generally try to avoid getting into disagreements with him at this point because I can never tell when I'll hit a trigger that will set him off. Of course, this means that issues in our relationship never get resolved, so that's not good either.

 

My question is: what can I do once I have hit a trigger and he loses it? Is there anything I can say or do, or is it a lost cause once he hits a rage? How can I approach him about his rages without causing another rage?

 

Thanks for your help!

Hon, I'm not Dr. Phil, but I have been in your situation and will tell you what worked for me.

First off, if he rages escalate enough that he threatens to physically harm you, the best action would be to get out of the relationship.  The relationship I was in was very abusive, and it has permanently scarred me, because I tried to reason and 'fix' the problem when it couldn't be fixed.  It took a broken jaw and a month of dealing with police officers, doctors, parents, and my chain of command to get me away from the guy.

What I found did work with him, however, was simply walking away.  When people are in uncontrollable rages, speaking to them and trying to reason with them is going to make them feel like they need to defend themselves.  If they are going off about something that is not going to harm themselves or others, just nod your head and show your support by agreeing for the moment.  Debating or discussing why they feel the way they do is going to make them angrier.  Discussing the reason for the rage is best left for later.

If your mere presence seems to be escalating the rage, then calmly explain that you are going to step out and take a walk until he cools down.  Even if it makes him angry that you are leaving, some people need to be alone to let the rage pass.  Fuel feeds the fire.  Take the fuel away, and the fire will quickly burn itself out.  You DO NOT want to do this if the person is threatening suicide, or threatening to hurt you if you leave.  If you have children, take them with you if you go for a walk.  You don't want them to stay behind alone with someone raging.

Like I said, I'm not Dr. Phil or any therapist for that matter, so these views are just my opinion from personal experience with someone who went into rages.  Good luck with your boyfriend.
 
February 2, 2009, 12:21 pm CST

Isabella

Why is she wasting all this time???  She is obviously proud of being a b***h.  She needs to get over herself , get a life and GROW UP!!  She is also very self-centered and egotistical.  I don't want to waste my time watching  spoiled brats on Dr. Phil.   There are people out there with real problems who need real help!
 
February 2, 2009, 12:25 pm CST

02/02 Rage Caught on Tape: The Follow Up


I think she (isabella) likes the attention .. honestly

and I hardly doubt she ever gets angry at her son
 
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