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Topic : 07/22 Child Caught in the Middle

Number of Replies: 71
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Created on : Friday, January 30, 2009, 02:16:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/04/09) Divorce is well known to be a source of pain, bitterness and often conflict. When parents who have split up carry their fight beyond the courtroom, the child is usually the one caught in the crossfire. Dr. Phil sits down with Ronald and Cathie, who say they both love their 15-year-old son, Matthew, tremendously, though what they feel for each other is a different story. After a tumultuous divorce, Ronald says Cathie abandoned Matthew and has been out of his life for nearly 10 years. Cathie says Ronald is the one responsible for that separation. She claims he did everything he could to get in the way of her relationship with her son. Now, Cathie is back in the picture, but Matthew is having a hard time adjusting. In fact, the stress is making him literally sick, and he vomits up to 40 times a day. Matthew has a list of pressing questions for his mom, including why she has been gone for so long. With Dr. Phil’s help, will this young man get to the bottom of the mysteries in his life, and can he ever trust his mother again? Share your thoughts here.

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January 30, 2009, 3:46 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show.

Caught Child Doctor In Middle Phil/Robin The. I have never seen this before but I will go ahead and watc-

h it anyway. See you on Wednesday Feburary 04th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------- 

 
February 3, 2009, 7:22 am CST

02/04 Child Caught in the Middle

I can totally relate to this show.  My fiance is currently going through a divorce and custiody battle where his two small children, ages 4 and two and a half are constantly being used as pawns between both parents.  The eldest just started preschool this week and my fiance didnt not want to let her go because her mother set it up and it would be in the town where the mother resides.  Right now there is no type of custody agreement in place ane until this past Sunday we were taking the girls 4 days and 5 nights a week and their mother had them the rest of the time.  We would travel 2 hours from our home once a week to pick the girls up, usually getting there around 8 and not getting home until between 10 and 1030 at night.  Since the eldest started school, we will now be taking them every other weekend as agreed by my fiance and his ex.  However, my fiance is thinking about changing his mind and recanting on the agreement because is afraid that by only taking the kids every other weekend that it makes him look like a bad dad.  His ex and he were having a disagreement this past Sunday when she came to our home to pick the kids up and I sat watching as the eldest daughter stood between her parents as they argued, her head moving back and forth between the parents as they bickered about where the kids would be better off.  They were using the school thing as a base for the fight and like I told him after the fight was over, the only one they were hurting was the kids.  They had not only fought with her right in the middle, they had used something she was involved in which woud cause her to think that she was the reason they had been fighting in the first place.  I told my fiance to his face that both he and his ex are selfish people who are not at all thinking about whats best for their two girls, but, only about what they want and who can get more over on the other person.  The kids are not kids in this, they are merley peices of territory that both parents want just to say they get it.  I dont think this should be  a custody battle at all, the kids are just possesions obtained during the marriage, I think they should settle it as a divorce settlement.  Now, my three small kids are affected by this as well and I have had enough.  I say they both need to come to some kind of agreement based solely on whats best for those girls or give them to someone who can put the kids above their own selfish needs and wants!!!!
 
February 4, 2009, 7:39 am CST

Stop making excuses mom

This story really got to me for some reason.  I really want to give it to that mother and I was surprised you didn't  Dr. Phil.  She should stop making stupid excuses and just give a little to her son. My youngest son and his father have a similar relationship.  The difference is I don't talk about his father to him in a negaive way whatsoever.  Although I have plenty of knowledge that I could share it would only be painfull to  my son.  i just want that mother to stop making excuses, he is not asking for much, only you to be true to your word.  A simple phone call on a regular basis would probably do wonders for the relationship.  I have to wonder if their is some kind of substance abuse on the mothers end.  What else could possibly stop her from answereing his phone calls and take precendence over plans that were made? Please keep up posted on this story and by all means tell that mother to WAKE up!!! She is lucky that he wants anything to do with her at all at this age. 
 
February 4, 2009, 8:26 am CST

02/04 Child Caught in the Middle

  I've been divorced 18 yrs. and my ex has only been with his 2 daughters 2-3 wks. in all that time...I have seen the hurt in my children's life from not having their father involved.  He didn't call or send cards often either.  Even though my girls are 29 and 23, it still hurts them. They don't talk too much about it now.

  If the Matthews mother does step in soon and follow through loving, and being honest to her son she will live to regret it.  Soon, Matthew will give up on her.

  Although Dad did say things he shouldn't have, He has raised a very polite and respectful young man

 It is very hard to be both "Mom and Dad"

  Best of Luck Matthew, My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope you get the answers you search for.

 
February 4, 2009, 8:28 am CST

02/04 Child Caught in the Middle

To your discussions on custody battles:  I wanted to add the problem with lawyers and courts.  They feed into the trauma of the children.  My brother was allowed 3 weeks in the summer with his daughter.  They have shared parenting meaning every other Fri/Sat/Sun and every other Thur/Fri.  His assumed his week was 7 days PLUS his normal Fri/Sat/Sun.  She took him to court to get her days back she lost because she felt it shouldn't have overlapped her already awarded weekend.  To countersue my brother filed for more days (not full custody but just more days).  TWO YEARS LATER the courts are still dragging it on.  So far she has filed for full custody on grounds that he is an alcholic abuser with no proof.  In his defense he filed for full on grounds of abuse from mother and step-father.  His daughter took the stand to explain that the step-dad pulled her mom by the hair down the hall, hit her brother on the head with a brush, her mother bit her ear to discipline her, etc.  Courts ordered them to go to a social worker to iron out problem.  This involves the mom telling my niece she's lying and she needs to learn her mother is always right (WITH THE SOCIAL WORKER AGREEING!) My brother bites his tongue until he sees his daughter getting upset then argues that the session needs to stop because his daughter is being attacked.  Then they've been ordered to see a psychologist for test (at $1500 a pop).  The mom is demanding more sessions.  I assume in hopes of forcing my brother into bankruptcy.  My brother has cleared out his savings, cleared out his savings for his daughter COLLEGE EDUCATION, and is now pulling out his retirment.  He is overr $10,000 in the hole trying to pay for his lawyer, courts, social worker, psychologists.  The worst part is my niece WANTS to be her father more and has begged my brother to keep fighting.  What is he to do?  My neice is going to have no college money because this country's court system knows how to play on people.  I am totally convinced my brother's ex's lawyers intention is to drag my brother thru the mill until he can't pay to fight anymore than he'll HAVE to withdraw.  And she wins.  My mom has even contacted Children's Services on the allegations because the lawyers never filed when it was brought up.  That was months ago and STILL no action.  My niece is such a sweet 12 year old.  For all she's been thru (my brother filed after finding his wife cheating before my niece was even one), I am always amazed at how well she has handled this disgusting mess.  My brother is stuck.  If he hires another lawyer, he's lost money and is looking at even more money.  If he stops, he lets down his daughter and makes it look like he's backing down because he's guilty.  What also irritates me is the fact that my niece's "assigned lawyer" isn't supportive of her.  She was told to text him if she is ever needed help (when tempers rise in her mom's home, etc).  She's done that he's NEVER responded to her texts.  She's told him things and in her words, does not believe her and tried talking her out of what happened.  All this because the mom had to nitpick on the awarded vacation week!  So how much and how long does he fight and defend himself along the way?
 
February 4, 2009, 8:34 am CST

Chld caught in middle

This story makes me sad. How on earth can a mother not be their for the child for 10 years then suddenly decide to make an entrance. I would not care what has happened, what was said etc. I would make every effort that I could possibly make to be in my child's life. I can  not even think about that possiblilty. I love my child more than anything this world has to offer and I would make every effort to be in my child's life. And her excuse of having 30 patients to care for as the reason she couldn't go to the hospital is perposterous. I am a nursing assistant at a nursing home and care for 25 patients. There was a time when my daughter came down sick. I had called off work the first day to be with her. The second day I attempted to go in to work. After a couple of hours of being at work, my husband called saying that she was vomiting everywhere. Do you know what I did? I told my boss I was not staying any longer and that I was leaving. I left work and took my child to the ER. Turns out that it was a good thing we did. I would rather have my child alive and well then worry about whether I need to stay at work for a few extra dollars or whether I need to stay to care for people who are 70-80 years old. Don't get me wrong...I care for my patients, but my own flesh and blood comes first. Thats just way it works in my book.
 
February 4, 2009, 11:54 am CST

Matthew needs someone!

I wonder what state they live in. Matthew could use a big sister. He just seems like he needs someone who he could confide in and someone who could be a mother figure while "mom" figures out what she wants to do.

Cassie
 
February 4, 2009, 12:31 pm CST

02/04 Child Caught in the Middle

I feel so bad for matthew, mainly because i know what hes going through! My mother kidnapped me when i was 5 years old, and left my brother behind. My parents divorce was so incredibly vicious & truly horrible i would never wish my childhood upon anyone else. After being a missing child for 2 years my mother dropped me off on my fathers doorstep with nothing but a garbage bag of clothes. Im now 24 and ive seen my mother a total of 2 times since she "gave me back" to my father. Growing up i would have these insane daydreams that she would appear at christmas, or at my school to "surprise" us with a visit. She never did. After 10 years of wishing she'd come see us, i gave up. I feel for matthew, and i think his mother is a very selfish woman. I hope he can overcome everything he's been put through and realize that though he may not have any control over the things happening in his life right now, that if he stays strong it will better his future. ive been the "child caught in the middle" of a divorce thats been ongoing for 19 years....its not a good place to be, and i wish parents made decisions based on their children other than acting out of pure selfishness and trying to "win".
 
February 4, 2009, 1:01 pm CST

Not Everyone Is A Mother

Unfortunately, not everyone is cut out to be a mother.  I bet the mother will come back in this boy's life, at a hard enough teenage time, and she will be gone again.  And from what I saw, the son is so wanting something from the "mother"  that she is probably not going to be able to give.  It will require too much work and accountability for her.  Oddly enough, these mothers often make good nurses.  Mother is a verb, much like parenting.  I am not sure after he thinks about her later in life if he will refer to her with that special, wonderful title that us mothers are blessed to be called. 

 
February 4, 2009, 1:06 pm CST

"Love" versus "Self-absorbed"

Dr. Phil has been infected with the "PC" bug.

 

I just heard him intimate that an individual can both love someone AND be "self-aborbed".

 

That is IMPOSSIBLE!

 

Self-absorption is SELF-LOVE and is the very antithesis of love

 

I'll not profer the definition of love (you can look that up for yourself), but self-absorbed, narcissistic individuals ARE NOT CAPABLE of loving anything or anyone outside of themselves.

 

I sure do hope Dr. Phil McGraw gets an opportunity to see this message because these latter tendencies toward political correctness have caused me to be quite disenchanted with him.

 

 

 
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