My husband was recently given primary custody of his 12 yearold daughter because her mother was arrested due to a domestic dispute with her brother. She now has supervisedvisitation. Her other two children were taken by CYF... Since then, my step daughters two half-sisters were released to their father who in-turn gave them back to their mother. Now, she wants my husband's daughter to come back and live with her too. He is adamant about not letting his daughter go back not just because of the alcohol, but prescription drugs, emotional abuse and lack of discipline and supervision. If she were to go back to live with her mother, my husband and his daughter would be made out to be the scapegoats of this situation. Her mother would blame him for all of this even though he is only protecting his child. When my husband's ex was arrested, it was their daughter who called the police. Her mother has since told her that this whole situation was my step daughter’s fault, her dad's fault, her ex-step dad's fault, the police's fault, my fault...you get the idea. My husband has since received papers in the mail stating that she is filing for full custody. He has been to mediation and is scheduled for conciliation. This mother has told my step-daughter that the therapy my husband enrolled their daughter in is "a joke." She has refused to allow visitation with the child's half-sisters stating that she should be the one seeing her daughter and until she sees her daughter the girls will not get to see each other. This situation has me so anxious because this child has a better chance at a future living with us. I can just see the dollar amounts adding up if this goes all the way to trial. This woman would rather waste thousands of dollars than to see her daughter with supervision in our town. My husband's daughter has said that she wants to go back to live with her mom because at our house she has to brush her teeth twice a day, eat vegetables, take a shower every day, do her homework, and do some basic chores like keeping her room clean, doing the dishes, doing her laundry, etc... She recently went to the dentist and had 8 cavities! 8 cavities!!!! She's only 12 and her mother has been the one in charge of her medical care. Instead, she wouldn't even give him copies of their daughter's medical insurance card. Her mother changed her medical insurance and didn't tell us. This is so petty. We went out of town and we had a copy of the old insurance card and she let us go out of town with the wrong card. What would have happened if my husband's daughter had gotten hurt or had to go to the doctor, out of town, with the wrong insurance card? This woman has been on prescription medication for at least the 6 years I've been with my husband and according to him since their daughter was born. This mother has told her own daughter that her dad loves me more than he loves their daughter! I have no biological children. So, according to her, there's no way I could know how to be a good parent. She has even gone so far as to say that I should stop trying to steal her daughter and have one of my own if I want to be a parent. My husband and I want his daughter to stay with us because she has said that if she had known she wouldn't be allowed to go back to her mom's, then she never would have called the police. That is very scary! This 12 year old was brave enough to call the police and now her mother is making sure that her children are scared of authorities who are meant to protect them from mother's like her. I'm so disgusted by this woman's selfish nature. Doctor Phil, I don't know if she would show up, but this young woman needs your help. She is getting counseling but her mother is refusing to see her unless it is in her own home. What should we do? Her mother lives 45 minutes away and we both work. Her mom does not work and has no job. Yet she has a car and could get to the town in which we live. My husband and I are concerned about the visits because her mother showed up high at the first visit and insists that it was because she had a migraine... I'm tired of hearing that as an excuse. We all have headaches, but she is on so many prescriptions and definitely abuses them. She has told her daughter that she has to go to AA meetings, but that she is not an alcoholic. She has told her daughter that she goes to group therapy, but then tells her daughter that the therapy her daughter is in is a joke. I don't think this woman understands how she is affecting her child. My husband's ex has had multiple men living with her and has dated multiple men since she and her second husband separated only about a year and a half ago. One of them moved into the home a few weeks after her second husband left. A different man showed up at their first visit which was at the local mall in mom's town. While there is nothing wrong with her mother dating, it is bizzare that she would bring this man to her visit with her daughter. My step daughter is smart and creative. She is safe with us, is in a loving environment, and is learning life skills that will help her function as an adult. Her mother has spent thousands of dollars to hire a lawyer and go to court, but she won't spend $20 a week to see her daughter where we live. Her dad has tried to make it possible for her mother to see her and he lets her call her mom every other day or whenever she asks. Her mother has gone a week at a time between phone calls on some occassions and then other times she'll call three times a day. This child will call her mom, but get voicemail. She calls three or four times before her mom answers and then gives her some excuse why she couldn't answer her call. Her dad and I don't understand this. My husband doesn't understand why their daughter's mother keeps saying that she wants to see their daughter, but then won't come to our town to see her. Her mother has left inappropriate voicemails that she expects us to give to their daughter. She states that she is allowed to discuss the court proceedings with their daughter because it involves her, but that's all she talks about. And really, should she discuss this with a 12 year old? Instead of asking how she's doing or what kind of fun things she's doing or how school is going... it's always about court... My husband doesn't want his daughter to worry about all of the adult stuff. I don't think it's necessary to tell children everything. Obviously it's important to be honest with them, but only to the point that they can handle the information. Please help us avoid spending thousands of dollars in an unnecessary court battle. This young woman needs both of her parents, healthy and able to be a positive part of her life.
Anyone who is in a similar situation or has been in a similar situation, please comment... I am interested in knowing how things turned out for you and how to deal with things in the meantime! Thanks for reading!
Peace, Love and Understanding,
M
(Original Air Date: 02/04/09) Divorce is well known to be a source of pain, bitterness and often conflict. When parents who have split up carry their fight beyond the courtroom, the child is usually the one caught in the crossfire. Dr. Phil sits down with Ronald and Cathie, who say they both love their 15-year-old son, Matthew, tremendously, though what they feel for each other is a different story. After a tumultuous divorce, Ronald says Cathie abandoned Matthew and has been out of his life for nearly 10 years. Cathie says Ronald is the one responsible for that separation. She claims he did everything he could to get in the way of her relationship with her son. Now, Cathie is back in the picture, but Matthew is having a hard time adjusting. In fact, the stress is making him literally sick, and he vomits up to 40 times a day. Matthew has a list of pressing questions for his mom, including why she has been gone for so long. With Dr. Phil’s help, will this young man get to the bottom of the mysteries in his life, and can he ever trust his mother again? Share your thoughts here.
