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Topic : 07/22 Child Caught in the Middle

Number of Replies: 71
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Created on : Friday, January 30, 2009, 02:16:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/04/09) Divorce is well known to be a source of pain, bitterness and often conflict. When parents who have split up carry their fight beyond the courtroom, the child is usually the one caught in the crossfire. Dr. Phil sits down with Ronald and Cathie, who say they both love their 15-year-old son, Matthew, tremendously, though what they feel for each other is a different story. After a tumultuous divorce, Ronald says Cathie abandoned Matthew and has been out of his life for nearly 10 years. Cathie says Ronald is the one responsible for that separation. She claims he did everything he could to get in the way of her relationship with her son. Now, Cathie is back in the picture, but Matthew is having a hard time adjusting. In fact, the stress is making him literally sick, and he vomits up to 40 times a day. Matthew has a list of pressing questions for his mom, including why she has been gone for so long. With Dr. Phil’s help, will this young man get to the bottom of the mysteries in his life, and can he ever trust his mother again? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 4, 2009, 8:55 pm CST

Nothing for the Father

Everyone is getting on the Mother, but I know from experience, of dealing with my own situation.  I believe this Father is putting a lot of things in the boy's head.  He's trying to remember things from when he was three years old. Usually, the parent that has custody is the one that holds all the cards with the children.  This relationship will never be more than what it is right now.  That Mother doesn't stand a chance until that young man grows up and gets on his own away from that Father.  I believe that Father isn't being truthful and he has the sons ear and is putting a lot of things regarding the mother.  Which is very sad!  Dr Phil, didn't say anything to the Father, which is wrong, because I believe a lot of the boy's problem stem from the Father first!
 
February 4, 2009, 9:40 pm CST

In tears for this child

I was in tears by the middle of this show.  I'm a 25 year old married woman, I've never experienced divorce but my life growing up was less than normal.  If the mother hasn't already realized what she's doing to her son by letting him down, then she probably never will. 

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years now.  I've had several miscarraiges and can't tell you how hurt I am when I see parents who do not appreciate the child that they do have.  I pray to the Lord every night that he will bless my husband and me with a child. 

Since the show ended I've been choking back tears and I'm trying not to think about it. It just hurts my feelings so bad.  Any type of positive attention that boy received from his mother just made his face light up.  You can tell that he is hurt so deeply inside.  She is an excuse maker and has only reached out to her son to help herself feel a little less guilty.

*The father is not perfect, but dang, he's been raising this young man and watching him wait by the phone and cry himself to sleep.  My parents told me things growing up that I should have NEVER heard.  But I turned out okay.  I'm sure the father doesn't appreciate the mother coming in and destroying every ounce of self-worth that he's tried to restore to the kid while she's been gone.

Her son needs to know that he is obviously intelligent, articulate, and a hansome kid.  I hope he doesn't go through life feeling rejected by others around him because of this woman's selfish neglect. 

Bottom line....she makes me sick at my stomach.  What a pathetic excuse for a mother.  She should have left him alone and let him have a normal life.

 
February 4, 2009, 9:42 pm CST

Matthew

I would be his mom in a heartbeat!!!!!!
 
February 4, 2009, 9:49 pm CST

02/04 Child Caught in the Middle

Quote From: for1smile

I believe that the mother was not given a chance to tell her story and there are so many situations that divorcee woman have to fight for. Her Ex husband has much to do with the lies. Its very easy to manipulate your sons view when you make your ex wife look like the loser. I believe the mother should of had more of chance to tell her side of the story. instead of being interrupted for every answer. Both sides of the story should have been told and then the son should have brought in with just the mother and not the father.
Im not totally defending her but it  wasn't equal.
Thanks

She was given ample opportunity and her answers were shallow and lacked depth. 

You are defending her! Who cares what the father makes the ex wife look like. ACTIONS speak much louder than words my friend.  It's hard for a dad to keep calling a mother a loser if she is keeping her promises and making real attempts.  Excuses like "I was tired" or "I was working" COME ON!!!! Grow up, lady! Open your eyes to Matthew...

When you have a child life is NOT about you anymore.  Getting caught up in he-said she-said is immature and just ridiculous.  Matthew is more important than that. 

If i were Dr. Phil I would have leaned over, knocked on the woman's forehead, and said UM HELLO?! Is anyone in there?? Wake up!!

 
February 4, 2009, 10:57 pm CST

To kids who know him, pls give him a break...

Can't we begin by embracing the fact that three victims came forward ?  We weren't there when the terrible fiasco's began.  Recently I contacted three children wherein one day their Dad just left them.  One son is 22 years old now and he is still plagued with this reality as his Dad left him when he was in the 5th grade.  Oddly the story that aired is quite identical to the mother who left.  This Dad also claims that his wife was declared incompetent; he says that she attacked him with an axe !  The Dad says that his deepest prayer would be to be reunited with his children so I relayed his love to them.  He may have not paid child support  therefore his ex-wife can have him arrested.  Thus the children may never know that his love is real.  Even tho they may be in his heart, now I've discovered that he needs Dr. Phil's help because this Dad has sociopathic and philandering tendanciesHis current wife does NOT know this part.  I am a former love of his and I am horrified to discover many women don't know he is married.  I was lucky to find out Thank God, I asked The Lord to show me everything, so with eyes wide open...  It is possible that he does not really care about anyone beyond himself enough to love with committment, even to his own biological children.  Suggesting that they may not even be his - I hope they've never heard this !!!  I would dearly love to see his children get the opportunity to meet Dr. Phil and have the opportunity to get the Truth out because the custodial parent often does create terrible damage, which further opens the door to continuing generational curses due to abandonment, opening to the vulnerabilities of vices that mask the pain but never takes it all away; only worsens it.  Please Dr. Phil bring this to America, for healing and restoration.  For what its worth, I would adopt all children who do not know that they are loved for their individual gifts that they bring to this world.  I would also adopt all parents who need their pathways straightened so they can return, as long as they are willing to let go of their bad habits and change away from their mistakes of the past.  I am a big believer and advocate of people.  I am a child of a very abusive and toxic family so I've had to learn what not to allow and accept, as each parent becomes the great person they CAN be if they will only chose.  XXO  p.s.  I hope this makes sense and I hope we can get honor back into mind set of the American people with regard to the beauty of Marriage and children, where struggles doesn't mean "the end" but rather an exciting adventure for each special family.
 
February 5, 2009, 12:49 am CST

Dr. Phil let the mother off too easy

That mother looks like an addict and her behaviors seem to be those of an addict. The lying and neglect of the child won't stop while she is still addicted.  She continued to lie and not be dependable until just before the show, even though she was trying to insert herself into her son's life. He is better off without her lies and inconsistent behavior.  A nurse who has "no money" obviously has a problem.
 
February 5, 2009, 6:39 am CST

02/04 Child Caught in the Middle

I think that the mother's behavior screams I ABUSE DRUGS! She is a nurse and has access,she self medicates for anxiety and loses track of time because she is high. Unless this possibility is investigated ,her relationship with her family will never be improved.Plese look into this

thank you

 
February 5, 2009, 8:17 am CST

divorce

We have that same thing going on here. She is 9 years old and mom was a drunk and even received a DUI while picking her up at daycare back when she was 4. She has try to come in her life now and the child is so confused and angry. Her mom will say she is coming and never show up. Weather??? Mom ill??/ I'm the stepmom and listening to all of this drives me crazy. She calls me MOM since I am raising her. Her dad has had full physical custody since she was 4. Her mom is only playing with her head now and she lives 3 hours away. Her mom even is trying even to get her to live with her now. The emails back and forth even TODAY are horrific!! Dr PHIL should have us on the show!! This is the same type of story. I am a step mom would like her real mom just to be there as she was in another city. No communicating. The child was alot happier just knowing mom was out there somewhere. Why do they come into their lives now???

 

Deb

 
February 5, 2009, 10:23 am CST

Very very sad!

As I was watching this I was thinking to myself...Wow thats me and my ex-husband only we are together again.  I have been trying to explain to him what it does to children when the parents fight in front of the kids.  My daughter is 4 and had circles under her eyes, doesn't really respect her dad and has no clue as to whats going on.  It is so sad to see that my daughter could end up the way that boy is.  It broke my heart and my prayers go out to him!  We are supposed to be the adults...we are the ones who are supposed to teach our children that fighting and yelling and calling people names is not right.  Insted we teach them that its ok to be ugly to someone and say hurtful things to people if you don't like them.  Thats something to be proud of!
 
February 5, 2009, 10:44 am CST

any advice?

My husband was recently given primary custody of his 12 yearold daughter because her mother was arrested due to a domestic dispute with her brother.  She now has supervisedvisitation.  Her other two children were taken by CYF... Since then, my step daughters two half-sisters were released to their father who in-turn gave them back to their mother.  Now, she wants my husband's daughter to come back and live with her too.  He is adamant about not letting his daughter go back not just because of the alcohol, but prescription drugs, emotional abuse and lack of discipline and supervision.  If she were to go back to live with her mother, my husband and his daughter would be made out to be the scapegoats of this situation.  Her mother would blame him for all of this even though he is only protecting his child.  When my husband's ex was arrested, it was their daughter who called the police.  Her mother has since told her that this whole situation was my step daughter’s fault, her dad's fault, her ex-step dad's fault, the police's fault, my fault...you get the idea.  My husband has since received papers in the mail stating that she is filing for full custody.  He has been to mediation and is scheduled for conciliation.  This mother has told my step-daughter that the therapy my husband enrolled their daughter in is "a joke."  She has refused to allow visitation with the child's half-sisters stating that she should be the one seeing her daughter and until she sees her daughter the girls will not get to see each other.  This situation has me so anxious because this child has a better chance at a future living with us.  I can just see the dollar amounts adding up if this goes all the way to trial.  This woman would rather waste thousands of dollars than to see her daughter with  supervision in our town.  My husband's daughter has said that she wants to go back to live with her mom because at our house she has to brush her teeth twice a day, eat vegetables, take a shower every day, do her homework, and do some basic chores like keeping her room clean, doing the dishes, doing her laundry, etc...  She recently went to the dentist and had 8 cavities! 8 cavities!!!! She's only 12 and her mother has been the one in charge of her medical care.  Instead, she wouldn't even give him copies of their daughter's medical insurance card.  Her mother changed her medical insurance and didn't tell us.  This is so petty.  We went out of town and we had a copy of the old insurance card and she let us go out of town with the wrong card.  What would have happened if my husband's daughter had gotten hurt or had to go to the doctor, out of town, with the wrong insurance card?  This woman has been on prescription medication for at least the 6 years I've been with my husband and according to him since their daughter was born.  This mother has told her own daughter that her dad loves me more than he loves their daughter! I have no biological children.  So, according to her, there's no way I could know how to be a good parent.  She has even gone so far as to say that I should stop trying to steal her daughter and have one of my own if I want to be a parent.  My husband and I want his daughter to stay with us because she has said that if she had known she wouldn't be allowed to go back to her mom's, then she never would have called the police.  That is very scary! This 12 year old was brave enough to call the police and now her mother is making sure that her children are scared of authorities who are meant to protect them from mother's like her.  I'm so disgusted by this woman's selfish nature.  Doctor Phil, I don't know if she would show up, but this young woman needs your help.  She is getting counseling but her mother is refusing to see her unless it is in her own home.  What should we do?  Her mother lives 45 minutes away and we both work.  Her mom does not work and has no job.  Yet she has a car and could get to the town in which we live.  My husband and I are concerned about the visits because her mother showed up high at the first visit and insists that it was because she had a migraine... I'm tired of hearing that as an excuse.  We all have headaches, but she is on so many prescriptions and definitely abuses them.  She has told her daughter that she has to go to AA meetings, but that she is not an alcoholic.  She has told her daughter that she goes to group therapy, but then tells her daughter that the therapy her daughter is in is a joke.  I don't think this woman understands how she is affecting her child.  My husband's ex has had multiple men living with her and has dated multiple men since she and her second husband separated only about a year and a half ago.  One of them moved into the home a few weeks after her second husband left.  A different man showed up at their first visit which was at the local mall in mom's town.  While there is nothing wrong with her mother dating, it is bizzare that she would bring this man to her visit with her daughter.  My step daughter is smart and creative.  She is safe with us, is in a loving environment, and is learning life skills that will help her function as an adult.  Her mother has spent thousands of dollars to hire a lawyer and go to court, but she won't spend $20 a week to see her daughter where we live.  Her dad has tried to make it possible for her mother to see her and he lets her call her mom every other day or whenever she asks.  Her mother has gone a week at a time between phone calls on some occassions and then other times she'll call three times a day.  This child will call her mom, but get voicemail.  She calls three or four times before her mom answers and then gives her some excuse why she couldn't answer her call.  Her dad and I don't understand this.  My husband doesn't understand why their daughter's mother keeps saying that she wants to see their daughter, but then won't come to our town to see her.  Her mother has left inappropriate voicemails that she expects us to give to their daughter.  She states that she is allowed to discuss the court proceedings with their daughter because it involves her, but that's all she talks about. And really, should she discuss this with a 12 year old?   Instead of asking how she's doing or what kind of fun things she's doing or how school is going... it's always about court...  My husband doesn't want his daughter to worry about all of the adult stuff.  I don't think it's necessary to tell children everything.  Obviously it's important to be honest with them, but only to the point that they can handle the information.  Please help us avoid spending thousands of dollars in an unnecessary court battle.  This young woman needs both of her parents, healthy and able to be a positive part of her life.   

Anyone who is in a similar situation or has been in a similar situation, please comment... I am interested in knowing how things turned out for you and how to deal with things in the meantime!  Thanks for reading!
  

Peace, Love and Understanding,  

M
  

 
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