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Topic : 06/15 What's Wrong with Men?

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Created on : Friday, January 30, 2009, 02:19:58 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/06/09) Dr. Phil addresses the question all women want to know the answer to: What’s wrong with men? With the help of Time magazine writer and comedian Joel Stein, Dr. Phil tries to solve the mystery of what makes men tick. First up, single ladies Shannon, Emily and Caroldean all have a gripe -- or 10 -- about men! They face off with Christopher, Kayo and Marcus, self-proclaimed jerks who want to explain their point of view. Watch sparks fly as the singles debate dating, sex and relationships. Then, Kaydee says her husband of six years, Mike, is broken, and she can’t find the “man”ual. He won’t bring her flowers, he won’t buy her cards, he won’t even take out the trash! You won’t believe the reason Mike gives for being romantically challenged. And, don’t miss the couple’s hilarious home videos about what really annoys them about each other. Plus, Dr. Phil dispels the myths about men. What is fact and what is fiction? You may be surprised! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 6, 2009, 10:59 pm CST

02/06 What's Wrong with Men?

Quote From: jcsn_02

i have been with my boyfriend (baby's daddy) for three years now.  we have a beautiful 2 year old boy, whom which i am also in love with!

i have been begging to get married, but he keeps tellin me that he wants to wait! for what??? nothing would change, we live together with my beautiful son. i cook, clean, take care of our son, manage bills, everything, while he works and most of all i love him with all my heart, i want to spend the rest of my life with him.

why is he procastinating?

i almost feel like i'm not doing good enough or that i'm not the one.

i'm 23 and i feel like my clock is ticking, yes i'm young, but it's been three years!! i think i have committed myself fully to him, has he not?

like i said i love him more than words can describe, and we have a son. it's not like i can up and leave him. so i don't know what to do. should i ask him tomarry me, and risk the fact he may say no???

MEN ARE COMPLICATED!

 

"Why is he procrastinating?"  Simple. Like I said in an earlier post: "why buy the cow when you get the milk free?"

 

You give him NO incentive to marry you.  You are already doing everything for him, including having his baby, and have demanded no commitment from him.  He has no obligation to marry you. His attitude, I'm sure, is  why should he tie himself up legally and put on big-boy pants when you are so willing to allow him to have all the benefits with none of the responsibilities?

 

Men aren't complicated at all....in fact, they are ridiculously simple...if you're smart enough to see things realistically.

 

Once again, you represent yet another woman who has sold herself cheap!

 

 

 
February 7, 2009, 5:53 am CST

How Frustrating

Hi,

 

I just started watching Friday's Show (I DVRd) I'm only 22 minutes into the show and its already making me sick.  Dr Phil why are you concentrating on how women feel about men?  Women are sitting there complaining that men are jerks they don't treat them well all all of the other stuff.  However, women go after men like this.  I have numerous female friends that say oh your such a great guy and I wish I was with you, yet none of them have ever dated me they continuously go after these "bad boys" that treat them like crap and then they complain about it.  I think the women just need to shut up and stop complaining if this is the kind of guy you go after.

 

A little about me.  I'm 35 years old, divorced for 5 and 1/2 years, have a 10 year old son.  I have a full time job, my own car, and renting right now saving up for a house.  I am completely in my son's life.  I stay in touch with his academic and extra curricular activities.  I am Christian and teach Sunday School and am the Sunday School Superintendent at my church.  I put God and my son first in my life.  I love doing things outside and activities with my son.  I have dated off and on in the last 3 years but never really found anyone interesting.  I haven't had sex in over 6 years.

 

Recently, some of my friends say I should just get out and get laid, however I don't want that stuff.  I want a relationship.  I want a woman who is stable, has a job, a car, doesn't smoke, is Christian, and good with kids.  Lately all I can find is women that are immature and not stable.  I usually date women between the ages of 28 and 36.  Women like that shouldn't be immature.  I am looking for a women I can become friends with first and then progress the relationship.  I don't think I'm doing anything really wrong.

 
February 7, 2009, 6:07 am CST

Agree with about quote

Quote From: cndrlla

"Why is he procrastinating?"  Simple. Like I said in an earlier post: "why buy the cow when you get the milk free?"

 

You give him NO incentive to marry you.  You are already doing everything for him, including having his baby, and have demanded no commitment from him.  He has no obligation to marry you. His attitude, I'm sure, is  why should he tie himself up legally and put on big-boy pants when you are so willing to allow him to have all the benefits with none of the responsibilities?

 

Men aren't complicated at all....in fact, they are ridiculously simple...if you're smart enough to see things realistically.

 

Once again, you represent yet another woman who has sold herself cheap!

 

 

I so agree with "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"!?  When I saw Friday's show, I couldn't stop thinking that most woman give themselves to men in hopes that the man will become interested in them enough to marry them.  Woman are much too permiscuous nowadays and should "hold back" and leave some things to their partner's imagination.  At the tender age of 60, and never been married, I have found men are lucky enough to have been born with two heads......one between their shoulders and one between their legs....but most men think with the one between their legs.  The "good men" are all spoken for and the rest are selfish, egotistical and con-artists.  None are worthy of the good woman that are out there.  In that case, I have found the statement of the late, great Ann Landers to be so true...."It's better to be alone than to wish you were"!
 
February 7, 2009, 6:11 am CST

Agree

Quote From: cndrlla

Well, you certainly have the right to disagree with my last statement....however, some things are true whether you agree with them or not.

 

As for the fact that "no hard working, caring, decent men were brought on to defend themselves"....there was one decent guy up there and that was the husband of the couple who were on. And even he was clueless when it came to giving his wife the small, thoughtful, considerate things like a simple card on holidays and her birthday, or flowers....though it was obvious he loves her, and she loves him.

 

Men forget...or just don't even take the time to learn...the simple fact that the happier you make your women, the happier she will make you!

 

It's not rocket science...just plain common sense.  So much in short supply!   

Common sense does seem to be missing from our lives these days.  Is that why both men and woman does think straight anymore?  Maybe is both men and woman would slow down a bit a stop to think, common sense would take over and both sides would not be in such a quandry.
 
February 7, 2009, 7:13 am CST

YOU BURNED THE BRA...

Why would women find it so hard to understand?  We have spent years upon years being liberated doing our OWN thing, burning the bra infinging on men's domains...(ie) the military, men's clubs etc. We have done everything to belittle and undermine men, and show them that we are a better man than they are. When they conform to OUR ways..We call them sick adding insult to injury. WE neutralized them. (a polite word for castorated) ya can't UNRING the bell. Men must get very confused and frustrated.

I am Canadian so perhaps there is a cultural difference here. So forgive me for being blunt.

I have a few American women friends. And as much as I like them. I find that they are very self-absorbed it's always about them. They are overly sensitive and very spoiled. I have never in my life heard so much whining and sniveling as I have watching these programs. I would rather pound a nail in the wall with my forehead then to be a whining, sniveling, spoiled, self-absorbed boob.

The woman that was on Dr. Phil with her husband yesterday said and I quote. "I MADE supper for my husband on VALENTINE'S DAY." I guess that was her idea of being romantic :) What about the other 364 days?????  (I choked on my coffee.) 

The last time I was out for dinner was about 3 years ago. I make dinner EVERY single day for my husband.

And don't give me the crap about working or that you have kids. I worked and I had kids at home. I still cooked everyday. I bake home made bread, cinnamon buns etc. I baked about 3 times a week.(while I worked) more when I don't work. I cook, I dust, I vacumm, I clean the bathroom, wash AND wax floors. do laundry and iron all of his shirts and jeans. Oh and I make his lunch every single day and I pay ALL the bills and got him 3 increases on his visa.. Our credit rating has sky rocketed since I started paying the bills. He is much more relaxed and loves the job I am doing with HIS/our money. One thing less for him to do.

My husband BELIEVES he is important to me and believes he's loved, And believe me it's a daily process. Men like to be cared for and they like to feel important to their women. It has nothing to do with them being babies.

I NEVER tape a T.V. show, I seldom have the T.V. on during the day, it gets turned on around 7/8 p.m.at night. I am just too busy..Other than yesterday, I haven't watched a Dr.Phil show for a very very long time..Probably two or three years. He can check that out.:)  and I simply do NOT watch Oprah.  Soaps are out of the question. My home and husband come first.

I believe in the back of a man's mind there is something deep in his subconcious about a woman's role in his life. Unspoken, and hidden, but BUILT in. IT's the role we play in each other's life. In our subconscous mind we know instinctivly that we LIKE men to hold a door open, take us out for dinner and PAY the bill. We like them to take care of our vehicles, we like them to be strong for us and PROTECT us. Its "INSTINCT."  We know the  way our NATURALnatures should be. Ya can't put a car motor in your computer. You can't put a rabbit's mouth on a donkey. Horses and dogs don't mate, grass doesn't grow on top of trees. Get my drift?  WE tried to interfere with the natural evolution of a male's role.

Remember the french saying, "Vive la differance?"( long live the difference.) We are not intended to be like men and men are NOT intended to think or be like a woman. Contrary to YOUR belief.

Oh and I don't much care what Dr. Phil says or what the experts say, I know what has to be done. INSTINCTIVELY. AND NO DR.PHIL I DON'T WAKE UP IN THE MORNING THINKING,'WHAT CAN I DO TOO MAKE RANDY'S DAY BETTER?" ta hell with that.  I know what has to be done EVERY single day, and when you do what needs doing YOU do NOT have to think that way. It's already a given. That kind of thinkin is for losers. People that do their best ONE day and the next day it's a coin toss.  Oh and Phil love making is the result of the day.  I don't need flowers or wining and dining to want my husband.

We women want our own way, and we are out spoken about it and we want to control men and everyone around us. Hell I figure if your gonna die for me and pay my bills have at'er. Other wise butt out of my life and my business Being free and independent has NOTHING to do with a man's role in our lives. It has to do with how we perceive ourselves and the role I play in HIS life. I have more freedom than I know what to do with. I control OUR home and the functions and  most of the needs IN our home.  He appreciates that. His job is to go to work, and take care of my jeep, do repairs around here like minor electrical jobs, and plumbing, carpentry, and take good care of me. Big companies have CEO's and vice presidents. I have my area of expertise he has his.

When I asked my husband to build a horse shelter for our horses, it was started the very next day. He made a beautiful horse shelter. I don't have to bully my husband EVER. When I ask for something I ask politely, if it's reasonable and within his power to do it, ITS DONE. I always always always say thank you to my husband no matter how small the giving is.

Does your husband feel comfortable coming to you with his shirt needing a button sewed on?  I figure it's a blessing to me to be able to do that for him.

WE both of us have our faults, and we try to improve on those all the time. The perfect one died on the cross. We know that. I know when to apologize as does he. But when I know he is doing his level best and I am doing mine we chill out. and we don't hurt each other when we fall short of the glory. We pick each other up, and keep on going.

I enjoy my husbands masculinity I like him to be the GUY. And I enjoy my feminity. I love being a woman.

Simonae

 
February 7, 2009, 10:57 am CST

What's wrong with men? Nothing.

Seriously folks "What's wrong with men"?  Come on... there is nothing wrong with men.  They need the four basic "F's" of  human survival: Food, Friends, Foundation and Reproduction. 

    Ladies if you are dating a man and you give him the food and the companionship, he will stick around.  Plus  if he isn't interested in getting to be your friend; time to find someone new. Letting them "milk your cow" as Dr. Phil so creatively puts is the biggest mistake women make.  If you don't wait to find out if he won't open the door for you or pay for your dinner, do you really want to sleep with him? Because if he isn't courteous in public, he certainly won't be courteous in bed. 

     I dated a man off and on for about a year.  Now we have been living together for three years.  I cook, he does the dishes.  He takes out the trash, I occasionally clean.  We split the laundry. I give half, he gives half.  If I don't have any dishes to cook with he can't have dinner. If I don't have a place to throw away the trash, I don't clean.  We both work full time so to make things a PARTNERSHIP it's 50/50.

       I told my man at the beginning of the relationship  that I won't nag. I will ask for a task to be done once in a timely manner. After that I'm not responsible for what may occur. 

     I hate nagging.  It's tiresome and pointless.  After the first five words men aren't listening anyway.  Their eyes glaze over and  they only utter "yes dear" and "no dear" at the opportune pauses. 

    As far as the marriage thing goes I gave him a date and an ultimatum.  Men need ultimatums.  "You get food if the dishes are done",  "Your life stays happy, warm, well fed, and taken care of  if you marry me"

 

 The end.

 He must make  YOUR needs  into the priority.  If he doesn't have your interests at heart then YOU need to put yourself first. ( you as in the ladies)

 
February 7, 2009, 1:40 pm CST

What's wrong with men?

I was disappointed in the show about men last night. It didn't seem to resolve anything, rather merely pointed out that there are some women who are finding it difficult to connect with men and men who feel they can manipulate women. This doesn't speak for all men and women. I wonder how much fear has to do with both genders and the inability to be honest with oneself, let alone others. It is human nature to want to form some sort of connection with another human. I don't believe that there is something wrong with either gender other than not looking at his or herself and discovering how to be whole and not need someone else to feel complete.

 

I have been divorced for many years.While I think I would like to be in a commited relationship I wonder how much my fear of being hurt gets in the way. I can blame the men I have met or look at myself and see what I am contributing (body language, self esteem etc.) to who is attracted to me and who I am attracted to. I have a feeling that the choices I have made have to do with how I felt about myself at the time. I also believe that the more I learn to love and respect myself the greater chance I have at meeting someone who will value me and the relationship we could build. I could, however, be living in a fantasy world but this is what I choose to believe.

 

I would not be interested in any of the three men who were on the show. I seriously doubt that they had the confidence they believed they demonstrated. I believe that with confidence comes respect; for oneself and for others. A confident man or woman would not mistreat another person for personal satisfaction. I suspect that these men are scared and are covering with bravado.

 

I think it is fine to not want to be in a relationship; I think it is cowardly to manipulate someone who you believe is insecure just to gratify oneself.

 
February 7, 2009, 3:24 pm CST

What's wrong with- wait what?

     First I like how this show is always showing guys to be the bad guys.  But other than that this show brought in three opinionated girls and three guys that I, as a guy, wouldn't want to hang out with. 

 

     Now ladies, I do like what Dr. Phil said when asked why men don't want to get married.  "Because they can have sex without being married."  I think that's close to what it actually was.  Let's be honest people, it is tough to wait untill marrage to have sex.  So, why get married when you can get all the relationship perks without the bindingness of kids or splitting the possesions 50/50.  Marrage was origionally meant to be for two people to be able to have sexual relations with each other and work together to raise a family.  In many cases sex was, and in some it still is, the official beginning of a marrage. 

 

     Also, I've noticed how many women will pick out the "winners" and then complain when that guy doesn't treat them right.  Well if you're that upset by it get a guy who's not the greatest looking and show him what it's like to be with you, and in the process you'll probably see what it's like to have a guy who's honestly happy to just get to be with you.  He may be akward but he will be glad to get a chance with you.

 
February 7, 2009, 6:17 pm CST

02/06 What's Wrong with Men?

Quote From: crlnorsoe

Common sense does seem to be missing from our lives these days.  Is that why both men and woman does think straight anymore?  Maybe is both men and woman would slow down a bit a stop to think, common sense would take over and both sides would not be in such a quandry.
Yes, that would be nice, but...I won't hold my breath!
 
February 8, 2009, 9:08 pm CST

Just curious

There was a question that asked the population whether or not men compared every woman they dated to their mother.  My question is, do homosexual men compare every man they date to their mother as well?
 
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