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Topic : 04/10 Growing Up Too Fast?

Number of Replies: 293
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Created on : Thursday, February 12, 2009, 03:17:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/16/09) If you are a parent of a little girl, “tween,” or teenager, you’re going to relate to this show! Dr. Phil talks with parents who say raising a teen daughter is difficult in an oversexed, celebrity-obsessed, cosmetic surgery-seeking society. Char and Robb are concerned about their 14-year-old daughter, Demi, because they say she dresses too sexy for her age. She likes to wear thong underwear, tight jeans and high heels. They admit they’ve even used the word slut to describe how she looks. Demi says she doesn’t care what names people call her –- she’s “Demi-licious!” Are Char and Robb truly putting their foot down? Dr. Phil has some hard questions for these parents. And, what does Demi’s little sister have to do with the role Demi has chosen? Plus, meet the author of The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It. Join the discussion.

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February 16, 2009, 8:13 am CST

Little Girls and Boys

Ok, from a mother of 3 boys 15, 9, and 6. I do not know what it is like to have girls. What I do know is that I worry for this little girl. It has been a long time since I was 14 but I do remember wanting to be beautiful, because at 36, married, and a mother, I Still want to be attractive. To me there is a difference between attractive(beautiful) and what little girls are wanting to look like. It scares me also, because I remember in school I did learn that most children will treat their spouse the way they treat their dad, if a girl, and mom, for a boy. I do not want any of my boys to be treated the way this girl treats her dad. As for the way she dresses.... hmmm... that is not tough for me, the way I feel is it is her Mom and Dad's right to say "no" to anyway she dresses. She is just a young girl and she may say she doesn't care what people are saying about her, but I think she would care if it were someone who could "make her famous". I think you could ask many Famous Women that and they would say if it was not for what "people" said or say, they would not be Famous. A message to any little girl or boy... be kids while you can, it goes by fast. Your parents love you and so do I, be beautiful in other ways... helping people who are in need, volenteering is very rewarding and believe it or not you get much more out of it than you give. Only volenteers know that feeling.
 
February 16, 2009, 8:14 am CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

Quote From: mattbaumann777

This is basically what happens when parents are lazy and kids grow up in front of the television.  You get  all these little Avril Laveenagers dressing like hoochies. 
Dr.Phil,
  I believe what the families on your show need the most is to have God in their lives.
It saddens me to see people on your show asking what can they do to change things
in their lives and all I can do is scream to them " you need Jesus".
He sure changed my life almost 7 years ago when I excepted Him into my heart.
I stopped drinking,going to the bars,gave up the men,ect...
In the book of  Proverbs, God tells us how to raise our children...how to dress them and ourselves.
He tells us what kind of people NOT to hang with because they could lead us down the wrong paths.
  If people had a relationship with God , their lives would be a lot better. He changed my life. What He's done for others, He'll do for you. God Bless every one.

 
February 16, 2009, 8:16 am CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

I honestly didn't think Demi was dressing too sexy.  I thought when I tuned in I was going to see the sleazy girls that go on The Maury Show, oy vey.  A few of Demi's tops were a bit too low.  The only way she'd be allowed to wear them in my house is if she put a high tank underneath.  If it didn't look fashionable after that then she just would not be allowed to wear that top.  It's Demi's behavior and attitude I have a problem with.  She *says* she doesn't care what others think, but she does or she wouldn't be trying to get attention in the first place.  She doesn't care if the attention is negative, because afterall she's still getting attention.  Her and her sister both are incredibly desrepectful to their dad.  Having said that I'd never respect anyone that hit me.  As to why her self esteem is so low, it has everything to do with her parents.  Parents instill your self esteem, you're not just born with it or grow into it.  And still spanking these tween and teenage girls??? I don't believe in spanking anyway, but these girls are much too old for such babylike reactions from the father.  Time to grow up dad.  It's obviously not working anyway.  Also the father said you're *always* going to have compitition between girls.  Sorry dad, wrong again.  My sister and I grew up sharing each others clothes and hanging together (6yrs apart).   We never fought, competed  and rediculed each other, like your girls.   You and your wife have created this backlash.   And the mother calling her daughter stupid?  Rarely do we get to see a woman so confused on TV.  Let's recap mom.

 

 

Dr.Phil:  Dr. Durham just said, she's getting mixed messages from you right now.  And you said she is?

 

Mom:  Well, but, but, I, I know, but he says, about ya know thong, I agreed, at when he said it, but then after, oh, you take, you know, no, uh well yeah, en I said no didn't I, I said no for the longest time, and then but then Demi, take her home for a week, I ya know and you get so.

 

That was word for word right off my TV-o.

 

 

My sister has a 13yr old daughter  and her boyfriend has a 17yr old daughter.  They buy them the clothes they're allowed to wear.  They don't buy them sexy tops so they'll be their friends or like them.  Both girls were raised this way, both girls are perfectly fine with it. 

 

Check all outfits before Demi leaves the house.  More then one bra on, take the others off, check her bag.  Top too low, high tank goes underneath, shorts too short, toss them.  Back talking? Then no going to the next school dance,  spending the night at a friends, going to the movies, shopping, etc. 

 

 

 
February 16, 2009, 8:34 am CST

Been There Done That

I Have been there done that.. and I understand what Demi is going through... my only thing is.... I dont think that she understands the meaning of being a "SLUT." To me a slut, is a female who sleeps around with ramdom guys, not neccisarily dressing the way that Demi does. A slut does not have to be sexy, or even popular... Ususally the incrowd was sleeping with eachother when I waas going to school... thats besides the point.

I used to dress to way that Demi dresses, and honestly I did it because I lacked self-confidence, self esteem, and thought that would make people like me.... I guess that doesnt really help with anything because the more people talk, the worse I felt about myself. Slut is a word i dont hold in high regard. I dont even find it an appealing word. To me it seemed I got more of a disrespect from men than a respect. and i look at it now, if there is one thing i expect from any man who approches me, its respect.  Dressing the part actually makes men have less respect because they look at you and assume that you are easy, or fast.

  Alot of television is too adult for anyone, I watch the girls next door and its still something I wouldn't allow my kids at the age of 14 to watch. And even watching Mean Girls, it seems that one of the most popular girls in the school, is the most hated girl in school. School is peer pressure in its self and TV makes it look good, kids are cruel and they tell you what they think or they tell your friend and someway you find out and up the sexy... but in actuality it gives people more of a reason to talk. and Peers will bring your name to the ground and bury it. and her family will hear rumors about her, For me,that was the worse part of high school. The thing that sucked about school for me is that when i dressed like that, I didn't give anyone a reason to call me a slut, hoe, or trashy. But my clothes said it all.   i wish i could turn it around, because I would have rather stayed in the same school for 4 years and went to prom and didn't have to leave school because of me giving people a reason to talk about me.

sooner or later its gonna hit her hard... and trying to stand up for herself and her sister standing up for her is gonna make their life hell.

 
February 16, 2009, 8:41 am CST

PLUS

I don't blame her parents..... Its the way that she acts... You can be a Great Parent but Kids are people too...they WILL do as they feel.... and if they cant they will manipulate and destroy... lol its a harsh reality and it will happen... you cant safe guard EVERY aspect of their life... They learn a lot more in school from their peers than on TV sometimes.... TV doesn't teach you how to have sex....

My brothers came out fine and parents are the best.... so Parents arent to blame... you cant watch over your kids 24/7... you can pick out their clothes, but you cant stop them from cutting and sewing them or taking an item away from the whole outfit
 
February 16, 2009, 9:40 am CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

Quote From: waslost

Dr.Phil,
  I believe what the families on your show need the most is to have God in their lives.
It saddens me to see people on your show asking what can they do to change things
in their lives and all I can do is scream to them " you need Jesus".
He sure changed my life almost 7 years ago when I excepted Him into my heart.
I stopped drinking,going to the bars,gave up the men,ect...
In the book of  Proverbs, God tells us how to raise our children...how to dress them and ourselves.
He tells us what kind of people NOT to hang with because they could lead us down the wrong paths.
  If people had a relationship with God , their lives would be a lot better. He changed my life. What He's done for others, He'll do for you. God Bless every one.

There's no religeon of any kind in my sisters 3 kids lives and non of them dress provocatively, swear at her and her boyfriend, stay out too late, hang with the wrong kids, drink or do drugs.    You don't need any god in your life to be a good person or have integrity either.    If you feel god saved you fine, but everyone doesn't need a god to do the right thing.  
 
February 16, 2009, 10:32 am CST

Nothing like talking to a wall!

I felt so badly for this girl who is obviously looking for acceptance first and foremost because she's being put on the back burner by her parents.  I don't think Dr. Phil got thru to the parents even after an hour of making such valid points to them.  The parents were both pointing the finger at each other and neither of them were seeing the real picture.  They seemed more concerned with Dr. Phil saying they were doing the right things and saying the right things, then their daughter getting the help she so obviously needed.  SHE NEEDS PARENTS.  I have two boys of which both we are truly blessed to have.  We don't have the answers on parenting but I can tell you this, NEVER have we compared one child to the other.  NEVER have we said "why can't you be more like your brother or your brother does such and such, why can't you"?  We also are a team when it comes to raising our children.  If we disagree with something we don't let them see it, we keep that private and away from them.  After we've talked and we agree on what we're going to say or how we're going to handle it, then and only then do we talk to them.  It's like the old game we played in school at recess.  Red rover red rover send "so and so" over.  If you were standing next to a person that had the same mind thought as you "no way is that person breaking thru this line".  They normally couldn't break thru.  If parents are on the same page when it comes to parenting and don't blame each other or point fingers, it's likely your child is going to listen to you and respect you both alot better.   The husband and wife in this family didn't look like they were even close to being on the same page.  This girl is screaming for attention because she does not feel that she's good at anything.  She needs to be told what she is doing right instead of constantly telling her what she's doing wrong.  She herself said she was the "black sheep".  SHE'S 14.......how does she feel like that already in her young life?  I believe a girl needs a strong bond with her father (if he is in the picture) to feel good about herself and not seek out the negative attention from other males.  Demi's father was cold and never once smiled, nor did either of the parents say ONE thing that their daughter did RIGHT.  They just pointed out what she does wrong.  If your daughter is struggling in school, here's a hint....HELP HER.  Get her a tutor if you don't have the time.  Get her involved in other activities.  One suggestion for her parents would be to..(deep breath here) spend time with her........*gasp*.  You weren't on the show today to have Dr. Phil tell you that you were doing everything right and your daughter is just useless.  You were on there to help your daughter get some self worth.  C'mon people it's not rocket science.   Give that girl some love!!   I think this is one of very few shows I've seen that I thought when it ended, well that resolved nothing. 
 
February 16, 2009, 12:43 pm CST

OMG!!!

The parents in this episode need to step up and give some guidence to their child.  I don't mean taking her out to the store and purchasing her thong undies....she should be guided into making a more reasonable choice.  I felt so badly for Demi....they are allowing this behavior and condoning it to the point that it is funny for them.  Does the mother feel that her daughter's popularity and acceptance of her peers is that important?  I see this time and time again.  Mothers feel that their daughters should date, go to dances, do everything way too soon....because they should have a fun experience their high school years.  We are the parents of five sons, so I cannot relate to having girls.  But, having boys or girls shouldn't really matter.  Parents need to step up and quit letting the kids run the show.  One of my pet peeves is the phrase "right of passage", which to me means "lack of parenting" or "laziness". 
 
February 16, 2009, 12:45 pm CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

Everybody is all upset because this girl is evidently dressing "slutty". Yet I'm sure her parents have been teling her from the day she was born how important it is for girls to be "pretty". If she were not dressing "pretty" enough they would be shoving prozac down her throat.

 

What reallly needs to happen is everybody needs to stop telling females that they are defined by their looks and what males think of them. Her father needs to stop all this "modesty" talk. I guess he would prefer his daughter in a burka. Everybody is telling this young girl, who by the way is behaving this way because she is trying to navigate all these mixed messages mentioned above, that who she is is how she looks. Who she is is what is in her head and heart. Not what is on her body.

 
February 16, 2009, 12:45 pm CST

The world we live in

Quote From: mrsstan91

I felt so badly for this girl who is obviously looking for acceptance first and foremost because she's being put on the back burner by her parents.  I don't think Dr. Phil got thru to the parents even after an hour of making such valid points to them.  The parents were both pointing the finger at each other and neither of them were seeing the real picture.  They seemed more concerned with Dr. Phil saying they were doing the right things and saying the right things, then their daughter getting the help she so obviously needed.  SHE NEEDS PARENTS.  I have two boys of which both we are truly blessed to have.  We don't have the answers on parenting but I can tell you this, NEVER have we compared one child to the other.  NEVER have we said "why can't you be more like your brother or your brother does such and such, why can't you"?  We also are a team when it comes to raising our children.  If we disagree with something we don't let them see it, we keep that private and away from them.  After we've talked and we agree on what we're going to say or how we're going to handle it, then and only then do we talk to them.  It's like the old game we played in school at recess.  Red rover red rover send "so and so" over.  If you were standing next to a person that had the same mind thought as you "no way is that person breaking thru this line".  They normally couldn't break thru.  If parents are on the same page when it comes to parenting and don't blame each other or point fingers, it's likely your child is going to listen to you and respect you both alot better.   The husband and wife in this family didn't look like they were even close to being on the same page.  This girl is screaming for attention because she does not feel that she's good at anything.  She needs to be told what she is doing right instead of constantly telling her what she's doing wrong.  She herself said she was the "black sheep".  SHE'S 14.......how does she feel like that already in her young life?  I believe a girl needs a strong bond with her father (if he is in the picture) to feel good about herself and not seek out the negative attention from other males.  Demi's father was cold and never once smiled, nor did either of the parents say ONE thing that their daughter did RIGHT.  They just pointed out what she does wrong.  If your daughter is struggling in school, here's a hint....HELP HER.  Get her a tutor if you don't have the time.  Get her involved in other activities.  One suggestion for her parents would be to..(deep breath here) spend time with her........*gasp*.  You weren't on the show today to have Dr. Phil tell you that you were doing everything right and your daughter is just useless.  You were on there to help your daughter get some self worth.  C'mon people it's not rocket science.   Give that girl some love!!   I think this is one of very few shows I've seen that I thought when it ended, well that resolved nothing. 

It is so time for Parents to join together and bet back to somethings just should never change and this is one fo them. How a child dresses, act, parents need to stick together. Our society in whole is marketing to these teenages the parents buy for then and they have the money and the salesman is the kid just get the message to the kid and the kid will not let up till the parents buy it... sometimes it takes raising a few before ya get one right and ya never really get them 100% right just do the best ya can all u can do

 

hell im 56 and I text with my 16yr old when we could just talk and we are in 1 room apart

 
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