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Topic : 04/10 Growing Up Too Fast?

Number of Replies: 293
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Created on : Thursday, February 12, 2009, 03:17:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/16/09) If you are a parent of a little girl, “tween,” or teenager, you’re going to relate to this show! Dr. Phil talks with parents who say raising a teen daughter is difficult in an oversexed, celebrity-obsessed, cosmetic surgery-seeking society. Char and Robb are concerned about their 14-year-old daughter, Demi, because they say she dresses too sexy for her age. She likes to wear thong underwear, tight jeans and high heels. They admit they’ve even used the word slut to describe how she looks. Demi says she doesn’t care what names people call her –- she’s “Demi-licious!” Are Char and Robb truly putting their foot down? Dr. Phil has some hard questions for these parents. And, what does Demi’s little sister have to do with the role Demi has chosen? Plus, meet the author of The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 16, 2009, 1:31 pm CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

Quote From: mrsstan91

I felt so badly for this girl who is obviously looking for acceptance first and foremost because she's being put on the back burner by her parents.  I don't think Dr. Phil got thru to the parents even after an hour of making such valid points to them.  The parents were both pointing the finger at each other and neither of them were seeing the real picture.  They seemed more concerned with Dr. Phil saying they were doing the right things and saying the right things, then their daughter getting the help she so obviously needed.  SHE NEEDS PARENTS.  I have two boys of which both we are truly blessed to have.  We don't have the answers on parenting but I can tell you this, NEVER have we compared one child to the other.  NEVER have we said "why can't you be more like your brother or your brother does such and such, why can't you"?  We also are a team when it comes to raising our children.  If we disagree with something we don't let them see it, we keep that private and away from them.  After we've talked and we agree on what we're going to say or how we're going to handle it, then and only then do we talk to them.  It's like the old game we played in school at recess.  Red rover red rover send "so and so" over.  If you were standing next to a person that had the same mind thought as you "no way is that person breaking thru this line".  They normally couldn't break thru.  If parents are on the same page when it comes to parenting and don't blame each other or point fingers, it's likely your child is going to listen to you and respect you both alot better.   The husband and wife in this family didn't look like they were even close to being on the same page.  This girl is screaming for attention because she does not feel that she's good at anything.  She needs to be told what she is doing right instead of constantly telling her what she's doing wrong.  She herself said she was the "black sheep".  SHE'S 14.......how does she feel like that already in her young life?  I believe a girl needs a strong bond with her father (if he is in the picture) to feel good about herself and not seek out the negative attention from other males.  Demi's father was cold and never once smiled, nor did either of the parents say ONE thing that their daughter did RIGHT.  They just pointed out what she does wrong.  If your daughter is struggling in school, here's a hint....HELP HER.  Get her a tutor if you don't have the time.  Get her involved in other activities.  One suggestion for her parents would be to..(deep breath here) spend time with her........*gasp*.  You weren't on the show today to have Dr. Phil tell you that you were doing everything right and your daughter is just useless.  You were on there to help your daughter get some self worth.  C'mon people it's not rocket science.   Give that girl some love!!   I think this is one of very few shows I've seen that I thought when it ended, well that resolved nothing. 
I agree with you and unless both these parents get a reality check via a brick on their head, their daughter is lost.  The mother especially sounds like a real rocket scientist.  She has forgotten what boys are after; and dad has forgotten what he was after when his hormones made his teeth cry.  I sure hope Philip took them aside after the show and delivered a swift kick in their behind; the girl, too, while he's at it.
Redwolf
 
February 16, 2009, 1:34 pm CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

Quote From: tyler1

There's no religeon of any kind in my sisters 3 kids lives and non of them dress provocatively, swear at her and her boyfriend, stay out too late, hang with the wrong kids, drink or do drugs.    You don't need any god in your life to be a good person or have integrity either.    If you feel god saved you fine, but everyone doesn't need a god to do the right thing.  
Your sister has a boyfriend?  Is there a message in that scenario?  If so, (and I think there is), what do YOU think the message is?
 
February 16, 2009, 1:41 pm CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

Quote From: limegreen87

I Have been there done that.. and I understand what Demi is going through... my only thing is.... I dont think that she understands the meaning of being a "SLUT." To me a slut, is a female who sleeps around with ramdom guys, not neccisarily dressing the way that Demi does. A slut does not have to be sexy, or even popular... Ususally the incrowd was sleeping with eachother when I waas going to school... thats besides the point.

I used to dress to way that Demi dresses, and honestly I did it because I lacked self-confidence, self esteem, and thought that would make people like me.... I guess that doesnt really help with anything because the more people talk, the worse I felt about myself. Slut is a word i dont hold in high regard. I dont even find it an appealing word. To me it seemed I got more of a disrespect from men than a respect. and i look at it now, if there is one thing i expect from any man who approches me, its respect.  Dressing the part actually makes men have less respect because they look at you and assume that you are easy, or fast.

  Alot of television is too adult for anyone, I watch the girls next door and its still something I wouldn't allow my kids at the age of 14 to watch. And even watching Mean Girls, it seems that one of the most popular girls in the school, is the most hated girl in school. School is peer pressure in its self and TV makes it look good, kids are cruel and they tell you what they think or they tell your friend and someway you find out and up the sexy... but in actuality it gives people more of a reason to talk. and Peers will bring your name to the ground and bury it. and her family will hear rumors about her, For me,that was the worse part of high school. The thing that sucked about school for me is that when i dressed like that, I didn't give anyone a reason to call me a slut, hoe, or trashy. But my clothes said it all.   i wish i could turn it around, because I would have rather stayed in the same school for 4 years and went to prom and didn't have to leave school because of me giving people a reason to talk about me.

sooner or later its gonna hit her hard... and trying to stand up for herself and her sister standing up for her is gonna make their life hell.

Thanks for sharing, darlin'.  Multiply your story by millions.  It takes just one time for a girl to lose it all and I'm sure there are millions and millions of girls out there whose choices have ruined their life. 

You're also right about what is being shown on TV.  Watching Hugh Hefner and those girls he keeps on a leash portrays the real meaning of the word slut.  He, personally, has done much to lower the standards of womanhood to where they become more accessible for perverts; and who would deny that Hef is a pervert.

 
February 16, 2009, 1:45 pm CST

02/16 Growing Up Too Fast?

In regard to today's show.  I was a foster mom and took in children of all ethnicity.  Being caucasion, I had no idea how to treat African American hair.  I cannot count the number of people of color that came up to me regarding this.  I had one older female tell me that I needed to have someone teach me to fix our 2 yr old's hair.  She informed me in no uncertain terms that African American girls self esteem was in their looks and how their hair was fixed.  I was stunned!  She was 2 yrs old, she had no idea about self esteem; her world centered around her.  It is no wonder that these teens are dressing and looking like they are with this type of mentality.  I feel the young lady on today's show was dressing as her mother dressed.  They had on similar outfits. 
 
February 16, 2009, 1:45 pm CST

What did they think would happen???

These people are either stupid or naive. What did they think would happen? They purchase the clothing for their daughter and then act shocked and amazed when she dresses provocatively! She is wearing what they purchased for her, and if there was a problem with the clothing then they should not have bought the items for her to wear. What in the world would possess them to buy this child THONGS!!! She isn't an adult, it doesn't matter what everyone else is wearing, she shouldn't be wearing them! Maybe if these parents took the time to PARENT their child then they would not have this problem. FYI: Buy your child APPROPRIATE Clothing, APPROPRIATE Underwear, and they will dress APPROPRIATELY! Don't act shocked when you are a huge part of the problem, MOM!! Since the mom seems to be a huge part of the problem, get a backbone.
 
February 16, 2009, 1:46 pm CST

get on the same page

  Watching this show, I'm torn between deja vu and anger. I felt like Demi just got thrown under the bus by everyone.  Dr. Phil, I am normally on your bandwagon, 110 %, but you failed this kid in my opinion. Dad is blaming Mom for every fault he PERCIEVES in Demi. He OBVIOUSLY has a low opinion of both Mom and Demi. A 1 hr show, that has been editted, and that still came across to me loud and clear.

 He is being unrealistic in his expectations-no make-up.  Dad needs to face reality-Demi is not a child anymore. She is caught between childhood and womanhood.  She is changing, and he wants her to remain the same.  Mom isn't helping much, because she has not/will not hold some firm ground.  Guide the child into womanhood.  Mom has done this, made this transition-Dad hasn't , maybe she knows a little more about this phase of Demi's life than Dad. Unfortunately I got the distinct impression that Mom doesn't trust her own judgement-maybe listening to Dad's low opinion too long?  There is no quick fix, but Demi is really not a bad kid. Let Mom use some common sense, and tell Dad to give MOm some trust in this, and give Demi some much needed "atta girls". Instead of focusing on everything he disaproves of, in Demi, find something to praise her for, and accept that she is going to grow up, with or without his permission.  Does he really want to make every day of this a battle?  My father did, and I was moved out at 16, to find someone who didn't make me feel like I was such a diappointment. That's what he has to look forward to if he doesn't find a better way to communicate with his wife and daughter.

 
February 16, 2009, 1:47 pm CST

Look at the mother and her flaky attitude no wonder the child is acting out, as parents we all go through tough times with our children ,but that is why we are called parents and not friends ,we have to step up to the plate and put our feet down when it i

 
February 16, 2009, 1:48 pm CST

GOOD GRIEF

Good grief, Dr. Phil., how can that child know what to do??  She knows how to use and abuse the situation and she learned it from her parents.  One is in denial and the other is too leniant.  JUST SAY NO and step on that word and don't get off.  Say it as many times as she asks if you believe No is the correct repsonse.  Just keep it up as much as she does and eventually she will back off, but you sure don't need to.  For heavens sake, she is turning into a teenage, well, I won't finish that.  I am dumbfounded that those two girls are sisters and that Demi can be so tasteless in her own impressions of herself.  '

 

Patti CHiarello

 
February 16, 2009, 1:50 pm CST

too fast

First of all, the mother dresses like her daughter.  That's a clue as to part of the problem.  Second, it's very simple to get a handle on how your daughter dresses.  You buy the clothes and make sure nothing is inappropriate.  Also, you pay attention to how she dresses.  If you don't approve, she doesn't leave the house.  As for the father, he needs not to spank his daughter but to stand up to both his wife and daughter and put his foot down.  A 14 does not need make-up.

 

This girl has had some bad influences, yes, but her parents are being irresponsible and not parenting.  I see the mother as the worse of the two.  She doesn't have a clue and seems like she isn't even thinking before she speaks.

 

No wonder the girl is a mess, but the parents have bought the clothes and not made good decisions.

 
February 16, 2009, 1:54 pm CST

demi

WHERE did you find this family?  THAT mother is totally clueless and is totally the root of the problem here.  She is raising her own child to act like a clueless idiot as well, especially if her career goal is to become famous one day.

 

Hello!  Wake up! 

 
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