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Topic : 02/17 Paralyzed by Fear

Number of Replies: 29
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Created on : Friday, February 13, 2009, 02:27:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
No matter how hard we try to protect ourselves, each one of us will experience trauma in our lives. Whether it's divorce, an illness or a violent attack, each one of us is a potential victim?. When bad things happen, how should you react? Shelita says her life was recently turned upside down when three suspects broke into her home and held her, her mother and her 3-year-old daughter at gunpoint. Since the attack, Shelita says she's lost her sense of security, is terrified to be alone in her home, and will go to extremes to avoid it. Will moving out of her home help Shelita heal? Could she be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and not even know it? Then, Danielle says that for the last 30 years she's been haunted by a terrifying childhood encounter. She was 7 years old when a perpetrator known as the East Area Rapist invaded her home and victimized her mother. He's never been caught, and the killer may still be on the loose. Now, Danielle is married and has two daughters, and as they near the age she was when the attack happened, she is reliving her nightmare. Why does Danielle's husband, Art, say her fears are interfering with her parenting? Does he have legitimate concerns? And, see what Danielle recently discovered that terrifies her. Next, meet a man who says he's dedicated to helping police solve this crime. Will he alleviate or elevate Danielle's fears? Has an unexpected trauma left you paralyzed by fear? Learn how to take back control, let go of the fear and move on with your life. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 17, 2009, 9:04 pm CST

02/17 Paralyzed by Fear

I can lightweight understand where she is coming from although my story is slightly different. When I was about 6 or 7 years old I was raped by uncle while living at my grandpa’s house with my mother and brother. I never had the courage to tell anyone in my family about it until I was 11 years old but even though I told people about it, it didn’t change a thing. After I finally told everyone about it seemed as though no one cared because he had had medical problems as a child that it was a miracle for him to even be alive so he should be given a free pass; Even though I was not the only one in my family that he had messed with.  I don’t even know how many times I have cried myself to sleep wondering why no one in my family ever did anything about it especially my father since I am his only daughter. I have two younger sisters and my uncle comes to our house all the time and he’s always hanging out with my youngest sister, even alone with her in her bedroom and I seem to be the only one that has a problem with it. One day I even asked my mom why no one ever did anything about it and the response that I got was that he has mental issues….what were they supposed to do? But I could not accept that at all…in my opinion anyone that messes with little kids has mental issues. I have no relationship at all with my grandpa since it happened at his house I just can’t bring myself to go there and see him, just being in that house gives me the creeps so I avoid it at all cost. Just recently I found out that my uncle had these new friends that he was hanging out with all the time and they have little girls so I felt that I HAD to let them know what happened because I would never wish for anything like that to happen to anyone, not even my worst enemy. As soon as my family got wind of what I had done by telling his new friends just to keep an eye out on him especially when he was around their kids, my whole family was mad at me, telling me that those people are the only other people he has in his life besides his family. I’m sorry but I absolutely refuse to feel bad about telling them what he had done, maybe I wouldn’t have said a word if there wasn’t little kids over there but they needed to know. So Dr.Phil basically what I need to know is why does my family treat me like I’m the bad person? What can I do to get over this and be able to be at peace with my life and change my life around?  I’m 21 years old now and I have been sexually active since a very young age and I’m not proud of any of it but I scared to tell anyone no because I feel like if I don’t make it to where I want to do it and say no then they will just take it anyway. I don’t want to live the rest of my life sleeping with people just because I’m afraid to say no. I know I’m a stronger person than that. I ALWAYS feel that I need to get somewhere and talk to someone about this so I don’t blame myself and I don’t resent my family for not doing anything. I don’t know who to talk to and I don’t know where to go. I need an objective opinion and resources to get over this. It’s eating me up inside please tell me what to do!

 
February 17, 2009, 10:04 pm CST

After surgery

I haven't been through anything like the other posters but I know I suffer from PTSD. It has been suggested to me several times but I haven't had the courage to get over my embarrassment about needing help.

 

July 30th 2006 I went to the ER with swelling in my abdomen and severe pain. It was found to be a football sized cyst in my ovary that needed emergency surgery. I went to surgery with an odd feeling. I woke up 6 hours later with severe pain. The Dr told me the surgery was complicated with adhesions from prior surgeries and she had "lost her way" and had to call in another surgeon to help.

 

What she didn't tell me is that it took 4-5 hours longer than what was expected and she had to call in 2 surgeons. Plus there were complications.

 

Anyways I was sent home the next day and was still in tremendous pain and very sick. I called her office several times explaining that the pain was worse and was loosing weight and very sick. I was told each time not to worry things would get better. After a week I went in to her office for my post op check and was seen by another DR who told me my 15 lb weight loss was nothing to worry about and "surgery hurts go home". So I did.

 

14 days after surgery I was in extreme pain and vomiting and hoping to die it hurt so bad. I was rushed to the ER and was found to have a complete blockage with a hole in my bowel caused by a slip with the scalpel that had waste leaking into my abdomen. 2 weeks it was leaking into me. My bowel eventually burst.

 

This led to me being very sick. I spent a month with an ng tube up my nose down into my belly. 5 major operations. 9 times total under anesthesia. I was sent home 2 times with an open incision. I had an ostomy for 3 months. I ended up with blood MRSA contracted from the 6 month stay in the hospital. I had waste leaking out the front of me 2 times that had to be repaired. My pastor was called in 2 times for comfort because they thought I wasn't going to make it. Plus more medical things drains, meds galore, allergic reactions, packing wounds, central lines, antibiotics that make you feel like dying etc....

 

Not to forget that I am a wife and Mom of 5. The youngest at the time was 4 yrs old. I lost my job. My Husband had to take a job delivering pizzas so he could be home with the kids. We lost our house due to non payment. The stress of me being sick on our new marriage almost led us to divorce.

 

I've lost so much due to this mess. I know I should be thankful to be alive but it's hard to get over. I panic when I have to go to the DR. Taking myself or my kids to the ER just about sends me over the edge. I got the flu very bad and had to be admitted. As soon as I could walk I signed myself out of the hospital. I just can't be there. This has affected every aspect of my life. I can't sleep without taking a sleeping pill. Every time I close my eyes I replay the events in my head. The massive scar on my abdomen is a reminder every time I have to look at it. Being with my husband is out of the question, I would have to let him look at me and I just can't bear it. I feel so weak. Even wearing normal clothes is impossible. I have to get old lady elastic waist pants and look pregnant. I know it's a small selfish thing but it makes me want to stay home more.

 

My health has deteriorated and I don't want to go anywhere. I feel like a failure because I can't be the wife or mom I used to be. I get panic attacks from the fear of having this all happen again. Does this ever get better? I know I should be able to pull myself up and just not think about it but I can't seem to. Am I going to have to live the rest of my life in fear?

 
February 17, 2009, 10:29 pm CST

Desperately seeking a listner!!!!!

I was traumatized & beaten with blunt force trauma so bad, I ask God why did I live through that, when when everyone else with a simular story has died.  The assault was so severe that each blow caused me go into an unconscious state of mind.  I don't know if anyone heard my screams in that residental area.  I beaten so bad, that when I awoke in the emergency room, I had no memory of what happened.  I knew something had happened from my mobility, and the bruises on my body.  It was the airing of a domestice disturbance incident of the husbands death on ABC, that prompted the memory of that vicious night.  I went to the FBI & told them what happened to me & they laughed at me behind their closed door.  I went to a phsychiatrist, who prescribed me to much medication, & I could barely take care of my children.  I told my approximately 30th medical doctor, who said & I quote, "Do you know the ramifications that you would be putting me through."  I went to my community, I got an intern who I think didn't believe me.  I went to my church, and I was misunderstood.  I became disabled from that attack 6 years later.  I look out the window to observe, I feel that I'm being watch, I'm suspicious, I don't trust easily, I try to avoid going out if at all possible, I've been black listed by a doctor who found out his colleague misdiagnosed some of the injuries from the assault......etc.  I am so tired.  Even as I'm typing, I'm breaking down with tears.  I have no support system.  My kids are young adults & don't know how to help me.  My assaulant was a  public official.  The guest "Benjamin"  from a previous Dr Phil show will need a listener to.

 

Thanks for listening.

 
February 18, 2009, 5:32 am CST

Refuse to Be a Victim

 One of the reasons for fear is a sense of helplessness.  People with this sense should consider training.

"Refuse To Be A Victim" is a 4-hour training course developed by the women of the National Rifle Association (NRA) in 1993 in response to women nationwide who requested crime prevention and personal safety information. Since one of the Association’s goals, as cited in Article II of it’s bylaws is "To promote public safety, law and order and the national defense", the development of such a comprehensive program was a natural fit and reinforces the Associations long-standing commitment to safety instruction.

The web link is http://nratraining.moonfruit.com/#/refusetobeavictim/4529044916.  It's my understanding that this course emphasizes awareness and prevention and does not include firearms.  Perhaps as a follow up, Dr. Phil could take this course and report back to his viewers.

For those willing to obtain the training for using firearms in a safe and responsible manner, the NRA offers a variety of courses to achieve that goal.
 
February 18, 2009, 7:00 am CST

Conquering Fear

I just finished reading an excellent book by Dr. Joseph Murphy called " The Power of the Your Subconscious Mind".  The book has an excellent chapter on fear there are only two normal fears which we have when we are born- fear of falling and fear of sudden, loud noises.  All other fears are abnormal but  were conditioned tthrough us.  Like I was fearful to use a cell phone as it might causes brain cancer.  But when my oldest nephew handed me his while I was vacationing there I learned it was the same as using any other phone.  You are near somebody that has a cold or maybe came to work with just the beginning symptoms of a cold- if a person tells himself/herself I'm going to catch it , the person will do things to catch the infection- for example he may be so concerned about touching doorknobs that he doesn't use the restroom to wash hands and the germs who happens to be his boss's are in his area like on the chair and desk-  so isit the bug/infection that makes one sick or is it the fear of the bug/infection that makes one sick?  The lady was paralyzed by intruders coming into her home and pointing a gun at her temple should find a place like in the park get into a drowsy state and when she envisions her house she sees the three men barging in but instead of them hurting her she plays a little with her mind and she envisions that  she is congratulated by the local police officer for defending everyone in the home, she sees the handshake and the voice "Congratulations".  For the petrson that was a victim of the East Serial rapist she should go to the park, get into a drowsy state and when the images of her mother naked on the kitchen floor come up, she should try to imagine the local police officer congratulating her mother for protecting her young daughter from harm.   If she sees and hears the congratulations almost like a lullaby (5 minutes for each scenerio,) the subconscious will get an implant and then when sees her mother's negative images to start she will also a positive image of the local police chief congratulating her mother for protecting her daughter.  If someone is fearful of water imagine yourself swimming vividly and joyously and then go step into the water and then take swimming lessons.  Afraid of the elevator, bless all its parts and see yourself in your mind entering the elevator.  Then when you are ready enter and use the elevator.  In the Bible there is a verse "The Lord conquers all fear".  While reading Dr. Joseph's book the word Lord is an ancient word for  law thus the law of the subconscious handles all fear.  Finally I had anxiety attacks from 8th grade to junior year in college but then I took a volunteer job as a head baseball umpire for a youth recreational league  where I had to assert my calls legally.  My strategy for an overbearing coach: "You have 60 seconds to leave without an escort; you have 60 seconds to leave with an escort was my second step and third step was: "Game is over, other team wins 9-0 by forfeit and goodby" and that would be legal by the rules.  Doing the job as a volunteer head umpire for a youth recreational league while a junior in college ended my anxiety attacks and my need for daily anxiety  medication.  The only time I need anxiety medication is if I'm doing something out of routine like attending a party because you cant kick the host out of his own house 

To all there are only two normal fears: fear of falling and sudden loud noises.

 
February 18, 2009, 4:44 pm CST

PTSD

Dear Dr Phil,

 

Hi, this is Ann, Jason's wife.  I love your show. I DVR it so that I can watch it daily.  I think that it was wonderful that you did a show on PTSD.  I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2005.  I had a very difficult childhood.  I was abused in every manner from age 11-15.  My life now is a living nightmare at times.  I have flashbacks that are so vivid that I get physically sick from them.  The images of what happen plague me like a virus.  It is such an awful feeling.  I am triggered by a lot.  I can bearly function some days because I am so caught up in the past traumas.  I am so happy that you did a show because I think that it is very important for the general public to know what PTSD is and how to help if someone they know has it.  My husband has been on the journey of recovery with me. At times he is burnt out from my reoccuring nightmares and flashbacks. However, he is there for me and learning to deal with my past along side of me.  Please do another show on how to deal with reocurring flashbacks and long term trauma.  I am in therapy now with an excellent therapist, but I still take your advice and apply it to my life.  Thanks for all you help.  Keep the information coming!! 

 
February 18, 2009, 9:42 pm CST

Your not alone

Quote From: kaydak7

I haven't been through anything like the other posters but I know I suffer from PTSD. It has been suggested to me several times but I haven't had the courage to get over my embarrassment about needing help.

 

July 30th 2006 I went to the ER with swelling in my abdomen and severe pain. It was found to be a football sized cyst in my ovary that needed emergency surgery. I went to surgery with an odd feeling. I woke up 6 hours later with severe pain. The Dr told me the surgery was complicated with adhesions from prior surgeries and she had "lost her way" and had to call in another surgeon to help.

 

What she didn't tell me is that it took 4-5 hours longer than what was expected and she had to call in 2 surgeons. Plus there were complications.

 

Anyways I was sent home the next day and was still in tremendous pain and very sick. I called her office several times explaining that the pain was worse and was loosing weight and very sick. I was told each time not to worry things would get better. After a week I went in to her office for my post op check and was seen by another DR who told me my 15 lb weight loss was nothing to worry about and "surgery hurts go home". So I did.

 

14 days after surgery I was in extreme pain and vomiting and hoping to die it hurt so bad. I was rushed to the ER and was found to have a complete blockage with a hole in my bowel caused by a slip with the scalpel that had waste leaking into my abdomen. 2 weeks it was leaking into me. My bowel eventually burst.

 

This led to me being very sick. I spent a month with an ng tube up my nose down into my belly. 5 major operations. 9 times total under anesthesia. I was sent home 2 times with an open incision. I had an ostomy for 3 months. I ended up with blood MRSA contracted from the 6 month stay in the hospital. I had waste leaking out the front of me 2 times that had to be repaired. My pastor was called in 2 times for comfort because they thought I wasn't going to make it. Plus more medical things drains, meds galore, allergic reactions, packing wounds, central lines, antibiotics that make you feel like dying etc....

 

Not to forget that I am a wife and Mom of 5. The youngest at the time was 4 yrs old. I lost my job. My Husband had to take a job delivering pizzas so he could be home with the kids. We lost our house due to non payment. The stress of me being sick on our new marriage almost led us to divorce.

 

I've lost so much due to this mess. I know I should be thankful to be alive but it's hard to get over. I panic when I have to go to the DR. Taking myself or my kids to the ER just about sends me over the edge. I got the flu very bad and had to be admitted. As soon as I could walk I signed myself out of the hospital. I just can't be there. This has affected every aspect of my life. I can't sleep without taking a sleeping pill. Every time I close my eyes I replay the events in my head. The massive scar on my abdomen is a reminder every time I have to look at it. Being with my husband is out of the question, I would have to let him look at me and I just can't bear it. I feel so weak. Even wearing normal clothes is impossible. I have to get old lady elastic waist pants and look pregnant. I know it's a small selfish thing but it makes me want to stay home more.

 

My health has deteriorated and I don't want to go anywhere. I feel like a failure because I can't be the wife or mom I used to be. I get panic attacks from the fear of having this all happen again. Does this ever get better? I know I should be able to pull myself up and just not think about it but I can't seem to. Am I going to have to live the rest of my life in fear?

Hello, my post is ladytea, I can relate to some of the fustration & fear that you went through & still going through.  I went through years of going from doctor to doctor at the same hospital where I woke up after my traumatice assault.  It was when I went to a different hospital that I found out that I had some mild brain damage, neck & spine injuries that went undiagnosed.  And some to late to do anything about.  I saw approximately 30+ doctors within a 15 year period.  Not one of the doctors asked me, "Who beat you?" 

 
February 24, 2009, 1:23 pm CST

Help?

Hi Dr. Phil. I like your show and I think that you are doing a great thing by bringing mental health into the spotlight. I am a fourth year Psychology student and I am confused about some things. You had two guests on your show "Paralyzed by Fear" and you repeated their stories many times. I agree that you may have brought light to PTSD by examining the symptoms but did your 'clients' receive help? post-show maybe?

Other than telling Shelita not to move out of her house you didn't really suggest anything for her to do. (I know you cannot describe things to treat PTSD because you did not diagnose her with PTSD) I do think, however that you should have offered her 'help'; told her that there is someone who can work out a diagnosis and aid her in mental recovery, and maybe you have a list of psychologists that might be able to help.

It just seems that we never came to any sort of conclusion on PTSD. (I know it's complex, but it could be as simple as, "to everyone watching at home: if you have similar symptoms to these PTSD symptoms I have described, I suggest you talk to a counsellor and he or she can help you work through your fear over time."
 
March 6, 2009, 11:04 am CST

Dr. Phils last comment on PTSD

I really need to know what it was exactly that Dr.Phil said at the end of the show.  I thought the show was over and then heard him make a comment about things people with PTSD sometimes say, but I didn't get the whole comment.  This is really important to me, so if anyone can help, please do!  Thanks
 
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