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Topic : 02/17 Paralyzed by Fear

Number of Replies: 29
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Created on : Friday, February 13, 2009, 02:27:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
No matter how hard we try to protect ourselves, each one of us will experience trauma in our lives. Whether it's divorce, an illness or a violent attack, each one of us is a potential victim?. When bad things happen, how should you react? Shelita says her life was recently turned upside down when three suspects broke into her home and held her, her mother and her 3-year-old daughter at gunpoint. Since the attack, Shelita says she's lost her sense of security, is terrified to be alone in her home, and will go to extremes to avoid it. Will moving out of her home help Shelita heal? Could she be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and not even know it? Then, Danielle says that for the last 30 years she's been haunted by a terrifying childhood encounter. She was 7 years old when a perpetrator known as the East Area Rapist invaded her home and victimized her mother. He's never been caught, and the killer may still be on the loose. Now, Danielle is married and has two daughters, and as they near the age she was when the attack happened, she is reliving her nightmare. Why does Danielle's husband, Art, say her fears are interfering with her parenting? Does he have legitimate concerns? And, see what Danielle recently discovered that terrifies her. Next, meet a man who says he's dedicated to helping police solve this crime. Will he alleviate or elevate Danielle's fears? Has an unexpected trauma left you paralyzed by fear? Learn how to take back control, let go of the fear and move on with your life. Join the discussion.

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February 13, 2009, 3:19 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show.

By Doctor Fear Paraly Phil Zed. What are yoi talking about? I have never heard of fear in my life. See you on

Tuesday Febrary 17th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-------------------------------------------------------

 
February 16, 2009, 7:12 pm CST

Almost attack victim

Although I went through the Police Academy, I chose to stay home with my children.  So I felt I was a wee bit more alert that the average Mom.  I always looked around before getting out of my car, and when walking to my car.  I could always describe everyone and everything I saw.  So when my year old daughter and I went to Big Lots in Northglenn, Colorado, I never felt that anything would be different than the last 50 times we went.  As I pulled into a parking spot I noticed a man in an old beater car pull in across from me.  So I waited until he got out and went to the store.  I watched him walk all the way down the isle (about 15 spaces) to the first parking space and he appeared to be continuing toward the store.  So I got out of my minivan, shut my drivers door, opened the drivers side sliding door, and got my daughter out.  As I turned to shut that door I heard footsteps rapidly approaching.  So I ran, while holding my daughter, to the rear of the van.  I sidestepped behind the van so the person was no longer behind me.  To my shock it was that same man that parked in front of me:  white male, 6'4", 130lbs., dirty blue jeans, long sleeved black and red button up shirt, dark sunglasses, dark brown hair with a mustache and scruffy chin hair.  Yup, I still remember, because I still look for him everytime I'm at Big Lots.  Lucky for me, a lady pulled in the open spot that was right there.  She too knew that something wasn't right.  I could tell by the way she was staring at me and the slimeball man.  As she turned off her car he walked passed me as if nothing happened.  I think about this everytime I go to any store now, almost to the point of paranoia.  I carry pepper spray in my buttpack (purse), and I look around as if everyone is watching me or out to get me.  I can't even imagine how I would be if that slimeball man had actually been able to attack and rob me.
 
February 17, 2009, 7:47 am CST

Fear

 I think when some people have encountered a incident that makes them have that fear, it is completely understandable to be kind of isolated from the rest of the world. Well i wouldnt say that everyone that has had a time in their life, whether they are young or old, isolates themselves, but after reading some messages it definatley shows that the people that do have these times change and cant seem to ever change back to who they used to be. I have been through some rough times, but i can honestly say that the good times have overcome all of the bad times in my lifetime, which is only 17 years. I look forward to the future, and i kno that i am only a young adult, but i am ready for any tradegies that will come in life, because reading all these messages from people that have been held at gunpoint, or came to near death, and escaped, made me realize that maybe sometimes people do really get scarred forever from it. Of course, i do NOT want to have to expirience something of that intensity, and i hate reading about times when people are fearful in their everyday life, and i dont want to be one of those people. That is why i pray to God everyday to keep my life on the right track,   and i thank him for how i have lived my life so far. I also pray to God to help those people that are living in fear. The best advice i can give anyone would be to be optomistic, and always know there is the future. The way i look at it is, every single person is going to have their ups and downs in life, there is no getting away from that, but if you jus have hope that the future will be great then the good times will overcome the bad times. I love life, and i have had death, and other bad things happen like that, and i still wake up with a smile on my face everyday. If someone like me can do it, then i think these people who have a hard time with their everyday can at least give it a try to make the best out of things in their life. I hope the best for everyone, and always remember who is above watching down apon us :)
 
February 17, 2009, 2:30 pm CST

PARALYZED BY FEAR

MY INCIDENT WAS NOT NEARLY AS FEARFUL AS THE LADY ON THE SHOW BUT MY FEAR IS JUST AS BAD. I'M A SINGLE MOTHER AND HAD MY HOME SHOT UP IN A DRIVE BY WITH A AK-47 AT 6AM IN THE MORNING. I HAD JUST CHECKED ON MY THREE CHILDREN AND WOULD NORMALLY HAVE LOGGED ON TO MY COMPUTER BUT DECIDED TO LAY BACK DOWN. JUST AS I DID A BARAGE OF BULLETS CAME THROUGH MY ROOM WHERE MY COMPUTER IS AS WELL AS A SHOTGUN BLAST THROUGH MY FRONT PICTURE WINDOW. DEBRIS WAS FLYING EVERYWHERE AND ALL I COULD DO WAS SCREAM FOR ME CHILDREN TO STAY DOWN BECAUSE THEY ARE ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE HOUSE FROM ME. MY BIGGEST FEAR IS HOW MY CHILDREN WOULD HAVE ACTED IF THEY WALKED OUT AND FOUND ME DEAD OR THEY WERE SHOOTING THEIR ROOM AND I WAS HELPLESS TO SAVE THEM.

I MOVED OUT OF MY HOME FOR SEVEN MONTHS UNTIL THE POLICE ARRESTED THE PERPERTRATORS. I HAVE PUT MY HOUSE ON THE MARKET AND I WILL IMMEDIATELY MOVE ONCE I LEARN THEY HAVE BEEN RELEASED. I HAVE MOVED MY CHILDREN SCHOOLS INTO ANOTHER COUNTY. WE DON'T OPEN THE BLINDS AND LEAVE IN CONSTANT FEAR WHEN WE HEAR NOISES OUTSIDE.

I FREAK OUT WHEN THE KIDS ARE OUTSIDE.
 
February 17, 2009, 2:35 pm CST

Surviving Fear and Anxiety


I have dealt with this for 40 years. I only recently was able to get rid of the startle reflex. If someone would even touch me though I saw them coming I would jump when they touched me. One of our sons died years ago and I still check on my adult children if I see an ambulance headed in the direction where I know they are. It takes counseling and  alot of work, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I refused to be controlled by these emotions and fears.

 
February 17, 2009, 2:41 pm CST

20 years later

21 1/2 years ago I was attacked and nearly killed (56 stitches in my head).  The PTSD was incredible but I was able to heal over time and function again...

 

But, just this January 5th my husband (who I am divorcing) attacked me in our home.  He was arrested but released in just 48 hours and I have to see him every day to exchange our children.  I had no idea it would awaken the drama all over again.  And although the trauma of my event with him was not as violent as the ordeal in 1987, it has brought back so many of the PTSD symptoms and just the presence of my husband now creates such anxiety for me.  I'm trying hard to control this because of my children - I don't want them to know.  I activated the alarm in our home, but the sleeplessness and anxiety is hard and I am amazed that it's been as difficult to cope with this.  Just watching those guys on your show today go into her home and listening to the tape with her screaming in the background is so upsetting for me. 

 

This is an important topic, thank you Dr. Phil for discussing .  So few people really understand what a victim experiences.   Your guests are so fortunate for having your help through their ordeals.  I do believe I will get my empowerment back, it does take time.

 

The stress will get better, but it is always there on some level.

 
February 17, 2009, 2:54 pm CST

Diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar...

Dear Dr Phil. Thank you so much for this show. I have spent a year now out of work with fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder but the most paralyzing life altering diagnosis I have is PTSD. I was kidnapped and raped by a stranger that the police never caught. I hadn't realized until this last year that I have terrible negative feelings towards my parents. Let me explain. I have wonderful parents who love me and they were as traumatized by what happened as I was which I am now understanding. I feel like they weren't there to protect me so when they disappoint me I go back to paralyzing fear that makes me sit on the floor in  a corner crying as if the rape were happening all over again. I won't go outside for a walk out of fear of being grabbed and it is difficult to force myself just to walk across the street to the grocery store. I frequently lock my door and recheck it all day. I keep my blinds closed and live in my dark apartment fear that someone could be looking at me through the blinds. I feel as if someone is always watching me. Sometimes I even lock the bathroom door out of fear that if someone broke in I would possibly be safe locked in the bathroom. My fear is so rediculous that I even turn magazines that have peoples faces upside down because I feel like I am  being watched all the time. I will never be able to ride the bus or do other things until I can get over this fear. I have wonderful friends who are tough but out of love are trying to get me to be a stronger and nicer person. When I say nicer... my anger is so deep I have roots inside of me of bitterness towards my poor parents. it isn't fair to them or to myself but IT is so hard for me to uncover the roots of my pain. This year and the one to come is an excersize for me... I want to get over this and live my life. I am 32 years old now that means it has been 21 years of fear and anxiety and bitterness I need to overcome. Any and all help I can soak up like a sponge so I can relearn how to live my life. THank you for the show.
 
February 17, 2009, 3:12 pm CST

Fear of the Dentist

I have a friend who I met because she and I have both suffered permanent damage from a root canal.  My friend has almost died from the bone infection that can not be stopped and has eaten away her upper jawbone.  Our dentists both used a root canal material that contains formaldehyde (don't let your dentist use ANYTHING with formaldehyde on your or your young children's baby teeth).  I have nerve damage (burning lip and chin).  I was "lucky" to have doctors and a lawyer who were on my side.  Claudia, my friend, wasn't.  Her experience with the medical community trying for almost 8 years to get someone to help her has left her absolutely tramatized.  She needs help now and is afraid to call another doctor.   She had surgery to rebuild her upper jaw from her leg and it continues to deteriorate.  Although she knows (like I do) that she is unfixable, she needs medical care for the continuing damage.  All that infection has to do is find a crack in her skull and it will get into the brain and likely kill her.  I feel so bad for her and I don't know what to do.  I've always thought that she had some form of post-traumatic stress disorder.  If you heard the whole story you would too....if you could even believe that doctors (who we believe will do us no harm )could have done what has been done to her.  Its downright scarey.
 
February 17, 2009, 3:32 pm CST

paralyzed by fear

In 1997 I returned home from work to find somebody had been in my home.  It was about 230 in the afternoon.  I can remember this story like it was yesterday.   I called out for my oldest daughter which was 16 at the time. No reply went to her bedroom the door was shut which was unusual.  I opened the door to find things out of place and noticed spots on the wall so I picked up a broken picture and thought make she forget her key and tried to come in the window.. So I knelt on her bed and put my hand in a wet spot looked down at my hand it was covered with blood so I opened the blinds but when I looked down her bed was against the wall and I noticed her comforter it was a black and white one she always slept with so i moved the bed like it was nothing and saw a elbow sticking out of the comforter pulled the comforter off only to find my daughter kristen wrapped up left to die.  Details you could not even imagine.  Now I think How did i make it through that situation.  I of course moved then found my self at the cemetary every day from the time i woke up until late afternoon just laying there with my child.   I didnt eat I lost like 35 pounds I actually stated to wear her size 3 clothes because i didnt have anything that fit me anymore. I thought about suicide but coulnt leave my other two girls. I also had a 14 yr old daughter that stayed with my niece and a 3 yr old that stayed with me but my brother came to stay with me for months I did nothing couldnt even care for my children i still had at home.   All I did was go to counseling first counsler lasted about 6mths  second one 2wks. I thought i would never find someone to help me.  But then came a theripist. Diane  she was my life saver.  I talked to her she was like a normal human being.  She listened she had imput to my situation.  She talked like you and I.   She helped me get through the worst time of my life.  What ever you do.  the best thing is counseling take to somebody anybody just get it out dont hold it in It will take over your life.  Hugs many many hugs.  Dont give up read books go to support groups.  It all helps It has been 12 yrs. in april.  But I still get angry around december until april.  My husband tells me I get mean and im not a nice person and now i realize he is right and i do my best to change but you can still feel the hurt no matter how long it has been.  It will never go away but you will learn to deal with the situation.  I hope anyone that has had a bad experience like myself or the people on the show  at least try to get some professional help. It reallly does work.  My heart goes out to all of you.  I wish you all the best of luck and if the first counseler doesnt work try another dont give up get your life back..  sadened by our stories maggie
 
February 17, 2009, 3:35 pm CST

shaken baby

I am 36 now but at the age of 19 my husband (at the time) shook and killed our 6 week old baby boy. My husband didn't show signs of anger towards our child, the baby was not a whinny baby meaning he ate and slept and cried when he was either hungry or needed a diaper change. After being shoved out of the doctors office as the nurse was saying they needed to call 911 the seeing our child flown away on a helicopter, we arrived at the hospital to see our son being put on a life support machine and the doctors and nurses telling us we were NOT allowed in there and we needed to wait outside in the waiting room. It seemed like only a few minutes passes before the police showed up and started asking questions. I didn't know what was going on and I was trying reflect every little move I ever made with my son over those past 6 weeks. After a hour or so, they moved our son up to the PI CU and did let us go in and visit. At this point the doctors told us that the baby had been severely shaken and he was not going to service and if he did he would be a vegetable. Thats when my husband decided to mention that the baby had fallen off the bed a couple days prior. The doctors immediately interrupt saying this did not happen from falling off the bed. This is when the blue suits showed up and asked my husband to go with them. Then they turn to me and ask me if I would mind coming downtown with them. My husband was placed under arrest and I was asked to come in and answer some questions voluntarily. I didn't want to go and explained my son could pass at any moment and I didn't want to leave his side. The homicide detective advised me that they were asking me to come but if I decided not to then they could place me under arrest and take me down to answer their questions. I was 19, my mother was 4 hours away and my father and brother 3 hours away. my baby is dieing and they think I may have done it. So my boss at the time took me downtown and I went through 4 hours of interrogation. Trust me, it is just like you see it on T.V.. There is a nice guy, then a bad guy, then they run down all the different scenario's that could have played out. " we know it was a accident, the baby wouldn't stop crying" then, "your protecting your husband, he is a violent man and he got mad because you were spending too much time with the baby", By the time they were finished they had me questioning everything, from feeding him, to dressing him, to putting him in his swing, THEN the confession came in. My husband signed a piece of paper stating he was "PLAYING" with him taking him from his shoulders to his knees up and down. And how was his ribs broken? Because he was holding a 6 week baby around the waste, NOT supporting his head and jigged his brain into mush. I got to leave the homicide department at that point alone and go back to the hospital where my son had drastically changed in appearance and I watched him for 3 days as he slowly died.

I thought I was living the dream. I married a man with a  promising military career, I was beginning to start my career and we had a beautiful healthy baby boy. I lost everything in on day. The two people that were supposed to be with me throughout the years.

Now I have a 13 year old little boy. Artificial since I didn't want to have anyone around my child. I do NOT date. My son has no male role models. I don't really socialize outside of work. I don't have any close friends. I don't go anywhere and no one comes over. I am paranoid to let me son go anywhere without me and if he does and he don't answer his cell phone I FREAK out. It has been 17 years and I STILL don't know how to get over what happen. I live in fear everyday I drop my son off to school until I pick him up.

I heard on the show Dr. Phil say that if someone if living in this situation they have to be reprogrammed sort of. Well, what do you do when you cant afford to get this help. I have tried to do this on my own, I know it is not healthy for me of my son. So Dr. Phil any suggestions?

 
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