Message Boards

Topic : 08/10 Teen Love Trauma

Number of Replies: 51
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, February 19, 2009, 03:58:07 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 02/23/09) What happens when a volatile teen relationship threatens to tear a daughter away from her parents? Giesel and Steve say their 18-year-old daughter, Devynn, has an unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend, and the tumultuous union has caused a rift in their family. They say Devynn’s beau calls her names, makes her disobey them and is destroying their daughter’s once promising future. The teen admits that she and her boyfriend argue a lot, but she recently revealed that she is pregnant and plans to have the baby. Find out the devastating news that Devynn learned just days before appearing on the show. What does the future hold for this teen if she follows through with her desire to marry the man of her dreams against her folks' wishes? Can Giesel and Steve broker a peace with their child, or will this family drama continue to spiral out of control? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 23, 2009, 1:58 pm CST

Actions speak louder than words..

As most of the notes posted... I had a baby at 17.  Parents hated my boyfriend; got married; moved in w/ his parents (who were wonderful); my Mom was mad, disappointed, all of the above.   Didn't work and it was a mess.

Teens don't know how or what to feel.  Most of what they're working over is in the past.  There's nothing they can do to change the past.  Move on.... 

She's still going to make HUGE mistakes....  that's apart of growing up.  And probably pick the same kind of guy... until she learns her lessons and makes better choices.

Upside, for all of us who have gone through the same thing.  We learned and moved forward.  Some w/ babies in tow, some with a few divorces under our belts.  Hasn't been pretty but I've had a GREAT LIFE and wouldn't have changed a thing.

Beauty of growing up is appreciating how far we've grown.  I look at that baby at 17 as one of my greatest lessons learned.  My MOM is still pissed but she loves her 25 yr old grandson!!

 

God Bless us All!!!!

 
February 23, 2009, 1:59 pm CST

shes craazzyyy

If that 18 year old thinks just cause her man might join the military they will be able to live this great life and afford children she is crazy. He will start out making about 5 dollars an hour. I got married to a soldier at 18 and even though my husband was a great guy who my family loved, it was probably not the best decision i made. At 18 you dont know how to be married, your far to immature and we fought almost everyday.

 

Oh and as far as having a kid...I hope she would be prepared to be a single mom, because in the three years my husband has been in the military, he has been home only 10 months. He wasnt even home long enough for us to plan a wedding!! Let alone a child!! For the rest of the time i have been very far from home and far from friends and family completely alone. It isnt all fun, you have to be committed to go through times that are going to be hard and seem like they will never get better, if not, you will just be another statistic of a divorced young couple.

 

Now at 21 Im finally able to say after two deployments to war, my husband and myself are finally able to have a normal married life, well only for this year...he is deploying AGAIN next year. Thats commitment. Thats what a military family goes through. Not this fun life where he makes lots of money and you play house.

 
February 23, 2009, 2:07 pm CST

I knew it all at 18

Oooohhhhh, does she remind me of myself at 18, and most of my friends.  We knew how to get parents off our backs -- we agreed with them.  Just like she keeps agreeing with Dr. Phil.  Yeah, sure, she agrees.  Uh-huh.  Notice how she's always the victim, hence, the tears when they suit her, and then she turns them off and agrees with whatever he says.  That's because she knows how it looks to everybody else.

 

Mom, back off.  The worst thing you can do is attack her man.  She's fighting you because you're fighting her.  If you back off, she won't have to defend him.  

 

Remember, there is a huge difference between us girls at 18 and us women at 21.

 

She might not get married to the guy, but don't worry.  If she does, it won't last because he's not that into her.  If he were, he would be holding her hand right now.    Everybody can tell it -- except her.  Typical.

 
February 23, 2009, 2:12 pm CST

Mother's frustration understood

Just last year, I was in this mother's shoes. My daughter pulled away her senior year, I disliked that the young man had her so captivated because it did not appear to be a good situation. We tried many tactics but mostly, we just hoped the attraction would end. Her first year in college, she became pregnant. My husband and I grieved and blamed ourselves for months. I grieved for her college years lost, I grieved for our relationship, I grieved for what could have been. I blamed myself, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. But I tried to control my anger to my daughter. I felt anger (mainly hurt), but I knew that anger would bring more rath.

 

In the end, our daughter had a baby, we supported the situation as best we could, we outlined a plan to get them both educated. I have a good relationship with my daughter. I love my granddaughter but I would give anything for it to have been different for my precious daughter.

 

One important choice: I chose to forgive. I forgave all parties involved. The hardest person to forgive was myself but once I did, my energy and zest for life returned.

 

 
February 23, 2009, 2:40 pm CST

understanding

 I feel the way giesel the mom  feel, I have a fourteen year old  daughter and I thought that we had a trusting relationship, I mean I  always use to talk to my child, for god sakes I am a nurse I see teens pregnant all the time, I see young adults coming in with diseases that they cant get rid of, but that did not mean anything because my first born ended up pregnant and yes termination was the only option, I WAS SO MAD, ANGRY, HURT, EMOTIONALLY STRESSED, I FELt LIKE SHE LET ME DOWN. AT tjhis time I only spoke to her in an angry language, not that I did not love my child but I was hurt, that she would end up in a situation like this, not understanding that we as a family is struggling, how was I as the mom and the bread winner was going to support a baby. My child also believe that she is in love, at this age I cant believe that she could even speak like this, but she does, this problen actually pulled us apart because I no longer trust her, If I could say anything to the moms out there I would say that getting help like mediation where someone could hear both sides is good, but only if its affordable. I cant so we are trying daily to listen to each other, but me as the mom still look at her as she let me down
 
February 23, 2009, 2:44 pm CST

What kind of woman does this girl have for a mother

I am sorry but what kind of woman does this girl have for a mother. Honestly say she is a cold hearted b****... since when was she given the role of God, she has no right to ask her daughter or anyone else for that matter to get an abortion. I can't believe that woman could ask her daughter to kill an innocent child. that baby did ask to be brought into this world and that baby doesn't deserve to be killed cause the grandmother doesn't want the baby. but ya know it doesn't really matter if the grandmother wants the baby anyway cause she is not the mother of that child. and ya know if I was in a position where my mother asked me to get an abortion I would make sure I told my child that just as soon as my child was old enough to understand just what kind of grandmother she was. I don't think that it can be said enough or made clear enough NO BABY IS A MISTAKE, NO BABY DESERVES TO BE ABORTED. I guess I am just glad that my parents loved me enough to support me when I got pregnant even though they didn't like the father of my oldest daughter. but ya know I am married to the father of my younger to children and he is an awesome father to my oldest even though she is not biologically his. but my parents never asked me to get an abortion maybe that because my parents no that they are not God and have no right to ask that of their daughter.  I really feel sorry for the girl on the show cause her mom is a real piece of work.
 
February 23, 2009, 2:59 pm CST

Parenting is Hard

Why is it that teens think they can do things they just can't.  I had my first baby when I was 19 and well I thought I could do it.  I did with the help of the father and decided to have another child so now I have two daughters 2 and 4 years old.  I am a full time student and living off of gov't assistant that barely gets the bills paid.  It's not fun thats for sure but I know I put myself where I am and as much as it is challenging I know in the end the struggle will have paid off.  But this is my life and if you as a teen can regress the process I surely suggest that you do!!!

 
February 23, 2009, 3:17 pm CST

02/23 Teen Love Trauma

I have sympathy for these parents, it does sound like the boyfriend might be taken advantage here. Though, I had less sympathy for the parents when they were so proud about their daugher because she was the so called perfect child. Maybe they should have encouraged her to be more than a cheerleader.

 

And I'm disapointed that the parents immediately turned to abortion as an option. Have they ever heard of adoption?

 
February 23, 2009, 3:28 pm CST

Teen Love Trauma

You know what I wanted to see?I wanted Geisel to put her arms around her little girl and say " I am  so sorry that you lost your baby!" The circumstances of her pergancy do not negate the pain of her lose!

We all know that the very short period between 18 and 21 is a time of great change and growth. I am sad for that little girl that instead of encouraging her growth her parents are dwelling on the mistakes that she has made.

Anger will only cause more distance.Help her grieve her loss  so that she knows she can recover from sadness when this relationship ends. With your support instead of your disdain it may end even sooner!  

 
February 23, 2009, 3:32 pm CST

Mother knows......

This message is for Devynn.   I'll turn 50 this year.  I didn't listen to my mother.  I was 'in love' and he loved me... supposedly.   The thing you have to know is they can 'see' things that we can't.   I look back now, it was so very clear, but I couldn't see it, I didn't know enough to see it.  I didn't have enough life experience to see it.   I do now.   I watch the show, watch you, and see what your boyfriend did.   It is so very clear.  I'll tell you now, you don't have a clue about people and what they are capable of.  I'll tell you that your boyfriend is a coward and doesn't love you.  Not only that but he has no loyalty in him either.  He wouldn't send you to the stage alone to defend your relationship if he had any of the qualities so vital to a lasting relationship, integrity, loyalty, love,    I'll tell you that even though sad losing the baby, fate and God has given you back your life and youth.   Your boyfriend just wants to 'win' over your parents, after he does, the excitement will be gone and you will be history anyway to him.    You may feel you need him, that you can't live a day without him.  Don't be ridiculous.  You lived without him for over 18 years, you'll continue to live.   You don't need him to survive, you only need air, food and water to survive.   There will be a pain in your gut and a loneliness in your heart, it will pass.  When it does, you'll be stronger, you'll be smarter.   Listen to me.  I didn't listen to my mom, I don't have her here anymore, and I still tell her all the time how right she was and how sorry I am for not listening to her loving wisdom.   Listen.... it will hurt, but they can see what you can't.  I learned the hard way... you can still be saved.   Deb
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last