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Topic : 08/10 Teen Love Trauma

Number of Replies: 51
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, February 19, 2009, 03:58:07 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 02/23/09) What happens when a volatile teen relationship threatens to tear a daughter away from her parents? Giesel and Steve say their 18-year-old daughter, Devynn, has an unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend, and the tumultuous union has caused a rift in their family. They say Devynn’s beau calls her names, makes her disobey them and is destroying their daughter’s once promising future. The teen admits that she and her boyfriend argue a lot, but she recently revealed that she is pregnant and plans to have the baby. Find out the devastating news that Devynn learned just days before appearing on the show. What does the future hold for this teen if she follows through with her desire to marry the man of her dreams against her folks' wishes? Can Giesel and Steve broker a peace with their child, or will this family drama continue to spiral out of control? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 23, 2009, 7:11 pm CST

seriously???

ok seriously i'm sorry but why does everyone treat tenn pregnancy like a disease?? just because it happens when you least expect it  doesn't make it an epidemic. Not to mention why wasn't the mom more support of??? because the baby wasn't when she planned it??i understand every parent wants what is best for thier child god only knows i do. but nothing goes according to plan. life throws a curve ball at you but how you deal with it determines how it effects you. the daughter was ready to do all that is nessecary to anything and everything but the parents pretty much say get out and then expect hugs and kisses because now she can say no and they cant punish her for it?? one thing we parents need to do. First thing yes if your child messes up we do have the right to be disappointed but being angry about and irrational isn't gonna make it better. yes it's hard to do but we neeed to remember when we were their age and how much our parents freaked out on us for the same things. If we approach every situation with an open  mind and understand that we can't tell them how to live thier lives but help GUIDE them in the right direction and catch them when they fall. it won't be so hard. Every parent wants better for thier kids and doesn't want them to make the same mistakes we did but they need to make thier mistakes or they will never learn for themselves. Give your advise express your opinion but the number one thing to do is keep in mind that thats your baby and no matter what happens they'll always come to you and your still there to help them back up.

 

NOw i underdstand this may be a little out there but honestly i've been there and my mo  was disappointed but not mad and she listened to me helped me and was there for me even though my choice wasn't the one she wanted. But i know that yes she'll be disappointed but since i can talk to her without her gettin mad i know i can talk to her about anything and if i don't i do more then just disappoint her i hurt her.

 
February 23, 2009, 7:40 pm CST

Watching the show

I feel the teenager's mom but she is so in the daughters face and forceful that I can almost see how the home life is for that girl. She may not get the love that she needs and so she is seeking love from a baby. I am not saying that is right but the girl is 18 if she wants to move out of the house she can and her mother needs to get off of her pity pot. I agree with a comment that another user left about the mother talking so badly about the boyfriend I mean a mother is not unbiased when it comes to their child and if all this girl did in the past was come to her mother when she had an argument with her BF then that will shape her mothers opinion.

Secondly I feel that dr. phil has always been very dark about the subject of teen parenting. He makes the situation seem horribly bleak almost to the point where I can imagine teen parents watching this show would feel like failure is inevitable. I was a teen parent myself and no it was not easy not in the least but if the person has unwaivering determination then a child will do little to stop ones goals. For example I became pregnant when i was 16 and my(now husband) and I decided to keep it(really he begged me on his knees to keep it). and yes the road was hard yet we have been together 5 years and have meet every major goal that we had before a child. He worked hard very hard and has worked his way into a stable position that supports our family and then some. I finished highschool he recieved his G.E.D and I am currently a full time college student with well over a 3.0 GPA. We never lived with my parents or his while I was pregnant. at 16 we literally walk out of the house and never went back. When my child was born we had an apartment and everything she could possibly need. Still it was hard but its gotten much easier. Someone just needs determination and the mindset to stand up again when they fall.

I made a little saying for myself when i was 17 that I have stuck to. "IF you dont achieve your goals, if you dont get what it is that you want, then you simply didnt want it enough" it helps me from placing blame on anything else but my own shortcomings and it keeps me moving forward because i never want to fail myself.

its hard but not impossible.
 
February 23, 2009, 7:45 pm CST

HA

POOR DEVIN I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HER I FELL SO BAD FOR HER GOD BLESS HER.
 
February 24, 2009, 5:54 am CST

mom, Geisele, wow, are YOU missing the boat!

Geisele,

 

You have SO missed the boat regarding your daughter's boyfriend's treatment of her. How this third party boyfriend treats ANYone is irrelevant. Your problem isn't with HIM. Who GIVES A CRAP about him. YOUR problem is the fact that you have a daughter who ALLOWS people, ANY one, whether this boy or the mailman, into her life who treat her like crap. Your DAUGHTER'S selection of people she'll let into her life is your problem, NOT this insignificant boyfriend and how HE treats people.

 
February 24, 2009, 6:56 am CST

unsupportive parents

i think the parents are very wrong in their ttreatment of thier daughter. they need to stand by her in her time of need, and uderstand that whatever stress that is put on her will be felt by the baby. If her boyfriend is willing to sign up for his country's freedom, than I say he is a good man who is willing to care for his new family. her parents messed up a long time ago by not instilling in their daughter the correct values
 
February 24, 2009, 7:19 am CST

WHY

I have never done this before but I am so upset I just have to get it out. This girl has just had a traumatic event happen to her and no one is validating that. I have had two miscarriges and I am a married adult woman and I had a terrible time dealing with these feelings. I cannot imagine what it would have felt like as a teen when everything is more extreme. After my first loss all i could think of was filling that void and pain so what did I do, got pregnant again for all the wrong reasons because I just didnt know what else to do. I can clearly see now that was the wrong choice but at the time it felt right because my brain was clouded with emotion. I really fear this is what will happen to Devin because no one is treating this as a loss they are treating it like it is a good thing and a relief. I understand where those feelings are coming from but in her mind this is a huge loss whether the pregnancy  was wanted or not. PLEASE get her some counciling to sort out these feelings. This is a loss that no one can understand unless they have been through it. She needs to be allowed to grieve this loss.
 
February 24, 2009, 11:10 am CST

Advice for this mom!!!

I started dateing my boyfriend at 15, and we were on again off again and started getting sereous again when I was 19 and we both had matured. My mother and father were totally against it because as with any teen relationship it was crazy at times. When I was 20 and home from my 2nd year at school my parents told me to break up or get out! I was 20, I left. I begged my mother to reconcider, but she was too concerned with being right, and what she thought like this mom. I married my boyfriend and my parents were NOT there. We have now been married for 7 years and have a 2 year old little boy. I am not saying Dylan and this guy will get married and be happy, but if the worst happens you have still LOST your daughter. You can make your feelings known without loosing your little girl. I am still working through issues with my mom! If you read this please stop being so greater than thou! I am 27 now and see how you are hurting, but so is your little girl and its really your job to bridge the gap between the emotions, not hers.

 
February 24, 2009, 3:21 pm CST

Frustrated Mom

My daughter is going through the same situation.  She is involved with a boy that I do not like and think that he is bad for her.  I do not like the way that he treats her or talks to her.  He is very controlling, doesn't  talk her on dates, and calls her names and says things like who do you think you are talking to like that!  There are several reasons that I don't feel he is right for her for example, he was expelled from high school his senior year for having a gun in his car.  He of course said it wasn't his, but not sure of that.  He still has not gone to night school for finish English 12 and Government.  He has no goals for plans for his future and thinks college is stupid.  She also indicated at one time that he had put his hands on her.  When I contacted the domestic abuse hotline, she said that I made it all up. 

She ran away/moved out two days after graduating from high school.  She floated around all summer from friend to friend and will not come home.  He does not want her to have ANYTHING to do with me.  She barely calls and never comes over.  She is living with my grandparents and he seems to be okay with that for now.  My grandmother keeps me informed as to how she is doing.  I did hear today that they are looking at places to move to .  I hope that she does not move in with him.  She works full-time and goes to college with a full load.  He works but only makes about $8.50 an hour.  If he truly cared about her, he would work two jobs so that she could concentrate on school instead of having to work and go to school.

 

I feel that I have almost lost my relationship with my daughter because of this boy.  I have tried to talk with her, but it makes her ran futher away from me.  I have sent emails and have been totally honest with her, no response.  I feel completely helpless and not sure what to do to open her eyes.   

 

Frustrated???

 
February 24, 2009, 5:28 pm CST

02/23 Teen Love Trauma

Quote From: greenwoodmom

My daughter is going through the same situation.  She is involved with a boy that I do not like and think that he is bad for her.  I do not like the way that he treats her or talks to her.  He is very controlling, doesn't  talk her on dates, and calls her names and says things like who do you think you are talking to like that!  There are several reasons that I don't feel he is right for her for example, he was expelled from high school his senior year for having a gun in his car.  He of course said it wasn't his, but not sure of that.  He still has not gone to night school for finish English 12 and Government.  He has no goals for plans for his future and thinks college is stupid.  She also indicated at one time that he had put his hands on her.  When I contacted the domestic abuse hotline, she said that I made it all up. 

She ran away/moved out two days after graduating from high school.  She floated around all summer from friend to friend and will not come home.  He does not want her to have ANYTHING to do with me.  She barely calls and never comes over.  She is living with my grandparents and he seems to be okay with that for now.  My grandmother keeps me informed as to how she is doing.  I did hear today that they are looking at places to move to .  I hope that she does not move in with him.  She works full-time and goes to college with a full load.  He works but only makes about $8.50 an hour.  If he truly cared about her, he would work two jobs so that she could concentrate on school instead of having to work and go to school.

 

I feel that I have almost lost my relationship with my daughter because of this boy.  I have tried to talk with her, but it makes her ran futher away from me.  I have sent emails and have been totally honest with her, no response.  I feel completely helpless and not sure what to do to open her eyes.   

 

Frustrated???

Frustrated

 

if anyone knows and understands what you are goin through and feeling it is me, i am in completely the same situation with my daughter and the boy she is dating, i call him a boy becasue a real man would not treat her the way he does, it really started back in august of 2008 when i got a call at work that she had an accident and busted several of her teeth, i flew from my job to where she was in 7 minutes flat, its amazing how speeding helps when you need to get somewhere and i took her to the hospital becasue the result of "her accident" was 5 busted teeth a fat lip and busted braces on hr teeth. to this day my heart tells me he did it to her and i would neva ever change the htred i feel for himhe also has her in a twisted frame of mind that if she gets along with her parents than they cant be together he barely graduated from high school calls her names n a frequenmt basis, threatens her when they fight and says the most horrible nasty things to her and really has her convinved that she isnt good enough for anyone but him which in my book is a huge mistake. he has zero respect for himself, has been through 4 jobs since june of last year, thinks that when my daughter gets paid on fridays that becomes his payday and the list jsut goes on an on. if you want to further communicate i would really love to chat with someonone who knows and understands "OUR" pain. feel free to contact me

 
March 1, 2009, 1:30 pm CST

This girl needs to get a clue

I'm sorry, but this girl needs to open up her eyes.  Pretty much this same situation happened to me, except I never got pregnant.  My parents hated my now ex boyfriend more than anything.  He treated me like crap and I would always try to make up excuses for him.  Now that I look back at it, jeopardizing my relationship with my mom was NOT worth it.  Throughtout the show this girl is trying to make up excuses for her boyfriend and make it seem like he is going somewhere in his life. From what i've seen, he is going no where, hes a dead beat.  This girl has a promising future and great family, she needs to just move on now, before it is too late.
 
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