Topic : 02/27 Forced to be a Deadbeat Dad?

OK, here's the deal. I have been on every side of the child support issue.

1st: I was married to a man from 1993 til 2003 that had two children (ages 5 & 7) and he always paid his child support. We always picked them up on time and took them back on time. As well as paid extra for sports, band, clubs, etc.... We also paid half of ALL medical expenses. We were constantly threatened to be taken back to court to pay more; unless of course we agreed with her on everything and never challenged any decision she made.

2nd: When he and I were divorced (due to substance abuse issues) he went to jail. We have a daughter that was born in 1994 so at the time of our divorce she was 9 years old. So of course during the time he was in jail the child support was adding up to well over $10,000. In not wanting to completely overwhelm him upon his release I decided that since we had survived without the child support during the time he was in jail; that I would waive the amount and have him just start out fresh. Please also keep in mind that the courts awarded us $650.00 per month in child support, but I agreed to adjust the amount to only $300.00 per month so not to cause him an unjust hardship. He is clean and sober and has been since October of 2007 and has also been paying his child support by income deduction order since then. He also gives our daughter money for extra things and reimburses me for half the medical costs when I request it.

I know that $300.00 a month does not sound like a lot, but it is more important to me for our daughter to have a relationship with her father than to see how much money I can get him to pay. I don't bother her with whether or not her father was paying (during the time her was in jail). In fact I don't discuss the child support issue with her at all. It has NOTHING to do with her relationship with her dad and whether or not he see's her or not and never has. 

3rd: I then married to a wonderful man in July 2007 that has a 12 year old daughter (my daughter is now 15). At the time we were married his daughter lived with her mother and he only saw her every other weekend. He always paid his child support as well as many extra expenses. In March 2008 his child’s mother left her with us and moved out of state (due to a drug problem). My husband has received zero child support from her and it has been a full year. In August of 2008 the mother moved back locally and wanted their daughter back. My husband took her to court and was granted temporary full custody with her having supervised visitation (no child support was ordered or even talked about during the court hearing) my husband was later advised to contract with the State of Florida Department of Revenue. We have been waiting since August 2008 to have this case in court and finally have a date set for next month (March 2009). It will also settle the custody issue with a permanent order. My husband’s daughter says that her mother is constantly harassing her about the child support issue and tries to encourage the child to want to live with her. My husband is willing to negotiate with her on a reduced amount of child support but she feels that she should not have to pay anything and that it would put her in a financial bind if she had to pay any child support. Her family has also spoken with my husband and encouraged him to waive her of ANY obligation so as not cause her a financial hardship.  

So, I guess in closing it just boggles my mind why women think that they should not have to be responsible for their children. It's like the men should just be so darned glad they actually have custody of their children how dare they want any kind of financial support from these poor mothers that are trying to make ends meet. (By the way, my husbands ex-wife makes a fairly decent living in the medical field and is fully capable of making support payments)

Parents of any sex - MOTHER or FATHERS should stop using their children in these sick games of control and revenge. And quit making child support laws perform like legalized extortion. There should be NO blanket way of obtaining an amount for child support. I think the government should give a tax credit to the one's that are actually paying their child support as an incentive to pay(since the one's receiving it don't have to claim it as income).

There are lots of ways the system could improve. I just wish someone would actually make it happen. 

First, I was a divorced mother and married a divorced father, women who thinks they deserve money for their children are exploiting their children even more than the fathers.  I believe that women should not receive the money personally and that fathers by law should get 50 percent of the bills acquired by the children and be held accountable for those bills. My husbands ex-wife bought motorcycles, dirt bikes, and vehicles with my husbands child support. The kids never had clothes or essentials that should have been provided by the child support. She dictated when, how and what we could do with the kids and to fight this we had to pay numerous court fees. The system is set to give money to the custodial parent, but hold both parents accountable for the children's development. I believe fathers should have equal rights, as I have provided by ex-husband with and should be accountable to the cost of having equal rights. If the father chooses to sever the ties, only then do they pay for the cost of raising the child.

The courts have no interest in the children they are in place to enforce the law, the children are truly the victims and they pay severely in their lives. We need to stop using them as tokens and realize they are examples of our decisions and will suffer the consequences in their adult lives. 

Our children have verbalized over and over again what they had to endure in their lives because of parent vs parent. Sham on all of us for failing to recognize their pain and suffering while arguing over money and expenses. If you have a deadbeat father, make him accountable for the child, not the expense of the child. This may mean you do not live like you once did, but the child is still involved in their fathers life and they do not feel the anguish of being in the middle.

I have to say this show really set me off.  I have been divorced for over 18 years this really struck a nerve with me.

I was previously married and went through a divorce.  My ex husband use to tell my kids that the reason they had things was because he gave me money.  I had a degree and worked as an RN.  I worked Part time when we first were divorced because my kids were young ( age 3 yo and 4 yo) and my ex traveled all of the time.  It always bothered me that the kids always thought the reason we had things was because of him.  I don't understand why men suddenly believe they do not have a responsibility to provide for their kids once they get divorced.  If we were still married they would be paying more than what they pay in child support.   Though with inflation and the costs of items going up I never asked for more money.  My ex made significantly more money that I did.   It was not until my kids were in there teens  that I took my husband back for more child support.  When I went to see the attorney he told me that I should have been taking my husband to court every year for a pay increase.  I just don't understand why men assume that the women is spending the money on themselves.  There may be some women like that, but I think that is few and far between. 

 I worked very hard to not talk bad about my ex.  It was not until I was at the store with my daughter, my new husband and newborn child that I broke.  My daughter wanted me to buy her some sparkle lotion and told me that I should buy it for her because that is why her dad gave me money.   I explained to her that I could not even afford a winter coat for my newborn and I was not going to buy her the lotion.  I then explained to her that  when we got home I was going to go through with her the money that comes in compared to what goes out.   I think it was then my daughter understood that  though we, my husband and myself, worked there was not extra money if any money left over after the bills were paid.

Thanks for letting me vent!

My comment is that if a man and woman decide to play around and a child is born it is not that baby's fault and if they stay together and can work it out great, but if not and the non-custodial parent still wants to be apart of the childs life then they should have to foot some of the bills also.

However, I do not agree with women who have children, want money but refuse to let the dad be in the child's life. If they want to be there and they can pay for something and the child is not going without people need to learn how to communicate as adults and not even involve the court system.

Also, the man on today for the men's rights that was stating that men should be given visitation so that they will want to pay well that is a bunch of nonsense. Child Support and Visitation are two seperate orders. If a man or woman wants to be involved in their child's life then get that order too. If the other parent breaks these court orders, call the sheriff. I think that remark was a cop out.

I worked hard by myself for 7 years to take care of my two children by myself and it was like pulling teeth to get child support from one father and the other isn't there so I don't pursue his child support I take care of this son on my own by working full time, going to school and climbing up the corporate ladder and trying not to be a burden on society.

So, not trying to ramble but if people both men and women would just grow up and look at what they are really doing, which is hurting these kids maybe a light will come on and everyone will start taking care of their children THEY CHOSE TO MADE both financially, physically & emotionally!!!