Topic : 02/27 Forced to be a Deadbeat Dad?

Parents....we all need to grow up.  Yes, everyone has their own situation and story, but we all need to grow up. Fathers- take care of your children. Not just financially, but emotionally and mentally.  Do the best you can for your child- even if the odds seem to be against you- and hopefully everything will work out in the end.  Mothers- stop nagging and using your children as pawns.  If you want your child's father to pay $700 a month then you need to do what you have to do to make sure you are bringing in the same amount for your child.  If he's doing the best he can, Mom, leave the man alone.  Encourage him, let him feel like he's not spending his money for nothing. Share your parenting responsibilities with him; hold him accountable for more than just a check- and for Goodness sake- stop spending the money on yourself and put it in a savings account for your child.

Parents, stop hating each other for the sake of your children.  These attorneys are getting rich and thriving on your hate for one another.  They're putting your money in the bank for THEIR children; Don't give them your hard earned money that's supposed to go to YOUR children. Keep your anger and blame separate from the care of your children.

Try to find a way to work out a solution that works for everyone without ripping your child apart. Children have a right to have both of their parents in their lives without having to hear their parents nag and complain about each other constantly.  Children are part of both you and your ex- please don't make them feel like less of a person by bashing their mother or father.  Your children won't be children forever and you don't want them resenting you for your actions now, because they do pay attention and they will understand everything....one day.

Now, all of you are probably thinking "Who is this lady up on her soapbox!?"  I'm just a regular woman- but I'm also a single mother of three children; and unfortunately I'm very experienced in the world of child support and my opinion comes from years and years of observation and criticism.

My child's father bailed on me shortly before our daughter was born. I was heart broken since we had been together for years.  I was young and didn't know what to do- but my mother told me "Honey, this is a lesson learned about who you lay down with, not everyone wants to be a parent."  I decided then that I would be a single mother raising my child and informed her father that if he didn't want to be a daddy that was fine- but that I didn't want his money either and he could just stay out of our lives.  We tried to reconcile a few times after she was born but ultimately he left for good. I remembered what my mother had said before and moved on. To my surprise, when my child was almost three years old, I received a letter in the mail. He had filed with the court to pay me child support!!  He confessed later that because of my lack of nagging him that he began to feel guilty and thought he should do the right thing.  He didn't ask for any visitation at the hearing (honestly because he didn't want it), but either way we informed the judge that we would work it out on our own.  I never said anything bad about my daughter's father- not to her- or in her presence. Finally, on Christmas Eve, when our daughter was seven. he asked to have her.  I was furious because he was only doing it to impress a new girlfriend- but gave my daughter the choice. She was so excited to go with her Daddy- and even though it almost killed me- it's now one of her fondest memories.

Now, I could go on and on to finish this story- but the point is- even though I couldn't stand her father- and even though I felt like he was a "deadbeat dad"- it wasn't my right as a mother to fight and scream with him- or to limit his interaction with his daughter- or say bad things about him. I have never taken him back to court for more child support- but it works out because he is more inclined to help with extra things when I ask him.  Our daughter will be 15 years old this year. All of these years I have held my tongue when I didn't want to- and I've went without more child support even though sometimes more would've helped- and I've even put up with people criticizing me for not being mean to him- but it finally paid off this year.

Not only did he confess to me that he knew he hadn't been a good father and apologize- but my daughter also thanked me for "not being like some of her friends' moms" and letting her make her own decisions regarding her father.

The only thing that got me through it was remembering that if it weren't for him- I wouldn't have her in the first place.

You don't have to like your ex- but the children are SO much happier, about life and about themselves" if you can find a way to be civil.

You know I truly believe that most dads really do well with paying support and mothers who bleed the fathers who pay on time, make visitations and are truly involved in the kids life are really sad sad mothers who should be ashamed of them selves. I am one of the mothers that are on the other end of the scale... who has a ex who went from making very good money to claiming to working only about 3 months a year. You tell me how can you make rent (on an appartment you claim you got to be closer to you kid, but you still choose to not be involved) own a house that you rent out, never make a home cooked meal have every toy known to man and use the system to not pay your supprt because you complain about only working 3 months a year but yet you can afford all these luxuries? I have always worked to support my child, I make the payments on all the bills that he should be paying directly to the providers. I do not ask for him to pay me.. but to pay the providers directly but yet I am accused of living high on the hog.. I drive a 10 year old car, never take a vacation, only take off work when my son is off school to save us daycare cost, yet the parent who does not work never cares for his child and states it not his job or problem that is what he pays me for. Are you kidding.. This is a man wroking for cash playing the system and women like me get the short end of the stick because of the wormen who are in court at every turn and shouldn't be the  and courts look at us like stop complaining... Mel it is these men who use the system to not take care of their kids that make me sick and should be held accountable..

Sorry parents but your at fault (99% of the time).

 I do not think moms or dads should be paying child support. If you make the decision to bring a child into this world- you should of thought of the "what if's"....such as what if we get divorced? Parents should be spending equal time raising the child...time split right down the middle. If both parents are equally providing shelter, clothing, food, toys, etc. there is no need to pay the other parent.

But then people would complain...but what if we live far apart ? (kid cant't go to two different schools, etc.) Well people... that should not even be an option. You both had a child you both should be caring for it. I don't care if you want to move far away...your wants don't matter--you had a child!! There is no reason for a child to move miles and miles away from the other parent. Parents should have to live close by so that they can both take an active role in raising their kids. Job transfer? TOO BAD! You had a child...maybe you should of thought a little more before having babies.  

Now obviously this does not apply to parents who are abusive, on drugs, etc.  

And as for celeb's who make millions...they can afford to move the mother/father and child closer to them so they can spend equal time with the child!!! No child support needed. I don't care if your a NBA star...that just means you can afford to fly your child to your games and pay a great nanny to sit with them in the stands.

You know I truly believe that most dads really do well with paying support and mothers who bleed the fathers who pay on time, make visitations and are truly involved in the kids life are really sad sad mothers who should be ashamed of them selves. I am one of the mothers that are on the other end of the scale... who has a ex who went from making very good money to claiming to working only about 3 months a year. You tell me how can you make rent (on an appartment you claim you got to be closer to you kid, but you still choose to not be involved) own a house that you rent out, never make a home cooked meal have every toy known to man and use the system to not pay your supprt because you complain about only working 3 months a year but yet you can afford all these luxuries? I have always worked to support my child, I make the payments on all the bills that he should be paying directly to the providers. I do not ask for him to pay me.. but to pay the providers directly but yet I am accused of living high on the hog.. I drive a 10 year old car, never take a vacation, only take off work when my son is off school to save us daycare cost, yet the parent who does not work never cares for his child and states it not his job or problem that is what he pays me for. Are you kidding.. This is a man wroking for cash playing the system and women like me get the short end of the stick because of the wormen who are in court at every turn and shouldn't be the  and courts look at us like stop complaining... Mel it is these men who use the system to not take care of their kids that make me sick and should be held accountable..

Custodial Parents (CP) and Non-Custodial Parents (NCP) 

A message to ALLl custodial parents I invite you to comment on this post if it sounds familar to you.  A clear example of the life of a struggling CP trying to get Enforcement.  (Actual Letter - Names have been removed)  My email address DCSS_AG_CA@YAHOO.COM   I KNOW this is a NATIONAL problem and not just a problem in CA.

**PRESIDENT OBAMA IF YOU OR YOUR STAFF ARE READING THIS PLEASE TAKE NOTE WE ARE WAITING FOR YOUR - Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act  - ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Since my letter dated March 3, 2008, and several email conversations later with the county not one thing has been done to resolve this complaint.  I am still seeking answers to each and every of following questions:

1)  The county has continuously allowed the Non Custodial Parent (NCP) to slide on providing the required legal documentation for an Income and Expense Declaration.  Example (more than one of)-paycheck stubs, bank account statements, tax forms & bills?  Local Child Support Office (LCSA)  must obtain these documents according to the law and so stated on the Income and Expense form FL150.  What is the code and reasoning for not doing this? 

2)  Why does the county allow any modifications to proceed without obtaining six months or more of actual paycheck stubs, bank account statements, tax documents, revolving credit bills from the NCP?  Because the county has not acquired this information the entire case since 2004, is based on hearsay evidence and proper discovery has not been completed.

3)  Why has the NCP been allowed to be on probation for contempt for not paying child support and continue to state he is not working -- when a seek work order is a required action of the NCP on the court order?

4)  Why has a wage assignment not been enforced?

5)  There appears to be a consistent pattern for the last 5 years for the NCP to find a job three weeks before a court date (family or child support).  A wage assignment will take place at that time.  Then after two or three paychecks of garnishments court would occur and after the child support is lowered that same week he no longer works at that job.  No wage assignments will happen again until a new court hearing.  Why has this not been pointed out to the courts?  Willful avoidance to pay child support by job hopping is against the law.  Why has the county not filed a probation violation?

6)  Why has the county not enforced the requirement that the NCP must notify the county within 72 hours if his employment changes?  This is on a court order.

7)  Why has the county not completed an asset search, including a bank account search for garnishment of child support arrears? 

8)  When was the driver's license revocation submitted by the DCCS?  He is clearly in violation of the law and obviously one month over not paying yet he still has a license?

9)  Why has the county not filed a probation violation on the NCP?  It is long overdue and has been requested by the CP with no response.

10)  The NCP has seven counts of contempt in the year 2008 alone that could be filed to enforce this case and nothing has been done to do this.  Why?

11)  The court order states “If during probation any of the terms and conditions of probation are violated, cite may be arrested and brought before the Court for further proceedings and additional sanctions with possible jail sentence.”  Why has this not been enforced in over a year’s time?   Very few payments have come in since the NCP has been on probation.  The NCP states he is not working when he does (with excessive income), and does not comply to any part of the order or with the probation order.  The NCP needs to be brought in on these non-compliance actions.

All of the questions above are basic and simple enforcement questions.  All of these are required by the county to do.  I would like to know why they have not been in compliance with this case and what actions they are planning on taking to be in compliance. 

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State Hearing Request

John Doe is the non custodial parent (NCP) for our daughter Jane.  He had filed a fraudulent modification on 2008 to lower child support and between March 08 through August 08, child support was significantly lowered during that timeframe. 

The county shortly thereafter investigated a tip that came in that the NCP was working when he said he was not and that his income was significantly more than what he stated.  The county was able to collect sufficient evidence to show multiple counts of fraud and perjury.  I had suspected for some time the fraudulent activity was going on, but was unable to prove it myself.  My suspicions were strong enough over the years to pursue it through filing a State Hearing in 2006, requesting the county to do more to investigate the possibility of fraudulent income activity.  I was unsuccessful in this request and over a period of a couple of years suffered further from multiple modification requests from the NCP on a quest to continue to lower child support he was successful  by using the method of perjury .  

After learning of the evidence collected by the county I requested them to file a “Motion to Vacate”, going back to the state --statute of limitations two years –thus allowing the courts to be notified of fraudulent activity and perjury thus enables them to take appropriate legal action. I further asked the county to --request a finding on fraud and perjury –and most importantly to please forward this case to the California DA office for them to look into criminal fraud and perjury charges. 

Based on the above activity and requests to the county in writing and in person-- I again was told they would do nothing and did so without explanation.  I have made a request to act on laws broken and enforce this case and have received a response that they will simply not do it.  I am requesting the staute and reasoning for this denial of my request.  What they did do was file a simple modification to change the child support to what it should be and the motion was taken off calendar and nothing has happened since.  While a modification is definitely something that needs to be done it needs to be “part of” the final outcome from a Motion to Vacate.   

 I would like to know why a Motion to Vacate cannot be filed going back two years.  I would like to know why a request to the court for a finding of Fraud and Perjury cannot be done.  Clearly the law has been broken multiple times by the NCP the county is aware –with evidence in hand --and the NCP continues to get away with this activity and he knows he can.  This is completely unacceptable for the NCP to be able to do these things and unacceptable for the county to ignore this and sweep it under the carpet.  The only entity that is legally responsible set forth by the laws of this country and state to enforce collection of this child support case is the county.  If DCSS is not willing to follow the law who will? 

Why are the fathers always the ones responsible?? Almost all divorces are initiated by the wives, who also decide that they are the BETTER parent and the father just gets left with the bill and the deadbeat dad badge!! I am so sick of this crap, you choose to be a single mother, then own it. Child support is nothing but glorified alimony. Women don't want equality, they want superiority and my son is not disposable now nor will he be in 20 years. Men are not the enemy!