Message Boards

Topic : 02/27 Forced to be a Deadbeat Dad?

Number of Replies: 878
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Monday, February 23, 2009, 04:56:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are deadbeat dads actually dead broke dads? As the American economystruggles, men comprise 82 percent of the recent layoffs. In childsupport cases, are men and women treated equally in the courts or arethese laws out of touch with today's economy? Bill says he could beforced to be a deadbeat dad. He wants to leave his current high-payingjob to become a teacher and spend more time with his children, butworries he won't be able to pay his current child support payments.Would it be fair to consider sending him to jail for trying to be abetter father? Next, former NBA star Jason Caffey used to make $5million a year but says he now has trouble paying the amount of childsupport he owes for his 10 children. He allegedly owes hundreds ofthousands of dollars, and there's an order out for his arrest. Why doesJason say he has been treated unfairly? An attorney for one of thewomen makes Jason an offer. Will he accept the deal? Then, Bret andJennifer say they struggle to keep up with the child support paymentsowed to his ex-wife. Jennifer says her family is suffering. Mel Feit,director of the National Center for Men and Lis Wiehl, legal analystand author, weigh in on these stories and engage in a heated debate.Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 17, 2009, 10:24 am CDT

Deadbeat Parents?

I am a stay at home mom, have been for the 16 years since our first child was born.  I believe there are some men who get a bad wrap, and some men who do try to duck their responsibility when it comes to child support.  But I also think that goes the other way too.  I totally agree with parents providing for their children...both parents.  Why is it that if two people get married and have children, then get divorced, why should the father be made to work to support the child and the woman sit at home and say "My job is raising the child".  I'm just saying if two people can make the child, then two people should be able to support the child.  To say that a man couldn't take a lower paying job in order to spend more time with his children is crazy.  Ask any kid, they'll tell you they would rather have their dad playing ball with them than working.  I know everything in life costs money, but the one thing we all need to give our children is our time.  I feel extremely bad for Bill.  He wants to do right by his children, but feels he can't.  He needs to be supported in his efforts to be a good dad not just a source of financial aid.  I didn't once hear him say he wouldn't pay child support....did you?
 
March 19, 2009, 3:45 pm CDT

Why is it always "deadbeat dad"?

I am writing solely because this show made me mad.  It is always the fathers that get blamed for lack of child support and living expenses.  My husband is the father of a six year old girl.  He won residential custody after a full year of back-and-forth living arrangements for his daughter and waiting for her mother to get her act together.  Well, she never really did so his daughter lives with us and has visitation with her mother.  At this point, we have not received child support for a year and a half and no assistance with child care costs, school fees, or medical expenses, even though she is required to pay a percentage of those too.  We do not need the money, we are able to do it all ourselves.  What angers me is the complete lack of action against THE MOTHER.  Her wages were not garnished, her income tax refund was not taken, she still has her license, no jail time was served, and she still gets full visitation with her daughter.  We went to court and reduced the child support amount and she still doesn't pay.  If the situation was reversed and my husband refused to pay, he would have been put in jail a long time ago, thus getting no visitation with his daughter, and I would be fighting to put together enough money to get him out.  In this day and age, women make just as much or more than men, yet the punishment for being a deadbeat mom is minimal to none.  We would not have even gone to court if we hadn't taken action and contacted the state's attorney.  The way I see it is she gets all of the benefits and none of the responsibility.  I just wish that equality extended to punishments as well as it does to equal rights.
 
March 22, 2009, 5:22 pm CDT

TRUE>>>

Quote From: pherford

I think it is great that Dr. Phil is airing these kind of episodes on national television. This has been a "grey" area for such a long time, it has been swept under the rug and ignored. Roe V. Wade is given to women for the sole purpose that they are able to have intmitacy without the consequence of having to keep an unwanted pregancy. If it takes "Two to tango" as we like to put it so often, then this law should be applied to men as well. Men should not have to be forced into fatherhood, women are not forced into motherhood, so why should men be? I am uncertain on what Dr. Phil's opinion is on this particular topic, but when he speaks about this matter, he always seems to be "sugar coating" it. I don't know if it is because he has an image to maintain in the public eye, but whatever the reasons may be he is definitely not talking with an open mind, but one that is for the side of women. Equal rights for both men and women!

I totally agree....

 

If both unmarried individuals acted together upon their actions.....then comes pregnancy.

Then it is up to the female to bear child. She doesn't go ask the father of the child if she should have the baby, abort the baby or give the baby for adoption. And even if she did......she would not certainly take his advice. It is the womans decision what she does with her body. If the pregnancy is the outcome and the father then decides not to be part of the child's life then it should be taken into consideration. Because the father has no rights to abortion or adoption. This is all the mothers decision.....including coming after him for support.....................even though he did not agree to the pregnancy.

 

I am pro-life. But if the father does not want to be part of the child's life......and the mother clearly isn't capable of caring for her own child.............& adoption is not an option then..........it is that decision that makes it so tough on women. Ladies don't burden a man to care for a child that they don't commit to. If they are not committed to you, there is an abvious reason. They may not commit to raising a child. Don't expect him to pay.

 

 
April 10, 2009, 11:59 am CDT

You are right!

Quote From: soright606

Sorry parents but your at fault (99% of the time).

 

 I do not think moms or dads should be paying child support. If you make the decision to bring a child into this world- you should of thought of the "what if's"....such as what if we get divorced? Parents should be spending equal time raising the child...time split right down the middle. If both parents are equally providing shelter, clothing, food, toys, etc. there is no need to pay the other parent.

 

But then people would complain...but what if we live far apart ? (kid cant't go to two different schools, etc.) Well people... that should not even be an option. You both had a child you both should be caring for it. I don't care if you want to move far away...your wants don't matter--you had a child!! There is no reason for a child to move miles and miles away from the other parent. Parents should have to live close by so that they can both take an active role in raising their kids. Job transfer? TOO BAD! You had a child...maybe you should of thought a little more before having babies.  

 

Now obviously this does not apply to parents who are abusive, on drugs, etc.  

 

And as for celeb's who make millions...they can afford to move the mother/father and child closer to them so they can spend equal time with the child!!! No child support needed. I don't care if your a NBA star...that just means you can afford to fly your child to your games and pay a great nanny to sit with them in the stands.

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH YOU. In Colorado, it is stated that a child should be able to continue to live in the same lifestyle that they would have enjoyed if the parents had not divorced. Let's just try keeping them off welfare! Ever time my Ex has been imposed a child support amount he changes jobs. He also has never supported his acclaimed income with documentation and the judges have imposed amounts based on his "word". (IE he told the judge he was making 40K per year. It was found out a year later he actually made 135K!) I have always brought my documentation. I was even imposed an income and the figure was used whether I made it or not. Even though he has been "caught" lying more than five times, corrected amounts of support have never been ordered. My Ex constantly drags me back into court. All my savings from our property settlement has been spent on attorneys. As soon as a new order is put in, he files for modification. He is always behind in his payments, yet there is never any repercussion. Now, he has quit a job which was making 60K per year to move to Georgia to work with his sister. This was supposedly going to bring him more money than the real estate job he made the 60K in. After living there for 11 months he is currently claiming he makes $500/month. Naturally, his website states he only takes cash. I have pictures of him working. Yet, he also states to the court he has monthly expenses of over $3000 per month. Even though the math does not compute the El Paso County courts DO NOT DO ANYTHING! I am on assistance and trying to go to school. I sell whatever I can to make ends meet. Why should a parent be allowed to move away from the child to take a job that makes less money than they currently do? If he were still in Colorado he could see her regularly, his child support order would be lower (however since he is over $10K in arrears, hiding in GA is definitely better for him financially) and I would have help with childcare. We wouldn't need food stamps or medicaid.
A child should be allowed to have both parents in every aspect. Emotionally, physically and financially. My daughter is a crying mess for a week after she comes back home from visiting her dad. Her sorrow and grief over her "quarterly loss" is heart-wrenching. He could just as easily make "no money" here in Colorado, as he does in GA, and she would have some comfort. (Get this, now the courts have said I have to help pay to send her to GA.)
I am also a child of divorce. My father was also a deadbeat dad. My mother moved because he took everything and she needed financial help from her family. I have told my dad how he hurt our lives. I have also told my mother of the alienation she inflicted on us. Is there a perfect answer? No. However, I do believe that if you have a child-and there is no abuse, mental illness, etc- that each parent should have 50% custody and 50% of the cost. This allows the child the best situation available and they are able to have both parents. It is all the children really care about. In the grand scheme of it all, 18 years is a small amount of time to devote to your child and it makes an amazing difference in their lives. Not to mention the affect there would be on unwanted pregnancies and government assistance.
 
April 27, 2009, 7:31 pm CDT

its bad in Australia too

I live in Australia,  we have a baby daughter together, he pays $7 a week in child support he owes around $1,000in back payments, he is earning $700 a week and is refusing to answer calls from the child support agency calling to increase his weekly payments to justify his new wage, we have gone through the legal system so we can agree on access times for him, and he has not shown up once to see her, he screams that he loves her but then complains to me that he has to pay child support and is trying to get me to write to the CSA and say that I dont want him to pay.  $7 a week covers not even half a tin of formula, I am being told by the CSA that come tax time the payments will be rectified, while he is going out every weekend getting drunk with his mates. The CSA in Aust is pathetic, the people I talk to are lovely but have teh power to do nothing, it will take atleast 3 months for them to get his employer to verify that he is working there, The CSA has no power to retrieve money owed from parents that are supposed to be paying child support
 
April 27, 2009, 8:36 pm CDT

The crzies of CHILD support

Confused 1stly (New Zealand law) when child support continues after 18th birthday for a further 12 months until day before 19th birthday.  Wouldn't this 12 month period be "adult support"?  A person of 18 can vote, smoke, drink, have sex & have children of their own.  However in N law the non-custodial parent has to pay dhild support??????

 

I married my husbane 2 years ago who has a 13yo daughter which was not by choise (partner tried to trap him into a failing relationship & delibratly stopped taken the pill as contriception without notice.  Became pregnant which resulted in a further few months together trying to make things work.  However shortly afterwoods seperated.  My husband has been diligently paying child support every since. 

 

As I am new to the child support systems I do find it sometimes a little unprofessional & unorganised.  Basic accounting mistakes occur which require you to call etc.  Differrent answers to enquires are given depending at time on who the representative you talk with.  The governing body can just change their minds so I have found it very important to have everything in writing.  Laws for different partners can be different again depending it seems on whom you talk with & not necessarily the law.  Yes I suppose you could push the point but then it would be up to you to go further at your expense, therefore a lot of people just except the way it is.  Again a tip that does help is if you can obtain issues in writing as we have found if issues are verbal they can simply change their mind.

 

It just gets a little frustrating dealing with the governing bodies.

 
April 27, 2009, 8:51 pm CDT

agree 100%

Quote From: unequal

I totally agree....

 

If both unmarried individuals acted together upon their actions.....then comes pregnancy.

Then it is up to the female to bear child. She doesn't go ask the father of the child if she should have the baby, abort the baby or give the baby for adoption. And even if she did......she would not certainly take his advice. It is the womans decision what she does with her body. If the pregnancy is the outcome and the father then decides not to be part of the child's life then it should be taken into consideration. Because the father has no rights to abortion or adoption. This is all the mothers decision.....including coming after him for support.....................even though he did not agree to the pregnancy.

 

I am pro-life. But if the father does not want to be part of the child's life......and the mother clearly isn't capable of caring for her own child.............& adoption is not an option then..........it is that decision that makes it so tough on women. Ladies don't burden a man to care for a child that they don't commit to. If they are not committed to you, there is an abvious reason. They may not commit to raising a child. Don't expect him to pay.

 

The male part of the so called equal membership offer is forgotton or ends with a burdon not agreed upon.  Eg my husband had a relationship some 14 years ago, which was failing.  His partner & him were living together with no plans to stay or marry.  His partner decided unbeknown to my husband to stop taking contriseption in hope she may become pregnant & hold onto him.  She immediatley became pregnant & did manage to extend the relationship a few monthly longer as my husband tried to do the right thing.

 

He never wanted a child & never seen the child from before berth up until now.  Has no idea where his daughter is & apparently can never find out.  However pays child support & has done so diligently ever since the berth.  It was not his decision & he could do nothing about the berth once the mother was pregnant.  His partner since met someone & they all live happy ever after & will be support for a further 5 years. 

 

We on the other hand wish to have children together however can not afford it.   The NZ government payments are awarded more for the supporting child & allow less for your own child if you have one.  Makes little sence.  You also have to pay child support until the age of 19, even though I thought after 18 a child was considered an adult, heck they can drink, smoke, drive, has sex, get married, have children etc.

 

I believe as you, that a decision should be made when the female becomes pregnant.  if the male does not want involment or a baby in his life then the women has 3 choises.  One to raise herself & the other to adopt or abort..  Heck the women actually gets choise whereby the male doesn't.

 
May 24, 2009, 2:34 am CDT

02/27 Forced to be a Deadbeat Dad?

Quote From: unequal

I totally agree....

 

If both unmarried individuals acted together upon their actions.....then comes pregnancy.

Then it is up to the female to bear child. She doesn't go ask the father of the child if she should have the baby, abort the baby or give the baby for adoption. And even if she did......she would not certainly take his advice. It is the womans decision what she does with her body. If the pregnancy is the outcome and the father then decides not to be part of the child's life then it should be taken into consideration. Because the father has no rights to abortion or adoption. This is all the mothers decision.....including coming after him for support.....................even though he did not agree to the pregnancy.

 

I am pro-life. But if the father does not want to be part of the child's life......and the mother clearly isn't capable of caring for her own child.............& adoption is not an option then..........it is that decision that makes it so tough on women. Ladies don't burden a man to care for a child that they don't commit to. If they are not committed to you, there is an abvious reason. They may not commit to raising a child. Don't expect him to pay.

 

And how about if you're living together and he ASKS to have the child?  You get pregnant, and he is so happy that he proposes marriage.You start planning a life together, and one day, he just decides that he's over the novelty.  He claims to love his child and DEMANDS to see that child, but refuses to pay support, even to the point of entering the military where he's protected from paternity suits, and without a court order for child support, they aren't going to do jack for you.

Maybe it's time for "Deadbeat Dad" Intervention.

And it's time for punitive damages for Deadbeat Dads.  Not threats of jail time and revoking their licenses.  Mandatory counseling, day labor work, forcing them to live with nothing more the mother lived with while she fought for support...

The courts are just too slow to keep handling these cases the way they do.  Kids need to eat every day, not just when Daddy has a job.


 
First | Prev | 83 | 84 | 85 | 86 | 87 | 88 | Next Page | Last Page