Message Boards

Topic : 02/27 Forced to be a Deadbeat Dad?

Number of Replies: 878
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Monday, February 23, 2009, 04:56:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are deadbeat dads actually dead broke dads? As the American economystruggles, men comprise 82 percent of the recent layoffs. In childsupport cases, are men and women treated equally in the courts or arethese laws out of touch with today's economy? Bill says he could beforced to be a deadbeat dad. He wants to leave his current high-payingjob to become a teacher and spend more time with his children, butworries he won't be able to pay his current child support payments.Would it be fair to consider sending him to jail for trying to be abetter father? Next, former NBA star Jason Caffey used to make $5million a year but says he now has trouble paying the amount of childsupport he owes for his 10 children. He allegedly owes hundreds ofthousands of dollars, and there's an order out for his arrest. Why doesJason say he has been treated unfairly? An attorney for one of thewomen makes Jason an offer. Will he accept the deal? Then, Bret andJennifer say they struggle to keep up with the child support paymentsowed to his ex-wife. Jennifer says her family is suffering. Mel Feit,director of the National Center for Men and Lis Wiehl, legal analystand author, weigh in on these stories and engage in a heated debate.Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 23, 2009, 10:47 am CST

A fed up StepMother

I am the stepmother of a 10 year old.  His mother went to stay with her mother while, my now husband, was out of town on a military mission.  He finished and was heading back out for another month to another one, and they decided it was fine if she stayed with her mom and visited longer.  He went to visit her and their son one weekend during this time, and said he was coming down the following weekend.  She said, they'd be away at her Aunt's so just stay at work and safe himself the 16 hour round trip drive.  His pay day was a few days after that weekend at "her aunt's"  He transferred money for her and his son to cover their expenses, and was ASTONISHED when it showed her with a new last name.  He called her up and was inquiring as to what was going on, she said she had gotten married.  WTHeck kind of mother does these sorts of things?!  Yes, they had issues and problems, but why hide something like that and make it a bigger situation?

He and I started seeing each other shortly after. I knew both of them from when they were together and even knew their son and had spent time with him.  He sued her for custody and went through the custody battle, only to fly 3,000 miles to come see his son and be told by her, from a private number and hidden residence, that he couldn't see him until he signed the papers.  So, reluctantly he did and was happy to just be able to see his son.  He had to visit under the supervision of her parents, per HER demand.  Over the next 8 years he visited when he could, due to us being so far away and US having to suffer the cost of travel to see him all along, paying over $400 in child support.  She constantly changed her phone number, blaming me for hang up calls.  Moved around constantly to different states, claiming it was to be closer to her husband's family.  She would start up fights with my husband and me at any chance she got.  And make sure to light a fire to any possible thing she could to start a forest fire between him and me.  I would request per e-mail, Christmas lists, birthday lists, and anything he was in need of due to school starting or seasons changing.  Trying to extend and be the better person.  I don't hate her, nor will I even waste my time or my family's time with me hating her.  This last year, she moved an hour away from us.  We were ecstatic to say the very least. We were finally going to be able to get good time with him as a family.  She has made him deathly afraid of coming to our house because I am here.  She hates me for being with his father, and has made it clear and stated many times that I will NEVER have anything to do with her son.  He asked for a computer at Christmas, and told my husband that he never buys him anything AND that my husband was promoted, so he had plenty of money.  He also told my husband that he is too scared to come to our house, and that he doesn't want to give it a chance.  He claimed he was in counselling, which is the FIRST we had heard of it, and it had to be via a text during a disagreement of us getting him for the court ordered visitation. 

 

So, now I'm at the point of LIVID with this woman for ruining what could have been a wonderful and loving relationship with this boy.  He doesn't hug his father, say he loves him, or show any kind of affection.  We have always maintained that no matter what our disagreements, it is not to be showed in front or near him, and it is in the court papers.  YET, she always makes sure he's around.  He FINALLY got to meet his brother and sister, our children, this past August, but she had to be there, and he wouldn't even say hello to me.  He then told his father that he didn't want to be with him if "they" had to come, too.  On a visit to him, he texted my husband and said, "Don't bring (me) because Mom won't be coming with us." 

 

It is just beyond me, how a man has to pay out child support to a child who wants nothing more than for us to spend, spend, spend on him.  She has made this child lose out on an even bigger family to love him, and a wonderful relationship with his father.  So, I do think laws need to change.  And it shouldn't be looked at that the mother automatically gets the kids, but that both parents need to prove that they are good influences.  It should be what's in the best interest of the child.  .

 

 

 
February 23, 2009, 5:31 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show.

And Doctor Fathers Finance Phil/Robin. What ever happen to Fathers in Heavens? I donot understand-----

that. See you on Friday Feburary 27th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------------------------

 
February 26, 2009, 2:53 pm CST

No sympathy

This may be a topic for another show but I have to submit my thoughts.

I am a married mother of two and I have no sympathy for women that chose to have children out of wedlock and force fatherhood on a man.  I am not talking about teenagers.  I am referring to mature, grown professional women.  As women, we have the reponsibility to take care and protect our bodies.  If you were able to get pregnant, it was because you did not protect yourself or ask your partner to protect his self against getting you pregnant . Then in turn, you force the man to be a father to a child that he didn't ask you for in the first place.  Yes,"it takes two to tango" but ultimately it is the woman body that will carry the child.  As a woman, you'll be the one walking around with a big belly, unmarried, having to stop  school or work while you have the baby, etc.  So yes, it is your reponsibility more than his to protect yourslef from becoming pregnant by someone that sometimes iyou barely know.  As far as I am concern, women are as fault as men for bringing these kids into the world. Its easy to blame the man, but what about these women, not teenagers, kwow that if you have sex without any type of contraceptive or protection there is a high possibility that you will get pregnant. They still chose to do it, so they should be held also accountable for their act. 

This society needs to stop blaming the man and put some responsibility on the woman, and stop treating them like victims of their own choice.  

 
February 27, 2009, 5:06 am CST

My Thoughts Exactly

Quote From: errodedo

This may be a topic for another show but I have to submit my thoughts.

I am a married mother of two and I have no sympathy for women that chose to have children out of wedlock and force fatherhood on a man.  I am not talking about teenagers.  I am referring to mature, grown professional women.  As women, we have the reponsibility to take care and protect our bodies.  If you were able to get pregnant, it was because you did not protect yourself or ask your partner to protect his self against getting you pregnant . Then in turn, you force the man to be a father to a child that he didn't ask you for in the first place.  Yes,"it takes two to tango" but ultimately it is the woman body that will carry the child.  As a woman, you'll be the one walking around with a big belly, unmarried, having to stop  school or work while you have the baby, etc.  So yes, it is your reponsibility more than his to protect yourslef from becoming pregnant by someone that sometimes iyou barely know.  As far as I am concern, women are as fault as men for bringing these kids into the world. Its easy to blame the man, but what about these women, not teenagers, kwow that if you have sex without any type of contraceptive or protection there is a high possibility that you will get pregnant. They still chose to do it, so they should be held also accountable for their act. 

This society needs to stop blaming the man and put some responsibility on the woman, and stop treating them like victims of their own choice.  

I completely agree that many women are palying the victim in these situations when they are just as much at fault if not more.  should be in complete control of their bodies and the decisions they make.  Many women have made having children with different men into a job just to collect child support ever week.  My fuature sister-in-law is pregnant with her 6th child and her fifth father.  How else can this be taken or than just another pay check every week to support herself.  And on top of that, how is it even certain that any of this money is ever seen to benefit the child?? I do have to note that a divorce situation changes the playing field on this topic entirely. My finace is divorced with 2 children, ages 12 and 10.  When he was first divoreced he shared custody and payed his ex-wife $160.00 per week.  Through the fault of the state system he ended up over-paying her $1,500.00 out of his military paycheck.  When this was brought to the attention of the state they told him there was nothing they could do since she was alredy given the money.  When he finally got full custody of the children he began to receive $50.00 a week.  Why should a support amount be based on income, are these 2 children less expensive to raise than 2 children coming from parents that make more monney.  The system should have set dollar amounts according the the age of the children.
 
February 27, 2009, 6:29 am CST

Deadbeat Dads

I am a mother of 2 grown girls and for my oldest child I had a court order for child support and everytime his wages was garnished for a mere 35.00 a week, he would quit his job. Now grant you this was in the 80's and that was alot for me. I had to work 2 jobs to support my daughter thus meaning that I had less time to spend with her, it wasn't fair to me or her.

 

Now I am a grandmother of 5 and my youngest daughter is trying to get support for her son. She went to court and got a order and then the Dad moved out of state and she had to start the process over again. Needless to say 2 years later she still isn't getting any support and the Dad doesn't call or see his son which  is his choice, so as not to get arrested in this state for arrears.

 

My solution is to put these Dads or Deadbeat Moms in the Army, Navy or Marines we need the numbers in the military and the kids would get what they need as well.

 
February 27, 2009, 6:57 am CST

The way it is

A: Meet a woman just as nice as she can be.

B: Marry her and expect the married contract to be binding

C: She decides the man is not a prince charming

D: Divorced and pay child support for years

 First of all she is not a prize,I I have explained my situation a couple of times, her running around, taking her back to try to keep the fami;y together This was back in 1982 no jobs. I had to go on the road to keep out of jail, jail is another thing. How are you going to pay anything in jail? My family has turned against me for moving back to SC. Could not build a life for me. Everytime I went to Court, I had to prove I was in the right or go to jail. All the women on your show is bleached hair and wanting to lock them up. I have a leter to this day that my ex wrote how good of father I was,.Every judge I went to was on my ex's side. It is not fair. the children are lied to and raised to believe what they are told,

I have twins one knows the truth and contacts me.

.

 
February 27, 2009, 6:59 am CST

When does the pendulum swing back to center?

The show today is ridiculously aggravating. I do not in anyway condone the practice of dads not paying child support. Children must be provided for. It is the parents’ job to provide for children. Notice I said parents... plural. The mother is just as responsible for the welfare and support of the child as the father. And her part of providing for the child once the marriage or union is dissolved is not to make sure she is collecting every dime she can from the father, but to actively get a job and provide! Where is that side of this story on this show? It is ALWAYS about how the father does not provide. It is never taken into account what is best for the children. The court decision in these matters is simple: The mother gets the children, the mother gets the house, the mother gets the alimony, the mother gets the child support, etc... the father gets to pay this amount (amount is determined by a formula based on the father's income, NEVER the needs of the child) regardless of what situation is best for the child. Regardless whether the home situation is better at the father's residence the mother gets the child! The only way that ever changes is if the father can beyond all doubt prove that the home situation at the mother's residence is very dangerous and she is in no way remotely capable of dealing with the needs of the child. And even then, the courts still usually side with the mother.  

Children need their mother, but children also need their father. How many criminals in prison lived with their father? As the rate of children being removed from their fathers increase, so do the violent criminal rates and the prison population. So why is it best for the child to always live with the mother? Why are women not responsible financially for their children? Why are fathers automatically given a great deal less time by the courts with their children? And for those dads that have found a way to beat the system, why are those mothers not getting arrested for being dead beats? How about just a little fairness.... just a little for all involved?  

 
February 27, 2009, 7:16 am CST

Dead beat dads

 There are alot of men that just don't care and really shoudn't have had kids. But others who try and pay on time every month shouldn't be locked up when times get tuff and they can't find work as long as they are giving something then that should count.  it seems like all the women are just money hungry they are not thinking about the kids. i personally pay child support and i asked the mother of my child how much of the money she had put back for my daughter and she said none,and then asked me how much i had put back and my responce was 800.00 a month and i give it to you. another thing is you should be able to write your child support off on your taxes i tried this but the lady told me you don't get money back for taking care of your responsibilty in return I said well thats funny because her mom does the system is flawed for us dads who try to do the right thing.
 
February 27, 2009, 7:23 am CST

Lets talk about the laws

Dr. Phil,

 

I viewed your show today and agree that the most important thing is the children involved. However, I know that you need to seriously discuss some of the laws regarding child support and custody. I noticed on the show that the attorneys for the men involved had some really interesting things to say about the laws but they were almost every time interrupted by the lady on your panel which I believe was supporting a more feminist side than anything. You can't possibly be as naive to think that some of the laws on the books are really beneficial to the welfare of the child rather than the welfare of the mother. You cant be as naive to think that some of these laws are not unequally biased. Last but not least, could more that a blurb be said for dead beat mothers and mothers that abuse the system be made? I hope that your show is interested in discussing topics evenly. If it is, I'm sure that I will be seeing this topic discussed in detail within the next season.

 

Thanks,

Dareel

 

 
February 27, 2009, 7:27 am CST

WOW SOME DADS DO PAY

I just hope this show shines a light on child support. I live in SD and my child is in Ca. I have a support order for 1100 per month they take half my pay check every 2 week and that dosent cover the monthly child support bill, So there is now back child support and on top of that Ca charges 10% interest on back child support.I went to get it modified and the state said I would have to pay more because my ex wife was remarried and they make over 100,000 per year and that puts them in a higher tax bracket.That means my child support would go up? Whats wrong with this picture? I am 43 years old and my kids are reaching will be 18 in a year or two. With back child support and the intrest I will still be paying child support for the next 25 years.I owe the state of Ca 12,000 dollars in interest because my 9-5 job dosent cover the monthly bill.
 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last