Hi Dr Phil;
I live in Canada, I am the parent of two special needs children and I know the challenges you face when raising children with mental disorders, my children are 17 and 14 and believe me as trying as it has been getting to this stage and the belief that with age it gets easier, it doesn't... While their hormones are raging so are mine, I'm 47 and I feel the drop in energy, you have given me great tips on managing myself in all of this and the reminder to stop talking, that the kid's get it, stays in my head when things get overwhelming here. My reason for introducing myself as I have done this way is because I do have an understanding of where Ms Suleman's life will go in time.
I have been watching this story with amazement as to the judgements that have been past on this woman, you are the only one it seems that can stay on track with what is important, the children. Yes I agree it was wrong to bring more children into what I would call a strained enviroment, and if it's not strained as yet by behavioural issues, it will be as the three special needs children age. My first 8 years were a fulltime job of going from one therapist to another for assessments, speech, occupational and physical therapy, neurology and psychology services, and I only have two with issues. I also had to learn as much as I could about Autism and do behavioural management courses myself, to understand better what I was dealing with. Outside of my own emotional issues, and how negatively a diagnosis such as this effects you deep in your heart, it is like a death, you are burying all the hopes and dreams of what you thought life would be like and you have to find a way to celebrate the small successes or what would be considered, normal growth for a normal child.... At one point I was in such a bad state emotionally, I did grief counselling which helped allot, to move me forward and accept the challenges I had to face.
This lady and these children are on one heck of a road, as I watched her talk about this, I see she talks in circles, I question how much she's listening to you, or if you can get her to wake up from what you call the Pollyanna syndrome, you can see the cog wheels moving in her head, she has all the evaisive answers without listening to the questions. Nvertheless, you may never get her to commit to the answer people want to hear, and would an admission be enough to change peoples minds, you may just have to let it go with the hope that in time, she will see what you are saying and if she only ever admits it in her heart that will be enough to take her out of the circular speech and step forward. We have to hope and pray when things get too tough and they will, that she will scream for help and not hide, because of the opinions of others, it's very sad, no matter what way you look at this.
I feel very sorry for her she needs to be endearing herself to people, but her defensiveness is putting a wall around her and will keep her from getting what is most needed, stability and help for these children, it's not about her. I fear the more she is attacked the bigger the wall that has to come down, you deal with people and walls all the time. People need to drop the judgements and step into an empathetic more charitable role, stop focusing on "what is" in a negative way and ask only, "what they can do to help the children," to go after the mother in this way will not help, no one has to love her, just forgive the action and move on, what's done is done, it doesn't matter what she was thinking, she obviously wasn't....
we all need to only see those beautiful children and love them, they are a gift from God, no matter how they came about. I hate the thought that these children will see or know about all this negativity surrounding their entrance into this world, she is their mother and they will love her no matter what. So why is the world puting such a dark cloud around what is supposed to be a gift and the miracle of life, if people don't get on board with the right intentions here, the children will suffer the consequences and I fear Dr Phil with such anger from people, you are swimming up stream, delivering a difficult message to a world that would rather spout judgement, the biblical saying of, "as you try to remove the stick from my eye, take the log from your own eye," I'm not a big bible reader but this keeps popping into my head.
Michelle Brandon.
Dr. Phil’s daytime exclusive with Nadya Suleman continues. The unemployed single mother of six who gave birth to octuplets answers the public’s number one question. Plus, Nadya’s mother, Angela, joins the discussion. How does she feel about her daughter’s decisions? Talk about the show here.
