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Topic : 07/13 Affairs of the Heart

Number of Replies: 73
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, February 27, 2009, 02:13:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/04/09) Can married people be friends with someone of the opposite sex without sex getting in the way? At what point does a friendly relationship become an affair of the heart or emotional infidelity? Meet Randy, who says his wife, Amanda, has crossed the line. He says that during their 11-year marriage, Amanda has been emotionally unfaithful time and time again, with men ranging from online acquaintances to a rock-and-roll singer who happened to be Randy’s best friend. As a former Navy Seal, Randy says he feels like he’s in a constant state of red alert because he has to watch his wife like a hawk. Amanda says her emotional entanglements are just fantasies, not real cheating. She’s not looking to replace her husband but merely wants a little more freedom, because she says Randy’s controlling behavior makes her feel like a prisoner in her own marriage. Can this union, rocked by betrayal and facing a true time of reckoning, continue? And how great a role does drinking play in Amanda’s indiscretions? Plus, the couple’s three little girls suffer the fallout from their mom and dad’s problems. Learn the classic parenting mistake Amanda and Randy make that you don’t want to repeat. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 4, 2009, 6:51 pm CST

Me too

Wow, is this my story, except my husband is the one having affairs, both physical and emotional. He is in complete denial. This started mere months into our marriage, if not before. I am trying to be better, be more what he needs, be more be more be more. Can I ever trust him? As Dr. Phil would say, is this working for me? Can I keep up the new me? Why is he worth this. I am worth so much more than what he gives me. And yet, I stay. And I change. And I pretend.
 
March 4, 2009, 7:19 pm CST

I am Amanda at 60

I After reading most of the postings I am deeply compelled to respond.  Dr. Phil is absolutely 100% correct. I could relate to each and every single thing he said.  I shall spare you all the gore and misery of 40 years.  I will tell you I was divorced by my 4th husband a couple of years ago.  I hope and pray Amanda gets proper treatment for her addiction.  I was too ashamed and scared to get help 30 years ago when I realized there was something wrong with me.  I am now retired and have chosen to become asocial.  Really and truly,  I am happier than I've ever been.  That may not be saying much.
 
March 4, 2009, 8:20 pm CST

I have a feeling this is what is going on with my friend and I

So I met this guy a year ago and he is a married man. He is my best friend and he has helped me so much in feeling better about myself. Anyways at first we didn't hit it off real well, but then we became best friends. We in a playful way admitted we liked eachother ,but knew nothing could be done since he is married. We e-mail, txt and we had lunch together one time last year, not long after we met, his wife had no problem with the lunch deal. We joke a lot sexually and it's so fun ,but I don't think she knows we talk so much. For instance we tell each what we want to do in life and then if something happens about it then we tell each other. Recently we were talking and I said we need to get together soon, he said tell me about which hotel? Of course we are joking consciously, but what scares me is subconsciously in the back of my mind and his are we serious? I have strong feelings for him and I have tried to make them go away but they won't.  He told me that if he wasn't married he would be very intrested in me. There's more to it but that's the short version. So someone please help me is what I'm doing wrong ,because I'm not the only party involved, he is participating also. We have never had sex and I would like to think I wouldn't because he is married man and that's wrong.
 
March 5, 2009, 4:49 am CST

Can this marriage be saved?

I don't really believe it can. Both of these people believe they're unloveable and they're making it self-fulfilling prophecy. They're married first to each other's negativity.

 

At least he admits he feels unloveable. She thinks she's too smart to have to admit it. (Though he seems kind of rigid and is probably not much fun to be married to.)

 

He can't stand the thought of losing her, since that would remind him too much of his parents always trying to reject him. In his mind, that would prove them right.

 

She's playing some really dangerous games that could end up to be pretty self-destructive.

 

Married people wanting to mess around always throw off a nasty vibe. That's just nasty, not smart.

 
March 5, 2009, 5:05 am CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

I have been married for 20 years this Feb. in sept of 08 i started noticing my wife acting funny, different than always, more distant, on her laptop more,,, as I would pass by the screen would pop off and something else would come up. She had just gotten a myspace account and loaded all her pictures up on it. She was always on her laptop after work and barley talked to me in the evenings. I finally came to the conclution that the was talking to somebody. For 19 years I have never had these feelings of mistrust in her and this time hit me so hard I could hardly funtion. I got her laptop one night and installed a key logger onto it that would email all the information that she was doing. The first one i got confirmed that she had met a man on myspace and had been seeing him for two months. Started with an email about how pretty she was in her pictures and went on from there to phone calls and meeting in parking lots. She started paying all his past due bills and car repairs and home bills. Over 1,000 in all before I found out about it. She realized he was just scamming her by the time i found out and confronted her about him. She had been talking to some of her friends about leaving me for him but it all fell thru as he just took the money she was giving. After cleaning up all that mess as best as I could and working thru as much as I could get her to admit to, we moved on and I told her that it was a mistake that she made and we put it past us...I thought....She still had GMail,,Yahoo,, Tagged,, and who knows what other account that she was still talking to other men.  She enjoys the attention she gets from them, I can't tell her how beautiful enough to keep the erge for the other men down in her. I'm a photographer and all the beautiful picture that have caused this problem have been taken by me. I have all these beautiful pictures of her now that I can't stand to look at because I have seen all the dirty comments from all these men that she treasured while she was on these sites. I know exatly how this husband on your show feels about trusting time and time again and being betrayed time and time again. I love my wife and I can't imagine life with out her. We are only 43 and we have spent out entire adult lifes together.
 
March 5, 2009, 5:58 am CST

Been there

I have been where Amanda is. I have had marital problems for years and because of my lack of trust in women, I have confided in male friends. I found myself emotionally attached to some of them. I recently discovered that there are women out there who can be trusted. Thankfully some of them have made there way into my life. I think that anyone in this situation should join a womens' support group. There are lots of them out there. My pastor says "Men should talk to men, and women should talk to women." I realize that the woman on the show was looking for attention that she felt she wasn't getting from her husband but she could trade that for the joy that she could find in spending time with some other women. Even though it is not the same as the attention that she would get from men, it could help fulfill the loneliness that she may be feeling.
 
March 5, 2009, 8:05 am CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: steppinup

I have been where Amanda is. I have had marital problems for years and because of my lack of trust in women, I have confided in male friends. I found myself emotionally attached to some of them. I recently discovered that there are women out there who can be trusted. Thankfully some of them have made there way into my life. I think that anyone in this situation should join a womens' support group. There are lots of them out there. My pastor says "Men should talk to men, and women should talk to women." I realize that the woman on the show was looking for attention that she felt she wasn't getting from her husband but she could trade that for the joy that she could find in spending time with some other women. Even though it is not the same as the attention that she would get from men, it could help fulfill the loneliness that she may be feeling.

 

            Many women (so called friends) are jealous of you and even if you fight with your  man and they comfort you deep dawn in their heart they rejoices for your heart break, because they the only ones who they believe should have it all and nobody else. They refuse to be happy unless their friend suffer the more the better.  The man friend not so much. That's why they are more suitable friends.




 
March 5, 2009, 8:29 am CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: scanjunky

I have been married for 20 years this Feb. in sept of 08 i started noticing my wife acting funny, different than always, more distant, on her laptop more,,, as I would pass by the screen would pop off and something else would come up. She had just gotten a myspace account and loaded all her pictures up on it. She was always on her laptop after work and barley talked to me in the evenings. I finally came to the conclution that the was talking to somebody. For 19 years I have never had these feelings of mistrust in her and this time hit me so hard I could hardly funtion. I got her laptop one night and installed a key logger onto it that would email all the information that she was doing. The first one i got confirmed that she had met a man on myspace and had been seeing him for two months. Started with an email about how pretty she was in her pictures and went on from there to phone calls and meeting in parking lots. She started paying all his past due bills and car repairs and home bills. Over 1,000 in all before I found out about it. She realized he was just scamming her by the time i found out and confronted her about him. She had been talking to some of her friends about leaving me for him but it all fell thru as he just took the money she was giving. After cleaning up all that mess as best as I could and working thru as much as I could get her to admit to, we moved on and I told her that it was a mistake that she made and we put it past us...I thought....She still had GMail,,Yahoo,, Tagged,, and who knows what other account that she was still talking to other men.  She enjoys the attention she gets from them, I can't tell her how beautiful enough to keep the erge for the other men down in her. I'm a photographer and all the beautiful picture that have caused this problem have been taken by me. I have all these beautiful pictures of her now that I can't stand to look at because I have seen all the dirty comments from all these men that she treasured while she was on these sites. I know exatly how this husband on your show feels about trusting time and time again and being betrayed time and time again. I love my wife and I can't imagine life with out her. We are only 43 and we have spent out entire adult lifes together.


  You said: I have all these beautiful pictures of her now that I can't stand to look at because I have seen all the dirty comments from all these men that she treasured while she was on these sites. I think you can not control what the men going to say and neither can she so I think you should not let these men control your enjoyment of those pictures, because only you know her the way you do they have no idea what they talking about!!!!!!













 
March 5, 2009, 11:54 am CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: yvette16



  You said: I have all these beautiful pictures of her now that I can't stand to look at because I have seen all the dirty comments from all these men that she treasured while she was on these sites. I think you can not control what the men going to say and neither can she so I think you should not let these men control your enjoyment of those pictures, because only you know her the way you do they have no idea what they talking about!!!!!!













It's not the comments that were bothering me as much as she was saving what they had said about her, alond with the conversations thru emails that she had had with them. That she was looking for other men to tell her how beautiful she was and not listening to how much I was telling her. So when I look at them now all I can think of is the conversations between the two of them and how I was so in the dark about all of this. Just makes me feel stupid and used.
 
March 5, 2009, 12:32 pm CST

Question for those with best friends of the opposite sex

Many have written that they have "best friend" relationships with people of the opposite sex even though they are married. They have stated that their spouses are "perfectly fine" about this relationship. I was wondering what you would do about your "friendship" if your spouse was unhappy about it and didn't want it to continue?
 
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