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Topic : 07/13 Affairs of the Heart

Number of Replies: 73
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, February 27, 2009, 02:13:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/04/09) Can married people be friends with someone of the opposite sex without sex getting in the way? At what point does a friendly relationship become an affair of the heart or emotional infidelity? Meet Randy, who says his wife, Amanda, has crossed the line. He says that during their 11-year marriage, Amanda has been emotionally unfaithful time and time again, with men ranging from online acquaintances to a rock-and-roll singer who happened to be Randy’s best friend. As a former Navy Seal, Randy says he feels like he’s in a constant state of red alert because he has to watch his wife like a hawk. Amanda says her emotional entanglements are just fantasies, not real cheating. She’s not looking to replace her husband but merely wants a little more freedom, because she says Randy’s controlling behavior makes her feel like a prisoner in her own marriage. Can this union, rocked by betrayal and facing a true time of reckoning, continue? And how great a role does drinking play in Amanda’s indiscretions? Plus, the couple’s three little girls suffer the fallout from their mom and dad’s problems. Learn the classic parenting mistake Amanda and Randy make that you don’t want to repeat. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 5, 2009, 1:08 pm CST

I agree and would add that they both

Quote From: crazymomtosix

I find the notion that married men and women can't have friends of the opposite sex absolutely absurd.  I have been happily married for almost 16 years and both my husband and I have always had friends of the opposite sex.  My best friend is a man.  I've had lunch with him.  I speak to him on the phone frequently.  We e-mail back and forth.  He has been a guest in our home.  My husband is well aware of it.  He has no issues with it.  I have no issues with his female friends.  I trust him.  He trusts me.  We're both adults. We have a healthy and happy marriage.  The problem in this situation is Randy is a control freak and Amanda is childish and immature.  They both need therapy.
Sound like they have alcohol problems. Alcohol can make any problem worse. She is definitely immature and insecure. He is controlling and isolating, which are not good traits in a husband.

I was a little disappointed when Dr. Phil dismissed her saying she was on the show for help. He said she was just there because her husband wrote in. It seems to me there have been several shows with couples where a wife wrote with a problem with her husband that Dr. Phil has told the wife to give the husband credit for coming on the show.

I am very happily married have a very special close relationship with a married male online friend. We've known each other 9 years. We talk about almost anything together and have very similar personalities. My husband has always known about him and his wife has always known about me. Something my friend and I discuss often is how lucky we both are to have such amazing spouses.
 
March 5, 2009, 3:01 pm CST

Well

Quote From: lmnopayne

Many have written that they have "best friend" relationships with people of the opposite sex even though they are married. They have stated that their spouses are "perfectly fine" about this relationship. I was wondering what you would do about your "friendship" if your spouse was unhappy about it and didn't want it to continue?
That's something I can't imagine my husband ever doing because he is secure and knows how much I love him. I let him know everyday how much I value him as my husband. He isn't threatened by my friendship with anyone else, male or female.
 
March 5, 2009, 3:09 pm CST

This ia really sad...

  I watched the show with the wife having emotional affairs or God only knows what that NASTY was doing.....and you know what really makes me sick, is these are the type of sicko women that get great GUYS!!

 

I am speaking from experience, because I watch and hear about one of my friends doing the same thing to her husband....they to are for now "emotional affairs", but they will lead to more, cuz it's not the first time!

 

I can't understand why they need to have so much attention....GET OVER yourself would ya!

 

I think these ladies need to have their heads checks.....to be quite honest if you are not happy with this great guy......THEN GET OUT.....what really make me mad also...is I'd cherish a relationship like these ungratefuls have, yet I can't find yet!

 

As you see this subject really gets under my skin....

 

Anyone out their if you think you're in such an awful relationship with a great guy...GET OUT....there are plenty of nice ladies out there that would kiss the ground they walked on and cherish what they have.....GUYS....WAKE UP!

 

 
March 5, 2009, 3:30 pm CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: iluv2sing83

So I met this guy a year ago and he is a married man. He is my best friend and he has helped me so much in feeling better about myself. Anyways at first we didn't hit it off real well, but then we became best friends. We in a playful way admitted we liked eachother ,but knew nothing could be done since he is married. We e-mail, txt and we had lunch together one time last year, not long after we met, his wife had no problem with the lunch deal. We joke a lot sexually and it's so fun ,but I don't think she knows we talk so much. For instance we tell each what we want to do in life and then if something happens about it then we tell each other. Recently we were talking and I said we need to get together soon, he said tell me about which hotel? Of course we are joking consciously, but what scares me is subconsciously in the back of my mind and his are we serious? I have strong feelings for him and I have tried to make them go away but they won't.  He told me that if he wasn't married he would be very intrested in me. There's more to it but that's the short version. So someone please help me is what I'm doing wrong ,because I'm not the only party involved, he is participating also. We have never had sex and I would like to think I wouldn't because he is married man and that's wrong.

It is wrong, and shame on you for even trying to pursue this...

He is building up your confidence for what, to get you in the SACK??

Trust me there is no love story ending going to happen here...

He would "be with you if it wasn't for his wife"...well if the dog

wasn't happy he'd leave her and be with you since he gets along

so well with you....you are setting yourself up for a disaster. He wants

his cake and eat it to....PLEASE don't do it....you will not feel any good

about yourself when it is done! 

 
March 5, 2009, 6:45 pm CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: browneyed_girl

It is wrong, and shame on you for even trying to pursue this...

He is building up your confidence for what, to get you in the SACK??

Trust me there is no love story ending going to happen here...

He would "be with you if it wasn't for his wife"...well if the dog

wasn't happy he'd leave her and be with you since he gets along

so well with you....you are setting yourself up for a disaster. He wants

his cake and eat it to....PLEASE don't do it....you will not feel any good

about yourself when it is done! 

Yes, I already admitted it's wrong to have sex with him,because he is married man.  I'm scared because   still have these feelings a year later,because I'm really not that type of person. I never thought I would be the one to fall in love with a married man. But  he has helped me feel better about myself, by letting me know, I'm not ugly like I thought I was and I am a beautiful person inside and out. Just so many more things that would take forever to type on here. Anyways thank you for your response. :)
 
March 5, 2009, 7:12 pm CST

Hey its Randy

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you that are supportive and showing much love.

I really appreciate all the people that we helped by bringing our problem public. In all it stings real bad

but it helped. I love my wife and so does she.

 

                                       Thanks I needed that.

 
March 5, 2009, 7:16 pm CST

Stop

Quote From: bethcanada

That's something I can't imagine my husband ever doing because he is secure and knows how much I love him. I let him know everyday how much I value him as my husband. He isn't threatened by my friendship with anyone else, male or female.

Hey whats more important the word you gave to this women or

giveing yourself some sick tingly feeling to help you feel secure. Never

gonna happen until you realize you are not happy with yourself

                 Randy from the show

 
March 5, 2009, 7:20 pm CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: iluv2sing83

Yes, I already admitted it's wrong to have sex with him,because he is married man.  I'm scared because   still have these feelings a year later,because I'm really not that type of person. I never thought I would be the one to fall in love with a married man. But  he has helped me feel better about myself, by letting me know, I'm not ugly like I thought I was and I am a beautiful person inside and out. Just so many more things that would take forever to type on here. Anyways thank you for your response. :)

Listen if he truly was trying to be your friend and make you feel good about yourself....then that is great ...but it has to stop there...

There are many men out there who would treat you right and love you forever......you don't need to give in to these feelings...

you will only feel dirty used and regret it forever....

you got to feel that you deserve more than that.....if it's some thrill he's after cuz his life may have gotten boring....tell him there are plenty of places he can go to get cheap thrills....

don't sell yourself short :)...be strong !

 
March 5, 2009, 7:32 pm CST

03/04 Affairs of the Heart

Quote From: barneyfife

Endorphins are released in the brain when you have a new relationship- it's a scientific fact.  When a marriage becomes 'settled in', the HIGH is gone.  She doesn't really respect him and knows she can do whatever she wants and the consequences won't be that bad, as he's never really done anything about her other 'indescretions'

 

If she hasn't had sex, she certainly will at the first real opportunity, regardless that she has 3 little girls.  ( I think she has) She can't seem to help herself.  The only way he can help her is 'tough love.'  I think he could bring her flowers every day & stand on his head & it wouldn't change the mode she is in.  She's living in a fantasy world.  What a horrible awakening she will have some day soon if she doesn't quit it now!

This girl doesn't respect her husband...nor does he respect himself...I've seen this exact thing in my own circle of friends.....and trust me there isn't anything this poor guy could do or say, he could promise her the world....she isn't going to stop. She like all the attention....maybe she needs to be medicated, cuz obviously this is a sickness....
 
March 5, 2009, 8:31 pm CST

oh my...

If this was any closer to my own situation, it would be me and my wife on stage!  I don't usually watch the show so a friend at work told me about this.  WOW!  I wish I had seen this show.  I wish I knew what to do myself.  I've tried everything to make my marriage work, now all I can do is just care for my son and try to detach from my wife.  I've offered to go to counseling, I try to talk to her about my emotions, and I've asked what I can do to make things better for her.  I get nothing in response.  No remorse, nothing!  I'm defiantly at my wits end!  I wish we could sit down with Dr. Phil.  Instead, it looks like we are heading for divorce (which we can't even do until August because of state law).  I guess we have about five months to work things out or move on.  I wish I had someone to sit down and help us to work things out!  But, I guess I'm willing but she doesn't seem to be.

Thanks for letting me speak my mind. 

 
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