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Topic : 08/28 Love and Lies

Number of Replies: 53
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 06, 2009, 06:11:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard2

(Original Air Date: 03/12/09) Dr. Phil issues a strong warning to abusers: “If you're going to try to sell to me that it's OK to hit a woman, you need to circle the wagons, because I’m coming!” Vicki says her ex-husband, Ernie, was loving and charming when they first met, but he soon went from “Mr. Perfect to Mr. Psycho” and got physical with her twice. Ernie went to jail for beating Vicki, but he says he’s rehabilitated and wants a second chance. Should Vicki take him back or kick him to the curb for good? Then, fans were shocked and outraged when photos of a bruised and battered Rihanna surfaced, and her then-boyfriend, R&B singer Chris was accused of the assault. Dr. Phil reflects on meeting the young man. And, find out why a criminal defense lawyer says Brown should not do jail time. Tell us what you think!


Find out what happened on the show.


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March 12, 2009, 1:29 pm CDT

03/12 Love and Lies

Hi my name is Danielle and im 17 years old n wen I was 14 I was in an abusive relationship he would beat me verbaly abuse me n emotionally n I couldn't leave he had this hold on my mind n me I was with him for 6months n its been almost now 3 years n he would still call me until last week wen I changed my number n now I am getting a restraining order I just wanted to let people know young women go through these things too so parent really need to know who their kids are dating so they won't have to go what I went through.
 
March 12, 2009, 1:33 pm CDT

Love and Lies

Today's show has realy hit home for me.  Watch today brought tears to my eyes realizing I have lived my life just like she has.  Every relationship I have been is has abused me physically and emotional and i accepted it because it was the only thing I was used to and knew.  It's been awhile since I have cried but todays it just really hit me knowing I'm the same as she is.
 
March 12, 2009, 1:43 pm CDT

I have been there.

A year ago, I was a relationship that turned abusive. One night, he became violent; however, I was lucky that I didn't get really hurt and that my three year old daughter wasn't home. I called the police and filed a report. I even went as far as getting a temporary restraining order, but it didn't last. He told me he was going to get better, and that he was going to seek treatment for his drug and alcohol problem. Things were okay for a couple of weeks until he sarted using again. One day, after having enough, I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. He went balisitic, and we had a huge fight which became violent. He locked me in my own house, and he refused to leave. I tried to fight back, and I tried to find anyway out. My daughter was a sleep, but she woke up to our fighting. Fortunately, he didn't lay a finger on her. I scooped her up in my arms, and I tried to get her out with him grabbing me and putting his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream. I final manged to get one door unlocked, so she could get out. I made sure I stayed between him and her. I told her to run to my neighbors which she did. I got out, but he ran after me and dragged me back in the house. He dragged me back into the bedroom which he threw me on the bed , and he got on top of me to pin me down. He took my hand and made a fist, and he then would ram his face into my hand. He tore my clothes practicully off of me. I was able to escape again, and I was saved by my landlady. My neighbor had called the police after my daughter told her that he was hurting me. I went to court to make sure he paid for what he did to me and my family. I was stupid to make the mistake of taking him back. If they hit you once, they will do it again.
 
March 12, 2009, 2:04 pm CDT

What book to read???

I find myself feeling somewhat like the girl on the show today... With one exception.  I have left my exboyfriend who was very controlling and emotionally abusive, and once physically.  I have been with my current boyfriend for 10 months, and he is WONDERFUL!!!  But I feel like I am sabotaging my good relationship with bad feelings from the old one.  To put simply, I know I am damaged goods, but I don't want to be.  How do I move on and put those feelings in the past?  How do I truly embrace healing? 
 
March 12, 2009, 2:30 pm CDT

Can they change

Does anyone believe that an abuser can really change?  What about verbal/emotional abuse that turns physical but he has never "hit"? 
 
March 12, 2009, 2:33 pm CDT

03/12 Love and Lies

Dr. Phil,

 

I am a 21 year old female, married with one child and active duty in the Air Force. I am also a member of my local communities Crisis Intervention Unit, which part of what we do is help victims of domestic violence immediately after the perpetrator is arrested. I just wanted to say that I think what Chris did is dead wrong. Just because you are hit first does not give you the right to beat the person. However, how come no one is talking about getting Reyna some counseling about her anger issues, because didn't she hit Chris first. In no way am I saying that by her hitting Chris it gave him a right to beat her like he did. I am also not saying that it is Reyna's fault that Chris beat her. I just wanted to say that I think it's a little bit of a double standard that no one is going to question why Reyna hit Chris.

 
March 12, 2009, 2:51 pm CDT

abuse

dr. phil....i entered into a marriage with an extremely physical and emotional abuser..i loved him..we had our first child and the first year of her life i was physically abused over and over...i finally said no more..i did not want my child to see the abuse like  i had and think that it was ok..i told him it had to stop or else i would leave..even though i knew full well i could never because he would hunt me down and possibly kill me..he had said so to me and to my family..you always think you can change them, that they really don't mean to do these things,, that they really love you..well the pysical abuse stopped, although he always made me feel the fear with the verbal abuse..our relationship slowly dwindled but we had our second child 6 years later..the realtionship didn't get better..i gained so much weight and really withdrew and needed a change..so we moved and within a month of moving it happened again..10 years had passed since he had laid his hands on me..i couldn't believe it..and  our oldest child had seen her father lay his hands on her mother...as she screamed at him to leave me alone..my heart sank...our youngest daughter was not in the house and had not seen what happend but came home to me packing..he threatened me that i would leave with nothing..i told him i did not care but that i had warned him that he was never to put his hands on me again and i would never allow my children to think it was ok..the children we screaming and crying and our youngest was asking why why why..i turned to her father and said you need to tell her and you need to make sure she knows it is never ok for a man to hit a woman..in the end i stayed again..but the relationship between our oldest daughter and her father was never the same..abusive men never change. it is always there, it's a matter of them controlling it..and even if they do control it..something will happen eventually to make it rear its ugly head again...my husband passed away 4 years ago suddenly and unexpectedly and i have since entered into a new relationship...one with a man who is so attentive, loving and repectful to me and my needs..it is soo different...i am happy and my family and friends now say i have come back .i am alive again and never will i allow a man to lay a finger on me!!!!
 
March 12, 2009, 2:56 pm CDT

Not A Popular Opinion

I have no sympathy for any woman who stays in an abusive relationship.

Hit Me Once Shame On You
Hit Me Twice Shame On Me

I am all set to help a woman who has been abuse in a relationship. But if she goes back to the abuser, then the dumb b|+ch is on her own.
 
March 12, 2009, 3:18 pm CDT

Be Careful Of False Abuse Claims Now!

I want to say up front that I do not condone abuse of any kind. That having been said...

One of the unfortunate side effects of a high profile abuse case like on todays show, is a jump in women filing fake abuse reports.

With a high profile case comes more "education" campaigns on abusive relationships. And while this does help some, other women see the chance to file false reports against their partners. This is done to help in a divorce case, to gain favor in child custody cases and other dumb reasons.

So watch out, the cases of false abuse claims are going to spike in 2009!
 
March 12, 2009, 3:23 pm CDT

Ya gotta get out

For anyone who has ever been or still is in a relationship that is verbally or physically abusive. Ya just need to get out.. you don't feserve to be treated that way.

I at a very young age was married to an older man. He was verbally abusive and it eventutally became violent and escalated. He drank and I would pray that I would just die before he got home..I just knew I was in for it.. if I locked the door to the bedroom so he couldn't come in.. He kicked down the door.. not a door in my house was not busted in..

 I came to the conclusion that I could not and should not live like that.. so I left. About two weeks after I left he shot himself in the head with a .22 caliber pistol. Then things turned bad. He survived with terrible brain damage. He stalked me ,constantally called, followed me.. finally he caught me in a weak moment came down to my mom's house where I was living and shot me in the chest with a .32 caliber pistol.( I had a restraining Order at the time)

It was a terrible time for my children.. but we all made it and are living happily ever after.. it was a real rough road for a long time.. but you just have to remember it does get better over time.. and it did..

No One deserves to be beat or shot.. get out and get away.. I did and don't regret it ever.

 
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