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Topic : 08/28 Love and Lies

Number of Replies: 53
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 06, 2009, 06:11:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard2

(Original Air Date: 03/12/09) Dr. Phil issues a strong warning to abusers: “If you're going to try to sell to me that it's OK to hit a woman, you need to circle the wagons, because I’m coming!” Vicki says her ex-husband, Ernie, was loving and charming when they first met, but he soon went from “Mr. Perfect to Mr. Psycho” and got physical with her twice. Ernie went to jail for beating Vicki, but he says he’s rehabilitated and wants a second chance. Should Vicki take him back or kick him to the curb for good? Then, fans were shocked and outraged when photos of a bruised and battered Rihanna surfaced, and her then-boyfriend, R&B singer Chris was accused of the assault. Dr. Phil reflects on meeting the young man. And, find out why a criminal defense lawyer says Brown should not do jail time. Tell us what you think!


Find out what happened on the show.


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March 12, 2009, 3:29 pm CDT

Let's Focus on Convicting The Man Who Almost Killed Someone

I saw the show about the violent attack on Rhianna by Chris Brown today.  I am so glad Dr. Phil stated that there is no reason good enough to explain beating anybody and that Rhianna needed to stay away from Chris Brown.

The part missing that is VITAL is that if someone was walking around our societ and ALMOST KILLING pedestrians (they know or not) we would want that person put in JAIL so they could not be out ALMOST KILLING another unsuspecting person.  YET we are afraid to state very CLEARLY that Chris Brown needs to go to jail to keep, not just Rhianna safe, but other weaker people from being beaten by Chris Brown.  He has shown that he is willing to beat people almost to death.  He needs to be made accountable for his actions in a strong way so it will help push him into counselling so HE will not go to JAIL AGAIN.

We know from pschology, and study of battered women that there is a strong fear of leaving an abuser for fear they will be killed if they leave, their esteem has taken a weird turn being with the abuser, the women being conditioned for generations to stand by her man and help him through things and on and on and on.  

For ANYONE to believe that this young lady, Rhianna, is someone special that does not fit this profile is ridiculous.  She is like most battered women.  She is stuck because of many, many things that we ALREADY KNOW.  She cannot leave on her own.

The abuser needs to go to JAIL.  She needs to go to counselling.  And hopefully Chris Brown will go to counselling so some other victim will not fall prey to his abuse.

Let us the public step up and put pressure on this so Chris Brown pays for HIS choice of ACTION.

 

 
March 12, 2009, 3:42 pm CDT

Domestic Violence can and does kill

The stories are all too similar. A-hole never apologized, is cold and emotionless. He has broken down his partner's self esteem, as they do. Our daughter's a-hole boyfriend was just like him and ended up killing her by running her down on a country road in the night, calling his dad to the scene and dropping her off at the hospital to die alone while the pair left to return to the scene, which was never established with certainty by the police. Since there were no witnesses, has gotten away with her murder, which we saw coming, but could do nothing to stop, because of many of the reasons discussed on the show. One more detail... they argued about how he wouldn't/couldn't work to help support the children he claimed were his own, never once working a day while she was alive. He still does not work and she still supports him through the children's death benefits that he receives and spends as he sees fit, all because he took her life and did not get caught. Women, don't let this happen to yourself, your children and your family. He will not shed a tear or experience a single pang of guilt or remorse.
 
March 12, 2009, 4:03 pm CDT

Intimate Partner Violence

I am very worried that Dr. Phil did not make it clear to everyone that domestic violence has nothing to do with loss of control or anger. It is about power and control. I have worked in the field for over 20 years. I currently supervise about 75 men and women on probation for domestic violence assaults and have done so for the last 5 years. Even our state laws have caught up with the times and specify counseling for domestic violence must address the power and control issues. Anger management has been found to be largely unsuccessful.  I have had 2 clients who completed anger management and still went on to murder their partners since I began this job.

Allowing the perception that these abusers have anger issues allows them to further hide behind the "loss of control" excuse and furthers the idea that somehow "she shouldn't have made him angry".

Please, Dr. Phil make it clear that intimate partner abuse is about power and contol.

 

 
March 12, 2009, 4:10 pm CDT

hooey

i think that the rule is that you don't hit a LADY. a lady wouldn't do anything that would deserve getting hit for. just because they are female, doesn't make them exempt from gettin a smack..... a guy kicks me in the nads.. a female kicks me in the nads... they're getting what they deserve. pull a gun on me, a knife on me, any weapon on me.... they're gettin it right between the eyes. a LADY  wouldn't do these things. your advice of running away, is a load of crap. why should i have to run away. i have every right to defend myself regardless of the sex.

you telling the world that NO man should hit a female, teaches females that they can get away with whatever they like, and nobody should be able to do that.  how can you stand there on tv and say that you can't hit a woman, when it's illegal to hit anyone. the law says that you can't hit a man or a woman.

how bout lettin the world also know that woman shouldn't hit men either.

 

 
March 12, 2009, 4:43 pm CDT

Vicki

Vicki--you are a wonderful, beautiful lady!!!  Don't sell yourself short!!!

 

I have been where you are and you can come out of this for the better!!!  I'd be happy to chat with you anytime, as would any woman in your position who has overcome and is happy now!!!

 

martin.cynthia1@gmail.com

 
March 12, 2009, 5:12 pm CDT

03/12 Love and Lies

I join the discussion as it seems to me I meet far too often men who are conflicted.  What bothers me in these conversations is how "sad" it is for the partner, how helpless we feel, to do a thing.  There is often a suffering individual inside who needs help and our hands are tied to broach the subject much less force them to get the help they genuinely need.  I just broke off with yet another gentleman who just doesn't get it, his part in his many divorces, his behaviors and dysfunctional thinking at all.  Nor the affects of his drinking as not so bad, "I'm okay as functional drinker" only they say.  Generally always in denial (usually men) of their attitudes and behaviors, all they know from childhood environment.  Point is, left out of the conversation on behalf of the nature of some women -- we are nurturing. Do tend to try to fix things, too we tend to internalize our part in it, feel sad, and do often try to make things work out!  We are the ones who kiss the boo-boo!  What we fail to recognize is that we can not kiss and make this boo-boo better! Often too we go to denial as are hopeful things will change.  Even when we recognize they won't after a time, there is always hope!  An answer to our prayers, we'll wait for.  I did just that during my entire childhood, hoping mommy and daddy would stop fighting as had no choice.  We are conditioned, some of us.  Since I've met and broken off friendships with so many of these conflicted men, I myself have lost hope of ever meeting someone who has his proverbial "s..t" together.  I studied psychology in college and have devoted much of my free time throughout my life in studies -- psycology, philosophy, sociology; read self-help, about alcoholism, neurosis and what have you.  Because of that I'll think I understand the issues at hand and believe I can help this man, woman or child.  Constantly have to remind myself  I can't!  I have used tough love, dumped them, sent them to jail, yet often little changes.  Perhpas only an apology forthcoming, and something.  Sad truth of it!?  Generally can't get through to them. They may only learn by the consequences, a jail sentence, sad truth of it!   Also I have encuntered more hostility and wrath in the workplace of late.   With that, what is it we can do when dealing with folks who are abusing us verbally, emotionally?   I think it is too bad that the shows do not reach the people who need to see themselves for who they are as at work during the broadcast or perhaps they'd never watch to begin with.  Because of that, how can we reach these people in dire need of help? - if we have to cope with them.  Too, it takes a while to learn of their abusive nature.  How can we detect it from the get go? - if at all.  Thank you for hearing me out! 

 
March 12, 2009, 6:15 pm CDT

healing

I was an abused wife.  Healing came about 30 years later when i volunteered at a shelter for battered women.  Some would call that facing your ghosts.

 

One thing that should be mentioned is that the abuse usually gets worse each time.

 

Nancy

 
March 12, 2009, 7:37 pm CDT

Thrus; love and lies

 I feel that both Chris and Rhianna are both the victims of this terrible situation.However i also strongly feel that they should share the blame.From day one media and police reports stated that Rhianna passed the first hit in the car over a text message.Myself personally that has to be one of the dumbest things you physically assault someone over,regardless of what the text may have said.She doesn't pay his cell phone bill if he wants to receive texts from whoever them so be it(just as well for her).They are both young and aren't obligated to one another and that's what seems to be forgotten here.These (kids) aren't married they are boyfriend and girlfriend nothing more nothing less. However the situation at hand is that Rhianna had no right to hit Chris in the first place,he isn't her child.Also he shouldn't have hit her either.People are over looking the law by not doing anything about her assaulting Chris in the first place.Now I'm not sure how the law works in L.A. but here in VA if man or woman puts their hands on either sex you are going to jail.I'm just shocked no one from his camp tried to get charges pressed against Rhianna.Not only did she assault him but she put herself as well as Chris's life in danger when she hit Chris while driving.Anything could have happen,Chris could have jumped a curb and hit someone's house or anything.I still feel like the finger is just being pointed at him because he is a male and generally with abusive relations men are usually the one who abuses their spouse.Chris should seek help as so Rhianna (counseling for abusive as well as anger management for the both of them).And if the courts do decide to sentence Chris with jail time he needs to strand up and do the time.Last but not least if Rhianna decides she wants to take Chris back then that's on her,she can make her own decisions it's her life not ours.>>>>I know if may come off to some like I'm being one-sided about the issue but I'm just a Young woman myself who is just looking at the situation from all possible angles not just from the right or left.
 
March 12, 2009, 7:46 pm CDT

Today's Show

I was surprised that on today's show, Dr. Phil didn't bring up the question if the husband had maybe done steroids. They showed him working out in several video shots, his ex wife talked about him going from Jekyll to Hyde, and in early pictures his face looked thinner and didn't have that look of steroids as it did when he was in person on stage.
I think he's suffered from ROID RAGE!
Grant it Dr. Phil is right about them working out their own issues individually, but something should have been said about his possible use of steroids, in my opinion!
 
March 12, 2009, 10:45 pm CDT

alesson in life

Iam a female who has lived the life through my mom eyes when I was a child my dad used to get drunk and beat my mom. one time when I was a kid my dad got mad at my mom after drinking.and throw her favrite dog in thebath tub and broke his leg. My mom had many injuries from my dad she had broken bones. and cuts and bruses When my dad would get drunk us kids would all get a leasure on something

turning on and off of lights. we would be pulled out of bed to hear him yell at us when he was done we could go back to bed and then he would beat my mom.I never unstood why she put up with it.I had a boy friend and he was a drunk and drugs bad.One day I called him a name after he throw something at me and he pulled a knife on me and put it to my neck i left him. The man I married is the man I will be with for the rest of my life he is a good man he loves me and unstand that in no way shape or form will he touch me.We have been married 15 long happy years.

 
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