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Topic : 08/28 Love and Lies

Number of Replies: 53
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Created on : Friday, March 06, 2009, 06:11:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard2

(Original Air Date: 03/12/09) Dr. Phil issues a strong warning to abusers: “If you're going to try to sell to me that it's OK to hit a woman, you need to circle the wagons, because I’m coming!” Vicki says her ex-husband, Ernie, was loving and charming when they first met, but he soon went from “Mr. Perfect to Mr. Psycho” and got physical with her twice. Ernie went to jail for beating Vicki, but he says he’s rehabilitated and wants a second chance. Should Vicki take him back or kick him to the curb for good? Then, fans were shocked and outraged when photos of a bruised and battered Rihanna surfaced, and her then-boyfriend, R&B singer Chris was accused of the assault. Dr. Phil reflects on meeting the young man. And, find out why a criminal defense lawyer says Brown should not do jail time. Tell us what you think!


Find out what happened on the show.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 16, 2009, 1:58 pm CDT

abusive attitude

Quote From: renophil

I have no sympathy for any woman who stays in an abusive relationship.

Hit Me Once Shame On You
Hit Me Twice Shame On Me

I am all set to help a woman who has been abuse in a relationship. But if she goes back to the abuser, then the dumb b+ch is on her own.

Your lack of appreciation for what might make a person (male or female) stay in an abusive relationship displays a very simplistic attitude toward human relationships.

 

Your lack of empathy for a person who makes what a rational, uninvolved outsider can easily see is a flawed choice displays little compassion.

 

Your characterization of an abused woman who lacks the self esteem, financial resources, emotional health, peer suppport, (or whatever it might be that drives her decision) as a "dumb b|+ch" displays an intolerance that is quite nearly verbally abusive.

 

As I read your profile, I don't think the reason you "can't get laid" is because you are "a nice and caring man who respects women." 

 

My impression of you is that you're a misogynistic, self-righteous, supercilious, moralist.  Now how's that?  I don't even know you but I certainly have a clear idea of your shortcomings and can call you hateful names with equal success!

 

You do not know what others may or may not have available to them, and to project your own narrow experience onto others is of limited value to you or them.  If you have nothing productive to contribute to the conversation, why not practice listening?

 
March 22, 2009, 9:27 am CDT

03/12 Love and Lies

Quote From: renophil

I have no sympathy for any woman who stays in an abusive relationship.

Hit Me Once Shame On You
Hit Me Twice Shame On Me

I am all set to help a woman who has been abuse in a relationship. But if she goes back to the abuser, then the dumb b+ch is on her own.
boy ooh boy you just made a stupid comment. you dont understand at all. didnt your mom teach you anything.
do you hit women??? if so you otta be locked up.
i dont care if you give us sympathy or not that is not what we are looking for here. you dont understand at all.
thanks for the dumb b***h comment that really felt good. we dont want sympathy that is not why we got in the mess. you dont understand how it works i use to think the same thing that the b**** desevred it if she stays u know what i ended up being one of them i never thought it qwould be me.  but it did. so u can keep your sypathy i dont want it and i dont want any thing from u just mayb e some respect for us. thanks
!
sarah gf,mt
 
March 22, 2009, 10:06 am CDT

03/12 Love and Lies

Quote From: swalden66

Although I wholeheartedly condone the show on domestic violence, I have to disagree with the message.  I absolutely do NOT agree with Dr. Phil saying that those that are abused have a damaged personal truth.  Also when Dr. Phil said that we generate the results we think we deserve is completely incorrect.  As a survivor of domestic violence, I have been astonished by the many misconceptions still running rampant.  Unfortunately all too often, an abuse victim hears that it is always their fault.  Dr. Phil's message on the show concurs this.  I would love to see him address the fact that many abusers have sociopathic tendencies.  How in the world is a victim supposed to handle someone of this nature? 

 

The show just confirmed my reasoning for writing about domestic violence.  I have already written a book, Bound by Hatred, about being in an abusive relationship but I felt even more compelled to write about the aftermath.  Leaving is not an end all and reform is crucial.  Unfortunately, there are often children involved and this causes serious problems in a victim being able to move on.  The children are often used as a power play by the abuser.  Therefore I am currently writing a sequel to address this very issue.  When will there ever be a show specifically addressing abusers and why they do what they do?? 

 

I do applaud the attention Dr. Phil has given to domestic violence but I would like to see the appropriate message communicated.  Thank you.

i agree with  you. i love the title "bound by hatred." is it out in book stores?? i live in mt and would love to get a copy.  i agree with it being hard to move on expelliay if there are children involved i have two from my ex-hubby and i still have probs. i was at a pt where i loved him, then i went to a pt where i believed i deserved it. and then i felt anger, then nothing, and now i am back to hate.  i have been keeping tabs on him on myspace i dont know why i just am stilll drawn to it i cant let go my kids are my reminder though to stay away. i guess i am hopin he will discover mine and email me even though he is not suppose to cuase of the restraining order. but the reason for that is i never got to tell him how much he has hurt our sons and me and basicly want to tell him off. i want him to see all the hurt and pain he has cuased.  he got off with ever thing as far abuse he didnt even denie it in court and the judge did nothing. that was one thing i hated about the judge but he also gave me full custody of my babys and no visits to their daddy. cause he finally did see though him.  he dont even deserve the title daddy. my ex also like u said tried the power play thing. i went to counsiling once to try and help with everything but its not that easy how the heck do you sit down and tell a stranger things like what happened to me. its to embrassing and hurts so much. my poor oldest son his speech is 2 yrs behind and he is almost 7 i dont know if it will ever get better and its all becuase of me.  how could i be soo blind????? why didnt i leave??? these are questions i keep asking myself over and over again looking for the answers.
i would like to keep in contact with you if that is ok. you can find me on myspace if you have account or you can email me.
my email addy is sappire_2008@yahoo.com
my myspace display name is Sarah Ann.
i hope to hear from you
Sarah, gf,mt
 
March 27, 2009, 3:09 am CDT

03/12 Love and Lies

Quote From: mumfoxx

Dr. Phil,

 

Thank-you for doing this show today.  I too am an emotionally damaged soul whose childhood left me seeking people through which I could emotionally abuse myself as an adult.  I know now that now thanks to your book Self Matters that I used  this Autumn to discover this about myself.  Half of the battle is acknowledging what the problem is: I keep dating my mother, same outcome because I don't think I deserve better.  I am convinced to fall for "him", I fall for "him", "he" abandons me, the rejection is extremely painful, I never see "him" again, repeat.  This time though, I have a man whose baby I am carrying and he wants to file for paternity which is good, but he doesn't love me.  I do not have the tools to see this person dating other people right now.  I hate these feelings of jealousy and anger towards his rejection of me, I know in my head that I wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't in love with me, but I still feel jealous.  How do I or where do I go to get the tools for myself to reprogramme my heart so that I no longer feel these intense emotions and properly get over him? He doesn't live here, but with visitation, he will be taking my baby which is his legal right and we will see eachother for the next 21 yrs.  So please tell me how to move myself through this type of grief, heal my pain from my childhood, and reprogramme my head and heart so that I can see him as a good father but, not the love of my life.  Please how do you see someone due to legal arrangements but, not have any feelings anymore for them?  I wish you could be my therapist!  I love your style of therapy.  God Bless MumFoxx 

I know exacly what you feel, this, unfortunatly its something you will have to deal by yourself... I went trought the same thing... Its like... You feel like you have a lion inside and you have to hold him inside to dont explote and get out from you as an angry beast ! and you do suffer.... a lot..... but it will end.... and keep this on mind! one day it will end ! right now focus on your baby, and well... yes... focus on your pain, this kind of situation its good sometimes to question yourself... keep questioning, keep looking for answers, and why not say, cry, its good, I cryed a lot... and one day.... you will wake up and realize that you dont feel like this anymore and that you know yourself much better now.... I dont know if this is the right thing to do, but this was what I did.... and keep something in your mind... this pain, this suffering, this situation, its yours! you are trying to control your own feelings, your own lion... no one has to know or watch you suffer, especialy him!
 
August 21, 2009, 10:34 am CDT

Doctor Phil Show.

And Doctor Lies Love Phil/Robin. I have seen this before in 2009. Have a great weekend. See you on Aug--

ust Friday 28th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-----------------------------------------------------------------

 
August 28, 2009, 9:56 am CDT

Domestic violence

Dear Dr. Phil,

I have followed your carrer with great interest since "Oprah", yet now I feel compelled to communicate with you. Thank you for your frank speech on this toxic topic. Too many women are still in the dark, too many men don't realize what they are doing, too many children are growing up in toxic households and perpetuating the cycle.

 

I grew up in a household so toxic and abusive I developed D.I.D. as well as several other co-morbidities. I have been in therapy  for 10 years, and am almost entirely intergrated now, from 28 personalities. I finally am in a healthy relationship, and have children in my life. We have a very nice little family, and my life is wonderfully normal. Thank you for sending the message you are sending about domestic violence. Keep sending it. People listen to you. My favorite thing that you say, that I incorporate the most in my personal life is, "You teach people how to treat you." 

 

My stepchildren will not perpetuate the cycle of abuse that their father and I have known. They will hopefully be free to learn from their own mistakes, and not be doomed to repeat history.

 

Keep telling folks about domestic violence. They will listen to you.

 

Warmest regards,

Christine

 
August 28, 2009, 1:49 pm CDT

Get Out!

Get out and heal yourself! You deserve much more! I have been thru this, It never gets better or changes. It never leaves your thoughts. Distance will put those memories in the background, never lay eyes on each other again. Time, heals the wounds. Jesus is your Saviour and strength!

 
August 28, 2009, 2:20 pm CDT

LOVE AND LIES

Sad to think that all the empathy is for the woman. My son has been abused for 2 and a half years by his live in girlfriend.  He has kept silent about this because of his embarassment.  It wasn't until recently that neighbors called the cops about a domestic dispute at their home that the secret he'd been keeping so long, finally came to a head.  SHE was taken to jail and charged with domestic violence.

It's also sad to say that male victims are treated diffferently than female in such a case.  He was not told to be seen by a physician for his injuries nor told of any issues that may have affected him (her release, future contact, etc.)  He was simply given a case #  That's it!

 
August 28, 2009, 3:50 pm CDT

08/28 Love and Lies

Quote From: aspenone70

Get out and heal yourself! You deserve much more! I have been thru this, It never gets better or changes. It never leaves your thoughts. Distance will put those memories in the background, never lay eyes on each other again. Time, heals the wounds. Jesus is your Saviour and strength!

That goes for any relationship. I had a friend whose wife was the abuser. I say the same, Get Out! You never know which beating, the abuse ceases to be abuse and turns to murder! Being afraid of your mate, is not the Life to Live. Save yourself! Everyone whom has any type of abuse. It poisons our spirit, like Dr Phil says, "It changes who you are!"

 
August 28, 2009, 4:49 pm CDT

08/28 Love and Lies

I enjoyed the show today, particularly because attention desperately needed to be brought to the fact that women who insist on blaming their abusive significant others need to know the strategies and importance of seeking help for themselves in terms of answering questions like, "Why do I accept this behavior?" If it happens even one time and the abuser is taken back, his behavior has been deemed acceptable, regardless of what the victim says. Victims of abuse need to be taught how to remove themselves from abusive situations. I do want to comment on the defense attorney who appeared on the show, because his comments and reasoning were infuriating. I accept his belief that behavior and though patterns of abusers need to be evaluated and treated; however, murderers also have abnormal thought patterns that probably need to be evaluated, but our social contracts alone will not tolerate murderers to avoid jail time. His logic was faulty in my opinion. Perhaps his efforts would be better received if he were to work toward insuring every inmate receives counseling, because frankly jail time is part of the deal.
 
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